View Full Version : Does anyone willingly ring their MIL for a chat?
MammaMia
17-01-2006, 21:21
I was just wondering...
is there anyone that rings their MIL regularly of their own free will?
I don't - never have done, probably never will.
But I was thinking today as I folded washing (a mountain of washing hence my mind was thinking of all manner of boring things) that I never call my MIL. And then I started thinking: does anyone call their MIL other than for a specific purpose?
Am I the only bad daughter-in-law? Is my MIL right when she has told me that I should be calling her?
Please tell me I am not alone.
Signed
But what would I talk to her about if I am not able to tell her that she is wise and wonderful?
Frazzled
17-01-2006, 21:24
I rang mine tonight, but only cause we had to chat about DH's bday this weekend. It was actually better than i thought it would be. but no - have never called just to chat... about what ???
i feel ur pain!
In 8 years I have never ever called her...and don't intend to visiting twice a month is enough chatting time for me lol
Cheekychops
17-01-2006, 21:30
I think I am really lucky!!! I get on well with my MIL. Although she lives 14 hours away - that might help, but I ring and chat with her and vice versa and we msn chat regularly. She is great. Doesn't judge or try and tell how to do things. She tells me stories of course of when she had kids and stuff, but never tries to press her ideas onto me. My mother on the other hand?!?.......whole new thread!!!!!
aardvark
17-01-2006, 21:50
Hell no!!!
And we screen our calls so we can avoid her if she were to happen to call here, too!
I'm not sure who wants the least to do with her - DH, my eldest daughter, me, or the 5 year old - it'd be neck and neck as to who is most keen to avoid her.
I ring my MIL every second day or so,she's been my 'other mum' for 16 years and I love her as if she were my own Mum and I know the feeling is mutual. I honestly don't know what I do without her :(
I don't really know mine that well as we don't speak the same language, so that gets me out of that situation :p
But occasionally my DF makes me say a few words to her, I manage to string 2-3 words together before I have to hand the phone back.
I don't call mine unless i have a reason! I love her to death, i just don't need to call her i guess! She calls everytime there's anything new to tell us so we chat often enough.
My mum, on the other hand, i speak to every day! Hmmm
lukaelmo
18-01-2006, 06:04
My MIL and FIL are both really lovely people. I don't really ring them though, although I do suggest to DP once in a while that we take little dude over there for dinner, as MIL is a great cook!
No calling the MIL for me either. If she calls I try to chat to her before handing the phone on to DH. If DH is not home I often use the kids as an excuse to get off the phone. How bad am I:rolleyes:
MammaMia
18-01-2006, 06:59
I'd love to have a MIL I could chat with - must make it one of missions in life to not end up being a MIL that no-one wants to talk to.;)
MilkOnTap
18-01-2006, 07:23
Hell no!!!
Damn straight - never call my MIL. Dont call ANY of the in-laws since they abused me for letting DH's aunt live with us. Yeah - dont ask.
I don't really call my MIL to chat, but I do pop around if I'm down her way sometimes, and I talk to her on MSN most days :D I have a great relationship with her.
It's a bit sad, but I talk to her more than I talk to my dad's partner (who I've known longer)
I don't call my MIL unless i really really have to then sometime's i wait until DH get's home and i get him to do it! As for dropping in.
I'd love to have a MIL I could chat with - must make it one of missions in life to not end up being a MIL that no-one wants to talk to.;)
You can have mine :P
Yep I pray everyday I don't become like that should I someone put me out of my misery!
Shazbutt
18-01-2006, 08:01
I don't call mine unless there's something specific....not cos i don't like her etc, just that she could talk underwater with marbles in her mouth! LOL! What is supposed to be a quick description of something turns into what she did in the few hours before she did whatever it was, or how she came to use a specific piece of material for something she sewed......as per yesterday's phone call. :rolleyes:
Aah, i shouldn't complain, i am glad i have a decent MIL...unlike some.....
:eek: Hell no!!! I also screen calls so that I don't have to speak,..though sometimes I get caught! Arrgghhhh!! The phone seems to ring differently when it is her,...an ominous deep 'ring, ring, ring'! We used to even (before we had number display on our phone) have a code that she didn't know,. everyone else would ring 3 times,hang up, then call again,.. hmmmm........really it would have been easier to give her the code to use!!!!!
moonblossom
18-01-2006, 08:30
The trick is ladies, to live in another state ROFLMAO. Yes i phone her, and shes a wonderful woman but shes always lived interstate so never had any problems with her.
Algernon
18-01-2006, 08:42
I married an Englishman...so my MIL is a long way away.
I do often prompt Hubby to ring his mother though and I don't mind talking to her in person (she is a lovely lady) ...but...she is also now in her 80s and quite deaf, so talking on the phone is one of those strained shouting affairs where you have to repeat everything 2 or 3 times before you give up.
It is still a nice relationship though - but I think that might be because I'm not that much older than her eldest grandchild and I get the impression that she thinks of me as a grandchild not a daughter-in-law.
:D
Evelyn (a.k.a Algernon)
I probably ring my MIL every night when she is not working and when she is working bout every 2nd or 3rd day. I get along with her a lot better then what I do with my own mother. (Mind you she ain't my MIL just yet.)
I'm laughing right now cause I'm really time wasting on BUBHUB when I'm supposed to be ringing my mil! lol She owns and manages finances on her property and my dh/her ds works on it and I do the book work, so I"m always ringing for work related stuff.
I moved in to my mil's house! She moved out but I always feel I'm being judged how things are done, where I moved things to and how the garden looks. She's really bossy and isn't afraid to say what she really thinks either, regardless of anyone's feelings! She's 4&1/2 hours away which is great but it means when she does come up it's for a week!!
Anyway I'm sure she'll be able to tell me all I'm doing wrong when we have our baby!
I love my mil ... in fact I have launched a campaign to see if she and fil will move here from NZ!
There are some topics that we don't agree on and she tends to tell me a bit about what I should be doing with the kids/finances/health etc, but over all she is pretty great!
We have hit it off since the first time we met ... I am older than their eldest son (by 4 years I think) and almost 9 years older than my dh and still, they had no problems as they liked me from the beginning.
We have the happiest marriage out of her kids and our kids are the most well behaved and polite, active and generally nicer to be around, so she thinks we are doing a wonderful job and relaxes when she comes to stay with us!
I don't call too often as she is a nurse and works shifts, but I do call just for a chat when I can.
Supermum
18-01-2006, 10:50
Another hell no!
I would rather stick bamboo under my fingernails than talk to my MIL.
She's like a mass carcinogen and I'm afraid that if I get too close ... even over the phone, some of the bad ju ju will rub off.
She doesn't call to talk to me either and I'm jiggy with that:p
My MIL is a nice person who is always there if we need here help, but DP hardly rings her, so I figure why should I? She's busy in her own life anyway
I'll talk to mine if she rings, but I think I"ve rung her maybe twice? Once when DH was AWOL (actually just sleeping with his mobile on silent!) and once on her birthday.
Nothing against her, we just dont' have much to talk about, after we talk about Andrew! And she only lives up the road, so we see her quite often anyway.
Maxs_MumMy
18-01-2006, 11:05
My MIL is great:D
We take it in turns each week to call one another, i speak with her for 40mins or so then hubby talks to his mum and dad after me.
They would move mountains for luke, Max and I and give us soo much support in everything we do.
It's great to have love, rather than tension i believe.
Peaceangels
18-01-2006, 11:12
I get on great with my MIL, but I don't call her on a regular basis for a "chat". I do however encourage DH to ring her once a week (after all it is his mother!) and I may have a chat with her then too.
We try and have them over for dinner once fortnightly and she occasionally minds the kids, so I would say we have our best "chat's" face to face and that suits us both fine.
I am very close to my mother and we speak every other day, but our relationship has always been like that.
I look at the whole "MIL" thing a bit differently now because I have two son's so I will be a MIL one day and I would like to think I would be the kind that a DIL would want to ring for a chat IYKWIM! :)
ThomasMum
18-01-2006, 11:28
My MIL is lovely, I don't call her on a regular chat but. She lives only an hour a away from us and we visit them often. She's my greatest support ever and she knows how I need her as all my family still live in the UK.
Whenever Joshua’s overseas for business and I couldn’t come she'd called me a million times each night just to make sure that every thing alright!
I agree with you Ness, someday we too will become "MIL" and I hope that I'm going to be a kind MIL and my DIL would loooove to hang out with me a lot he he, and I'm not hoping to become a Marie Baron of Everybody Loves Raymond lol :eek: :D
TM
YES YES YES:D I love my mil (&my fil) they are wonderful ppl. We live over the back from them so they regularly pop in & us to them. She is always on hand for advice & is so willing to help out with the girls (if i need to do something by myself - bank etc) I ring her at LEAST once a week but we see them at least 3 times a week (but that includes church on Sunday too) We have an ongoing joke that she is Marie from "everybody loves raymond" but shes not like that at all:)
She is defintly(sp?) not a bad MIL i feel really sorry for her she once had a DIL who was a rite pain the the butt! Oh i should add my mum only lives about 200meters down the road too & they will often pop over at the same time:eek: but i love it & feel so blessed to have her;)
On the topic of MIL what do you call you MIL? Do you call her Mum, use her first name or just try to avoid calling her anything (like I do).
Its not that I mean to be rude but she has never made me feel comfortable calling her by her name (she would prefer i call her Mum) and there is no way I'm calling her Mum.
It hardly ever comes up - I don't think I've ever needed to call her anything? But when I talk about her, I just call her by her first name. We're all adults. I have a mother, so to me it would be wrong to call her Mum as well. First names are fine I reckon.
I always refer to my mil by her first name. She asked me to use it from the first time we met.:)
I get cranky though cause she thinks it's hilarious if instead of saying daughter-in-law she tells people I'm her dil. Which makes me feel like a , well, dill!:mad:
Foxymoron
18-01-2006, 13:27
My mil is noice, I call her for a chat, I take her on family holidays with us, she's coming to the birth of this wee babe in my tummy :)
It wasn't always like this. I think it's easy for MIL's to annoy us and tread on our toes etc, especially when we are first defining the boundaries of the relationship.
But over the ten years she has been part of my life we've grown to love each other and it's nice. I don't bristle when she says something well meaning about the kids that may fly in the face of my reality lol....
ive never called my MIL but she did come over today when dh wasnt home... and suprisingly it wasnt that bad!
i call her by her first name... cant imagine calling her mum... but who knows it might happen one day! :rolleyes:
I call my IL's by their first names.
I try not to call MIL as her English is not really that good. You understand her better if you're in front of her, but then again I try to avoid that also.
It's not that I don't love her, she has done sooooo much for DH and I, but sometimes I am not really comfortable or in the mood for her, she tends to be overpowering at times with her European ways (no offence to any other Europeans :o ). You know....eat eat...why do you do that...you should do it like this.....when are you having babies blah blah blah. Being an Aussie, we just don't ask other ppl too many questions and keep to ourselves.
Then when the grand kiddies come along I will never be able to get rid of her......LOL
I never did, mainly because once you get her talking it is hard to shut her up!
However since having my 2 boys and realising one day I will probably be someone's mother-in-law I have made more of an effort and I have now rung her 3 times. Funnily enough I got the impression she wasn't really interested in talking to me anyway!
On the topic of MIL what do you call you MIL? Do you call her Mum, use her first name or just try to avoid calling her anything (like I do).
Its not that I mean to be rude but she has never made me feel comfortable calling her by her name (she would prefer i call her Mum) and there is no way I'm calling her Mum.
Are we the same person?!
I started by calling her "Mrs Mensforth" and I just can't quite stop calling her that. But I feel like an 8 year old, so I don't call her that, I just don't call her anything :eek: I dance around her name. Twice I've had to call out to her... that felt so wrong LOL When Nugget comes along I'll just start calling her Grandma ;)
My FIL I call "Kimmy" or "Kimmo" I have problems calling him Kim, I prefer to pretend I'm joking, or that I've come up with a secret nickname or something.
Yeah, I'm a strange one.
proudmummy
18-01-2006, 19:56
Never, ever call her. She dissaproved of me from the start and very nastily said so.:( In the twelve years DH and I have been together she would call and ask for him then all of a sudden when DS was born she'd want to talk to find out all about him.
Carmel Jane
21-01-2006, 18:32
I occasionally call my MIL, when I feel bad for not doing it and then I usually regret it. She's either depressed and complaining, or she's not interested in what I'm saying and only using me as an ear, or she's having a dig at me.
When she comes over she takes over the house immediately. She bosses me around and questions most choices I've made. I'm dreading it when the baby comes. I know she means well, and she means it in a loving way but geezz give me some air! DF disappears when his Mum comes over, always finds that task in the shed he has been meaning to do, leaving me to deal with the barrage - chicken!!
I am only 19 weeks pregnant and already she has bought a whole box full of baby stuff, things we won't need til the bubs a toddler, but if we don't use what she bought, I can hear the guilt trip now.
Every interaction I have with her reminds me to never be this way when I'm a MIL. My mum is so passive and really helps me, instead of leads me. Luckily they get along well.
I do love her, but she is so draining at the best of times. :rolleyes:
mumoftwoboys2005
23-01-2006, 13:37
I don't have a MIL. I wish I did. I love my FIL to bits though. I ring him all the time. He dropped everything and took holidays from his job a couple of weeks ago when DH fell at work and couldn't drive the truck. No work, no pay. He worked 15 hour days with DH overseeing so that we could keep afloat. I would not trade him for the world. Thank goodness he understands that myself, DH, and his sisters do not like his partner. She is very strange to say the least. I am not sure where she shops, but last Christmas I got a pair of trousers (2 sizes too big) with a tag on them that said 50c. Not to mention the fact that they were filthy. I look past that and hope to god that they never get married.
When he retires he is coming to live with us. That I don't mind, but if she comes too, I leave! At least he cleans up after himself. :)
fAiRyDrEaMs
23-01-2006, 14:00
I don't call mine unless there's something specific....not cos i don't like her etc, just that she could talk underwater with marbles in her mouth! LOL! What is supposed to be a quick description of something turns into what she did in the few hours before she did whatever it was, or how she came to use a specific piece of material for something she sewed......as per yesterday's phone call. :rolleyes:
Aah, i shouldn't complain, i am glad i have a decent MIL...unlike some.....
I could have writen this post Shaz! lol
I guess we can be grateful that we dont have ones like some of the girls have discribed lol
melfunction
23-01-2006, 14:03
Ummmmm, has hell frozen over yet??????
Supermum
23-01-2006, 14:11
Ummmmm, has hell frozen over yet??????
Not that I am aware of ... waiting for the same thing.:p
Crazy Monkey
23-01-2006, 14:28
No I don't call my MIL unless I have been instructed to by DH... Lovely person but just gets on my nerves, more so since DS arrived... Sometimes I screen my phone calls, when I think it might be her, or just take the phone off the hook (most people know to call my mobile if they need me)... My IL's don't really listen when we tell them not to do things with DS.. They dont stay for too long when they visit, so thats when I run around the house putting stuff away - the time goes by a lot quicker and I dont get as frustrated...
My aunty and her DIL have a fantastic relationship.. I hope that I can have a realtionship like there's with my DIL..in the very distant future..
nikikosh
23-01-2006, 19:05
I get on well with my MIL but I have never called her for just a chat. She looks after Joshua 2 days a week, so I talk to her then.
DH calls her, so he should as it is his family. He wouldn't call my parents for no reason so why should I have to call his.
I do, I feel very lucky. We chat every couple of days, and the IL's live 5mins up the road from us, so they call in quite regularly too. They have keys to the house too (coz they live so close that's where we leave the spares) - when I was pg, sometimes I'd come home from work and find all my washing done and folded and on the laundry bench, the house cleaned, and dinner freshly cooked and ready to heat and eat, and my fruit and veggie supply topped up.
She was over tonight and told me that I'm doing a great job with our 4wk old boy - which made me feel so good. Even though I don't need their approval, it's nice to know that my partner's family appreciate how I'm looking after their grandson.
FIL, SIL and BIL are great too. We all chat on msn during the day and have shared many bottles of red and lots of laughs. I feel totally blessed that dh's family are so welcoming and caring. I know it's a rarity and am very grateful.
Hunter's Mum
23-01-2006, 22:58
I think i am really lucky to get on so well with my MIL and FIL. I will always calls my MIL for a chat.. see how her day was, anything Hunter did i will call and tell her.. she is great. when i had DS she was here for a week and did the house work and helped me out.. always really supportive and never pushes her opinions on me.. will just offer advise when i ask.
we got on so well they are moving from Sydney to Canberra in March to help me out when i go back to work and to talk DS during the day. We both didn't want to leave DS in childcare and she would quit her job to help me. Really dont know what i would do without them...l love them like real parents (although i do still call the by their first names.)
Ummmmm, has hell frozen over yet??????
LOL not that I know of, I'm still waiting too ;)
Then again I just have a 'thing' about phones, I'd much rather talk in person, hate talking over the phone. My best friend is the same! :D
Amy
LoL...i have never rang MIL just for a chat...i rather be cleaning my house 10times over before thinking about sitting down and having a chat to MIL!!!
Never rung her for just a chat. I've only rung her once to thank her for a birthday present once.
The hubby doesn't ring her much either....she rings us often enough for us not to need to call her. ;)
Tan-mumof3
27-01-2006, 00:34
I ring my MIL sometimes just for a chat but the most of the time when i need to. Im lucky cos i have a fantastic MIL ans we get along great we also go there once a week for family dinner, it's nice to catch up with his whole family except my SIL as she lives in Derby. I have also dropped in to say hi and when she was upset and worried recently i went round with chocolates and a shoulder to cry on. But in saying that i also do the same if not more with my mum.
rynosmum
27-01-2006, 08:08
My MIL looks after DS in our home twice a week (I work full-time). While she's there she mops, vacuums and does all of the ironing. I make a point of having a good chat with her everytime she comes over.
We went through a tough patch early on where I was having trouble understanding that she didn't look after DS in the exact same manner that I did - she still doesn't. She isn't as strict on discipline and probably not as paranoid as me :o with his health (if he gets a rasah or temps etc). But I've relaxed a lot - she loves him to bits (and he adores her), she plays with him, changes him, dresses him, shares her lunch with him (always good food with fruit etc).
We don't ring each other and I'm sure that at times we both get on each others nerves but our lives are richer for having her in them.:)
Then again, I am human, dont even get me started on my ex-partners mother !!!:eek:
HoopDeeDoo
27-01-2006, 09:21
I love my MIL, and often call for a chat, or go and visit without DH.
Not so much recently as my SIL has been a bit funny about how close I'm getting to her mum.
My mum on the other hand I aviod as much as possible - she has a problem with anything and everything, and only rings when she wants something.
sonlou73
28-01-2006, 13:58
My MIL and I never call each other, never will. We rarely see her and the FIL, even though they only live 15 minutes away. I screen my calls and have even made up excuses why we can't see them! I have no relationship with her and I don't want one. Even when I was in labour with DS2 she called at home (to speak to DH) and I didn't tell her what was happening, she found out when DH called to say DS2 had arrived.
My poor DH loves his parents and he knows how I can't stand them. They didn't accept me until my DS1 was born, 2 weeks before DS1 was born she asked me out for a coffee, I declined - really it was too late for me as I'd been with DH for 6 years.
DH had to drag me there today, as soon as we got there I made an excuse to go to the shops, I was gone for 30 minutes and when I came back I had to leave after 5 minutes. DH is quite upset with me and me to him for getting me to go. I'm terrible as I know my sons' should be seeing the ILs more often. Dr Phil wouldn't be happy with me! Maybe I should get over it.... I just hope I have a good relationship with my DILs.
Melissa1983
28-01-2006, 14:00
Hell no. I will never call my MIL. She is a total B**th. She doesn't ring me either!
Cheeky Little Monkey
28-01-2006, 22:21
My MIL is great! I ring her and visit her regularly. Im lucky she is great as my x-MIL was a @###@. :p
stilldreaming
28-01-2006, 22:57
Nope! I don't think I have ever rang her in the 10 years that I have been with dh. She rings and talks to dh every weekend (lives in a different state) and I don't answer the phone.
When we do see each other we are civil.......but I think only because we have to be!:)
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