View Full Version : Single mum to be
Hi all,
Im new to this site and just realised that there is other single mums here! I am not a mum just yet (due in May) and I'm starting to freak out a little bit about it all! If anyone has any advice, or just wants to talk, I would be very grateful!
Thanks,
Saara
hi
welcome to bubhub!!!you will get heaps of good advice here!!
tyler's mum
13-01-2006, 17:25
hello im a single mum,,, my little girl is 17weeks,,, i can understand the way your feeling,,, being there myself.... the best advice i can give you right now is,, once your little bub is here nothing else will matter and it will all seem worth it in the end;) ...
best of luck with the birth of your bub,,, if you need to chat feel free to pm me... take care
Mum2Lucas
13-01-2006, 21:05
Hi im 20 and a single mum to a beautiful boy whos 18 weeks old. I love being a single mum but i also still live at home with mum but if she wasnt there id still be able to handle everything. as long as you still have the support of family im sure it will be alright. good luck with everything and if you want to chat your quite welcome to email me or something.
Kamaikia
14-01-2006, 08:10
Hi I'm a 24 year old single mum to a 15 month old boy. What can I say - its not easy but not impossible. The others are right you will need good support around you - people you can trust and depend on.
The biggest thing for you to remember is not to try to be supermum. If people offer to help take that help - don't let your pride get in the way - raising a child isn't supposed to be done alone - everyone needs help - it doesn't matter if that help comes from a man, from family, from friends just as long as you get it.
My other suggestion would be daycare - get your name down at a center as soon as possible because trust me the time will come when you need time to yourself and as daycares are pretty booked the sooner the better.
Its hard but rewarding - doing it by yourself is scary, its lonely but so rewarding knowing that you are doing it alone, that you are capable of that. Its hard to explain in so many ways.
I don't think anyone can fully understand the pressure of being a single parent until they are there themselves but I'm here if you want to chat at any time.
Thanks everyone! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, as I have the full support of my family and friends, so I'm not completely going it alone. It is still quite daunting though! I'm glad I found this site too, as you all seem lovely! And it is nice to be able to receive advice from people who have been there, not just from a book! :D
tyler's mum
16-01-2006, 10:27
yeah its a great place to come and share your feeling,,,, and get some great advice,,, i also have very good support from my parents , sister ans friends,,, however being a single mum can still be very scaring and lonely,,, just k:D nowing there are people to just listen is a great help
I know what you mean, I'm sure my family and friends will be a great help to me, but none of them are single mothers, so it's nice to know that I can talk here and people will know what I'm talking about!
justtwogirls22
18-01-2006, 09:01
just thought id say hi too as im about to be a single mum to my 14month old DD - i am virtually a single mum now as i have done pretty much everything for her since she was born so i don't imagine it as being much different but i will be moving closer to all my family - will see if things can be worked out between her dad & me but for the time being living apart is the best thing for us
Hi there
just wanted to say hello to all the other single parents out there. Am also a single Mum to a 10 month old boy, and thankfully have the support of my mum and a great circle of friends.
I would love to meet other Single Parents / and other Mum's in the Brisbane Area, it's always good to know that you are not alone!!!!
Talk soon
Belinda 29
Riley 10mths:p
becschasebaby
01-02-2006, 18:13
well i am finally part of a club. i will become a single mum in july, and i am 23. its great to see there is more out there - knowing that you will be bringing up a child by yourself is really scary, but i guess there are good things too!
bec xx:p :p
Hi all,
Hope everything is going well for you all! I had my first antenatal visit today and it went really well, everything is looking fine!:)
Melbee - good luck with becoming a single mum, hope it works out for you whatever you end up deciding.
Belinda - hi! It is nice to come here and know that you aren't alone hay? I'm in the Brisbane area (not a mum yet!) so if you want to do something sometime, feel free to pm me. (Although, I'm right near Brisbane city - how far away is Nundah?)
Bec - welcome to the club! It is going to be a scary time (I can assume anyway!) but think of all the stuff that will be good - no partner to argue with over names, how you want to raise the child etc. Btw, just out of curiousity, are you going to find out what you are having?
Saara:)
becschasebaby
02-02-2006, 19:28
yes i am definately going to find out.. i cant wait. i am having a b*tch of a time finding affordable health care, and am going through antenatal clinic too, but havent got an appointment until the 11th of march. i am having a 20 week ultrasound on the 24th of Jan, which hopfully i will find out the sex then. i am waiting that late to better my chances of seeing. i havent even heard its heart beat yet or seen if it has arms and legs and head, so i am quite anxious.
what did they do with you at ante natal clinic? when are you due?
I was gonna find out too! (Bub had it's legs crossed in my ultrasound, and I don't need another one - bummer!) Good luck, I hope you do find out:D Let us know...
Where abouts do you live? (if you don't mind me asking?) Coz I'm going public and it isn't costing me anything. I'm doing shared care with my GP luckily she bulk bills!) and my antenatal is through the hospital. I can't afford to do anything else and the care I am getting is brilliant (so far!)
Your baby will be fine, don't worry about that! You are young and (I presume) healthy, so there won't be a problem! I was a little worried about that too (due to the father) but I have seen my bub twice now and it has two arms, two legs, a head and heartbeat etc is fine!
I am due in May (only just over 14 weeks to go.......:eek: ) At antenatal they took my blood pressure, weighed me, checked urine (again.....), told me a little about the hospital, gave me a lot of handouts (and the first bounty bag!!) and I got to hear baby's heartbeat again! I was starting to get a bit worried again, coz it has been moving around a lot lately, but in the last week or so, I have barely felt it, so it was reassuring to hear that bubs is still alive and kicking!!:D
Hi Saara
Nundah's about 10min from City, not far at all!!! Would love to catch up, 2 of my friends are also preggers at the moment and I'm loving it.
I went public as well, at the RBWH, and they were brilliant in there. In the beginning I thought my pregnancy was a hoax, and actually expected them to find nothing at the scan. But then you see bub and hear the heartbeat at each visit and it daunts on you what you're in for. But I'm loving it. Thankfully I have my mum here to help me out, which takes a lot of load of me. It doesn't even bother me anymore that I see Riley's dad twice a week when I go to work (yep, I had an office affair, BAD idea),but anyway, personally I believe I'm better off at my own, I get to make the decisions and that's it. But then again I don't know how it would be the other way around.
So anyway, if you guys want to meet up for a chat, it's always nice to meet new people and find someone in the same situation. As you say, in the end you're not really alone, cause someone will always be there for you!!!!
Belinda ;)
Hi Belinda,
Great! I wasn't sure where Nundah was, but it sounds like it's pretty close! I'm in Morningside. It's nice having friends pregnant too isnt it? Two of my friends (that I met through my ex - so I guess his friends) are pregnant at the moment and one of his friends gf is pregnant too. I think there is something in the water!
It's a shock when you realise that it's all true! I had been broken up with my ex for around 12 weeks when I found out I was pregnant, so in no way was I expecting it and yeah, I thought the urine test, blood test etc were all wrong! Couldn't deny it anymore when I saw it on that screen though!
I have always heard that office affairs are not a good way to go, never actually had one though (although, I have only started working in an office in the last 4 months!) You must be so strong to be able to see him and not let it bother you. Sorry if I'm being nosy, but does he have anything to do with Riley? I'm glad of being a single mum for that reason too (getting to make my own decisions). I can see that it will be a tough time and probably lonely, but I'm trying to look on the bright side! (and if my ex had his way, well, I don't think that bubs would be looked after nearly as well as it will when I am by myself and only have him/her to worry about)
Meeting up sometime would be great! I'm still working 5 days a week atm, so it would have to be a weekend sometime, but I'm sure we can work something out!
Saara:D
becschasebaby
02-02-2006, 23:50
i live in W.A. i am booked into ante natal and i wanted to do shared care but the only doctor i could find that would bulk bill was my uni one and she has been on holidays since the end of november! real conveniant! but i need to have an appointment after ultrasound so i guess ill go back to her.
did yours really have its legs shut! wow. i beg mine everyday to be wide open ic ant stand another 20 weeks of guessing! and i have found a really cute high chair thats pink with a fairy and i want to know if i can go layby it.
thanks for the encouragement about having a healthy baby, im sure it will be fine. i have just started stressig lately cause i was doing some work with disabled kids and it got me thinking.
well time for sleeping for me!
catch yas soon..:p
Hi Bec
yeah, you'll be fine. I think every new mum goes thru all this, wondering wether bub's gonna be ok...and believe me, this feeling will stay even after the birth. I am still playing all sorts of scenarious that can happen out in my head, hoping that he's still breathing when in get him in the morning !!! It's really weird, but i guess it;s all part of being a mum!!
Looks like you have your heart set on a girl, hey?? I knew even before the scan that i'm having a boy, just a gut feeling!!!
All the best and stay in contact!!!
Cheers'
Belinda :p
Hi Bec,
Like Belinda said, you will be fine. And every new mother goes through those feelings!
Yup, my bub really did have it's legs crossed through the whole scan! I was in there for about 3/4 of an hour and she checked all through it, but yeah, no luck for me. I hope yours goes better for you! It's so hard knowing that you are doing it alone and then not knowing what you are having!! But yeah, I got everything in unisex colours, which will work well anyway, if I have any more or if my brothers start having kids soon!
Belinda - You are lucky. I haven't had a feeling at all as to what I'm having. My ex's aunt done the ring test tho and she says I'm having a girl! But I'm still not sure.
Anyway, back to work for me now!
Saara:D
becschasebaby
03-02-2006, 23:18
hey girls,
i had the ring test thingo done too and it said it was a boy but i am refusing to believe it. not that having a boy would be a bad thing, it just cant wear cute pink dresses!
now i have a small dilemma you more experienced pregannt people may have an answer. i had a really unwell first trimester and have started to get a bit better now, so i thought i would take iron tablets cause i am still not having much luck with meat or anything, but Fefol has had me with diarroea and vomiting the last two days. (meaning two days off work which i felt real bad about) is there anything else you can take that gives you iron but wont make me sick?
:confused:
Hey again bec,
I know what you mean.......Little girl's clothes that are out at the moment are so cute hay?
Are you taking any pregnancy tablets? I have been taking Elevit since I found out I was pregnant and I haven't had any problems with it. It has heaps of vitamins and minerals in it including iron. It also has folate in it, which is good for bub. I would recommend taking something like that (just my opinion though)
Saara
Hi Bec
you're best of to go to the Chemist and quiz them about the tablets. I took the Blackmores Pregnancy Formula, and had no problems all along. If it doesn't get better, check with your doc next time you have a check up. Or just give them a quick call, i;m sure they can help you out.
Hope this helps.
Belinda :)
Bec - just thought I would say I agree with Belinda about talking to pharmacy or doc. Elevit and Blackmore's pregnancy have pretty much the same ingredients (to my knowledge), just Blackmore's you need to take two a day and Elevit only one. That's why I take Elevit, coz I have a shocking memory at the moment and I won't remember to take two tablets a day!:D
:) Hi Belinda, Saara and Bec,
I have just been reading through the posts on this thread and thought I may have a story to ease you all on the single parent issue.
All of the entries that tell you if you have support you'll be OK, that is so true, the support doesn't always mean family and friends. Child Health Clinics, Doctors, Ngala (one of the best in WA), midwives etc.. They are all there to help. I had my son in WA and with only 1 other family member in WA it was hard to have no family support and being one of the first out of my closet friends, the support from them was minimal. Even though I didn't really have the support from friends and family all your expectations, worries, fears, doubts all go out the window once you hold your child. Don't get me wrong you still feel all those feelings but once your child is born priorities change. It's not easy at all raising a child on your own even with support but it has been done for years, your not the first and not the last all you need to remember is that you are truely not alone.
My son will be 2 at the end of Feb and it has certainly been a struggle but I was told I would never have kids, so whatever the hardship I've gone thru or am going to go thru it has all been worth it.
As for the sickness feeling, I can't help you with that but see your doc, there is only one stupid question - 'a question not asked'
I found out I was pregnant at 7mths so I missed all the things you r now going thru.
Bec I see u will be moving to Mullaloo soon, I am just up the road from you, so if u need a friendly face during this time, I am here.
As for everyone else as u may have noticed this site is fantastic for answers, help, a friendly chat.
Just remember being a mother is the most precious, amazing and miraclious career that everyone of us will experience.
Good luck to you all. :D
Hi Lynda,
Thanks for the advice. It made me feel a bit better about going through this alone without a partner. I have my family and friends, but as I have said before (somewhere....!) none of them are single parents and not many of my friends are parents, so it will be hard for any of them to comprehend what I am going through. At least now I know that if I don't have them around, I will be ok!
Thanks again:D you made my day!
Saara
Hi Lynda, Bec and Saara
thanks for the email. And this site IS proof that you're not alone!!!!!
I certainly made a few friends here whom i meet every now and then, and it's great meeting new people here!!
I get asked so many times how i can cope raising a child by myself, but the thing is that you do cope, you have no other choice. Also, I don't know any different, i think i would be struggling (more) if I had a partner who then left me. So in a way it is easier for us gals who start of with being single (or so I like to believe)
So chin up ladies,
it's all good and it all happens for a reason :p
Belinda
PS: Bec, hope you're feeling better soon!
Hi there~! I thought I would also introduce myself. I am a 26 year old single mother to Layla. She is almost 9 months old.
I agree that it is hard, but it's a good hard. Does that make sense? I wouldn't have it any other way either. I love that she is mine, all mine and that I can make decisions about her without some idiot who knows nothing about children telling me what I should and shouldn't do...
Anyway, I am not a man-hater :eek:
Yay for single mamas!! :p
Hey Polony!!
Makes total sense!!!
Belinda
mummy sam
04-02-2006, 20:27
i'm sam a 24yo single mum to lochie whos 4 mths, and it's great and as polony said:
it's hard, but it's a good hard. Does that make sense? I wouldn't have it any other way either. I love that she is mine, all mine and that I can make decisions about her without some idiot who knows nothing about children telling me what I should and shouldn't do...
if you ever want to chat pm me or i can give you my email addy and we can chat.
good luck
becschasebaby
05-02-2006, 22:07
thanks so much for your advice i havent taken the fefol in a couple of days and am feeling a lot better. i am going to invest in some elevit this week.
sorry to be a downer again but i need to ask this cause i am only just hearing it now and its really upsetting.
one of my younger cousins tonight made a comment about me being an unmarried mother in a rather negative way, which has had me in tears for the last hour (not in front of them of course!)
do you ever get used to the judgement? is there anything you can do or say or think to make it not hurt as much?
MummaBex
06-02-2006, 08:01
hi all, my name is bec and i am the single mum of a gorgeous 13 months old.
to be honest i didn't wana write on the single mum posts as i felt a little shy about telling my story. reading that i'm not the only one who is doing it alone makes my mind feel at ease. this sounds studid, (please don't think i'm embarrased about being a single mum, i'm sooooo not), but i just meet some mums in my area from this sight and after finding out how set up they all are- married, house, little picket fence and a puppy; i felt like i might just avoide telling them about me until i feel bit closer to them. well now that i've meet with them a few times and definately after coming onto the single parent posts, i don't feel like i should be worried at all.
well i'm not sure whether you other mums have just become a single mum or whether you were write from the start. i became a single mum just 3 weeks after my son CODY was born. i thought it was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, but now i can sit back and look at my little man and say he is who he is all because of me. i am lucky to have had support from all my family and friends, however i have done it alone and am proud of it.
i couldn't image having to go through pregnacy alone, for those who did or are doing that now, i think you are amazing. if you can make it through that then will will have no probs with being a single mumma. good luck to you all.
hope you don't mind me joining in. see you.
love bec and codz;)
Hi Girls
It really doesn't matter in which situation you are, there are ALWAYS going to be people who will judge you just for the sake of it. And out of experience, those are normally the ones who have the bigger problems! So yes, you do get used to it, but even then it can hurt when someone says something. At the end you already are someone special BECAUSE you are doing it on your own, it shows courage and strength to do that. Not that mum's with partners and houses and puppies have it necessarely better or have it easier because they have the lot!! You'd be surprised.
On the upper hand, I have so many people coming up and admiring the fact that I'm doing it all on my own, only with the support from family and friends!!!
Belinda:p
Polony and mummy sam - thanks for your advice, makes me feel better!
Bec - it's good to hear that you are feeling better. I can't believe your cousin would say something negative about your pregnancy. I know how upsetting it is though. My next door neighbours were talking (really loudly) the other day about how babies "need both a mother and a father to grow up properly". I got really upset when I heard that, but then the next day their baby was crying and the father started making crying noises back at the baby. That made me feel a whole lot better, coz I would rather have no father in my baby's life, than have a father like that! I don't know if it gets easier though, sorry!
Mummabex - (less confusing than saying Bec again!!) The more the merrier, it is always nice to see that you are not alone. I know that this site has helped me heaps! You should be proud of what you have achieved so far! It must have been hard to be on your own after only 3 weeks. Congrats! Btw, I love the name Cody, that's what I'm gonna name my bub if I have a boy!
Mandy - I know how you feel. People that don't know me always assume the worst. I just tell myself "it's ok, they don't know me" but it still hurts when people judge without knowing the whole story. Hope your pregnancy is going well!
Hi Belinda,
Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you out, I was writing my post at the same time that you posted! That's some good advice there! It's good that you have people that admire what you are doing. I do too, but not all of them (obviously!) Maybe we all should just listen to the positive comments and let the negative ones go!:D
Saara
Hi Saara
all good!
But this is why this thread is so good, cause we give each other the support that we need!!!!
As we all said before, we are not alone. It's quite intresting to see just how many single parents there are out there (no wonder, when you think that every 2nd marriage ends in divorce!):eek:
Belinda
Hi Ladies,
Being a single mum is always going to be hard, with judgments from married women, the older generation and men we meet (but not all, only a few), practally anyone who doesn't know us. It's human nature to ASSUME, unfortunatley. If someone doesn't know the whole truth they will jugde and it's the real cruel ones (sometimes jealous ones) who say it to your face. In pregnacy it always takes 2 to tango, is it our fault or the fault of our child that the father walks out...NO. In most cases there has been a relationship involved to produce the child but it's easy for the father to walk no so easy for the mother.
Never ever put yourself down for being a single mother, being a mother (single or not) is the most miracilous thing a women can do. Just remember bringing another life into the world is amazing. Raising,feeding, loving, protecting that child comes naturally for a mother single or not.
Ladies we have all been put into this situation because of our male partners and if the judges dislike the situation they can go and jump.
Bec I'm sorry your cus was so cruel, you wouldn't expect family to be so rude. I'm not sure if she is a mum herself but she had not rite to say that to you. You dont know me but because I am in the same situation (all of us r on this thread) I can relate to u and all I can say is being a single mum is fantastic, hard but soooo rewarding, I wouldn't trade my son for the world. I would have loved a partner but just because I haven't doesn't make me less of a mother.
Lynda, you always know the right thing to say!:D
Hello all,
How is everyone today? I'm ok, but I need to have a vent, so I thought I would do so here. I am so sick of people telling me how I am getting so big. Hello, I'm six months pregnant.....? I know that none of them are trying to be mean, but it's really getting on my nerves. (Could just be pregnancy hormones too!) So far (just today) I have had "Gee, are you sure your maternity shirt is going to fit you the whole way through?" (my new work shirts) "Oh, I would have thought you only had one month left" and (my favourite!) "Are you sure there is only one baby in there?" I must look huge to be getting all these comments, but I don't feel like I am that big. Anyway, just needed to get that out! Thanks for listening!
Saara:D
becschasebaby
07-02-2006, 14:00
saara,
i think you have a good right to be feelign offended and grumpy about those comments! you wouldnt go round tellling an unrpegnant person that her clothes dont fit or that she looks like shes having twins. why do people think that just cause you are pregnant, they have a right to comment on your weight? i think its disgusting. my aunties and a few friends have taken to calling me 'fatty', which i know they mean nothing by, but doesnt exactly encourage me. especially cause i am still really small (which people like to comment on too - what, your four months? i just thought you were a bit chubby!) what are they going to say when it does get big?
so i empathise with you! remember, 'its not fat, its a new life' ... ;)
bec
Hi Saara
they're probably just jealous cause you have a bump to show off!!!:D My answer to all comments was: "well, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse??" Seemed to shut them off after a while:D
I know how you feel though, but I ended up wearing tight shirts just for the sake of it...not sure if this helps....
PM me if you want a proper chat......do you work in the City?? I work in the Valley, just started back for 5 days a fortnight :eek:
Thanks guys! It's funny, I just had soemone come into work (fitness guys, they come in each Tuesday) and one of them told me "You don't look like your 6 months along, your belly isn't that big":D That made me feel heaps better! Especially as he is a personal trainer and only sees me once a week, so I would assume he would notice changes more than people who see me 5 days a week!
Belinda, I will pm you, thanks.
Saara:D
Hi Saara and ladies,
I had the opposite comments. When I was 5mths (didn't know I was pregnant) I was the thinnest I have been since early teens. When I was 8 1/2 moths I had to pull my shirts in so u could see my bump (my mum wanted a photo) I was 3 days off giving birth and I was told I must off mixed the dates up (like I was stupid or something)
With everything in life we are all different, we put on weight diffrently(pregas weight), lose it differently(afta pregas), carry our child different, give birth different. Just remind urself what a wonderful job ur doing and how wonderful it will be to hold ur child.
A close friend had her DD 4 days before my boy and she had it all, morning sickness, swelling of the ankles, diabeties, heart burn, drugs, tearing etc... I had none of that but do I comment NO, we are just different. We both end up with beautiful children.
Tho the old saying 'eating for two' is out, no need for that, if the doc is happy with everything that's happening with u, then u need to be happy, take the comments with a pinch of salt but tell the person u don't appreciate it.
I haven't meet u or seen u but I think u look beautiful
Sorry I didn't reply earlier but I had to work 2day
Hi Lynda (and everyone),
Thanks for your reply. I know that everyone is different, but sometimes it suprises me just how different we all are! I'm really lucky, haven't had morning sickness or anything like that, but obviously I have put on weight! My ankles swell in the heat too (I'm lucky as well that I work in an air conditioned office, where I can sit down! So my ankles aren't too bad during the week!)
It's strange, I have been eating a bit more than normal (3 meals and 2 snacks a day), but have only really been eating healthy food (mostly!!):D Anyway, I'm trying to ignore them all, or just laugh it off. (Most of the comments come from my boss and the CEO of the company, so hafta just laugh:eek: )
Anyway, I don't know if I have made any sense at all, so I'm just gonna say thanks again! and I'll chat to you all later.
Saara:D
Hi,
I'm a 23 yr old single mum to be... 16wks pregnant, and single pretty much from the moment I told my ex... at the time we were still living together....
I'm presently having issues with him being difficult in deciding how involved he wants to be... he has openly expressed he is ashamed about the child, and does not feel that he will ever be proud of it.... I have asked that if this is the case that it would be better for the child that he was not involved.... am I crazy for wanting what's best for this bub???? Because he is trying to make me feel that way!
Don't get me wrong, I have a fabulously supportive family, with my mum being a single parent too, a great job, uni studies I love, and I am loving this wonderful experience for what it is... but he is the one thing that is throwing me off kilter....
Has anyone else had any problems like this??? I'm hoping someone can reassure me there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Cheers!
Kaz,
Never ever be ashamed of becoming a mother, it's a wonderful job and be privliged that you created and carrying a life. The father of my DS and I were friends for over a year and housemates for 10mths or so. The nite I told him was the last time I saw him, till he dargged me into court. He made us have DNA test (he knew he was the father but wanted to just p**s me off (it worked)) :mad: but when the test came back saying he was the father then he had to pay for my legal cost (as well as his own) and also backpay me maitenance. (sweet justice) tho I would have loved him to be involved with his son, we are betta off without him.
If you really want this child then go for it, have no regrets, what happened between u and the father is not the childs fault. U will always want the best for ur child and if having no involvement from the father is wat it takes then so be it. U said u have a very supportive family, that's all u need.
How does his family feel? I keep my DS fathers parents up to date, tho they have never meet him (other side of country) but I send photos and emails. Just because the father wants nothing to do with the child doesn't mean the grandparents don't.
Kaz being a single mum is hard, don't get me wrong, very hard at times but sooo rewarding. Whether the father is in the picture or not that child will be loved and cared for by you and thats all he'she needs.
I hope this makes u feel a bit betta, I understand that it is a confusing :confused: time for you, ur mum and local child health centres can help you. But this site is amazing for ideas, opinions and info about just about everything. And with the single mum thread u will find that we have all been thru it as well.:)
Take Care
Thanks Lynda,
It's fantastic to hear from someone that's "been there and done that"! Mostly its reassuring to know I'm not crazy for thinking the way I am.
He finds it hard to understand, that as unplanned as it was, this is one of life's little miracles, that I am determined to enjoy and make the most of, and I won't let anyone make me feel guilty for it!
Like you I would love for him to be involved, but at the same time I am prepared to go it alone should that be the best thing for the little one.... he/she is my priority!
I'm ready for the challenges to come, but just as ready for the rewards a bit of hard work brings!
Thanks again!
My pleasure Kaz, that reply sounds a bit more upbeat. Sounds like ur going to give this motherhood thing a try. Good on u.
My DS is nearly 2 and his father has never seen, held, even acknowledged him, it's a shame but all my boy needs is me. I will tell my DS about his father, I will not paint him badly but will tell him the truth, that his father has never had anything to do with him and its not his fault it's his fathers problem.
If he comes around in later years, well I just don't know what I will do will take it on IF it happens.
All u need to remember is this child is one of natures miracles and u Kaz are carrying him/her and will soon be loving and nurturing(not sure on spelling) that child.
Take Care Chin Up be proud of what you accomplished
becschasebaby
10-02-2006, 23:13
KAZ!!!
we are so much nearly the same. im 23 and due in july with my first (on the 11th) single from the start too, was never with the partner. i agree thats its a bit scary at first but i have got used to it more now and am quite excited about it. the only thing that worries me still is the babies father- whether he will step back in and demand custody or leave altogether...
im a control freak and i am quickly learning that pregnancy and babies takes away all your control! i cant control my body, i cant control what the baby will look like or the sex it will be and i cant control its father and the decisions and actions he makes (which is still totally FREAKING me out by the way!)
but enough about me. how are you feeling, both physically and emotionally> are you fat yet? have you got good supports?
and lynda, what a star you are i cant wait to catch up. KAZ - think about moving to wa then you can hang with us!
hang in their love.
bec xxx
Hi all
isn't it funny how somehow we are all in the same boat......
I was working with Riley's Dad and we were going out for a while (ok, not neccessarely my best decision), and then i fell pregnant. He told me straight on that he didn't want anything to do with the kid. Fair enough, i respect that and we were still talking and he asked me for a while how is was going, and so on...anyway, it had to come to a fight and I used my best weapon - bringing up Child Support. He was total grobsmacked, cause he told me that he didn't want anything to do with "it" and i agreed (really, what DO men think sometimes???)
So anyhow, it just went downhill from there and he started the whole "well i'm not sure if i'm the dad". So that made me feel even more miserable. Riley was born in April 05, and by December we had the Paternity results in. Now he has to pay me back for the last 10 months on Child Support ( I believe this is called KARMA) and his regular monthly payments going forward. Mind you, his payment due date was last week and still no $$ received, not sure if he's trying to get back at me by not paying (should I make him aware that if he doesn't pay, he messes with the Government, not me??? NAHHHHHH)
Anyway, I had the best pregnancy, NO Morning Sickness, nothing, I actually lost weight in the beginning and felt my very best all the way thru. Riley was 13 days overdue, and then came within 2 1/2 hours (yep, short labour - yipeehhhh).,I loved every minute of being pregnant, and even now he's a good baby.It's like I've been "rewarded" with the good pregnancy and this beautiful baby for putting up with all this crap.
So no, it's so not easy as a single mum, cause it's not only about caring for the baby, BUT dealing with all the other stuff all by yourself. But in the end, it's you and the baby, and that's all that counts.
Sorry for hijacking the post, was good to get it all of my chest........:D
Hi Mandy
do yourself a favour and get the payments thru CSA. No matter how much you trust your girl's dad, there's always going to be some issue. At least when he doesn't pay, the CSA follows it up, and you don't have to deal with another problem. I find it takes the stress out of it, cause the last thing I want to do is runafter HIM to pay.
Yeah, little monster was too cosy in my belly, had to be induced :) . ven when i went into hospital my cervix wasn't open AT ALL!!!! So if it was for bub, he probably would have stayed another couple of days !!!!!!
But I believe that this did him good, we had no problems with him so far.......
Cheers
Belinda :p
sshellzp
11-02-2006, 11:22
Mandy - If your gunna get parenting payment from centrelink like I do they make you go thru the csa and if you don't they take some of ure pay away. Which is funny for me coz me and my fiance are still together and I had to apply for child support coz were not living together.
Shell.
claireandbailey
11-02-2006, 12:24
Hi I just saw this thread and thought it would b great to chat to some other single mums. My DD Bailey is 6 mths old and i have been a single mum from the start. I was only with her father for a couple of mths b4 i found out i was pregnant and he didnt want anythin to do wit her at all. he wanted me to get rid of her(which NEVER crossed my mind) so the hwole time i was pregnant i would update him on how i was goin just so that late on down the track he could never tell me that i never involved him. But now i wish i had never wasted my energy..... he's seen bailey a total of 5 times wen she was born and only ever bought her this crappy stuffed toy for Christmas. When she was born i got him to sign the Birth Certificate, but my only mistake was tellin him i didn;t want any money from him at all but then realisin that U dont get that much money from centrelink. I rang up child support and they are collectin money from him. so far he's only ever paid me once and boy did he make me feel guilty for keepin the money. But wen it all comes down to it, Bailey is his responsibilty and he should help me out sometimes. Its really hard cos he only talks to me wen he wants to and he's never asked to see bailey I've always made the effort to take her to him. But now he;s gonna get a Shock cos i;m not doing it anymore. if he wants to see bailey he can make the effort. (sorry he makes me angry and need to vent sometimes)
I realise now that bailey doesnt need the stuffin around and she gets more than enough love from me and my family. One day He'll wake up and realise that he has missed out on the most important thin in the world.
U know Ladies, it's soooo easy for the man to walk away from responsibility and yet they complain wen we ask for finacial help. Pack of whinges, they want the pleasure and fun, it's as if they think we get pregnant on our own, DER!!!!!!
The father of my DS disappeared from the day I told him I was pregnant ( i was 7mths), then demanded a DNA test. I had no quarms in going for child support thru CSA and recommend it to u all. As Gribel said we've got enough on our plate without trying to chase the father down for money, let the government do it, that's what they are there for.
My DS father has never till the very day (DS 2 end Feb) but I have never had a problem with child support also he has never said he didn't want anything to do with his son, he has never said anything, not one word. So I don't know what's going thru his mind.
I kept him up to date with everything, the day our son was born I rang and left a msg on his phone, I found out where he was living and dropped off some pictures and tried to get him involved, I even took my DS to court with me and tried to get him to look at his son but nothing not a word. I was expecting 'leave me alone, I don't want anything to do with you 2' or something of that effect but it was silence. I kept trying for a year, the last thing I did was invite him to our sons 1st bday but he was a no show. So I gave up on that day. I have not sent him anything since.
I believe he will regret treating us the way he has and missing out on his son. I didn't want marriage, we were never really an item all I wanted was him to be involved with his son. I never wanted him to come back at me saying I never let him have anything to with his son, but after a year of trying I gave up, what was the point, it was a waste of time, breathe and energy. But it's his loss.
All our kids need is us, a single mum can give all the support, love and care a child needs. We are no less of a mother because we r single.
Having the support of family and friends does help too.
Over the 2 yrs of my sons life I come to the conclusion, always get help CSA to retrieve ur maitenance and if you try and involve the father and he still wont be involved then at least u have tried and wen ur child grows up and asks what happened u can tell them the truth. That u tried.
Ladies we must stick 2gether and this site is perfect for advice wen something happens in our own life
Take Care
Thanks Mandy, but I did try and everyone knew I did and they didn't blame me at all wen I finally gave up. Alot of them said I tried for to long, but I thought a year was just enough to try and turn his thoughts around but I was just wasting my time.
I keep his parents up to date, I didn't take it out on them. He asked them not to be involved but his mum couldn't help herself, this is her grandson after all. I send them pictures and emails to tell them how things are with Xav.
If ur little girl grows up knowing u tried to get her father to be involved like I tried with Xav's father then that all anyone can expect, the fact we have tried.
We can't make the father be involved but if we tried to include them, they haven't got a leg to stand on in the none custody/involvement plea.
Take Care
Bec, you are completely right.... in reading all the posts over the last few days, its amazing how similar everyones stories are..... are all men really that immature and predictable... lol...
I have very similar fears to what you have expressed, the uncertainty of whether he is going to have any involvement or not is hard.... I think my biggest fear is that he is going to try and make life harder for us... sometimes I think it would be easier just for him to leave us alone, however I don't want he/she to miss out on getting to know their father, but in the same breath I don't want he/she to have a parent around that in any way resents or is ashamed of them... because no matter how hard they try it will always be there, and kids are smart they pick up on these things, been there done that with my own mum... so its all so confusing right now, and you are right, having no control is scary, but I can just offer the oppurtunities and see what he does.... and of course research my legal rights in the meantime should the worst happen! It's amazing how he can't get it thru his head that he should be there because he wants to, and because he can add something positive to this kids life, not thru some sense of obligation.
On the CSA front, my ex too already stated he would rather not go thru CSA, and when I explained to him that it needs to happen at least in assessment terms, he made it an issue, so he loses that choice now, I'm not going to let that become a sticking point, and I will utilise CSA for everything, that's one less drama to worry about!
Funny you should say that Bec, I have been looking at the possibility of moving to Perth lately... lol...
:) Yeah Kaz move to Perth, move up close to Bec and myself, it'll be great.
If the father of ur child only sees the baby thru obligation then ur both betta off without him. A father should be there because he wants to be part of the childs life. This child will grow up very confused if the father comes in and out of it's life and u also wont know what to do. You need to move on with ur life as well but if ur getting messed around by the father it'll be hard to do. But do go thru CSA it's so much easier and it's all legal and monitored and fair to both parties.
Bec- I hope the move up to Mullaloo goes smoothly for u.
Mandy - I see u have a new avatar, u r looking mighty FINE there. Hope all is well at ur end.
Take Care All
Hi everyone,
How are you all going? I haven't been on for a few days, I was really sick on Friday and then had a really busy weekend and Monday! I went for my GD test yesterday and had a checkup. Everything seems to be going ok, which is good.
Belinda - how are you going with payments now? I hope that has worked out for you.
Mandy - Good on you for putting your foot down and going through CSA. My ex says that he's gonna pay me money when the baby is born, but I will be going through them as well, as I don't believe a word he says anymore.
Claire - Hi, how are you going? It is nice to be able to chat to other single parents on here. I'm so much happier for being able to do it (and realising that I'm not the only one!) Congratulations on how far you have come on your own. You sound like you are doing a fantastic job with Bailey, and you are right, he will wake up one day and realise what he has missed out on.
Lynda - great advice yet again! You are such an inspiration to me.........I hope that when my bubs comes along I can be as strong and do as well as you have. I don't know if I could keep trying for a year though. My ex is adamant (sp?) that he wants to be part of the bubs life though, so I don't think that I will have that problem, but he owes me a lot of money already (nearly $10,000) and I have so far seen $350 of it. I think that money will be my problem, so I'm going through CSA no matter what he says!
Kaz - I know exactly how you feel........It's scary not knowing and not having control over what they are going to do........I grew up not knowing my dad coz of stuff that happened with my stepdad and I don't ever want to put my child through what I went through, but what do you do if they choose not to see the kids? It's a tough issue.
Anyway, enough rambling from me..........
Chat to you all soon,
Saara:D
Hi Saara,
I'm glad ur feeling betta. I'm also glad ur GD went well.
*If this is the only advice thats worth anything to u all is that please go thru CSA not matter what the father says or how u feel towards the father. This is for ur childs future, CSA is all about ur child, not u, not the father. And don't ever think ur doing the wrong thing by anyone by going thru CSA.*
Geez the way I go on about CSA u'd think I had shares in the place, sorry.
Single mums rule!!! :D
Hi All
since we are all alone (well, not really, but...) I just wanted to say
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL OF US
Belinda :p
*sob sob, sniff sniff*
That was such a lovely gesture Belinda, rite bac at u. If only u were of the opposite sex I'd send u a big kiss. Ah wat the hell i'll send u 1 anyway.
Quick turn to the side so I can give u a big smooch on the cheek, ready???????
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuoooooooowwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa(not sure how u do a kiss sound but there u go.)
:D ;) :p :D
OOOOHHHHHHHH...thank you, that was a slobby and wet one too:eek: :p :D !!!!!!!
May have been sloppy but at least there was no tongue:p :p
(heehee) :D :D
Yeah, that would have been a worry!!!!
You should see me here, I'm at work, cracking up about the replies here and people look at me really funny cause I burst out in loud laughter (we're in a call centre) ....:D
Thanks Belinda. I had forgotten all about it (sorta!) Happy Valentines Day to you too.:D (And to all the other single people out there!!)
claireandbailey
14-02-2006, 16:33
How is everyone going? I'm not too good needin to get some frustrations out at the moment so i'll apologise now. SORRY.
ok well here goes. i'm sick of bailey;s dad only talkin to me wen it is convienent for him. I hate the way he doesnt talk to me for weeks then all of a sudden i get a message sayin "hi how r u?" hardly ever asks how bailey is. It drives me insane!!! How can someone not care a bit about the most important person in the world (sorry in my world anyway). But the other thing that drives me crazy is that i still really care for him. I dont want to be with anyone else except him. I dont know why cos of all the s*** he's put me through. Mayb its cos he's baileys dad i dont know.
And another thing is his family. They never knew about bailey till after she was born because he was too gutless to tell them about her, so i emailed a pic of her to him mum. They were really good about it i used to take her to see them and they loved her so much, but now i dont know wat has happened i havent heard from them since christmas day. I suppose its their loss.
I've decided to not make any effort at all to contact them or baileys dad. if they want to see her they can come to me (they live an hour away from me). Is this being selfish though?? ARRGH i hate this crap. I just want the best for my baby but i;m sick of all the stuffing around.
Sorry this doesnt make much sense but its better to get it off my chest rather than let it bottle up .
Hi Claire,
No apologies needed for vents, we all need to do that from time to time and all of us here have been thru or going thru want ur experiencing.
Do wats best for Bailey, I know it's hard to figure out wat that is but u will. Do his parents have email, if so send them updates, if not, pictures, don't take Bailey to them, they should come to u.(If it's regular then visit them) As for her dad, well it's hard to let go of someone we once loved, the one who help us produce our wonderful children but if he will not make the effort to be in her life then don't confuse her.
And for ur sake u need to let go of him, he's not doing u any favours by treating u and Bailey like this, it will be hard but unless he is willing to try u don't need this c**p he's pulling.
Even as young as Bailey, she will know that this man comes in and out of her life and it will confuse her, if he is not there at all it wont. When our kids r older they will want to know who their father is, thats fine but to see their father 1 or twice a year will be more harm. I'm no expert on these things, maybe it's more harmful to keep their father away, I don't know but a father that doesn't make an effort or half hearted effort should not have the privlage.
This Claire is only my opinion, and only by experience, my son dad has never had anything to do with him, but I keep his folks up to date via emails(They live in Tas, hard to visit from WA).
All we can do is advise, give opinions and suggestions the rest is up to u. It's ur decision and the decision effects both u and Bailey.
I truely hope it all works out for u.
We r here to listen weneva u need us.:)
becschasebaby
15-02-2006, 14:46
claire i so hear you.
my bubbies daddy does exactly the same - a message every couple of months. then i dont reply and he gets mad and accuses me of forcing him out of the babies life!!!! what do you do with that?
my bubby isnt born yet, but i was interested to hear what you said about the fathers parents - i have been wondering what to do about that myself? did you contact them first or did they contact you?
Bec, I contacted DS fathers parents first as they didn't know about their grandson.
When I found out I was pregnant and told the father I also gave him till the birth of our child to tell his parents if he didn't I would. After our DS was born I was so wrapped up in motherhood I forgotten and by the time I remembered he had dragged us into court wanting a DNA test. I waited till after the results came in and contacted them. They and DS father had talked and the father told his parents he didn't want them involved, but his mother couldn't help it, so I send them updates and picture over email,or post every few months or wen he does something exciting to report. They have never met him as they r on the other side of the country but they have sent bday cards , pressies and xmas cards and pressies. But I think DS father is still in their ear about it as his mother keeps trying to get me to move on with some else to be daddy to my son.
Easier said than done.
I have never kept my DS father, grandparents, aunt away from him. It's been DS fathers choice.
My DS has also a half sister he has never met either but I am sure her mother knows of my son as she lives in the same town as DS grandparents.
If the grandparents of ur child know about the pregnancy give them a month to respond then send them an email/letter asking if they would like to be involved.
(Keep all correspondance u have with them and daddy, I have) just in case they want to come back at me or my DS wants to know the way I tried, I can show him the letters and/or emails.
claireandbailey
15-02-2006, 16:17
I had Baileys dad's brother's girlfriend (Vicki) (her aunt i suppose?!?!) email adress and i used to email her a fair bit. i told her that i was pregnant but never told her it was Tods baby. She put two and two together and figured out that it was his. It was vicki that told his mum bout the baby then she gave me his mums email address and i told her bout it all myself. It was wierd how it all worked out Tods Grandmother died a week b4 bailey was born and was buried the day after she was born. We've emailed each other a fair bit and i;ve taken bailey to see them probaby every 2 weeks or so, but since christmas i havent heard a word from them at all. I thought that they really cared bout bailey cos whenever we were there they couldn't get enough of her. His mum even gave bailey her own baby bracelet for christmas its 53 years old!!!!
I get so confused too bout wat to do so that i'm doing the right thing. But wat is the right thing to do, is it sacrificing my time and money just so that they can see bailey or do i just not make any effort make them do it all for once. I dont know.
Claire I don't know wat to say. It's strange that they have just stopped seeing Bailey especially after that special xmas gift. Maybe Todd said something to them or maybe they're just caught up in their own little world. you wont know unless u ask. As for trying to keep them involved u've done enough. It's their turn to make an effort.
Doing the rite thing for ur child is hard to figure out but u will, don't go busting a gut or the bank balance to make these people see Bailey. If they truely want to c her then they will.
It's all about give and take, half and half, 50/50, if ur doing more than ur share, stop. Why should u be the one who makes all the sacrifices.
Take Care
becschasebaby
16-02-2006, 12:01
thanks for that advice lynda and claire u guys rock! you all sound soo wise. i will get onto it - maybe after the ultrasound i will send them a picture.
have a lovely day - i am moving to mullaloo today yey!:p
claireandbailey
16-02-2006, 12:11
thanks for that advice lynda and claire u guys rock! you all sound soo wise. i will get onto it - maybe after the ultrasound i will send them a picture.
have a lovely day - i am moving to mullaloo today yey!:p
I dont know bout wise but i think that u have to learn to deal wit the situation. trust me it'll get harder but somehow its all startin to feel a little easier. I've decided to not make an effort, i have to concentrate on me and bailey. she;s a special little girl who i;m just starting to get to know. and i love every minute of her. i dont need to be worryin bout other things.
Exactly Claire.
You can try and try and keep trying to get the father/family involved but if they dont want to be it's a waste of ur time and effort. This time and effort could have been spent on ur child.
All that matters now is our kids, us and the kids, no one else.
I have given up on DS father but I keep his folks updated on special occasions, not everyday. Xmas, Bday, Easter etc... Theonly time I do it any other time is when I do a bulk email to everyon I know updating what new thing he has done and I include them in that email.
Don't stress about him or his family, it u and bub time, not stress time, besides u have enough on ur plate at the mo with moving and finishing ur schooling before u know it ur little one will be here.
Chill my friend, it will all work out in the long run which ever way the father/family situation goes. Just remember ur the one that pulls the strings, this is ur baby, ur life.
Take Care
Hi! How is everyone going? Hope things are well for you all. I don't really have anything to add to what you have all said as I haven't had my bub yet, so not sure what will happen when I do. (Probably be coming to you all for advice!)
Well, I found out last Friday that my job will not exist anymore after I leave to have bub (I'm a casual), but I can stay as long as I want before going (if that makes sense?) I can't remember if anyone has talked about this or not, but the mums who were single through pregnancy as well, when did you leave work? And how did you cope with not having a partner's pay? Centrelink told me that it will take them a month (at least) before I can start getting paid by them, but in the meantime, how do I pay rent and other bills? At this rate, I will have to be at work until I go into labour! Any advice would be much appreciated!
Thanks in advance,
Saara.:D
I can't believe that Centrelink are gonna take so long to come through with the money!!
I am a little confused...
Yup me too........But until bub is born, I would have to be on Newstart and looking for work???????? Plus, my payments would be lower 'coz I "chose" to leave work:confused:
Hi Saara,
I left work on the 8th of Jan 2004 and had DS on the 28 Feb 2204 and during the time it took Centrelink to pay me I had to go on Newstart. But my dad helped me thru that period by paying all the rent and groceries for DS and me. (It helped he lived with us) But I went back to work wen DS was only 6wks old, I gave up full time work in Jul 05 and just recently got a part time job. I just can't afford to live off Centrelink payments.
Saara I know I haven't helped at all but I will not sugar coat how hard it is going to be till u have a routine not only for bub but for finances as well.
claireandbailey
23-02-2006, 20:41
Yup me too........But until bub is born, I would have to be on Newstart and looking for work???????? Plus, my payments would be lower 'coz I "chose" to leave work:confused:
I finished work 8 weeks b4 i had my DD and i went on NEWSTART allowance but i could only get that 6 weeks b4 i was due. They send u out all sorts of rubbish to go for interviews and stuff but u are exempt from looking for jobs, i mean who would want to hire someone who is 8 mths pregnant. I think that i needed to get a letter from my employer to say i had gone in maternity leave and a letter from my doctor to say i was pregnant. but trust me start saving ur money now cos u dont get much money on newstart, i got something like $400 a fortnight. Luckily i lived with my mum and had everything for the baby. hope this helps a bit.
Thanks for your replies Lynda and Claire. I know how hard it is going to be.......I don't know how I am going to cope, but I guess you just do. I'm starting to really stress about money and what I'm gonna do, and my ex just keeps saying "Don't worry about it, I'll go to work and give you money." Well, he has been working for the last week, but he has known about bub for months and is just starting to do something now? I don't want to rely on that.
Oh well, at least I will be exempt from looking for work! At this stage it looks like I will be working up until the start of May (I'm due mid-May) so that I can pay extra on my rent and be ahead with that as well as my other bills, but then I won't have any savings...........At least my bills will be paid tho. I also have alot of the stuff that I will need for bubs already and mum is going to help me out with things that I need, so hopefully it will all work out for me.
Thanks for listening to my :ecomcity: !
Saara:D
becschasebaby
24-02-2006, 23:59
saara,
i totally think one of the scariest things about having a baby by yourself is the money issue. its one thing to loose your job when you arent pregnant - you just go out and get another one, but when you cant work when you are pregnant where do you get money? you are right - im nearly 5 months pregnant, and centrelink decided to suspend my youth allowance this week, and i suddenly realized that i would have NO way of getting money.....scary. and you are right about not relying on ex's, they already think all we want off them is money! (well mine does anyways..sorry to generalise!)
mine ended alright, centrelink gave me back my payments and the fright was over. a social worker did tell me that you wont have to look for work for the last 6 weeks of your pregnancy and you will get paid so you are right there. if you find that you are having trouble sorting out centrelink, make an appointment with one of their social workers they are really helpful and will tell you all sorts of stuff that a normal customer service officer wont tell you about what you are entitled to get before and after baby. they also explain all about child support to,w hich you will probably need to know.
good luck! :chef:
Thanks for the advice Bec. I will have to go and make an appointment with a social worker from Centrelink.
My ex thinks all I want is money too! But, hello, it's your baby too.....You can't have it be your baby for the fun stuff and then go "All you want is money." No, actually all I want is to provide for my bub!
Thanks again,
Saara:D
Yeah, isn't taht funny just HOW some men think?? When I found out that I was pregnant and my ex and I had a chat about that, he told me straight up that he didn't want anything to do with the baby. Fair enough., But a few months down the track, when I threw him some info re child support he was a bit grobsmacked since he told me that he didn't want anything to do with "it". Well, HELLO, what did you think? Yeah sure, you can walk away from the responsibility, live your life as you know with no further impact??:banghead:
I was tempted to belt him right then and there. And guess what, it took as 10 months, but now he has to pay (and also back pay me since Riley was born)
So anyway here i am :ecomcity: :ecomcity: , but that felt really good to get it off my chest.
Lynda and Saara, hope you are well. Riley started walking all by himself last week, so know he's a little devil around the house:devil6:
Talk soon
Belinda
claireandbailey
26-02-2006, 12:37
it is funny how the men always think all u want is their money when really its their responsibility too. advice to mummys-to-be, make sure you go through child support for your maintenance cos the last thing you want to do is to be chasing your money of their fathers. its hard to support a child on the pittance you get from centrelink.
its really weird only last week was i complaining that Bailey's dad's family hasn;t been contactin me or wanting to be involved lately and last wednesday i get a phone call from her Grandma wantin to meet me somewhere so she could see bailey. Ended up goin bak to her house to see the rest of the family. Bailey;s dad was there, that was really strange. he was holding bailey and she cuddled right into his chest which she doesnt normally do to anyone except me and my family. Its been a strange week actually.
:bday: to me
:bday: to you :bday: to you
Hope your week gets better
I hear ya all on the money front....
I'm busy saving my butt off now so that things can be a bit easier later.... thankfully I'm living with my Grandparents at the moment, so living expenses are kept to a minimum, but that will change around June... I'm lucky that I have a full time job, and with the annual leave and minimal amount of Maternity leave they give it won't be a whole slab of unpaid leave where i have to rely on Centrelink payments (not that there's anything wrong with that).... mind you I am hoping to get a better job that I've applied for, so I could be making things harder for myself in the long run, but only time will tell.....
I also hear ya on the guys and money subject.... Thankfully I have cut ties with my ex for the time being, because I was sick of the immaturity and bs.... but one of the main things we fought about was the money issue.... I think that was his reasoning for him not wanting to have the bub firstly... how shallow..... I think he thinks CSA is some evil thing, because he was adamant he doesn't want to go through them.... but hello buster you've been an absolute untrustworthy tool this whole time, like I am going to give you the choice!!!
Kaz you go girl :yelclap:
Look it doesn't matter how friendly you are with the father, the best thing for your child is to go thru CSA.
The father needs to realise that this is not about him or you it's about the child and his/her future. Going thru CSA ensures that the childs future is somewhat as stable as it can be, finacially.
I beleive some fathers think that nappies, wipes, formula, baby food and clothes grow on trees. Not to mention the lack of sleep and the entertaining and teaching we need to do EVERYDAY, just makes you want to :banghead:
Good work Kaz for trtying to get some financial stability happening before bubs arrives very wise choice. I wish I had more time to have done it myself but for some unknown reason i was not given that chance with only 2mths from finding out I was pregnant to time of delivery.
Hi All
the problem with men is that they either stick their head in the sand and completely ignore the "problem" OR try and fight it - and dirty too. :thumbsdown:
No matter how much you trust your ex - report it to CSA, one less thing to worry about. If he screws up payment for whatever reason it's at least the government he's screwing with and not left up to you to sort out.
It's not about getting "back" at your ex, just to cover your own fronts.
It will help you in the long run!!!!:D
claireandbailey
27-02-2006, 20:21
today bailey's grandma called me to wish me happy birthday for yesterday. which was really nice. and she wants to organise to see bailey soon. I also spoke to bailey's dad on the phone too he wanted to say happy birthday too, its so frustrating cos sometimes it feels like he actually cares about me but others he completely ignores me. he was soooo nice on the phone it made my heart nearly break all over again.
sorry this is crap i just needed to tell someone :ecomcity:
tyler's mum
27-02-2006, 20:26
oh i'm sorry claire,,, men can just be jerk's with out even knowing it sometimes:rolleyes:
claireandbailey
27-02-2006, 20:32
he prob thought that he was bein really nice but in fact is screwin my head up even more. :banghead:
tyler's mum
27-02-2006, 20:36
men have no idea what they do to us aye:confused: ....
claireandbailey
27-02-2006, 20:52
it just makes me nuts.
thats a really cute pic of u and tyler!! bailey and i had our first photo together taken yesterday. (I HATE PHOTOS OF ME) but its on my sisters camera so i havent got a copy yet.
oh wait i forgot last week wen we went to bailey;s dad's house his mum too a pic of me bailey and tod. so i lied bout a photo of me with bailey.:ecomcity: :ecomcity:
tyler's mum
27-02-2006, 20:59
oh you lier...lol:yelclap:
Hi Claire,
It's good that the other side called you to wish you happy bday but be weary, don't let your guard down not until you are 100% sure they are genuine and not trying to stop you from going to CSA or something. I know I sound paranoid but I have good cause to be. I just don't want you and Bailey being dragged thru the mud and financially abandoned. Cause it will break my heart:crying:
Oh Mandy, that's really unfair to you. I can't believe he would do something like that. What is it with these males that want to be there for the 'fun' but not for the responsibility? :banghead:
claireandbailey
28-02-2006, 19:15
Hi Claire,
It's good that the other side called you to wish you happy bday but be weary, don't let your guard down not until you are 100% sure they are genuine and not trying to stop you from going to CSA or something. I know I sound paranoid but I have good cause to be. I just don't want you and Bailey being dragged thru the mud and financially abandoned. Cause it will break my heart:crying:
dont worry nothin that they say will make me change my mind bout the CSA cos i know some other mums that have a private agreement with their baby's dad but he just doesnt pay. just makes me mad sometimes, but it just makes everythin feel better cos i know i;ve got the best thing in the world (bailey) and i don have to share her with anyone if i dont want to.
Mandy, ur prob better off without him as a support partner cos trust me u need someone that is gonna b there for you. especially at the birth. and if he is gonna carry-on like a w*#$ker then u dont need his rubbish.
tyler's mum
28-02-2006, 20:46
why do u not want to talk to family and friends??? you should not be goin through this alone,,, becoming a mum is hard enuff let alone becoming a single mum,,,, i know i don't know what happening but try not to stress,,, trust me its does no good for the bub..... take care of your self hope all works out for you.... if you ever need to chat you can pm :thumbsup: ... i will try to help the best i can....
Hey Mandy,
I was sorry to hear what the ex has done, men (we shouldn't generalize I suppose) some men just don't know a good thing when they have it. :crying: It's hard enough as it is without being let down again. But when it comes to all our ex's this is all that happens :banghead:
Hi Lyn, welcome to our little single club. I'm so sorry hubby is behaving this way and you have all the right to be upset, scared and wanting at your situation at the moment. Be brave, chin up and concentrate on that little boy you are carrying and yourself. We are all here to help in anyway. I'm not saying to give up on hubby but you don't need to be stressed, hurt, used, ignored anymore, especially now 'Lucas' is nearly here. Lyn you do need to talk to family, I had no family around to help and I wish I had. Family will always be there for you, so will we.
Chin up ladies, be positive and :hugs: to all your babies and you from us. :kiss:
tyler's mum
28-02-2006, 20:59
i was wondering if there was any single mum's on here,,, whos bub's dad are not in the pic at all??? tyler's dad is not and in fact does'nt know about her...
Yeah Xaviers dad did a runner with new gf the day I found out the day I told him and he has never seen him,touched him,asked after him, nada,none,zero.
I rang him when Xav was born, I also dropped off a birth photo and tried to get him to look at his son at court and kept trying for a year, the last thing I did was invite him to our sons 1st bday but he didn't show.
It's now a yr later my boy is 2 today. :smiliedance: :yelclap: :crying: All grown up Got a card from his parents tho which was nice but they haven't seen Xav either. (live in Tassie)
tyler's mum
28-02-2006, 21:45
happy b'day to xaviers,,, :smiliedance: ,,,
i read some of the post about dead beat dads, and sometimes wonder if i have it a big easyer cause his not in the pic??:confused: ....
claireandbailey
28-02-2006, 21:57
:bday: xavier :smiliedance:
I'm not gonna invite bailey's dad to her 1st b'day. Noone in my family has met im or his family so i dont want the day to b awkward. If they want to celebrate her bday they can organise somethin. I prob shouldn't think bout stuff like this yet cos she's only nearly 7 mths.
do u think it is wrong not to invite??
tyler's mum
28-02-2006, 22:02
i don't think its wrong he is not in her life much,,, they day should be about her and having her loved ones arounds:kiss: ,,,
i have already starting buying stuff for tyler's b'day,,, never to early to start
:bday: xavier for yesterday! Sorry it's late.
Welcome to our little group Mummy_Johnno! I have received some great advice on here.......and it is good to know that you are not the only one. Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you (I've been alone from the start), but if you do ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.
I just have to share with you all........I got my GD test results back today and they were fine! YAY! :smiliedance: That's one less thing I need to worry about!
Anyway girls, sorry for the quick post, just really wanted to share that with someone!
Saara
Yay :smiliedance: That's great news Saara. It's always good to get good news like that, means less stress on mum and bubs.
Claire as Tyler's mum said her bday is about her loved ones around her celebrating her life, to have people around who she doesn't know will make it hard on everyone and she wil pickup on that. You must do whats best for Bailey, not you and certainly not him.
Lyn, do not waste anymore time, not now. You must think more on you and your baby. Try and work things out with him later. If he really wanted to be there he would have. You can't force him so you must put you and bub first.
What you need to do is start asking the question, who will be there at the birth, who will help me thru this as your hubby just may Not be there, you need back ups.
I had my dearest and best friend come with me to classes and she was there during the birth.:hugs: She was the best, now she is due in May herself. (but she has a hubby so I can't repay her:crying: )
Do you have a reliable close friend or family memebr who will take the roll of your absent hubby.
I'm not saying give up on him I'm just saying think of you now, if he rocks up at class that's all good and well but if he doesn't your friend/family is there to help.
Hell if I was closer I'd come with you, do not go thru it alone (but if you want to that's a different story)
Lyn I don't want to sound mean or a man hater I'm not but you mustn't waste anymore time trying to get him to do the right thing because if he really wanted to do the right thing he would have. (did I just make any sense then:confused: )
It does get easier, but life is full of ups and downs whether your single, de facto, married, divorced, widowed, childless or with kids but we all learn to cope. And when we don't cope we get on Bubhub :laughing: sorry little joke
I suppose all I'm saying and this is my opinion/suggestion, move on for now dowhat You need to do to survive this time in your life for your baby's sake.
I've learnt over time, and its something that has definitely stuck with me... that guys, and people for that matter, actions speak a lot louder than words....
Someone can make all the promises and pledges they like, and be as sweet as they want with words, but if they aren't there and aren't willing to make the physical effort, then there underlying intentions are pretty clear.... sorry that's not meant to sound harsh... just real....
Have a look around you at the people that are there for you no matter what, that don't judge you, and love you warts and all.... they are your real supports.... treasure them....
I have chosen to have people I trust and that I want around me for the pregnancy and birth, rather than the childs father that barely bothers to make contact when it suits him....
tyler's mum
02-03-2006, 21:15
lyn,,, i'm sorry to say but it's never goin to be easy:crying: ,,, you just learn to deal with thats the way it is,,,, once your baby is here you relize that nothing else really matter but your new baby,,, as much as you want the bub dad around you also wont him to wanna be there,,, otherwise whats the point just a waste of everyone's time,, try not to stress so much on him,,, it's not worth it and not good for the baby:)
do you have a good support team family/friends??? that will be there/ that are there for you??? i wish you the best of luck:thumbsup:
melindabust
09-03-2006, 08:49
i am also a single mum of 2 girls. my youngest childs father has never even met her. by his choice. i dont have any support really so i guess thats why im on the net. stay positve and your children will always rewad you. I am would like to start a singleparents group out the redlands way if any one is interested
Hi guys,
Hope everyone is doing well.
Congrats on your breast pump Mandy, that is awesome! I wish I had that sort of luck!
Lyn - that's some good advice that the others have given you, so I'm just gonna say "what they said"!!
melindabust - welcome! How old are your girls? You will find some great support here, I know I have! A single parents group in the Redlands sounds great. I'm not living in the Redlands at the moment, but I spent the last 11 years there! I'm down that way a bit visiting my friends, so if you do wanna catch up or whatever, let me know.
Well, everything is going fairly well for me........I had a checkup on Tuesday and everything looks ok, 'cept my blood pressure is up a little bit (but its within a safe range she said) Only 9 and a half weeks to go........getting scary now!
Saara
becschasebaby
09-03-2006, 18:36
yay mandy...breast pump is soo cool!
other expectant single mums like me, are you finding that people are giving you stuff? yesterday i went a womens thing in the morning, and one of the women (anonymous - i still dont know who) had gone out a bought me two big bags of brand new baby stuff - little boy clothes (4 0's - so cute!) and nappies and wipes and bunny rugs and a hooded towel, i felt so blessed! and tomorrow another friend is taking me shopping to buy me some maternity tops (cause i dont have any yet and i am fast growing out of everything i own!)and i have been opffered a bunch of nursery stuff, good quality and my dad is buyign a car seat! i never expected any, i was totally prepared to do it all myself but it makes it so much more special when people gather around you and support you, both emotionally and financially.
sorry to brag ill stop now...i hope you all are being looked after by someone too, and if your not go and find some loving friends that will look after you! or come to me ill share all mine with you...
hope you are all good and bubbies good, mine is getting quite active now, lots of kicking and wiggling. i think he is going to be a ruffian!
take care
bec xx:hugs:
Way to go on all the support you are getting!
My lil sis has already bought me a car seat, Mums go halves with me for Nursery furniture, and keeps telling me to stop buying stuff so other people will have stuff to get me.... but I'm like you, fully prepared to do it on my own, after all this bub is my responsibility, but at the same time, it is nice to have that support!
Found out on Monday that the little one is most likely to be a girl... her words were "I can't see any doodle, so I'm going to go with a girl"... but of course they can't be 100% sure.... am hoping she is right though, that is what I was hoping for!
The ex still hasn't contacted me to ask how the scan want, he knew that it was happening, so I guess that is just further confirmation of his interest and intentions, obviously he takes no notice of what I have to say! I have been telling him that if he wants to be involved, which he claimed he did in the beginning, then he needs to show his level of commitment now, not later! If he wants anything to do with her, he is going to have to work damn hard that he deserves to be in this little angel's life, because he is seriously behind the eight ball at present!
Other than that, all is well and healthy, been feeling some wriggling myself, and a bum or head poking out here and there, but no kicking as such yet!
Hope all is well with everyone else!
Hey Bec - How have you been? It's great isn't it when people help you like that? My mum has gone and bought a lot of stuff for me! And my ex's father has bought some stuff, also his aunt has been buying heaps! My aunt has passed on all my cousin's baby clothes. It's so nice not to have to do everything yourself!
Karrie - Congrats on your scan. :fingerscrossed: that they got it right!
Well, I have been having serious problems with one of my room mates for the last couple of weeks. So much so, that I dread going home from work coz I have to see her and hear about something else that I have managed to do wrong. It is upsetting me to no end and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of being in tears every night (and this morning as well). I know this can't be good for the baby and it is making me feel really sick.
I'm starting to think that I just need to get out there and find my own place, but I can't afford bond or anything like that and I'm not sure that moving at this stage of my pregnancy (just over 31 weeks) would be a good thing!
Sorry about my vent, I'm tired and emotional and I just had to get all that out. Hope you are all doing better than me!
Saara
KiLLaKaZ
15-03-2006, 00:59
oops! only just discovered this thread! just read it from the beginning (took AGES!)
my husband decided that he wanted to separate (out of the blue!) over 2 months ago. i spent the whole of the first month in tears! then one day, i just got over it! i still love him, but i don't want to be pining over him & him not feel the same - it's not worth it, & i felt i was being selfish by wanting him to have feelings for me that he obviously just doesn't have!
it's a bit tough, tho because we are still living under the same roof. tho, i hardly see him - he spends ALL his spare time at his parents' house (about 5 mins drive away). it's hard seeing him around when i have feelings for him, but it's also hard when he's NOT around, coz i want him to be! :rolleyes:
we were trying for over TWO years to have a child, so i'm finding it hard to understand why he's made this decision! he says it's best for the baby because we argue all the time. later on he told me that he thinks he never even loved me! :eek: anyway, i don't think he even knows why he decided to spilt!
i read earlier about all the judgements you were all getting from other people. this is one of the reasons why i haven't told anyone, not even my family! as i mentioned, i still love my husband, & i know ppl will just say bad things about him, so i choose not to tell them (yet). also, i'm still in denial (a bit), so i want to wait until after bub's birth b4 i tell ppl. i'm sure my husband's true colours will shine through after our daughter is born! (for better or worse)!
my husband was never very supportive of me wanting to have babies. but, he always said, if it happened - it happened! when i FINALLY got pregnant he was not very supportive & refused to come to the U/S, antenatal classes (i start next week), antenatal visits & for the birth he just wanted to wait outside (if he was going to be there at all!). anyway, since splitting he has been more supportive! i don't know if it's from guilt, or not. but, i think he's grown to love our daughter already - he pats my tummy sometimes & asks how li'l Q. is doing. he's also now said that he'll be in the room when i give birth! :D ie unless he has other plans on that day/ night!! :(
sorry this is so long, just thought i'd share my story with u!
Hey Killakaz,
Thanks for sharing your story. It's good to hear that things are going better for you now. People do tend to judge, but I think it is easier to either just laugh it off or ignore it if possible. It's taken me a while to be able to do that (although it still does hurt!)
Saara:D
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