What age is YOUNG?

[jes]

Hi there,

I was just curious what age is considered YOUNG? I am 23 and have had alot of people say 'ooh your too young to have kids' BUT i honestly dont think of myself as a 'young mum'.

My mum was 15 when she had her first and 38 when she had her last. So i dont have a problem with people having babies at any age;)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this:)


jes

[beetlgrl]

hey jes
im 22 and have a 11 week old and i got the same thing... dont worry no matter wot age i think if you are responsible enough to take care of a child then its noone elses business.

[poshBecks]

Yeah since when is early 20's too young to have kids??? Didn't it used to be the norm????

I would say that early teens is too young as you havn't stopped developing properly yourself yet!! Isn't early 20's the optimum time for your body to deal with pregnancy & birth??? :rolleyes:

[LittleBoysRock]

I agree with you girls. I am 22 and I can't imagine not having my baby. I think I am a fantastic Mum (if I don't say so myself) and my DS is very happy and healthy.

I dont think the early 20's is too young at all. Having said that, there is the mature 20 somethings and the not to mature 20 somethings out there!

I think it is up to the individual when they decide to have a child but there is something to be said about the fertilty issues in society and the link to people deciding to have children later in life!!

[Pixie]

23 is young...but young for what! You're capable of many things and achieving great things at any age

I don't think it is that young to be a mum, my mum had me at just 16 and yep I consider that young.

Someone said to me the other day, your still so young and having a baby and I said I am going to be 29 in a few weeks...their reply ohh sorry I thought you were 21-22 and so what if I was!!! none of their bussines!!

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

I dont think 20 something is young to have kids i think its a great age to start.I started young but i dont think its too young i am 19 and preggo with #2(1st born when i was 18) but i think all that matters is that you love and protect your kids.:)

[nemosmum]

I was 26 when I had O and I have to say I felt really young, I was the youngest in my mothers group but I also think I am a late bloomer

Somedays I still think "OMG I have a child! wow am I too young for this responsibility? (raising another human :eek: ) " :p hehehehehe

Dont get me wrong I love my son, I am thrilled we had him and I think Im doing a pretty good job so far lol :) but I still think Im young JMO.

[veve]

I just find it ironic that at 20 - you are considered 'young' but at 30 -people start saying that you better hurry up!!!!!

I have to say though - I dont know how young mums do it!! I'm 27 ... with a supportive DH and I am still exhausted some days!!!! I certainly wasn't ready for it when I was in my young 20s!

xxx

[Mum2Lucas]

well a few hundred years ago parents were marrying the children off at 12 to much older men for the sole purpose of having children and now its all like oh you poor thing having a child so young plus im a single mum too so cop a bit more. people dont remember that years ago the norm was about 12 or something..

[whatwasithinking]

I have to say though - I dont know how young mums do it!! I'm 27 ... with a supportive DH and I am still exhausted some days!!!! I certainly wasn't ready for it when I was in my young 20s!

xxx
I think the same thing and I'm 30. (don't have the supportive dh though - as much as he would think he is but oh that's another thread all together) and I have two of the little tackers!

[jacks mum]

I have to agree with veve as well.

I thought I was always ready for children. Married at 22 and ready to start. Career took over and had J at 27. I'm glad it didn't happen any earlier as now I have done a trade which I can go back to but am also more mature and happy to be a SAHM. I thought I had all the maturity back then too. Who knows you deal with whatever happens when it happens.

I've got a close friend who lost her dad at 11, went off the rails and had her 1st son at 13 and then twins at 16 to the same father. She's now 21, single and a fantasic mother and person. Sometimes things happen for a reason.

No matter what your age as long as your child has lots of love it'll grow.

[MariaZen]

Teenage mums are absolutely young to be mums.However, once you are a mother, if you are responsible and you look after your kids, then age is not an issue.

I guess when people say that you are too young, they compare women now to the women of the past. The women now have the opportunity to develop a career, travel and own homes. In the past, you get married at the age of 18 and are expected to have children straight away.

I am now 30 and I have an 18-month old son. Yes, I still have my dreams but the look of my son's face and the joy he gives me is priceless.Would I have a child at the age of 20? Probably not! However, everyone is different. You know what they say 'Whatever floats your boat'. Amen.

[tj_mum]

Hi just reading over all the posts and i thought id add my bit im 17 and im a step mum and yes i may not be my step sons birth mother but i still take on the daily resonabilties for him SOME teenage girls are too immature to be mothers but at least there are taking care of their resonabilties they know this is the reaction to the action I have a very hard time just going to the shops with my step son people stop me and ask why did you have a child so young but once they find out iam a step mum there responce is RUN dont get mixed up in this stuff at such a young age I love my step son as if he was my son i know how hard it is in my daily life and i cant imange what you guys go through i applude you all The only thing i ask is dont make a jugdement on all teenage mothers just cause there are a few immature ones out there

[Angelinas_mummy]

Im 20 and I had my first daughter and got married at 19. Ive recently had a baby girl whom passed away and I would have to say that although I am still young and I know I do a damn good job of looking after my daughter, its maturity that counts not age. All of my friends are at least 5 years older than me and the majority of the time Im more mature than some.

[LilShenanigans]

I've always been somewhat mature for my age... and somedays I even feel like I'm over 30 lol

"unfortunately" nobodies told me Im too young for a bub :( And I so wanted to use my line "if I was too young, don't you think my uterus would have something to say?" :p

Oh well... one day, maybe...

[mel04]

I got married at 20, 1st bub at 21 and 2nd bub at 22. DH 's family think we are too young and i heard it from a few strangers, but all my side of the family and our friends are supportive. I've had alot of older friends say they wish they were a bit more like us when they were our age.
I think under 20 is young, but it does depend on the person, and whether they are in a stable relationship etc, which are important regardless of age anyway.

[lukaelmo]

Oooo I think that it's all in the mind...

You are ready when you are mentally ready - regardless of your age.

Tee hee, I had to wait for a long time - veeeeery immature!

[Oscar's mum]

"unfortunately" nobodies told me Im too young for a bub :( And I so wanted to use my line "if I was too young, don't you think my uterus would have something to say?" :p




Ooh Good one! I like that quote next time someone says I am young I am going to use that quote.;)

[Hokey Pokey]

I had my first when I was 15 and I'm proud of what I have achieved.
I had my second at 19.
People will always have their own opinions but really, noone can say what they consider too young unless they have been in that situation themselves. Then let them comment ;)
It isn't about the age. It's the individual, things such as their maturity levels, wether they are committed to being a parent. We can be loving wonderful mothers at any age younger or older!
Be proud of that fact that we can HAVE children. It is a blessing!:)

[jes]

Thank you ALL for your posts! :D

[shinebrite]

well u know what I am So glad Im PG with my first and EVERYDAY I think MANN what will I miss out on what willl my baby think of me? and then theres the whole doctors thoughts things....like the other day i booked in for my bubs birth and and she asked how old I was i said 21 and then she said..."O so you'l b in the "young mums program" i was like HELLO??? rrr it just annoys me when people ASSUME I have been with my DH since I was 14 and got married when i was 20 if i was older and we met at 25 a year after I got married i STILL would of wanted this baby whats the difference???? O welll thats my rant your only young if you act it! im more mature than most of my friends my friends stil ring me out at clubs drunk and cryin, they dont have their own house or r gettin a new car a sexy face to wake up to everymorning! I DO cause I planned and did what I wanted to do....

****Aim for the stars to reach the stars, dont aim for the damn light post*******

[SassyMummy]

I fell pregnant at 18...am now 19 (turning 20 in March 06) with first bub Chanel (6months). Luckily for me, I look older than am (people say about 24) So I haven;t copped as much flack as I would have if they knew my true age.

Personally, I don't see age as much of a problem. The only concerns I have are not finishing high school, and not being properly developed to cater for a baby in the belly. Other than that...

Some people comment on financial stability. Many women will be 30, and not financial stable...so I'm really not sure how that's a valid point. Maturity is also another point anti-teen-mum people bring up (have you noticed that the focus is always on teen mothers...not fathers???)...but, even if you're not that mature when you fall pregnant...you certainly mature a lot faster than were you not pregnant. You have to. You're no longer just thinking about yourself.

There are both good and bad points to waiting or not waiting to have babies. I might not be married...but I'm in a stable, healthy relationship...which, in my opinion, is far better than a marriage on its last legs (I commend all those single/um-married mothers out there! Good work!). I might not have lived much of my life yet...but I'll do that WITH my daughter by my side. I might not have achieved many career goals...but I'm young...there's still time. And, an added benefit to being a young mother: there's a much greater chance I'll get to see a fair bit of my grandchildren (and even great grandchildren!).

(Oh - and to answer the original question...I think young mothers are generally those under 24...but that's IF I had to put a restriction on it. Some young mothers don't seem "young" at all!)

[Ky]

I am a real baby-face, so when I had my dd at 31 (!) I got comments on how young I was and shouldn't I have considered waiting a bit!

I am now 36 and there are still times when I think that I am too young for what being a mum entails ... nonetheless, I would have been just as good at this if I was 18 or 22 or any other age younger than I am now.

Now, my dh ... he WAS young when we had our first! He was just 22 (yes, I'm a cradle snatcher - lol) and he doesn't have a regret in the world ... people just don't get how wonderful life can be once you have kids!

[SweetSerenity]

Im 20 and had peter when i was 19...and like some of the other girls, im lucky in the sense that i look older than i am as no one really gives me those "stares" or comments, and when they do find out im 20 they just say "but your so mature"...
So age really has nothing to do with it.

There are definately ALOT of young mums though who shouldnt have had children as they weren't mature enough or willing to change their lifestyle for their children, but majority of young mums do a fantastic job!!:D

So in the end, what counts is what sort of mummy you are to your children and how you raise them, not how old you are :) young or old!

[jaydensmum]

I was 19 when i had Jayden and i never look back and regret it. It was the best decision my DH and i have ever made. We recently got married and im now 20 and my DH is 25. We are expecting our 2nd in July this year. I cant wait to have this one and let Jayden have a little brother or sister to grow up with. A few people were shocked when we announced this pg as they figured it was too close together. I really dont care what others think about it, it was a decision that my DH and i made. All the people that are supportive like family, know that we can handle having two littlies running around. Like the majority have said i dont think it has anything to do with age whether you'll be a good parent or not. It has to do with the individual themselves. Its not very fair that a whole age group "young parents" are judged because they are considered too young to have babies. Every person is different with the way that they cope with being a parent including the older parents. I believe that whether we are young or old having children is a huge step in someones life. Its not easier or harder for any age group, we are all the same!! :)

jaydensmum

[Sammy85]

I thought that I couldn't get pregnant so when I discovered at 16 that I was pregnant my partner (23 at the time) and I were extremely rapt
we had Jayden when we were 17 and 24 and then became pregnant with Liam when we were 19 and 26 He was born when I was 20
I think as long as your a good parent it doesnt matter too much what age you are

[annelouf]

I was 19 turning 20 when I had my daughter, it is 7 years on, and I am the youngest parent by 10 years at my daughter's school, but I have actually found it an advantage. When she flies the nest, I will still be young enough to go out and do all the travelling and things that I missed out on in my 20's, only I will have more money to do it with! (Hopefully). I wouldn't do it any other way.

[Cheekychops]

I turned 21 six weeks after having DS1 and had DS2 18months later and there was some people who were disgusted and gossiped because they thought I was too young!!! What the???? 20's is definately not too young to become a mum!!!!

[jonesso]

I just find it ironic that at 20 - you are considered 'young' but at 30 -people start saying that you better hurry up!!!!!

Veve that is soooooo true...

It's like the whole marriage thing Jes. I was 21 when I got engaged and 22 when we married and people looked at me like I'd grown a 2nd head or something... now when I say we've been married for 6 years this year people are surprised that we have just had our 1st bub, but then they STILL think I'm young to be a mum! The first out of my group of friends - the others will be over 30 when/if they have bubs.

It's like everything in life - everyone else has an opinion about your life and what you do. Someone will always be critical of you - stuff 'em, I say! You shouldn't work/you should work; you should use cloth nappies / you should use disposables; you should have had kids later / you should have had kids earlier... ;) well I reckon all the mums here, regardless of age, all rock!:cool:

[goldcoastgirl18]

hey im 19 and have a 2 month old baby boy lucas

i get it all the time people telling me i have just thrown my life away and that i cant give my son what he needs in life ive even been told im selfish for bring my son in this world when i alreadynew that his father had taken off.

but to all those people i think they can keep there opinions to them self i love my son and thats all he needs to grow up right sure im young but no im not throwing my life away i can still do everything i want wiht my life i now just have sumone to love and hold my hand alone the way....
my son will grow up knowing right from wrong and knowing that his mummy loves him more than anything or anyone in the world and i think thats all that matters ur never to young to have a child so long as you have a heart...


fav saying: ALL YOU NEED IS A HAND TO HOLD AND A HEART TO UNDERSTAND

[Baby Girl]

I think that no-one is ever completely "READY" to have kids but whenever you do, you deal with it the best way you are able. Some people are able to deal with it better than others no matter what age they are.

I had DD1 when I was 23 and DD2 when I was 26 and sometimes I feel like a young mum and sometimes I feel like an older mum but to me the only thing that matters is that I feel like a MUM!! I think I do okay. My girls are always happy and well cared for and DP and I love them and each other as much as is possible!! IMHO that is the best start we can give our family and that doesn't change no matter what age someone is.

[Mum2Lucas]

goldcoastgirl18 I have a 5 month old boy named lucas lol

[babycrazy]

I was 23 when I had my eldest and the youngest at my mums group by 10 years. It was hard because I didn't fit into the young mums catergory ie 15, and didn't fit into the "taken a year off to reproduce career mum catergory"
Now I'm 32 and getting too old! LOL

[Mum2Be&NurSE]

Hello everyone,
I am not yet a mother but my partner and I are planning to try to conceive in the very near future. I am 20 turning 21 in May. My family and his family are really surprised that we want to have children 'before we travel the world'. Being a registered nurse I know that having children in your early twenties is the ideal age physically to have children. However, some people reckon that they aren't emotionally ready in their early twenties or even late twenties. This was the choice of my partners parents who had children in their late thirties. My mother also recently gave birth to my baby sister who is two and was conceived at the age of 42. She sufferes from a multitude of disabilities, mainly developmental. She is now 2 and doesn't even talk yet and just recently learned to walk. This is the risk that we are putting the next generation in. We are saying that it's ok to have children later in life when really it isn't ok, it's possible but very risky. Yes, some people get lucky and have happy healthy children in their late thirties or even early fourties. This, however, is not a risk I am not going to take with waiting for the 'optimum' time to conceive. My partner and I are very happy to take that risk and have the happiness that children bring. Everyone on this forum seems to be very happy with the choices they have made when deciding to have children earlier rather than later.

[Mum2Be&NurSE]

My partner and I are looking forward to that time when we can start to conceive. He wants to wait another year before we start. His parents are, unfortunately all about appearances and feel that it wouldn't look good on them if we were to get pregnant at such a young age (partner is 24). We are looking forward to moving to Hobart in January 2007 so we can start our lives without the pressures of appearances in his parents eyes. Also, my parents are living in America (where I am from originally). In the US, there were a fair share of young parents and it was socially acceptable to have children younger but in Australia, it's almost taboo to have children any younger than 25! I've noticed in the hospitals that most of the younger parents have less support than their older counterparts.

[Desertress]

I had my son 5 days before my 20th b'day and i got all the usual comments about being to young and throwing my life away. I especailyl hate the looks you get from older people.... who `hello` prolly had their first kids at 16-18 so whats thier problem.
Im now nearly 23 and have a almost 3 yr old and a 6 mnth old and i think that me and my partner are doing a great job.

Age shouldnt matter as long as you can love and support you kids.

[KatherineIV]

I am twenty five and people often say to me "When I was 25 it was the last thing on my mind"

We lost 3 angels before we were blessed with Morgan.. I have him now and he has completed me in more ways than I can possibly put into words.

I am part of a mothers group and all though the rest of the girls are wonderful I am the youngest and I am one of two who is under 30 out of about 15 mothers.

The rest seem to be in such a rush to get pregnant again and don't understand that I have Morgan and I am content at the moment and I can wait to try again.

They make comments such as "well your biological clock is not ticking"... yet most of these woman didn't go through the horrors that I did to have Morgan. I understand I am young... but I am glad I am.. I don't want to push babies out in a rush.. I want to enjoy each one..

[~angel~]

I had my first at 18, my second 20, and my third at 25..And to be honest, I dont feel any older than when I had my 1st bub at 18!! I think you are as young/old as you feel!!!!!:thumbsup:

[Rahmi'sMum]

It's interesting to hear that other 23 year old mums have been told they are too young etc. I didn't get that once from anyone - in fact when we told my folks my dad said "well, I didn't want to pressure you, but it's about time"... we had only been married 4 months!!! LOL

Needless to say our family didn't think I was too young.

I don't feel like a young mum, or look like one for that matter, maybe that's why no one said anything! :rolleyes:

I think young is under 21, only because that's when I still felt young. But I always wanted to have kids while I was younger, would have had them sooner, but kinda needed someone to help with that!! Luckily my hubby is 30 and couldn't wait to start a family.

[buttrfly]

I've never been told (to my face) that i was too young... guess i've just always seemed older than what i am :D

I was 19 when I got married, pregnant 10 days later with DD1, 21 when I had DD2 and 23 when I had DS1 (two weeks ago ;) ) I certainly never thought I'd have three children under 3 by the time i was 23!!!! But they are just the most beautiful blessings I could have asked for (challenging at times of course, but still amazing)

DD1 turns 3 today :yelclap:

[Refresh]

guess i've just always seemed older than what i am

LOL, you suuuuuure 'bout that? Hehehe:p

Happy Birthday Brianna!!!! :bday::smiliedance:

[Charlie]

I'm 25 and been told I'm too young... I think ....

if your still at school and you haven't even experienced the world yet, how are you going to teach a child what the world is all about..???

But then again.... if your 16 and you have been out in the workforce or moved out of home at an early age who's to say you wouldn't still have no idea???

I think it depends on the individual person...not their age... support and upbringing have alot to do with how parents cope.... you could be 40 with no support and be a horrible parent or 18 with a loving partner and family and be a great parent???

Everyone is different... thats what make life interesting :smiliedance:

[MilkOnTap]

Im 21, and I have lost two babies through ectopic pregnancy's. When I fell pregnant each time the doctor automatically assumed that it was an 'accident' and was shocked when I had all my dates etc available and at hand. :eek: That upset me the most, that a 'professional' would make assumptions like that, especially when it turned out that we lost the baby...

When people find out that I have lost two babies they say to me "Your so young - you have heaps of time... its all for the best" NO, its not for the best. How can anyone in their right mind say that a baby dying is a good thing? I loved those babies so much and it frustrates me when people assume that you have 'heaps of time'. :thumbsdown:

One of DH's friends sister (what a grapevine) is 23 years old, childless and just had one of her ovary's rupture. Automatically she now only has half the opportunity of having a child. :(

Okay - thats enough of my venting... :ecomcity:

[Refresh]

When people find out that I have lost two babies they say to me "Your so young - you have heaps of time... its all for the best" NO, its not for the best. How can anyone in their right mind say that a baby dying is a good thing? I loved those babies so much and it frustrates me when people assume that you have 'heaps of time'

:( that must be hard to take...."You have heaps of time....." what is that about? Doesnt change the fact htat you wanted those bubbas:( People say silly thinigs sometimes *hugs*

[MilkOnTap]

People say silly things sometimes *hugs*
They certainly do... Thanks for the hug Frenchie... Right back at you :hugs:

[Refresh]

Mua! :kiss:

[Charlie]

I loved those babies so much and it frustrates me when people assume that you have 'heaps of time'. :thumbsdown:

Any loss whether planned or not is still traumatic!! A doctor especially should know that!!! :banghead: what an AH!!!

The thing is you might not have heaps of time :( ... what if for some reason a woman can't get pregnant and needs to start IVF...isn't it better to know this early... some women can take years to get pregnant.... and as you get older the risk of complication gets higher for both you and your baby... defects....etc are more common before 18 and after 35.... wouldn't that make in between this, the perfect time frame??:confused:

[MilkOnTap]

what if for some reason a woman can't get pregnant and needs to start IVF...isn't it better to know this early... some women can take years to get pregnant....
My point exactly... I knew you guys would understand!

[buttrfly]

LOL, you suuuuuure 'bout that? Hehehe:p

Happy Birthday Brianna!!!! :bday::smiliedance:

just coz i'm not as OLD as you :P :yelclap:

[Refresh]

did you mean this smilie??

:p

:p

[buttrfly]

Hey! it was my third post here :p just coz i don't know all the smiley codes yet :p

[mrsbutterflygirl]

I'm 23 at the moment and will be 24 when cookie is born..... I have been told from the day i got married i am too young..... I was married at 21... (which personally i think is a great age) the only way i got people off my back was that my brother-in-law was getting married 2 months before us.. he was 19 and she 18 by 2 days hehe

[Irish Dad]

hi im 27 and mum to three and number four is on the way:yelclap: people always comment on how young i am but i think im at a nice age. I have lots of energy to look after them all!

[Cinta]

I am 19 this year and although i think that i am young and so do others when they find out im pregnant i feel mature enough to love, care and support my baby and i think thats what matters :D I also have the love of my DF and we can get through anything together.
I think teenagers and early 20's is young to have a baby, but hey young mums can still be great mums!

[Oscar's mum]

but hey young mums can still be great mums!

Of course they can!:smiliedance: Alot of the young mummy's or young mummy's at heart on Bub Hub prove it!

[KiLLaKaZ]

what age is young? according to a pregnancy magazine, anything under 30 (& according to this forum as there's a 'young parents' forum & an 'over 30s parents' one - nothing in between!!)

HOWEVER, i think most people here are getting confused between being a YOUNG mum & being TOO YOUNG!! ;)

i think too young is a teenager that's still in school. but, as mentioned earlier, once pregnant most of these mums smarten up & become great mothers! so, although one door may close for them (late night partying, etc) another marvelous door opens (a beautiful child)! :D

i am 26 & got married when 23. we were ttc from about a few months after getting married & only just fell pregnant 6 months ago! :eek: i thought being so young, i'd get pregnant straight away! i'm glad i started trying then & didn't leave it!!

my mother married at 18 & had my older sister when she was 20. i always wanted to follow suit, or have a baby when i was 18 - 19, even!! i didn't want the age gap between my child & me to be too great! but, now i'm a bit embarrassed to have thought that way as it doesn't matter how old u are when u give birth - u can STILL have a fantastic relationship with your child/ren!!