Help! Mother-in-law annoying me

[SgrChienne]

My problem deals with my MIL and dealing with her for about 3 years. She was great until my husband and I got engaged and then everything changed. I wrote her an email stating my feelings in regards to the attitude I was receiving from them. How my relationship with her shouldn't be based on if I get along with her older son as well. That's when everything about the wedding was annoying her. She was irritated that we were having the wedding in the town I live in instead of where she lives, that it was at a Catholic church and not her church, that the wedding was taking place on a Friday and not a Saturday, and the list goes on. Her older son wanted to be our bestman but he didn't like me and wanted to object at our wedding. Then they tried to stop the wedding by talking to the priest in person. She didn't even help pay for anything and I didn't ask her to after I was told she refused to help out at all. My parents paid for everything which I'm fine with except now she is stating all I asked for was money during our wedding. For our first anniversary, she didn't call except on her anniversary to ask if we forgot what day it was. Then on our second anniversary, she delivered a new trust which stated she has wrote her son, her grandchild(ren), and myself out of her will. Completely fine with me, just wish she hadn't delivered it through her husband on our anniversary. Her older son decided on that day to also talk to my husband without me regarding our marriage.

We've had a daughter and things haven't improved at all. I was hoping she would want to be involved in her grandchild's life, but that looks like it's a no go. When my daughter was 1 month old, I took her down to see them for her older sons graduation. I found out that someone had the flu while in the house and they were mad at me because I wouldn't go to the ceremony for 2.5 hrs in the sun with my child. They said we could just play pass the baby to keep my child quiet. Then she would come up every couple of weeks to do some activity in our town and not once ask if we wanted to come along or if she could see the grandchild afterwards, but demand that we come down to her house which is an hour and 20 min drive.

Then my lovely MIL at my daughters baptism went off on my parents who weren't even involved with all of the problems and stated that she hated my religion, that she thought my whole family was rude, and so forth. Then for my daughter's first birthday, she refused to drive up to see her and instead insisted that we throw a birthday for her at their house. Her excuse for not coming was that she doesn't feel welcome.

My husband seems to think that these problems are between just his mother and me and refuses to stand up for myself or our daughter at times. I'm so frustrated with the whole situation and irritated at my husband for not helping support his family. My family has finally yelled at him because we've had to live with them due to finances.

Any input would be helpful and really appreciate it. Sorry this is such a long thread.

[Qube]

Wow, I don't know what to say You sound very stressed (understandably). The only thing I would suggest is some counseling for you and your DH. At least then you might have some tools to use between you to stop the negative effect that your MIL is having on your family and try to draw out as much positive things for your DD as possible. Your DH needs to help you with this.

[~*clairesmum*~]

im not going to be much help but i hought i would send ur some 's i thought u mite need it

im sorry that ur MIL is beig such a bith

[LovingMumOf3]

Geez...I thought my MIL was bad at times but nothing like yours!! I'm so sorry.I know it must be really hard for you and I wish I could offer you some fabulous advice but i really don't know what to suggest. I think the worst part is the fact that your DH wont stick up for you.What's he thinking?? When I was having dramas with MIL( she's very controlling and tried to butt in when our DD was born...nooo way!!),DH stuck up for me all the way and we ended up not going to see them very often and making sure that when we did we were only there for a little while.She even got to the point where she was telling my Mum to be careful when she was playing with her...What the?? and saying things like,she'll get brain damage, when we were giving her a horsie ride(on our leg). Just STUPID stuff.She drove me really insane. Eventually I started speaking up for myself and my Mum which she didn't like too much but when DH began doing the same thing she backed off a bit. MILs !! I think the main thing is to talk to DH and the counselling idea is a good one.Although our parents and extended families are important,the little family unit of you dh and your little one are the most important and if a bit of distance is needed then I would recommend it. I wish you all the best.

[Toffee apple]

Same how frustrating & so so sad ,life just shouldnt be this much of a hassle & your MIL sounds like she just thrives with drama around her ...well causes the drama really .
You have been so good to keep giving her chances , sometimes i think men in particullar have a blidfold on when it comes to how sneeky & nasty their mums are being .
Not really sure what you can do , i think a good idea would be to go somewhere quiet ,just you & DH & tell him how she makes you feel & how HE makes you feel when he isnt there for you ,he chose to marry you , he loves you & he needs to stand up to his mum & tell her this can not keep going on .
Best of luck, it's a tricky one .

[Mumma1982]

oh my god, im absolutely speechless about ur problems with your mil.. you poor thing having to deal with this **** from her.
Your DH and im sorry to sound rude but should be a man and take responsibility and stick up for you!!! I know for a fact i wouldnt be making an effort with my MIL if she treated me like that, its not a nice environment for your daughter either.

[mellyg]

Wow your problems with your MIL sound very bad.. I was watching Dr Phil last week and it was about a wife who could not get along with her MIL.. Dr Phil told the husband that this is half his fault for letting it get so far without taking any action and that it IS HIS problem and his responsibility to try and get it sorted out as its HIS mother and HIS wife.. So kick your hubby in the butt and tell him its high time he tried to get this problem worked out or who knows how much strain this is going to put on your relationship.. It must be so stressful for you.. Maybe even some whole family counselling will help too..

[tillysmum1]

wow- that is a tough gig you have there. I thought my MIL was annoying but she is saintly in comparison...sorry i don't have anything to add to make you feel better- I can only hope your husband realises that you are his first priority and sticks up for yu. Sometimes boys are verry protective of their mums even when they know they are being horrible.

All the best

[Stretchmark Diva]

Why do you WANT a relationship with a toxic person who has tried to break up your marriage?

Seriously, if someone (whether they are related or not) has nothing to offer but negativity and malice, CUT THEM OFF.

Your lives will be soooo much better without the drama.

Invest in an answering machine and screen all calls. Don't speak to them, block their email address, become a black hole.

Stop trying to please them. You never will.

[KatiesMum]

I definately agree with Stretchmark Diva - if she cant make the effort to get along with the woman her own son has chosen to spend his life with, and to see and get to know her own grandchild then you are better off on your own.....

having said that - it isnt always that easy and your DH needs a good kick up the butt for not supporting you and helping fix the problem

best of luck !!!!