parents not attending your wedding

**clucky** · 22-02-2006 06:58

I'm getting married in 17 days and i received a call from my natural father
(my mum and him divorced when i was about 12 months old, mum remarried when i was 4) last night and he told me he won't be coming to my wedding(even though he told me months ago he would be). His excuse was because he won't know anybody there, and he'll feel like an alien. At first i was upset but now i couldn't care less. The way i see it is that he has issues that he has to deal with but they shouldn't involve me. He didn't guve me a proper reason, said he would talk to me about it some other time.My stepfather will be giving me away (I was thinking maybe he felt intimidated by my step-dad). I explained to my Natural father who will be giving me away and he seemed sorta ok.
What happens when i have children and i invite him to their christenings? and their school functions etc, will he not come?
I was just wondering how many people had a parent not come to their wedding, and how did they deal with it?

**bronny-jane** · 22-02-2006 07:46

my parents didnt come to my wedding, valid reason though mum was in hospital with breathing problems, came around after though, dh's dad didnt come and he didnt care doesnt show any interest in him any way. to be honest you wont care but he will feel like s***. have a great day.

**chloe1** · 22-02-2006 07:52

hi my in laws didnt come to our wedding which deeply hurt my husband. I was shocked and not able to understand how you could not attend your childs wedding. They kept making excuses leading up to the day so we always new they wouldnt show up. My husband didnt speak to them for a while is still really hurt but continues the relationship because he says they are old. @ years later they also didnt go to his brothers wedding. He hasnt spoken to them since (2 years) Its weird we just have to remember how we felt and make sure we dont treat our kids like this. You will have an amazing day, so remember it for that. They ar the ones missing out.

**Elfin** · 22-02-2006 07:54

I just wish sometimes that people could put their issues away for a special occasion like a wedding. As a parent he should do this to make his child happy for a day at least.

It might be the giving away issue. I can understand you choosing your step dad as you really grew up with him but maybe they could both walk you down the aisle if you wanted to do this. I have seen this done before. It is your choice though and your wishes need to be respected. I think your Dad is really the one that will suffer, have a great day anyway.

***Sal*** · 22-02-2006 07:59

Good luck on your big day clucky. It sounds like your step-dad is very special, so try to focus on that relationship I guess.

My FIL didn't come to my wedding, in fact he doesn't come to anything MIL will be at, they are so childish they can't put their differences aside for the sake of their kids. It really hurt my DH at the time, but he and his dad still work together and see each other all the time. We just have to live with their silliness, and so do our kids now. One or both of them will or has missed out on every event so far, and I can't see it changing any time soon. Better for us really, because if they saw each other again, someone will probably get killed. No I'm not joking.

**MilkOnTap** · 22-02-2006 08:09

It hurts now but on the day you will probably be thankful that he's not there. I know I was! Like you, my father didn't come to my wedding (which was only 3 months ago).

I had already told him that my grandmother would be giving me away - I am really close to her and I thought that it would save playing 'favourites' between Mum and Dad.

They had a very messy separation 2 years ago, and Mum actually has an AVO out against him. So in my case he actually had a valid reason to not be able to come (cause Mum was there); even though she had gone through court to disable the AVO only for the day. So legally, he was allowed, but still he chose not to come.

This hurt me a lot - I haven't sent him any photos or shown him the wedding video. I actually haven't even seen him in over a year. I am going to see him at Easter and I plan on showing him and his new girlfriend my wedding video then.

In hindsight, it was probably easier for me on the day that he wasn't there though. Even though I wanted him to watch me say my vows (its not like a birthday - doesn't happen every year!) I know that I would have been stressing out over both Mum and Dad being in the same room. Definitely not something I wanted to advertise to the new in-laws!

**LittleBoysRock** · 22-02-2006 09:26

My Dad didnt come to my weddng either which was over a year ago and I haven't spoken to him since.

Mum and Dad split when I was 13 and I saw Dad maybe once or twice a year after that. He has since become an alcoholic and gets very abusive when drinking.

Even though he can be horrible, he is still my Dad and I love him so it hurt when he didnt come to my wedding.

His reason for not coming was that I asked him not to start drinking until after he had made his speech. He said I was being horrible and then just didnt turn up.

In a way I am glad he wasn't there to ruin my day. My Brother walked me down the aisle which was SO special.

Dad hasnt even seen my wedding pics. What is worse is that he knew that I was pregnant and my Aunt told him when Owen was born but he has not tried to see him or congratuate me or anything.

He even left the state without even saying goobye. Needless to say I don't think I will be seeing Dad again.

The way I dealt with Dad not coming to the wedding was to put it out of my mind and enjoy MY day.

I really hope you have a lovely wedding and that your Dad not coming doesnt affect your day too much.

Take Care!

**KiLLaKaZ** · 22-02-2006 09:28

like chloe1, my husband's parents didnt come to the wedding, which really hurt him as he's very close to them. i can't really go into the details, but basically his family moved away a few months b4 we got married (they had organised to be at our wedding b4 that - & my SIL was going to be a bridesmaid!), then had some problems when we were getting married & they said they were too distressed to come, & they couldn't afford it & then a few months after we got married they moved back!! it was halfway across the country, so it would have been quite a (expensive) trip for them to have made, though!

i don't think my husband ever got over the fact that they weren't there. also, it made me feel like they didn't like me/ approve of me... honestly the problem that they had shouldn't have stopped them from coming - they could put it aside for one day, nothing would have changed in regards to the problem!!

well, i guess it doesn't matter now though as my husband has decided he wants to divorce

**sonlou73** · 22-02-2006 09:35

DH & I eloped to Hamilton Island. We only told our parents. My parents came even though they had issues with me prior but they weren't going to miss it. My ILs didn't come, their excuse was it'll be too hot (we live in Victoria), but still what a **** poor excuse. They gave us some money - the money they would've spent if they came to the wedding, like big deal. My DH was very disappointed but never said anything, that's how his family is. I've held a big grudge for 4 years on behalf of him and me!

A mate in the same situation as yourself got married a few years ago. Her father was never there for her. He was invited to the ceremony only and her mum walked her down the aisle. She has no regrets. Surprisingly since then her father has made more of an effort.

**shinebrite** · 24-02-2006 13:28

Hi goodluck for your wedding.

My dad didnt come to my wedding which was over a year ago now and Im really glad he didnt. my grandaddy gave me away which was so beautiful (he has been my real father anyway) I also included my step dad as i didnt want to leave him out even tho I struggled with them gettin married.

My dad was very abbusive as a child i thought he didnt deserve to be there on MY special day. when ur there u wont notice! all u care about is your new husband and making sure your posses are good for your wedding fotos!!!

After my wedding i saw my dad and he regretted not being there, but thats his fault he should make more of an effort in the smaller occasions to be there for me and then he can b there for the big....

Well anyways...GOOD LUCK AGAIN!!!