what would u do if a married guy hit on you?

[the_original_duchess]

just wondering, coz i have this really great mate, who ive been friends with for years, and since grant and i ahve split, he has been flirting with me like its going outa fashion, and altho its wrong, some part of me likes the attention.
we have been friends forever, and i know i'd never make a move, or recipricate anything but is it wrong for me to be enjoying the attention.
i will tell him to stop, i have to, but i think i might wait a day or two first.

[scorpio83]

Make it clear that you aren't going to be more than a friend, then enjoy the attention! ;)

[Pixie]

why are you going to wait a day or two?
I personally would tell him straight, and distance myself. Even though you are friends, if his wife finds out she might get upset you didn't say anything sooner. JMO

[Issey]

if your friend is married he should be paying that sort of attention to his wife not you sorry if that sounds mean or whatever.

Thats where my problems began....

I would encourage him to do nice things for his wife & I am sure she will return the favour to him, sure enjoy the attention but direct his thoughts back to where they should be. Thats what a friend would do, in my mind anyway. :thumbsup:

[neostudded]

If he is hitting on you when he has a wife, how trustworthy would he be as a partner anyway?

[the_original_duchess]

im sooo not interested in him that way. its just nice to feel attractive again KWIM? will tell him to stop tho. i would hate it if my husband did that while we were together.
thanks for the advice girls.
Danielle

[rynosmum]

I'm confused. We see threads here on this same topic every day.

If someone's husband pays attention to another woman, we would expect her to tell him to back off. If she enjoyed it and let it happen, I can only imagine what everyone would think of her.

Yet, if someone's husband pays attention to us....the story is different?

Marriage is sacred. A married man who flirts with others is a coward imo. He doesn't have the spine to break it off with his wife and save her some dignity. How would she feel if she found out that her hubby was doing this and you were letting it continue?

He's married. Tell him to respect his wife and bugger off.

[Kizmet]

why are you going to wait a day or two?
I personally would tell him straight, and distance myself. Even though you are friends, if his wife finds out she might get upset you didn't say anything sooner. JMO

very much agree with you Nat :yelclap: The fact that it is going on at all at the moment is already unfair to his wife so I would put a stop to it immediately.

As far as enjoying it goes, we all love getting attention and I can understand you enjoying it but it's the wrong kind of attention IYKWIM

[Kizmet]

I'm confused. We see threads here on this same topic every day.

If someone's husband pays attention to another woman, we would expect her to tell him to back off. If she enjoyed it and let it happen, I can only imagine what everyone would think of her.

Yet, if someone's husband pays attention to us....the story is different?

Marriage is sacred. A married man who flirts with others is a coward imo. He doesn't have the spine to break it off with his wife and save her some dignity. How would she feel if she found out that her hubby was doing this and you were letting it continue?

He's married. Tell him to respect his wife and bugger off.

:smiliedance: Go Rynosmum, you said what I wanted to but couldn't articulate :smiliedance:

[Samaras Mummy]

If he is hitting on you when he has a wife, how trustworthy would he be as a partner anyway?


I agree :yes:.

[neostudded]

rynosmum worded It pretty well, If My DP was to hit on to another woman, I would really hope she would tell him where to go.I wish everyone just did that and made it harder for all the Jerks out there who dont take commitment seriously.
A close friends DP tryed to hit on me recently I discouraged him & made it clear it was wrong, he got the point.I feel so bad when I think about it, and I didnt even do anything wrong.

[Trumpet]

I would keep asking him how is Wife is? and where is she?

[*munchkin*]

He's married. Tell him to respect his wife and bugger off.
I agree. Given your recent experience, it is understandable that you enjoy feeling desirable. But to get that from a married man is...dangerous IYKWIM? It's where bad things start - with innocent flirting etc.

[ashleerose]

When i was 'married' to my ex, i unfortunately knew that my ex was cheating on me (well actually i was in denial) but after awhile reality set in (that and the constant disrespect that he had towards me and our two children).

Within a week of the kids and i fleeing for our lives he got with the thing up the road from us.

Meanwhile, he was on the phone begging me to come back he loved me blah,blah, blah.

Fast forward to family law court (she turns up with him and has even dyed her hair the same as mine and attempted to style her hair the same etc).

Out of 7 supervised visits with my ex he only turned up for one and a half.

On both occassions he tried to win me back meanwhile the 'thing' would be on the phone and calling him to check every five mins and of course saying 'i love you' and he would reply 'i do too' meanwhile trying to get back with me.

This was the biggest reality check that i have ever had (and in a way i thank him for showing me just how low he really is). It gave me an insight into just what he really is, and more than ever confirmed my beliefs that he cheated on me during our relationship.

It makes me happy now to think that 'the thing' and everyone in the street knew just how bad he treated me and yet she still decided to get with him and not long ago have a child to him, and now probably spends half her time paranoid that he is doing to her what he did to me and by all accounts its not a happy realationship because she is so insecure and bossy (something i never was).

Married men, that cheat are simply not men and dont appeal to me in anyway, in fact if one were to hit on me i would immediately tell him where to go.

As not only is he not respecting you he is not respecting his wife and kids and YOU deserve so much better than that.

[SweetSerenity]

I had actually had this happen to me personally not too long ago, but I dont have a long history of being friends or anything with this man.

I wont go into to much detail but in the end he was doing things that a husband should not be doing with any single/taken female friend (even though I'm not technically his friend). Not physical things or anything, but just the way he would talk to me and how often he talked to me.

In the end I was most definately not comfortable with it and gave the cold shoulder. I stopped contact and ignored him.

As much as the attention's good, it's not good coming from a married man :no: You don't want talk to start and you get yourself a reputation even if you don't do anything, but you know how harsh gossip can be :yes:

[the_original_duchess]

i told him last night that it was getting a bit much, and that he should respect his partner enough to stop. he agreed and said that he wouldnt do it again. just hope that he does stop, if not i think i'll have to cut contact wit my friend.
it sux coz we've been friends for so long. but i just cant be the type of person to let it keep going on. its nice to ahve attention, but not the wrong kind. and i realise now, that this is the wrong kind.
thanks again for your words of wisdom ladies.
Danielle

[*munchkin*]

Good for you Danielle :thumbsup:

[neostudded]

Good on you danielle Iam sure it must have been hard to do, but you did the right thing.:thumbsup:

[the_original_duchess]

Good on you danielle Iam sure it must have been hard to do, but you did the right thing.:thumbsup:

nah hun not hard at all. it was the right thing to do. i'd rather do that then feel bad about it later. would have been hard if i didnt do anything about it.

[Areca]

I'm confused. We see threads here on this same topic every day.

If someone's husband pays attention to another woman, we would expect her to tell him to back off. If she enjoyed it and let it happen, I can only imagine what everyone would think of her.

Yet, if someone's husband pays attention to us....the story is different?

Marriage is sacred. A married man who flirts with others is a coward imo. He doesn't have the spine to break it off with his wife and save her some dignity. How would she feel if she found out that her hubby was doing this and you were letting it continue?

He's married. Tell him to respect his wife and bugger off.

Well said!

That guy wouldn't even be my friend anymore. If he can be that shallow a person when it comes to his wife, the person he is supposed to love and care about more than anything in the world then it doesn't sound like he would make too good a friend anyway. Yes marriages split up but if he was a decent guy he would end his marriage before he started hitting on other women.

[*munchkin*]

You know what gets me Danielle? (possibly heading off track from your original post, but I feel annoyed)

The fact that he seemed to think that as soon as you were 'single' that you would be interested in cheating with a married man?!! What's with that?

As a single woman, I go out of my way to ensure that my friends never feel like I'm 'over-friendly' with their husbands. I'm probably even slightly paranoid about it, cause I don't want it to ever feel uncomfortable hanging out with married couples.

Anyway, just wanted to add that. I think that guy is a jerk!

[Mummaof2]

I would tell him not to bother and keep on walking.

Allowing a married man to hit on me and know that he was married would make me just as bad as my ex who cheated on me.

I would never put myself in that position even if the attention was nice. I would prefer no attention then to get the attention from a married man who should be giving all his attention to his wife and family (if they have kids)

[Snuffys Mum]

I had this happen to me a few years ago. I ran into a (married) friend out on the town one night. He'd had a few drinks and he kept trying to hit one me. I actually walked him to a cab, put him in it and told him to go home to his wife. He rang me the next day, very embarassed, to thank me for stopping him from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Like you said Danielle, attention is great but only the right kind.

[SamanthaJane]

I would tell him to get F%&$#@... I would never be knowingly involved with the breakdown of marriage. It's just not fair.

[Pobblebonk]

What would I do if I was being hit on by a married man? Or ANY man in a relationship with another woman?

Run. Fast. In the other direction.

[zenifa]

Want to hear something weird? I'm happily married and six months pregnant with my 2nd baby and a married colleague of mine has been flirting intensely and tried to hit on me:eek: I found the whole thing so ludicrous, its had me in stitches :laughing: for weeks, even my DH laughed about it. Rather than get annoyed, it just made me laugh:laughing: .....as if!!
There is no way :shame: I would ruin his marriage nor mine, I'm quite happy as I am thankyou!!

[popcorn]

first, id do this :smiliedance: coz it means i still got it(whatever it is) then id deal with it:laughing:

[proud_mama]

If he is hitting on you when he has a wife, how trustworthy would he be as a partner anyway?

I agree :yes:

[Hector]

You know what gets me Danielle? (possibly heading off track from your original post, but I feel annoyed)

The fact that he seemed to think that as soon as you were 'single' that you would be interested in cheating with a married man?!! What's with that?

As a single woman, I go out of my way to ensure that my friends never feel like I'm 'over-friendly' with their husbands. I'm probably even slightly paranoid about it, cause I don't want it to ever feel uncomfortable hanging out with married couples.

Anyway, just wanted to add that. I think that guy is a jerk!

Yeah I've noticed this as well - used to notice it more before I was a single Mum tho, lol! Only ever happened to me once tho - I was in the midst of an on-again, off-again thingy with Mr Peter Pan (argh! the perpetual child!) and during an 'off-again' I ran into his bro-in-law at a bar, who I promptly befriended and chatted to for ages (because I was keen to hear any bit of goss about Peter Pan, of course!). This loser decided it was a come on, and after a couple hours he separated me from the group and started hounding me to come outside with him!!!! :eek: Given I thought he was going to become part of my extended family in future, I tried to be tactful and not kick him in the beejeebies at once, but he kept at it! He even started pleading 'just for a kiss' etc. What the hell??? I knew his wife had just announced that they were preggers after YEARS of m/c and trying, he was home on a sort of shore leave, she was in a house down the road and his father-in-law was only a few tables away!!!!!

Absolutely disgusting. I told Mr Peter Pan about it later and he was horrified. The thing that always annoyed me (apart from the obvious...she was PREGNANT YOU ****!) was this guy's complete surprise when I said no, and also knowing that if anything HAD happened (never never never never never btw!) people would mostly assume it was ME who was to blame.

Good to hear, Danielle. You'll don't deserve these sorts of sloppy seconds anyway, even if it IS nice to attract attention for half a minute!! You should be getting attention from someone who is free to give you what you need anyhoo an here's hopin he comes along!

[Chanelc]

Agree if he is checking you out to the point he is hitting on you & flirting I think you need to tell him it isn't appropriate. It definitely shows the partner that he would be looking at other women but his own not the type of man I consider worthy of my attention

[Acacia]

I would lose all respect for him.....men like that make me sooooo angry.