Settling Problems

[lil monkey]

Hiya.

I am having problems with settling my littlie who is nearly 7 weeks old. She suffers from wind problems and this can either stop her from sleeping or break her sleeping and sometimes won't sleep for up to 14 hours! :( . but, when tayla has a good day and doesn't have too much wind, she will not sleep between feeds meaning she will be awake for at least 4 hours straight. the thing is she doesn't show the 'official' tired signs by yawning etc and is very alert. We have tried singing, going to a quiet and dark room, going for a walk etc but nothing seems to get her to settle so we end up rocking her in the chair for up to an hour sometimes before she goes to sleep!

Does anyone else out there have problems with settling their babies and have any advice?

Taylas Mum

[jessica]

Hi,

At that age swaddling/wrapping SOMETIMES worked for us combined with rocking - I often found myself glued into my rocking chair!! If things got too bad often just a new set of 'daddy hands' seemed to work wonders! I guess she sensed me getting tired and frustrated!

Its a difficult but precious time - good luck! ;)

[lil monkey]

Thanks Jessica.

Unfortunately for us, Tayla HATES been wrapped up tightly - since she was born, she has had to have her arms out and sleeps with them over her head. The midwives tried desperately to wrap her tightly but she would always somehow get her arms out!

I guess we just stick to the rocking chair and her sleeping in the bed next to one of us! :cool:

[lilsmum]

Hi Taylasmum,

Have you tried putting her in a sleeping bag, one of the fleecy ones (now that it's getting colder), they tend to feel secure, like wrapping but it allows them to move and not feel so restricted.

I also changed areas where my DD would sleep, this is quite common apparently, some babies don't like where they are positioned to sleep, it is a matter of trying things for a couple of days to see what works, if it does :confused:

Hope this helps :)

[Chickadee]

A settling "guru" came and talked to my mother's group and made some suggestions. The method she suggested, and it worked for me when dd was around 3 months, had several parts:

- let them yell, it gets rid of energy. Just keep repeating to yourself, crying is good. Talk to them firmly and assertively - no pleading tones! - and a quiet voice will sometimes make them be quieter just so they can listen.

- put them in their bed and pat their bum quite firmly instead of holding and rocking them. It gives them a similar motion to rocking, but avoids having that terrible moment of finally getting them to sleep in your arms and then having them wake up as you try to ease them back into bed. You can gradually reduce the frequency of the patting as they calm down and drop off. (I started with a double beat, then single, and then a slower single beat)

- sing a drone to them. Not words, just a low tone over and over: naaaah naaaah. Imitate a creaking door. Eventually you may find they start copying you and singing themselves to sleep, and if they wake up in the night they can sing themselves back to sleep (yay!). You may feel very stupid, especially out in public, but it works.

To do the bum patting it's easiest if bub is on their side (you can roll them onto their back after they're asleep). Hold them by the shoulder/arm quite firmly as you pat. If they really throw a fit then let go, stop patting and let them yell. Talk to them (assertively!) or pick them up if you need to (I found I stayed calmer if I let DD cry in her bed, if she was in my arms it made me more stressed and she could pick that up from my body and tone of voice). If you listen closely to the screaming you may notice that it hits a peak and then very slowly winds back down as they tire themselves out. Once it's peaked they're ready to listen and you can restart the patting.

My dd was similar to yours, rarely showing classical tired signs, or maybe I was missing them. I started the patting and "naah naaah" routine every nap and sleep and started seeing a change after only a few days. The first couple days I would be in there stupidly droning to her for 10 or 15 minutes while she yelled. By the end of the first week she started to know that the routine of being put in her cot and bum patting meant sleep time. She started the naaah naah on her own a bit. Within a month I could put her down, pat her bum 3 times and leave the room. She'd babble to herself, maybe cry a little but usually only 2 or 3 min, and then go to sleep. Occassionally she'd be overtired and the crying would get a "hysterical" tone and I would have to go in and calm her and do some longer bum patting, but I tried to avoid repeated returns to her bed.

I hope you have some luck soon so YOU can get some sleep! You could also just try wrapping from the chest down, and leave her arms free.

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi MarthaM

My settling guru as you call it - I call her a baby whisperer! - must use the same techniciques because I was basically taught the same...except not to pat till Lachlan was actually asleep...just settled. But she did tell me about the crying and pitches etc.

Funny you should say about the singing (of sorts) because even though Lachlan has been putting himself to sleep (and back to sleep) for some months now, he recently had a cold and since then we can actually hear him (small house) at night putting himself to sleep and back to sleep at all hours...with a constant rhythmical droning....so they do learn! ;)

[Chickadee]

...except not to pat till Lachlan was actually asleep...just settled.



You're right! We were told the same and I did it that way, just patting to settle and not completely to sleep. My bad memory :o

[PearlHobbes]

So good to see that I am not alone. My little 4 week old Lily has just spent the last 7 hours in my arms to keep us both sane, she too has wind problems and doesnt settle and is really fussy often at the breast that I only get 5 - 10 mins sometimes one side before she is either asleep for 10mins without being able to rouse her or she is really upset. Sanity please return..... I will try your whisperer techniques with the naaah naaah etc as cross your fingers i will get a break soon.

Thanks
Lily's mum Heather :o

[Izzys'mum]

Hi taylas mum

My baby girl had wind problems also. I tried all sorts of things i found the best thing that worked for us was Infants Friend. You can buy it from any chemist. Hope everything works out for you and bubs! :)

[lil monkey]

A settling "guru" came and talked to my mother's group and made some suggestions. The method she suggested, and it worked for me when dd was around 3 months, had several parts:

- let them yell, it gets rid of energy. Just keep repeating to yourself, crying is good. Talk to them firmly and assertively - no pleading tones! - and a quiet voice will sometimes make them be quieter just so they can listen.

- put them in their bed and pat their bum quite firmly instead of holding and rocking them. It gives them a similar motion to rocking, but avoids having that terrible moment of finally getting them to sleep in your arms and then having them wake up as you try to ease them back into bed. You can gradually reduce the frequency of the patting as they calm down and drop off. (I started with a double beat, then single, and then a slower single beat)

- sing a drone to them. Not words, just a low tone over and over: naaaah naaaah. Imitate a creaking door. Eventually you may find they start copying you and singing themselves to sleep, and if they wake up in the night they can sing themselves back to sleep (yay!). You may feel very stupid, especially out in public, but it works.

To do the bum patting it's easiest if bub is on their side (you can roll them onto their back after they're asleep). Hold them by the shoulder/arm quite firmly as you pat. If they really throw a fit then let go, stop patting and let them yell. Talk to them (assertively!) or pick them up if you need to (I found I stayed calmer if I let DD cry in her bed, if she was in my arms it made me more stressed and she could pick that up from my body and tone of voice). If you listen closely to the screaming you may notice that it hits a peak and then very slowly winds back down as they tire themselves out. Once it's peaked they're ready to listen and you can restart the patting.

My dd was similar to yours, rarely showing classical tired signs, or maybe I was missing them. I started the patting and "naah naaah" routine every nap and sleep and started seeing a change after only a few days. The first couple days I would be in there stupidly droning to her for 10 or 15 minutes while she yelled. By the end of the first week she started to know that the routine of being put in her cot and bum patting meant sleep time. She started the naaah naah on her own a bit. Within a month I could put her down, pat her bum 3 times and leave the room. She'd babble to herself, maybe cry a little but usually only 2 or 3 min, and then go to sleep. Occassionally she'd be overtired and the crying would get a "hysterical" tone and I would have to go in and calm her and do some longer bum patting, but I tried to avoid repeated returns to her bed.

I hope you have some luck soon so YOU can get some sleep! You could also just try wrapping from the chest down, and leave her arms free.

Hi MarthaM

I noticed you are also in Perth - where can I get hold of one of these 'settling' gurus?? We went to Ngala for a day stay and she has ended up worse and really having problems with going to sleep!! The source of her wind was actually reflux so she is now on medication for that which has drastically helped but she still fights going to sleep!!

[Chickadee]

Taylasmum - I sent you a private message with the woman's contact details. Let me know how it turns out.

I didn't feel comfortable posting her phone numbers in a public forum, but if anyone else is in Perth and wants them just let me know.

Heather - I hope the technique works. It can take a little time. I remember being very frustrated at first. I'd pat and sing till she was nearly asleep and then the minute I stopped she'd be screaming again and I'd have to start the whole process over. & I felt under a deadline as she was starting daycare in a month and I knew her carer wouldn't have time to stand and pat her bum for 30 minutes! Patience won and it was worth it but it was hard at the time. I know there are some other great settling tricks out there too, so if this one doesn't work just keep looking and demanding help till you find what works.

[ToTeenyTots]

Hi Talorsmum,
I found this site while looking through the internet for anything I could find to help me get my 31/2 month old baby girl to sleep. Your message hit home as Tashie was exactly the same and still is to some degree. I found that infacol [from the chemist} really helped the wind problem as Tashie would wake herself with her lower wind. I was looking at trying controlled cryiing to help with lack of sleep but as I have no support base to help me I was reluctant. About 3 days I decided to try swaddling Tash again, she has hated it from birth and just yells instantly, As I expected she started screaming I just sat there not rocking or soothing in anyway and in literally 2 mins she was asleep. It was hard to listen to for those 2 mins but it has worked ever since and hopefully will continue to. Just now I held her till she calmed down the was able to put her in her bed still drowsy and leave her to finish putting herself to sleep. I hope you get some hope out of this and best of luck.

[jakeysmum]

Hi,
I am new to this site (today actually). My son (16months) was a very difficult sleeper when he was little. After a week at Ngala when he was 9 months, we sorted his sleeping pattern out and Jacob slept beautifully every night from 7.30 until 5am (had a bottle, then went back to sleep until 7am).
That is until 4 weeks ago when he started to wake at 11 - 12 for a bottle. Now he wakes regularly, screams until I go in and rock him . I have tried to let him resettle without walking/rocking him, but at this age he is a very determined little boy. My husband and I have decided it's time for serious interventions and again I have sought advice from Ngala. They pretty much advised me to use the same routine the baby guru you spoke of did, however as I too am in Perth I am very interested in speaking with her. Are you able to email me her details?
Thankyou and good luck to all you mums and dads in the same boat as us.

[Chickadee]

Jakeysmum: You should have a private message. Good luck, and let me know how it turns out!

As a note, I still give cuddles and will take my daughter out of her cot when she wakes in the night and her crying has that hysterical/fear/panic tone. My only rule when she doesn't quickly calm with a cuddle is that she doesn't leave the room. And she definitely wants OUT sometimes, back to lights and fun. I'll sit on the floor talking or singing in the dark while she yells and bangs on the door or sits on the floor away from me. Within a few minutes she comes for a cuddle, even if it's a squirmy one, and I'll bum pat then. Once she's calmed we do always end with a few pats on her bum as she goes into her cot. And she always has her comfort items in her bed: Bear, dummy, and a baby washcloth that she likes to hold (excellent comfort item btw, small and you can buy a dozen and rotate them as they get grotty). But her night waking isn't a routine thing every night - if it was I'd probably be looking for help. I guess my only point is that you might find that a variation of cuddles, rocking and patting is needed to suit Jakey, so don't hesitate to trust your instinct.

Good luck.