Isolation..

[LoopyLyndaLou]

HI all,

firstly I would like to thank all those that replied to my previous thread about being homesick, it really helped to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

It actually took me only a few days to feel better, I think it was easier this time as I had a life here to come back in to where as when we first arrived we had no home, no friends and no knowledge of life over here.

I felt a little (well a lot!) homesick the last few days though, my big brother got married and my whole family was there except me. We never thought he would get married as he lost his long term partner very suddenly to brain tumour when she was just 33, so to see him finally get married would have been great. Of course dh doesn't seem to understand, he has made no acknowledgement that me and the boys have missed out and how special it would have been for us, I think that hurts more than anything. How can men just switch off emotions like that? How can they make such a clean cut from family?

We are in our usual dilemme of do we apply for permannt residency or go home when our visa runs out, I want to go home but I have said that I am OK to stay as I know it is better for the kids here, better for dh with commuting and I am not unhappy but he has done nothing about putting the wheels of motion in place. The longer he leaves it the longer we are going to have to wait, the older we will be and the less chance of getting the residency.

He doesn't understand that whilst he is faffing about we are losing the opportunity to send our eldest son to the best local school in our area in the UK. If we are not staying here I need to be involved in the community we lived in as the school is a selcted school and you have to prove you are involved in the church and community. This was not a problem as before we came I was, without even realising that this criteria was needed and now I am not. I gave up all the groups I ran and was involved with to come here for a year...18 months later...

I think it is all part of his game plan, make it so that we cannot go back as our sons schooling will be all screwed up and we won't send him to the local secondary, we can't afford prviate for 3 kids over there but we can here!

I am OK here though, I just feel so very isolated at times and I cut myself off, not having any people around me that have known me for years and understand me is hard work. I often feel sad about our little Thomas who died at birth, his ashes were spread in the Uk so I feel so far away from him. I need people around me who were around me when he died and know what we went through but no one is and dh wont talk about him. It is almost 5 years now since he died but I still miss him so much. I want to be able to mention him in coversation without people asking me who he was and what happened, I want them just to know.

Sorry I am rambling a bit but I figure you guys are probably the ones that understand my isolation the most, despite being surrounded by immediate family and friends I feel so alone at times.

Thanks for reading

Lynda x

[Londonmum]

Lynda - Nice to see you online again.

I know you say your ok with being in Auz but hun, it seems to me from what you have written that really your not. Yes you can see all the advatanges and opportunities of being here but end of day your not happy are you ? If your not happy then perhaps it's best for you to go back to the UK......OK things like schooling are not as great there but you'll have family and friends about you and for some people thats really all they want or need.

But maybe you should right all the pros and cons of living in each country down on a piece of paper, compare them and then decide in your heart where it is you want to live. Then sit down with hubby and go through those reasons with him (be it Auz or UK).

If you decide to stay in Auz then perhaps you should get the paperwork for residency started....we all know what some men are like for getting their A into gear

If you decide on UK then make it clear to him 'why' you want to go back, yeh you might feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall with him but I don't think he's deliberatly disreguarding your feelings.....so perservere.

Re the feelings you have about your lost bub......if you have a couple friends here in Auz then sit them down and tell them all that happened. Let them share in that very personal and tragic time and then they can give you the support you need when it comes to the aniv of Thomas's passing.

It is hard for us over here but I guess we have to work that bit harder to make friends and to do that we have to open up and let people in, not only that but we have to be persistant. They have their friends who they have known for years as we have ours (in the Uk) so it's difficult for others to understand how hard it is for us to get into their 'clicks'......and lets face it that really is what we are trying to do.

I've made lots of 'casual' friends and am trying to make a couple of them 'closer' friends but it takes time and perserverance.

The time delays between UK and Auz don't make things any easier, I have lots of friends I'd love to chat to but unfortunatly most of them are at work when I am online and very few of them can chat whilst they are working.

My great and grand scheme of things though is to try and get some of my friends and family over here....got a couple interested so just have to keep badgering them

But anyway I think I've waffled on enough....I hope I've made some sence.

End of day you have to do what you feel is right for you, if your unhappy then your whole family will be unhappy as they will sence how your feeling and mirror it.......sounds odd but it's true.

Hard choice to make hun Good luck and let us know what you decide.

[Pixie]

Lynda

There is so much good about both places isn't there! I didn't want to come back to the UK at all, I refused for 5 years to come here, well now that I am here I am not sure I want to leave lol

I am sorry you missed your brothers wedding and I see how important and milestone-ish it was for him that's wonderful

You do need to crack on to the visa's if you plan to stay the rules have just changed yet again. There are advertising for brits to go to Aus like crazy here, almost to the point of the 10 pound Aussie days again. But they are being extremeley selective and mostly about age. I know a bit as my sister and her DH want ti emigrate there she's 38 and he 44 so they really need to get on with it. Perhaps you should order all the forms you would need show them to DH and get him to make a choice on what you are doing as a family and what the future holds for you there. And then do the same for the UK

I understand about the selective schools as well. Although Eliza is 16 months we have been looking into schools here in Marylebone and we also need to attend church to get her in no biggy as we're both Christians so that's fine but good schools are hard to come by and the same in Aus I think the teachers are better here in private schools than Aus though, public schools in Sydney use to get a bad rep and I knew no one who sent there kids to one. And yes it's much more affordable there to send 3 kids to a private school then here!

I am so sorry to hear about Thomas I know what you mean I have two friends who have lost babies and the visit the graves a lot it must be so hard to not even do that

I really think it's sit down plan and decide where and what you are doing and do it in 6 months!

Good luck and us Brits are here to listen to you and your thoughts!