your thoughts............

[ashleerose]

I posted this in another part of bubhubs............

For over a year now i have been wanting another child. I have a daughter (6) and a son (5).

Apart of me always wanted three children (to me that is the perfect number) and I can see so many valid points as to why I should start preparing to have another child either this year or last.

Some of my points are:

I am not getting any younger (you only live once,
would hate to live with the regret of not doing so).

I would feel complete, fulfilled its an emptiness i have
knowing that I could and would provide for another child quite easily.

I dont want my children to be ten years apart, Id prefer to keep them close in age.

My family are rather supportive of me, my mother has even offered to take me to the bondi junction clinic to undergo donar insemination etc.

Yes i am single (though not by choice rather circumstance, I was married still legally am but because of everything I went through, I would prefer to be on my own for the rest of my life) and I am happy with this.

However there are those out there that say that this is not right, that i should sit around waiting for 'mr right' blah, blah blah.

I dont believe in waiting for anything or anyone.
life is too short, and even if a mr right existed for me he could turn up when my kids are ten and I am in my fourties (no way in this world would i have a child then).

And so, I sway to fulfilling my maternal instincts (which believe it or not both my kids want another me to have another child).

To thinking that i should be 'grateful' i had two and one of each.

But one thing i do thank god for is that I have the choice to decide either way which wouldnt have been the case a couple years back.

Also not being negatively but for those that point out that i am a single mum and shouldnt have anymore I have noticed that alot of married ladies get stuck with doing everything and may as well be single and
I am no longer surprised when people i thought were the perfect couple with everything break up........

So raising kids by myself isnt an issue, and as for my childrens father (he may as well have been a sperm donor, as he has given up all contact with them, although in alot of ways this is for the best he has too many issues he has to deal with first).

Sorry this is long, just wanted to see what other people thought and basically I believe that the disabled lady that is in the news at the moment should be entitled to have a child.

[ashleerose]

I should note that i have a couple of friends that have one child and would love another child but because they are no longer with their childrens father refuse to have any more...

I think that is sad.

[ashleerose]

oops the people that i mentioned above are also in long term relationships (they are not single like me).

[Mummaof2]

I think that if you can emotionally and financially provide for another child go for it.

I have also randomly had thoughts about this. I am a single mum with 2 children (1 of each) but long for another child but like you dont want to be sitting around for god knows how long waiting for Mr Right to have that third child with. But its not something I am think of doing in the next few years.

Its great you have such support from your mum. You have my support too:hugs:

[tyler's mum]

For me being a single mum is the hardest thing i have ever done. I'm in no rash to do it again. I dont think i want any more kids, but thats a hole other stroy. emotionally and financially i know i could'nt do it. I'm having a hard time with just 1 kid to look after:rolleyes:

You are the only person who knows whats right for you:thumbsup: If its what you really want and feel its something you can do. I say go for it:thumbsup:

[Ekoorb]

I personally wouldnt do it. While I would love to have more than one child I would never do it alone again. I would never put a child in this situation again deliberately.

I dont know your financial situation but if you plan on having another child and relying on centrelink I personally believe that is very wrong. If you have financial stability and can provide for a new child without government help we'll thats ok then. The pension is there as support to help single mothers get back on their feet, it shouldnt be used to continually breed just because you'd like another child

[sarahplus3]

(QUOTE) "Yes i am single (though not by choice rather circumstance, I was married still legally am but because of everything I went through, I would prefer to be on my own for the rest of my life) and I am happy with this.
However there are those out there that say that this is not right, that i should sit around waiting for 'mr right' blah, blah blah" (QUOTE)


Being single doesn't make you any less deserving to have another child so I say go for it if it's what you really want.
My kids don't see their father (his choice) and we cope fine, my children are all extremely happy and loved, and they're used to this situation, "family" is what you make it, its not the typical mum + dad + 2 kids thing anymore.
I know people who are in relationships and are completely hopeless with their kids, then others who are single and are fantastic.
I was called selfish, disgusting and a whole other list of names when I had Kody because I knew I would be doing it on my own, and it broke my heart. (I got pregnant, we broke up the next day because he didnt want a baby, people were in my face about having an abortion and I was like what?! Thats MY child!). It wasn't until recently when I thought you know what, f**k you! I do a great job, I love him, he loves me, we're a happy family, and I dont care what anyone else thinks.
If you were having another child alone and had no intention on looking after him/her properly or were only "doing it for money" then someone might be able to bag you out - but in your case there is obviously a lot of love there so I say GO FOR IT! :thumbsup: Dont let anyone put you down :hugs:

[EskimoMumma]

Ouch. That was a rather hurtful and judgemental post there.

You do what will make you and your kids family. Times have changed and 2 parents +kids is no longer the norm. You are right, there are many women doing things themselves anyway!BUT atleast late at night,we have that other adult to speak to and voice our concerns with. Although, I am having more children even when I amd oing everything on my own ebcause i want to.

You can get the exact same support in the middle of the night like many 'coupled' women with y our family. Sounds like you have a great one at that too!

As i said, do what will make your family right.

[Mum2Lucas]

I think you should go for it. I don't subscribe to the whole wait for mr right thing. what happens if he doesn't exist or if he does then he doesn't find me? I'm only young but i'm a sinlge mum and would love another child. if you can financially support another child then you should do what you feel is right. if your 2 kids would love another one then that's great too. i know for me if i haven't met someone by the time i'm 25 when i turn 25 i will certainly be looking at donor insemination because i wouldn't want lucas to be an only child. good luck with everything.

[ashleerose]

Ekoorb

I am working as a sub-contractor (which i plan on continuing regardless of whether i have another child).

I work in a retail store but i could easily give that up should i need to.

I am entitled to the single parent pension as I was married and had to flee my husband long story short he was on drugs etc.

I dont particulary care if centerlink pay me family tax a and b for this child and I am quite prepared to support the child should i go ahead with it.

I have two friends and one friend was so opposed to it (despite having a one nite fling herself and having just had a child she seems to think it was a 'relationship' when everyone around her knows otherwise). She said centerlink would not help at all.
My other friend, was curious as to what centerlink would say and gave them a call.

The news was rather surprising ie if i was a single lady and i hadnt had any kids and decided to give up my career to have a child by going through IVF i would still be entitled to the same as everyone else that either had a one nite fling or suddenly found themselves single after being married for a couple of years.

The way i see it is that my ex can not even be considered a 'dad' to our children (he may as well have been a sperm donor), if i stayed with him i will have by now had at least one more child, but rather then put my children through that hell again, and also rather than demeaning myself by sleeping with everyone in town or waiting for mr right to come along (which i dont care if he does or doesnt) I may as well fulfill my maternal instincts.

Id hate to leave it until I am older and id hate for the kids to be teens before i had another child.

[sarahplus3]

"The pension is there as support to help single mothers get back on their feet"

Centrelink does support mothers, but they really don't do much to help you "get back on your feet". Just yesterday I was trying to enrol into a course so I could get off the pension and go back to work when my youngest starts school, and they told me I was entitled to NOTHING towards paying for a course, (I'm single with 3 kids too) and I was "better off just doing what I'm currently doing" ... which is well, nothing. They're not as supportive as some people make them out to be, yes you do get your weekly payment of enough to live off, but they in no way encourage getting back into the workforce.

Just had to add my little bit to that sorry :(

[RoarsomeMum]

:thumbsup: Ashleerose.. I 100% agree with you. All your points are valid and some of the best reasons to haev a child. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[ashleerose]

I would like to thank all the other positive comments i have received.

I am not at all interested in having kids for money, if i was id already have learnt that kids cost far more than what any government considers a decent payment (although i am not ungrateful and yes we australians are very lucky to have such a great support network available to us).

Id like to point out what i am providing for my other two children at the moment so that people can get a better view of the lifestyle that we have at the moment.

My daughter goes to a private school (it was my wish that my children go to this school, even though i went to a public school and some public schools can be equal to and if not better than private schools).

My son goes to the best preschool in the area (well i consider it to be the best but then again i am biased).
Next year he will be in kindy at my daughters school.

I spend two hundred dollars every term for my children to attend swimming lessions (I think this is so important).

My son and daughter have their own room and lets just say they have far more than i had as a kid (i had to share with my sister and i didnt even have half the things my children have and thats with both my parents working FULLTIME).

Later this year the kids and I will be going to the Gold coast for at least a fortnight so that they can go to seaworld, steve irwins zoo etc etc.

I have a spare room with NOTHING in it and I have a cot and bassinet and almost everything i need for another child.

I am pretty much debt free, despite having what i consider the best I can have in furniture, possessions etc.

I am more financially stable now than I was when i was with my childrens father and I have weighed up the pros and cons (afterall this is not a decision to be taken lightly).

Suprisingly my parents support me in the wish to complete my family as do my kids (although i must say that they are wanting me to have one of each hehehe).

If i thought for a moment that i could not provide for this child the lifestyle that I want for my kids I would not consider it, nor would i consider it if i thought my kids would be adversely affected by my wanting another child.

[ashleerose]

I should add that i have been wanting to have another child for over a year now.

Its only now that i have started considering ivf/sperm donor and I will be going to an inital consultation later this year and plan to start in january.

In the meantime, i am making sure that my body is in the best physical shape.

I have to go out now but will pop back in later.

[sarahplus3]

Yeah go for it, I wish you all the best with it! :thumbsup:

Someone who already has 2 kids and wants another is completely different to just being "clucky" or wanting money, you've clearly thought long and hard about it, and you know the goods AND bads, and still want one!! lol

:hugs: Good luck

[OneBabyBoy]

I say go for it too :thumbsup:
I personally wouldn't do it, because I know it's not the best thing for me, but you sound like you can more than cope. You have all the right arguments and points. If you know within yourself that you can have a baby by yourself then why not. I have been single since before DS's birth and it is hard work but it's definitely do-able. I think you sound like you have the right attitude.

[Ekoorb]

Im a single mother myself, I work part time and study fulltime and am on the pension. I am using the pension as a means to an end at the moment and as soon as Im qualified I hope to never have to use Centrelink again. I will not be having any more children until 1. I am financially stable and 2. I am in a relationship.

I envy my friends who have got partners and the relationship their children have with their father. I wouldnt have another child on my own personally because I would not want to have to say to my child in 18 years time I deliberatly choose for you not to have a father. Thats my opinion and Im sorry if people dont agree but thats what I strongly believe.

But then every person is different and if having a child works for you and your family go for.

[ashleerose]

Thanks Ekoorb.

I too have the same goal, however I am not at all interested in having another relationship with anyone (perhaps its because i have been to hell and back and perhaps its because I know that I can do this alone better).

Im not worried about when the child turns '18' afterall I was married to my other two childrens father and he can be considered nothing more than a donor sperm (he has cut contact with our children) and therefore they are growing up without a father.

But on a plus size, they have my father as a male role model and given my exes problems its for the best.

This child will know how much I loved and wanted to have another child, and will also see how their brother and sister although born in marriage are also without a father.

The good news is that if there is a need to find their biological father they will be able to once they turn
'18' and also I think having the opportunity to have a life over not having a life will outweigh any doubts they may have.

Ivf/donor babies are more common then most people think.

In an ideal world the man i married would not have changed into the man i had to flee from.

But in todays world, men come and go kids dont.

To everyone out there waiting for another relationship dont wait live for the moment.

We only have one life.

I dont really see how me having one more child is really going to change anything and if i happen to stumble across mr right then I will know that he will love me and my kids.