Partners of A/P?

[SugarBlossom]

Hi all who practice natural/att. parenting! :)

I was just wondering how your partners how your partners feel about your parenting style/choice ?( for some of us it's not a choice!)????

Mine supports me most of the time....just not when he's been around HIS mum. Or when he has to do anything at night or gets woken up.:mad:

I love it all the time!:D

Tell me your story!

Luv Jazz

[Foxymoron]

My DH has the same outlook on parenting as I do. As far as Dads go, I think he's great. And he defends our AP approach to anyone, including family if they knock it.
For us it wasn't a choice, it's just the way we are raising our children. We didn't even know it had a name :) then I discovered the internet and found there are many likeminded people out there and lot's of good research to back it up as a great way of bringing up kids.

I'm sorry your DH feels the need to fit in with his mother and not just be proud of the way you are approaching parenting.

[H&B'sMum]

My DH is really supportive. He reads the books I recommend and asks for my help when he needs it. He also discusses with me what he could have done better or how he could have handled the situation differently. We talk about our parenting and decide on things together. He did take a little getting to use to cloth nappies but now uses them when he's home with Harry on a Thurs and if I'm not home.

He can see the difference in Harry and our parenting style compared to other parents and will aks me about other's style when he encounters it.

So all in all DH is very supportive and as much of an advocate of AP/NP as I am.

[JanetF]

My DP feels that we parent appropriately for our child and that it's only logical to meet the needs of babies and children rather than making them fit into schedules and socalled convenience. He thinks, as do I, that leaving babies to cry is one of the most ******** acts currently perpetrated on children in the western world. We see how our child, and the other gently parented children around us, are gentle, thriving, thoughtful children who develop empathy early in life and we know it's the right way for us to go. I'm aiming to raise a healthy adult, not create a convenient child ;)

[SugarBlossom]

I totally agree with you on the crying JanetF, and so does my DF most of the time....but MIL does not!!:mad: !! I have never let Codie just cry, and if I ever find that Pete or his mother does there will be hell to pay!

[reAllytee]

Im always in trouble from my MIL about not "letting bubs cry" in her words "im spoiling him" & the ever popular "im making the rod" pfffft !
She even told myself & my partner off for picking him up instantly when she visited once we came home from hospital saying it was "silly" & the "he needs to cry"
WTH ?!?!??!!? He was 5 days old !!!!!!!!!! :eek:
I dread to think of what she did to my partner as a babe :(

[Nickster]

My DH and I really don't see there is any other way to raise our child. We decided that if we were both new little people in the world who couldn't speak for ourselves and to whom Mummy (and Daddy) was everything, how could we ever deny ourselves to her? Wouldn't we want to be treated with love and empathy and understanding, while we figured out just how this world works? Wouldn't the warmth and reassurance of Mummy/Daddy's arms mean everything to us?

He is the one who put a stop to our attempt to do controlled crying when Libby was 6 months old - she was in tears, I was in tears, and he was pacing like a caged tiger. He was the one who said "enough - no more" and he is the one who will put her back to sleep if I am tired. He is the one who always give her a cuddle when she stretches her arms out to him, and will get down on her level and play the silliest games with her.

Like Harry's mum said, we also talk about our parenting and decide on things together. We always discuss other people's parenting styles and breathe a big sigh of relief that we are in total accord with each other as far as this is concerned.

Like Keara's DH, he also will defend our parenting style - even to our own family if necessary. Fortunately they've given up telling me she needs to be on "four-hourly feeds" and that it won't hurt her to cry herself back to sleep in the middle of the night, although I think I shocked my mum recently telling her I've started co-sleeping with Libby.:D

However you want to label it, I just think it's really important to follow your instincts when it comes to your child, and to treat them with respect and empathy and allow them dignity.:)

[Frazzled]

Sorry, this may be really dumb, but what do you mean by these terms?

Ta, Kate

[JanetF]

Which terms? Can you be specific? :)

[reAllytee]

My DH and I really don't see there is any other way to raise our e is the one who put a stop to our attempt to do controlled crying when Libby was 6 months old - she was in tears, I was in tears, and he was pacing like a caged tiger. Hechild. We decided that if we were both new little people in the world who couldn't speak for ourselves and to whom Mummy (and Daddy) was everything, how could we ever deny ourselves to her? Wouldn't we want to be treated with love and empathy and understanding, while we figured out just how this world works? Wouldn't the warmth and reassurance of Mummy/Daddy's arms mean everything to us?
Yep i totally agree & so does my partner luck us hey :D

Like Harry's mum said, we also talk about our parenting and decide on things together. We always discuss other people's parenting styles and breathe a big sigh of relief that we are in total accord with each other as far as this is concerned.
Again same here heh

Like Keara's DH, he also will defend our parenting style - even to our own family if necessary. Fortunately they've given up telling me she needs to be on "four-hourly feeds" and that it won't hurt her to cry herself back to sleep in the middle of the night, although I think I shocked my mum recently telling her I've started co-sleeping with Libby.:D
Hahahah yeah my partner has said some rather interesting things back to his mother tis great so i just sit back & smile !
I never said anything to anyone when i was co-sleeping didnt last long as bubs decided he had enough but im now so going to say to my MIL or Nan we are if they harass me yet again about how i raise MY son !!!!

However you want to label it, I just think it's really important to follow your instincts when it comes to your child, and to treat them with respect and empathy and allow them dignity.:)
How well put :D



KateP - Its called attached parenting there is another thread currently talking about what it means etc.

[Frazzled]

Thankx ally, i did see the other thread after that last post. Understand. This is where we fit in and my DH is very very supportive, as is my mum as this is they way we were all raised.

What concerns me are the health organisations that are promoting practices like control crying etc... I have to say it is very very confusing for new parents as there is so much conflicting advice, but this 'disciplined' strain seems to be the so called best...

[reAllytee]

KateP - CC can be a good alternative for those who feel it works for them i cant really say i like the idea but anyways the main problem with it is that its only meant to be used as of 6mths+ yet some places are promoting it from birth which is really scary :eek: & even using extreme forms of it which is even scarier IMO.
But i agree its hard especially when its your first bub & your trying to do the right thing etc & there are so many conflicting pieces of info & so many different people trying to "help" including the little old ladies in the shopping centre :rolleyes:
I now know to trust my instincts !!!!
I shouldve gone with them so many times but felt that maybe i was wrong as i was inexperienced etc yet when it comes down to it all i should have known better.

[Goosie22]

I discovered A/P after getting the internet also, We had been parenting that way and thought that it was just what everyone did apart from the noncaring;) All my girlfriends parent this way maybe its because I have a very multicultural group of friends and have Hipi parents. I think I choose to parent this way because I saw the benifits in my friends kids (some of my friends have 18year olds I was a late starter) My husband was parented totally differently his parents had a Dairy farm is Mt Gambier SA and they view their children with sufferance he rarely gets a call and our children don't warrent a mention above their travels......... I think that is sad:( and so does my husband he has made an effort to join me in raising our children.:)

[the_queen]

I'm like Goosie, I only discovered the "rules" of AP since I've been pregnant this time around, but have basically practiced this kind of parenting with Vallerie her whole life. It just seems to make sense!
My DH is kinda distant in most regards, but that just means he leaves the parenting up to me.
He gets grumpy when he's tired, so co-sleeping with Vallerie has kinda come to an end :( but she goes to sleep in our bed at night, then he puts her into her bed, then she comes into bed with us in the morning, so it's half-co-sleeping LOL... our bed is only a double, and with my belly expanding so fast, there's hardly enough room for him anymore, let alone Vally!!! He is very happy with the side-car arrangement I've set up with the cot, he agree's with me that a baby should be near it's mother all the time in the first year of life.
He's supportive of me getting a sling this time around (with Vallerie I just held her all the time, or had her in a bjorn-style carrier).
He fully supports extended breastfeeding (probably because it's free! But to me, his reasoning doesn't matter, as long as he agree's with me...)
He fully supports cloth nappies, mainly again because I won't be spending $30 a week on sposies!!
And when I tentatively brought up the subject of circumcision recently, he said "NO WAY!! That makes your d**k smaller!!!! I'm not doing that to any son of mine!!!" :rolleyes: LOL
He's never smacked Vallerie, he thinks physical punishment is unnecessary. He won't "discuss" parenting with me, but he follows my lead re: discipline. I hear him talking to her in the same way I do, IYKWIM.

Oh, and the most important thing, which neither he nor I got much of from our own parents: Every single day he gives her a big cuddle (their "thing" is "a big squeeze") and tells her he loves her, and that she's his "little chooky" (LOL his pet name for her). We totally agree that the most important aspect of parenting is to LOVE your child with all your heart, and to SHOW them daily that you love them.

Mainstream parenting can be a bit silly sometimes. It's pretty obvious to me that less cuddles=clingy child who is desperate for cuddles
and
more cuddles=child who knows without a doubt she is loved, and is worthy of love.

:D (I love being a mum!!)

[JanetF]

Welcome aboard, Kate :) CC is a ******** practice IMO no matter when it's perpetrated on a child. People are going to look at our mainstream parenting practices in 50 years and know that it's what has caused so much emotional pain for those who will be adults with their own children by then.

[Foxymoron]

I agree, CC is damaging at any age. I can't understand where the magical figure of 6 months comes from? Babies brains are being hardwired in those first years, and it's important for them to develop secure attachment, and have thier emotional needs met. Thankfully the broader medical community is beginning to make noise about the dangers of CC. Hopefully we will eventually see the standard advice changed, and the way in which parents are supported through sleeping difficulties changed dramatically. I think the current system sets parents up to have unrealistic expectations of an infants sleep patterns, and I think the loss of the extended family and the isolation of mothers in general is a huge contributing factor to the prevalence of CC.

[JanetF]

What Keara said :) Some of the centres in QLD which previously taught CC have stopped doing it, and there is great govt advice in WA which recommends parents cosleep, sling and pick babies up as soon as they cry! Now we just have to get the other states to catch on :) If only we could weed out the socalled sleep trainers who are lying to parents to make money from them :mad:

[reAllytee]

As my mum said when she went to one of the sleep type clinics with me as a babe of around 6mths who wasnt sleeping or the likes. " I would love to see them try to walk away from a screaming howling child who can escape from her cot anyways & come into our room crying for me & just keep putting her back into her cot saying " its sleep time go to sleep" & repeating this process for days & nites on end & not being at their wits end !" As my mum said after 1 nite of this she put me straight into bed with her & my dad & that was the end of it & i stayed till i was 6yrs old !
My mother also made a good point the other day that "Isnt it funny how these so called "experts" on sleep techniques & the likes are either childless women or men !!!"
HOW VERY TRUE !!!!!
Heheheheheh :rolleyes:

[Goosie22]

Allyoo said

Isnt it funny how these so called "experts" on sleep techniques & the likes are either childless women or men!!!

thanks Allyoo that hits the nail on the head ~ Its the jolk of the century?

[Rainbowbrite]

My DH is great & supports my decisions.

He loves co-sleeping - He hates the idea of MJ being in her own room, knows she belongs in with us.

He loves babywearing - we have had fights over who carry's her :p

He would never leave her to cry - its too painful for us to hear.

We didnt know about AP till we came on here & it just seems so right for us. There IS NO OTHER WAY :D

RB

[H&B'sMum]

There IS NO OTHER WAY :DRB

Not that I no of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D;):)

[nut]

Hi Y'all! Just thought I'd let you know that DH and I are wholehearted believers in AP and have been passionate about it since I was pregnant. So far so good with the way DS is growing and developing. We're thrilled with our choices.:)

[JanetF]

Lovely to hear :) I dreaded some parts of parenting before I had a baby because everyone talked about how laborious and difficult it was but I think it's much more likely to be like that if you constantly fight with your child's biology. It's been largely blissful for us :)