He just doesn't understand...

**Fuchsia!** · 10-09-2007 19:17

I had a fight with dp tonight

We hardly ever fight so i hate that we are. But im so angry at him, im feeling really alone and stressed at the moment. Here's are situation...

We have been together for almost 6 years but he lives 4hrs away in sydney and we only get to see him every 2-3weeks and he only stays for a couple of days. So i know im not really a single mum but i honestly feel like one.

Im so stressed right now, coop is teething terribly and im running off 4hrs a night sleep. Coop is whinging all day and i can't get anything done, i can't even eat my dinner.

Well anyway he rang me tonight to see how things were and i told him that im not getting much sleep and that coop is really stressing me out and he said that i jsut need to relax..And i said "No what i need is you here so i can get some sleep" And he said "do you seriously think i would be getting up through the night?" And i said "Hell yeah" And he goes not if i would be working the next day, maybe on weekends i would"! Can you believe that? " I said what about me i work my *** off cleaning the house, feeding the kids ect.. all day too and i don't get a knock off time.. And he goes "well that's different" I said "how? You think i don't get tired and stressed either?" ANyway i ended up hanging up on him.. Im so freakin angry and upset that he just doesn't understand..I sit in this house all day everyday with the kids and i have no friends no liecence which equals no life. He sits down there living with his mum, meals served on a platter and gets to come up here for a little visit and goes back home.

I dunno im sorry this is a stupid vent but i just need to get it off my chest. Maybe im just so tired im going crazy....

**Myztik** · 10-09-2007 19:23

your not crazy and you have every right to be hurt and upset by his comments. I would be upset too. I dont really have any advice (I suck at it lol) just wanted to give you a hug

**Mum2Bug** · 10-09-2007 19:28

I dont know the circumstances of your relationship so I am not going to comment on that. What I am going to do is give you some

because you deserve them. I will never understand what it is that makes some men think that they do not have to be equal in the parenting, especially with the harder stuff like teething and sick children. As a parent you are working 24/7 trying to cope with running your household, thats alot more hours than he is working and he needs to grow up and realise that.

I hope things get better for you soon and you are able to get some more sleep. The world looks better after a good nights rest.

**mumzdaword** · 10-09-2007 19:35

thats the exact same words my DP said to me....and i said the same as u back to him.... we dont have bundy clocks...we work 24/7... y do we not deserve a break every now and then it wouldnt kill them....

**floggadog** · 10-09-2007 19:36

jaxcoop, you sound as good as a single Mum to me.You should be able to tell your DP how you are feeling & that you need him.
Easy of me to tell you what to do & what you need but I'm not you & only you can change your situation.
My suggestion is to get a life, without him. I'm not saying leave him, I'm suggesting you go out & join a playgroup, utilise a daycare, look into local mothers groups or womens groups,take up a hobby or sport. Basically start to make a life for yourself again.
Try & get back into your life a little bit of who you were before kids & your DP.
It's hard & seems impossible, but you can't be a housebound, lonely Mum & be happy as well.
Doing this would be as much for your kids as it would be for you.
As for your partner, when he comes home,instead of waiting on him, tell him you're glad he's home & go out & do something for yourself

Sorry if I haven't been much help, as I said only you can change your situation & waiting for your hubby to help clearly isn't an option.

**mysunflower** · 10-09-2007 19:58

is there anyway you could move down there so you could all be together get a house close to where he works

**Fuchsia!** · 10-09-2007 19:59

Thanks ladies you have made me feel a little better. Im still crying but..i feel so upset. I live in a small town and there is only 1 playgroup and its to far to walk. Im trying to get my liecence but i only have dp to teach me and as you know hes not here that often. And driving instructions are out of my budget. I think once i get my liecence i think i will get my identity back.

I love my kids to bits but i have lost me, im no-one apart from jaxons and coopers mum. I to get me back to have a life and to have friends. I can't wait to get my licence.... But again thanks for the support. I will get my act together and stop my whinging

**Fuchsia!** · 10-09-2007 20:01

Originally Posted by mysunflower

is there anyway you could move down there so you could all be together get a house close to where he works

i know it sounds stupid but i can't stand the city. Im from a small country town and i don't think i can bear the city. We are planning to move together to another place that isn't as busy as sydney but not as rural as here, its just a matter of work for dp. He has a really great and well paid job where he is and that's why he lives down there.

**mysunflower** · 10-09-2007 20:25

I understand we used to live in Sydney but once kids came we decide to move we are close to newcastle dh has just got a new job 20 min away when we first moved he had to travel 2 hours each way we could not live in sydney anymore too busy even though all our family is there

**mum_inlove** · 10-09-2007 20:38

I don't really know what to say but I just want to give you

. I don't think you're whinging at all. I think your feeling is absolutely normal. Sometimes I feel like you even though my dh lives with me and he helps even just a little bit.

How about if you're organised a mothers group at your place. A friend of mine who's husband works in the mine and doesn't drive hold a mothers group once a week at her place. We don't mind to come to her place as we know she doesn't drive. She just put flyers up in parents room in shopping centre or childcare (that's how I met her).

Sorry can't help much, but I hope it helps.