Christian girlfriend needs place to stay... How do I say no?

[MilkOnTap]

A girlfriend from my church has been looking for a new house. She loves where she lives, but it comes at a price (a very expensive one at that!) Since we kicked out our last housemate she has been dropping hints that she was hoping she could move in with me after DH goes away for his 6 month deployment.

At first I was thinking that it would be a good idea, and I told her that I would talk to DH and pray about it.

I have realised that I dont particularly think it would be the best idea. At the moment I can only handle her in small doses, and I would prefer for us to not end up in a situation where I need to ask her to leave.

At the same time, I feel really guilty leaving a fellow Christian in the lurch. She doesn't have much stability at work and she really needs a break - this could be exactly what I am denying her.

I really dont know what to do!

[Mamaduke]

Ally, you did the 'right' thing last time and look what happened.
It's very difficult to live with people...just think of how many times you and DH get 'shirty' with each other...I know DH and I do!
Things could go really well and you could have some extra company, but in saying that, you could find that you enjoy your own space and you might feel the need to 'entertain' your house guest...whether she wants it or not.
I personally wouldn't do it...it doesn't make you a bad person to say no, you could just explain to her that you'd rather not for the sake of your friendship.
You've already said you can only handle her in small doses...living together is one HUUUGE dose IYKWIM!!!

[MilkOnTap]

Ally, you did the 'right' thing last time and look what happened....

Your right Carly - So right... I know deep down what the 'right' thing, and that is to say no... I just wish I didn't feel so bad about it!

[Ffrenchknickers]

Sorry, and this isnt a judgement on you at all (hugs, love etc) but I think that you should let her stay (if it is at all possible) until she finds her feet...I would just set some ground rules for EXACTLY when you would like her to leave If you cant possibly take her in, is there any other way that you could help her? Maybe driving her to look for a place etc etc?

This scripture comes to mind...

16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Just my opinion of course and I know that you are such a caring person Ally You will do what you can!

[MilkOnTap]

Frenchie - it is that scripture that makes me feel as though I should let her move in. Not until DH leaves of course (which has already been made clear between us in the instance that she were to move in).

I guess I am just concerned that what happened with the last housemate will happen again - which is totally unrealistic considering the last one was a junkie and my girlfriend is a law-abiding God-fearing Christian!

I am going to keep on praying about it. I still haven't been able to talk to DH about it. Either way, I'm sure that he will tell me that its my decision - since he isn't going to be around anyway!

Perhaps setting the ground rules from Day1 like you have suggested is one way for me to conquer my petty fear! I know God wont put me in a situation that I cant handle - every thing is just a challenge, testing my trust and faith.

I guess this is another one of those challenges - making the right decision and having faith that its Gods Will!

Oh - and she also knows that we are TTC, so I guess when setting down ground rules I would also make it clear that when we do conceive that we will need that room back again.... Eh, that just seems weird saying to her that once we have 'done it' shes gotta shift... Gulp!

[Ffrenchknickers]

Eh, that just seems weird saying to her that once we have 'done it' shes gotta shift... Gulp!

LOL, that sounds funny
All the best with making your decision! God will put the answer on your heart and you will know what to do It's pretty understandable you being concerned and God knows that you are just trying to do the right thing

[poshBecks]

Ally, I agree with Ffrenchy a bit. THough I totally understand why you would be a bit worried....

I think if you give her some exact dates that she can stay. eg from say 25 Feb - 25 May ( or what ever dates suit you ) That way she knows when she has to find alternative accomadation by... And definately some house rules too. And let her know that you've been stung before & you dont want anything to ruin your friendship, so if it's not working out you both have an "out"

Good luck....

[KiLLaKaZ]

just another thought - maybe if u feel bad about it it's because in your heart u know what the right thing to do is?

personally, i couldn't do it (having someone move in) - but that's because i've always been a loner, so i guess i'd never be in that situation, anyway