Yes, perhaps I do have adopted kid issues
'Yes, perhaps I do have adopted kid issues,' Alli confesses
I'm adopted. Yep, at the age of two weeks a stunningly beautiful child with no hair and chubby cheeks (me) was gifted to a couple of wonderful people who were not blessed in the baby-making department. My adoptive parents are kind, loving, giving, generous souls who raised me as if I were their own flesh and blood and who couldn't love me any more if they tried. They have given me every opportunity in life and they support my decisions. Well, most of them. And they love my son with all their grandparental might.
I was one lucky little baby. And I am one lucky lady today. Now, some of you might be thinking, “Ah, she's adopted hey? That explains it all. No wonder she's emotionally-challenged and somewhat sooky”. And maybe, to a certain extent, you'd be right.
I think if I am 100 per cent honest with myself I will admit to having a few teeny-weeny, little adopted kid issues. I'm emotional and a tad insecure. I'm definitely a needy person. I like to be liked and I'm a serial monogamist. I have always had to be in a relationship of some kind. For a long time, I really didn't like my own company; got bored with myself in about three minutes flat. As I have grown older, I have learned to like myself and my company a bit more, but I am still a tad high-maintenance.
Let's get one thing straight though: I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. It is what it is. And I bet some of you are surprised to hear that. My biological mother and father were both young. It was the mid-'70s. Illegitimate children conceived out of wedlock were frowned upon. So, my mum headed off to Brisbane to have me – that's just what happened. Back in the '70s, it wasn't socially acceptable for kids to actually have kids. How times have changed.
They did their best, and boy it must have been tough, and I have had a good life, so there's nothing to be bitter or twisted about. I grew up knowing I was adopted and that I was special – I had two lots of mummies and daddies who loved me. And I always knew I would find them one day. Wasn't a big deal – just a bit of destiny action going on.
When I was 18, I found my biological parents. Firstly, I applied for identifying information and received a letter that stated: “Dear Allison, Your birth name was Sarah Jane Blah...”. From here, all I needed was a good friend, a post office with a public phone, a million phone books and about $10 in 20 cent coins. Bingo!
But kids, don't try this at home. In hindsight, it was a completely ridiculous way to go about finding my natural family. I suggest you contact an organisation like Jigsaw instead. But I found them and we met a few months later.
I grew up an only child and I desperately, so desperately wanted siblings. So, you can imagine my excitement at finding out that not only had my biological parents married each other just a few years after my birth, but that they went on to have two children. Now I have a brother and sister, full-blood siblings.
Fast forward to today, and while we have endured a few challenges along the way (including the divorce of my biological parents); we are all in a happy, happy place. I am blessed with two mums and two dads. Our son has a gaggle of loving grandparents who see him often and spoil him always.
My brother and I are partners in a business together, and both he and my sister are godparents to our son. I fight with my brother and sister as if we've grown up together. For anyone else, that's nothing but annoying, but deep down for me, it's a little slice of heaven. I love them. And boy, we are a case study for nature versus nurture. While I have picked up a few of my adoptive parents' traits, I am definitely who I am thanks to genetics. Terrifying, really.
The extended families treat me as if I have always been there. They make me feel as though I am well and truly one of their own. And my parents all get along. After several years of prancing around each other like cats, my mums are friends – truly, good friends – it's so lovely.
I am a lucky lady when it comes to my family. I have about a million extra people to love and to love me. And really, that's all we can ask for in life, isn't it? Lots and lots of love?
Back to my need to be needed and my people-pleasing nature. I think being adopted definitely played a part in this. While I know it wasn't a personal thing, I did harbour feelings of rejection along the way. How could I not? And I think perhaps this is why I need to be liked, by everyone, all the time. And why I'm terrified at the thought of being alone.
But you know what? That's okay. We all have our insecurities, our issues, our baggage, don't we? All things considered, I think I turned out okay. A little neurotic perhaps, but okay.
Alli is one half of Alli & Genine - the authors of ISSUES? What Issues?
The real, raw and honest rambling of a couple of 30-somethings ...