Other children and birth.

**cheezelkat** · 16-08-2007 14:30

I have ages to sort this problem out, but there is a possibility if v2 arrives past my EDD that my family won't be able to care for Liam whilst I am in labour.

How do you deal with a toddler during birth? DP wants to watch the birth again (and I want him there too)...I'm just not sure about how Liam would deal with it.

What have others done when there is no family around?

**MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea** · 19-08-2007 09:48

When I first heard about women having their other children at the births of their babies I thought it was crazy and would be distressing for the children. However since then I have been researching a lot about natural births and homebirths and read a lot of birth stories/seen a lot of birth videos with other children present and it can be a beautiful experience.

I think you would have to prepare him well before hand. Explain that if mummy is making loud noises they are good noises to help the baby come out and that mummy is ok. It would really depend on his ability to understand that sort of thing.

I know with my DS he would just want me to cuddle him/play with him and wouldnt understand that at that time I had to focus on myself and the baby and couldnt be the one to meet his needs.

**bekkyboo** · 19-08-2007 09:54

I wonder this too CK... We have no family around, and the couple of friends that could look after G if it was during the week couldnt cause of work commitments and such.

This will be a thread i keep an eye on!

**Noah_and_Elijah** · 19-08-2007 10:01

I've contemplated having Noah at the birth because I'd love him to literally be the first person in the family to meet the new baby but I don't think that I could handle having him there, he will only be 17 months and will just want to play! Don't think I could handle it...

Do you have any friends from Bubhub that you know in RL that could help you out?

**QTB** · 19-08-2007 10:02

I guess it depends what type of labouring woman you are... if you are a screamer, it may be distressing for older children. if you are a quiet birther then it should be fine as long as bubs is well prepared and is able to leave the room if he wishes... (obviously someone would have to go with him)

**Seekrit** · 19-08-2007 10:35

I couldn't have cobes with me, because for Cobey's birth I screamed and made noises that my husband hadn't heard before.

Miss Kat, if your family can't take Liam and you're worried etc, feel free to give me a call

**QTB** · 19-08-2007 11:04

also you could hire someone to look after bubs so he can leave the room if nessesary. Most doulas would do this (and provide comfort mesures if you wanted that. most will help bubs be involved in 'helping mummy feel better'

**Rainbowbrite** · 19-08-2007 12:40

Originally Posted by QTB

also you could hire someone to look after bubs so he can leave the room if nessesary. Most doulas would do this (and provide comfort mesures if you wanted that. most will help bubs be involved in 'helping mummy feel better'

Thats one of the reasons we are having a doula

This way MJ & I have someone there focused solely on us all the time. DH will be with MJ more though, he's not a great "support" when i'm not well

**reAllytee** · 19-08-2007 20:29

Originally Posted by Rainbowbrite

Thats one of the reasons we are having a doula

This way MJ & I have someone there focused solely on us all the time. DH will be with MJ more though, he's not a great "support" when i'm not well

He reminds me of my dad more & more !

For me i wouldve loved to have Boof present but i knew that he wouldnt cope. He had a hard time dealing with me having Hyperemesis & would get distressed so we knew the birth was out.

I think it really depends on the child & i think having someone who can look after them if needed as well as leaving the room is the best way to do it !

**fai firinne** · 19-08-2007 22:35

I agree it depends on the child. My 2 yr old and 4 yr old dds were lovely birth team members for me! They patted my back and said, "Sorright mummy!" The 2 yo peeked round my leg to see then came back to chat to me and pat me. They were awesome. I had three women friends in my birth team. One just for my support. One to care for each of the girls in case they were upset or needed anything. Plus dh and the midwives! But it didn't seem crowded, I was glad the girls had a special carer each but actually they were fine, it just seemed like a lovely natural family event.

I saw one video of a family having a waterbirth at home, the mw didn't make it in time and was coaching the dad over the phone, and ds was crying because he wasn't allowed in the pool at that exact second! But Grandma was there to look after him and she gently re-directed him until it was time to come and admire his new brother - a few minutes later!