42 and lonely

[nlbjwr]

Hi,
Just letting of some feelings.

I started having kids when I was 18, life was good it had it's ups and it's downs.

Now I am at the age were I have what feels like started all over again. I have a 2 year old and a 9 week old.

I don't reget having them, but I an morning missing the life I thought I was going to have.

At 42 I could be working going places doing all the things I didn't get to do when I was younger.

I did go once to a playgroup but it was full of 20 somethings ( nothing against the age group) talking about partying nightclubs makeup clothes. All to me boring now I am older.

I am not into talking about all the baby stuff i have had 6 kids, I just want to have a mature adult conversation about the world and the goings on.

I know there are mums out there who are the same age as myself but not close to me.

I sit at home and listen to kids tv play playdoh and games. My brain wants more. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore, since everyone of my friends don't have small kids thier have all grown up.

I just see them getting on with their lives and me stating again.

Hubby goes to work has adult interaction and comes home, he is good with the kids. he'll feed the baby or play with mr 2.

I get so jealous of the fact that he what feels like has a life other than 4 walls. I know work sucks for him and he is happy when at home with me and the kids.

I really don't know how to get over this hump at the moment.

I even have grandkids, I love seeing them and playing with them and I feel comfortable being older around them.

I do feel funny when I have my 2 and get told aren't your grandkids lovely . Sorry they are mine.

I wanted to travel, so many things that I can't do now.

I wish I had an answer but I don't. I have never felt this lonely in my life before.

Thanks for letting me get some of it of my chest.

Stay tuned there will be more

[my babyemmy]

hi hun just thought i would give you its very hard doing it all again. i also get lonely at times and im sure in time you will see others have the same things in common with you on here but i was so lucky coz at my playgroup they are mainly 30 or not to far from it. keep your chin up hun and take care

[mysonroger]

what sort of a fool would suggest your kids were you're grandkids....oh per-leeze.....what knobs.

i joined bubhub when i had just moved to brisbane and knew nobody for months. bubhub met all those needs i had for basic socialising at the time....and then it sort of took over.....

maybe you're feelings of feeling trapped are heightened by the fact you have such a young baby to care for. and babies that young usually mean a lot of time is spent at home for their sleeps and routines, etc. plus you're probably tired from night feeds and also caring for a 2 year old, who probably needs a lot of emotional input.

that doesn't leave much time for you. but it won't be long, or forever. the first year is all about the baby and then before you know it, they're down to one sleep a day and then suddenly you have more time to get out of the house more, or for longer...and life eventually returns to some sort of normalcy.

you might have to come u-p with some sort of arrangement with your DH about getting some hours on your own at a time convenient to you both. doesn't even have to be every week, but gives you something to look forward to and gives you a chance to clear your head. in return, and this is the part i always used to forget, he might need some time out too.

good luck

[greengables]

Hey - just wanted to let u know u r not alone. Everyone feels lonely at some time...kids only makes it more diffiult/obvious...

do u know what might be good? Do a search on google to see what is going on in your area for families (there are lots of cheap/free things)

Draw up a weekly schedule and plan to do at least 1 thing every weekday. This will get you out of the house and meeting other adults

[sunnyflower]

Just wanted to send you some of these

I understand when you say you want some thing to stimulate your brain.As much as we love our kids we can't pour our hearts out to them.!!

Is it possible to maybe post on here and see if there are sosme mothers groups for older mums,i know there are threads for older mums?

I think that you should try and get out as much as possible,see if there is anyone on here who lives close that you could maybe do things with.

I hope you feel better soon.

[moonblossom]

HAHAhahah mySONroger, that happened to me today My daughter was pushing my one year old in the pram and the assistant was talking about her grandson saying NANA first and said my grandson probably will too looking at my son I don't take offense to it at all, of course they would think that, all I think is WELL... i'm a pretty groovy granny LOL

Anyway, I think we all become stuck no matter what age we are, the young ones do, and us older ones do, I've had my ups and downs as the ladies on bubhub would know, but it all works out in the end, I've NEVER been happier in my whole life, and who would ever think that...being a single mommy of eight children

One thing you would know, is how quickly they grow, enjoy them while they are babies, it goes way to quickly. Your partner sounds wonderful, i'm sure you know how blessed you are to have a dedicated partner, not many of those around. There are SO MANY little blessings, and that is what I look for, and also a saying I always go by...DONT SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS...

Good luck, and keep posting here if you have problems, the ladies here have helped me through many many times, and I'm sure many more times to come...LUB THEM...

[nlbjwr]

Thanks ladies for your responses.

I was just letting of some blah feelings.

I have no trouble going out and seeing people or doing things.

It just the life I have now dosen't fit the life I did have or wanted.

The friends I have have grownup kids and are of doing their things that they planned to do when the kids left home.

As I have the little ones now I is hard to fit into the things we all did once.

Like I said I mourn what I could of been doing.

Yes I do need to get out and find myself new friends that do have smaller kids.My other friends and I have just gone different ways, different lifestyles.

I thought of asking my child health nurse if she knows of any older mum groups around. They have a few under 25 mum groups.

Maybe if they don't have any. I guess I could always start up one. I know when I was going to antinatal clinic there were lots of older mums there.


Thanks again ladies

Will take on board everything that you have said.

I guess I get to jump out of a plane when
I am 60 rather than now

I don't feel quite so lonely now

Sorry so long