problem 3 year old

[pauline]

hi i have a three year old daughter who has a problem with obeying people. when she is told not to do something she does the opposite, i don't like going anywhere because of her behaviour has anyone got any ideas to make this beautiful little girl listen, she is also so a very active child who doesn't sit still for long periods of time. i would love her to be good so i don't feel so bad

[Miss_Vicki]

Mines 4 An yet still trys to pull all this , I used to Feel bad as a parent as she Never listens an does the oppiset as what ive asked , I think they will grow out of them Im at my wits with mine nuffin works any more
Hugs u will get there Just rember Your doin your best But she is learning to listen
patience an more patience is what we need

[xkwzit]

Hi
I've been watching this thread and was wary of posting because I have not had experience with your problems exactly. However, I've also noticed that advice seems a little thin on the ground. Now some people love him - others hate him - but something that Dr Phil said re kids made sense to me.

He suggested that all kids have a 'currency' that is, something that they value that you can use to encourage good behaviour and discourage unwanted behaviour. Maybe it's a special toy, a favourite food, TV show - you'll have to find it and make access to it dependent on acceptable behaviour. He suggests that all kids will do things they do not desire to get access to things they value. I've used this with my 3.5 yo taking ages to eat her breakfast, example is that the TV goes off until she's finished - it is totally up to her when the TV gets turnes back on. This empowers the child, as they have control over what happens when. But you have to be 100% consistent with what you've said, if you relent, you've shown them that it is possible for them to win and they'll ALWAYS test you to see if you're serious.

The consistency issue also raises another suggestion - choose a few critical issues to be 100% consistent in and try to ignore other things that are just irritating. If you draw a line in the sand with your kids, be sure you can win. If you've already won a few important battles today, perhaps you don't pick a fight over some noisy play (that is REALLY irritating to you, but isn't damaging anyone or any thing). If you start to become inconsistent because you are trying to fight too many battles - you need to prioritise.

Hope this helps (just suggestions, as I'm not in your shoes...)

[LouLou]

Hi pauline,

Well I guess I can tell you what I did when my son started doing this, he is almost 4.
Firstly my son loves being read books, he has oodles of books but I did not have any relating to childrens behaviour. A friend recommended visiting the library which we did. before we went i explained to him what a "treat" going to the library was and that we must be quiet. I also told him that if he was not quiet we would not be able to borrow any books. Anyway we set off to the library (I was dreading what was going to happen) but the whole experience went great - he behaved thought he was really special and I managed to find some childrens books that related to behaviour. Kaz Cook - Wanda linda goes beserk is just one that comes to mind....
Now when I have a behaviour issue good or bad he is rewarded or loses books that we read at night. I set a standard of 3 books and some nights he gets none others he gets 4 or 5 depending on what has occured during the day.
I can only suggest to find the thing your daughter loves (be it going to the park, books, watching TV (in moderation.....or whatever) and offer rewards or losses according to her behaviour. My son also now loves the Cd books as he feels as though he is reading them himself, they are great for car trips short or long and he does not feel as though he is just sitting (he is extreemely active also).
oh and I also count to 5 now as a warning if behaviour is not appropriate and I am not afraid to follow through on punishment (usually timeout).... Hope this helps....
Louise