Known Donor With Children... info appreciated :)

[karmalunar]

Hey! We are very interested in chatting to anyone who has used a known donor with children to concieve their baby/babies. Friends of ours have offered to help us out in that department and we feel quite comfy with the whole sitch, (though it is not one we ever really thought about up until now!) There are however a couple of things that we are unsure about how to deal with...

I guess the main thing is what do we tell the kids, (theirs, ours and the ones to be concieved)?? And at what age if not from the very beginning, (which may not be appropriate for various reasons ie confidentiality)??

How has keeping the arrangement/donor private or alternatively making it public/being open worked for you? By this i mean with family and friends.

Also, have others chosen for the donor to become an uncle type figure, (having family associated names "aunty and uncle" is something they are willing to do)? If so, has this been a positive or negative experience for your those involed?

Any info/thoughts/opinions appreciated! Cheers

[JJ's mum]

Hi

What sort of involvement would they want in the childs life? What if either of you moved away? Would you be prepared to send the child to them for holidays? Would you expect any financial assistance?

Sounds to me like it could be a very complicated situation. Would you have a formal written agreement? Would you put the donor on the birth certificate?

Lots of questions to think about

Jude

[karmalunar]

They just see it as they will give us some sperm and it is basically up to us what we do with it! If we concieve then that is because of what we have done with it, and if we have a baby that is because we have been through a pregnancy together, (partner and i). Neither of them see the donation as that of giving us a baby, just sperm that is not being used for anything! The child would be ours and part of our family, (that is why we are concerned about what to tell the kids, as there will be that biological connection though they will not be brought up as siblings).

My partner and i would appear on the birth certificate and anywhere that she cant will have "father unknown". The four of us will sign a written agreement stating that the donor has no rights and responsibilities. That way if anything ever did happen then we have "proof of intent" that they didn't want contact and we didn't want financial assistance.

The situation is a bit scarey yes! But, we don't really want an unknown donor and the other potential donors have all been interested because they wanted something out of the situation ie; a child! Our friends have their family and the potential to add to it so would donate purely as friends wanting to help.

Please keep the thoughts coming... we really do want to make the best decisions now so as to avoid problems later on down the track!!! :gloomy:

[Baby dreams]

Hi Karmalunar

Don't know how much help i will be to you as I am only just starting on the donor journey myself and have only just started with the counselling appointments. I will be using a known donor (my sister) My situation is a little different to yours as i went through early menopause.

The fertility clinic that we are going through tend to lean more favourable towards known donors and they very much encourage a relationship between all parties involved after the birth of the child. My counsellor advised us that they have done studies with grown up donor children and the children that weren’t told at a young age or those that accidentally found out had issues with coping with the fact they were a donor child and were very resentful so they recommend telling the child as early as possible.

My sister and i thought we might make a book for the donor conceived child aswell as for her children that can be read to them from an early age describing how they came about (in children’s terms of course)

My husband and i have told our close friends and family and will tell others if it comes up in conversation.

As i said i know our situations are a bit different but i hope iv helped a bit.

[karmalunar]

Thanks heaps for sharing your story! We have thought about the book idea and think it's a really good one! Good luck with your baby making journey!! :hugs:

[mumon121207]

They just see it as they will give us some sperm and it is basically up to us what we do with it! If we concieve then that is because of what we have done with it, and if we have a baby that is because we have been through a pregnancy together, (partner and i). Neither of them see the donation as that of giving us a baby, just sperm that is not being used for anything! The child would be ours and part of our family, (that is why we are concerned about what to tell the kids, as there will be that biological connection though they will not be brought up as siblings).

My partner and i would appear on the birth certificate and anywhere that she cant will have "father unknown". The four of us will sign a written agreement stating that the donor has no rights and responsibilities. That way if anything ever did happen then we have "proof of intent" that they didn't want contact and we didn't want financial assistance.

The situation is a bit scarey yes! But, we don't really want an unknown donor and the other potential donors have all been interested because they wanted something out of the situation ie; a child! Our friends have their family and the potential to add to it so would donate purely as friends wanting to help.

Please keep the thoughts coming... we really do want to make the best decisions now so as to avoid problems later on down the track!!! :gloomy:
Hi I've just been through the process you've described. The waiting time for a known donor is 9 months through a clinic. Waiting list for an unkown is 12 months. Either way the kid knows at 18. In WA both go on the med cert.

In the end I went with a private donor that was happy to go through tests for safety reasons of course then home inseminated. I am now 24 weeks pregnant. I looked through all the ones on the internet and can tell u which ones were worthwhile only 2 of the six were good for us as they did not want further contact unless the child wanted contact at 18 or so. We wrote a written agreement although it is not legally binding. Rachael and Jessica

[karmalunar]

Hi there Rachael and Jessica, thanks for your reply! As you can see we are now pregnant, we decided to go with the above mentioned donor. Are you girls in WA??