Im So Angry

[reAllytee]

I just dont know what to do.
How do i cope ????
Has someone got the manual on this ?!?!?!?!?!
Im angry at my partner, im angry at life in general.
Im trying to keep it together but it gets harder every day.
He promised he would be here for me always.
He promised !!!!
How can this happen ?!?!?!?!?!?!
He is getting worse each day he hardly sleeps & then when he does he has nightmares so is woken by them.
I hardly sleep anymore i feel like im only just existing.
He wont talk to me about how he is feeling, the pain gets worse daily.
I feel like im losing him especially when he says " he hopes not to wake of a morning " makes me feel great !
I feel like im losing part of me, i feel like i cant breathe.
I feel like im emotionless & cold on the outside yet screaming & hysterically crying on the inside.
I want someone to blame.
He promised to be with me forever he cant just take that away from me nor can anyone else.
Its not fair.
I hate this i really do.

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

Hi allyoo
sorry that you feel alone and angry but i dont know what your talking about?

[reAllytee]

Jaclyn&Serena - This is the best place to start i think.


http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=7647


Things have gotten worse though so yeah ...........

[razzle]

Oh Ally (((((hugs)))))....

I'm so sorry that you feel overwhelmed (an understatement) at the moment. Is there a family member or friend nearby that can take Harry of your hands for a little while so you can have some "me" time?

Short of that, I have no advice for you, maybe check out some more specialists?? Poor hubby must be in so much pain, and for one so young too. It's certainly hard work looking after a baby and a virtual invalid, you're doing a great job.

[Goosie22]

I'm not up with the precursor to all this but I just wanted to suggest the Mental Health Team in your area.

The emergancey number is in the front of the White pages or you could call the ambulance and have him taken away for his own saftey(not nice to think of but if it saves his life worth it)

Threatening Suicide or much the same with" I hope I don't wake in the morning"(its only a matte of time before his hopes turn into will.)
is taken very very seriously by them and they will try to help if your willing to let them.

Cognitive Therapy (various books talk about it) is good also if you are already under Mental Health Care.

Hope you find someone to help soon.

[rynosmum]

Hi Ally,

My husband had spinal issues as well with Drs trying to just keep him on Valium and Voltaren - not really addressing the problem. He has since has spinal surgery which has improved things for the most part although he still gets the odd day when he is out of action.

I really feel for you at this time. Our boys are not good with being ill and back pain - when they feel they are helpless - seems to be one of the worst.

My father has Ankylosing Spondalitis (sp?) where all of his verterbrae have fused together all the way up to his neck so he has no flexibility, can't turn his neck etc. The pain relieving drugs he took for many years c(Indocid) aused his kidneys to fail - he is now on dialysis after a failed kidney transplant. He too, goes through days of believing it is all too hard.

The stress of the unknown will be making your DH think the situation is hopeless. He has been through so much already but the only way to fix something is to know what you are dealing with. I agree that he needs to talk to someone but honestly, if he is anything like my DH and DF, he won't be interested in that for the moment. They only thing that will ease his mind is knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - you've got to get him into the Neurosurgeon.

All of my best wishes. I admire what you are doing - you're stronger than you think. Many people may have walked away - he is so lucky to have you. My Mum goes through the same thing everyday. Sometmes she has bad days (on the phone with me when she lets it all out) but she never shows it to him apart from the occassional good kick up the butt to him (which has really made him think a couple of times). She loves Dad, is terrified of losing him, is trying to be his medical specialist, wife, councillor etc all at the same time and feeling that she is failing on all counts. She is not and you are not either - throw everything at this one - we have dealt with so many Drs and specialists with Dad - don't be afraid to push the point, and push them to follow through. We almost lost Dad twice last year due completely to Dr's not following through - in the end, I took over for Mum's sake and we got done what we needed to - strangely enough we were being quoted Specialist Appt waiting times of up to 5 months but twice I pushed and got in within 48 hours - you go girl !

Katrina

[morganm2b]

Hi Ally

This is so awful that you're having to cope with all this. I think it is important that you get this anger out as it will only get worse otherwise. Is there someone professional who you can both go and talk to? Just to get this stuff off your chest? And to get you both communicating again? Good luck. Thinking of you.

Julie

[Blessed Mum]

Oh Ally,
Sorry I have no advice for you. I can't even imagine what it feels like. I suppose you feel very powerless. I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and I hope things look up for you guys really soon. Always around if you want to chat.:)

[brooke]

oh ally,
you poor thing.. I just read.. losing it! And I can understand why!
Do you have someone who you can talk too and let it all out!
Like Boomtish said.. is there someone who can take harry for a while so you can get time to yourself?
I know nothing we say can really make it better for you but if you ever need to talk please pm me!
I really hope your DH can make his way thru this! It would be so hard for him!
You are a very strong woman... you should be proud of yourself!

[Tea Lady]

Oh Ally, I'm so sorry to hear about how bad things are feeling for you. I'm not a great one for advice here, but I really hope things improve for you.

TL

[Nickster]

*hugs* to you Ally.

No real advice from me, I'm not sure what to suggest apart from what the other ladies have said.

Be gentle with yourself, and know there's always someone here at bubhub to talk to.:)

[Kable]

Ally it really sounds like your man might be suffering depression. Try checking out this website http://www.beyondblue.org.au. This might give you somewhere to start and it's a really good and informative website.

In the meantime *hugs* to you and Harry. Try to stay bright!

Ally, here's a quote I quite like, keeps me going when I'm ready to fall apart:

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

[reAllytee]

Thankyou everyone for your kind words of support i really appreciate it.
I have to say bubhub has become my place of solitude in that i can have a laugh & forget about whats going on or have a good whinge etc when needed !
Im thinking i may need to head to a doctor & have a talk for myself tis just hard when i have been off anti-depressants myself for going on 3yrs now & have been so proud of myself with how ive learnt to cope etc.
Kable - Yeah he is sorta which i do understand had a talk with him today saying he needs to be honest with the doctor about how he is feeling as yeah he knows he is in pain etc but needs to know an overall picture as well due to him not being able to cope as well as work being very difficult with it all & not being very helpful either. I know this website already due to my own past difficulties but thanx anyways :)
boomtish & brooke - Unfortunately my mum lives approx 40mins away & being that neither of us drive is a problem guess i now understand why she wasnt keen on us moving out here heh :rolleyes: mothers are always right arent they ?! Plus what doesnt help is that Harry wont be without me yes he will spend some time away from me but then when he wants me back it has to be instantaneous or else world war 3 errupts ! My fault really i have never left him alone for longer than an hour.
rynosmum - Wow sounds like your mum is an angel ! Guess i judge myself as i watched my mum look after my dad with terminal cancer & she just seemed to cope so much better than i am right now. Gotta stop being so harsh on myself i suppose. Finally got him booked into the neurosurgeon but thats still not till mid Febuary ! But i suppose its better than nothing will see if the doctor can make it come forward a little when we see him on Monday as he even said the other day that if we couldnt see the ns early enough he would do something for us.
Goosie - I know this is usually a place to turn but i have dealt with two different areas of the mental health service & also one in Melb & i have to say they leave a lot to be desired IMO. I know there are those willing to help etc but it just seems they are so overloaded these days they either ignore you or turn you away. The one service i saw in Melb actually told me that & i quote "wasnt a bad enough risk but here is the number for lifeline & rape help service just in case" I nearly screamed ! Just left bewildered & even more upset as i spoke with a friend later that nite saying "did she want me to call the ambulance before i did anything too ?" whereas the ones id seen in Sydney previous to my move had at least acknowledged there was something wrong & gave me numbers for counsellors & psych's. Anyways i have had a talk with him as to what those words meant to me as not only did they scare me make me sad & anger me but left me wondering if i could leave him alone. So yeah we talked & as he said he probably worded it wrong but at the same time was sorry for saying it & realises he needs help.
So again thanks everyone will hopefully be a good weekend & a better week for us !

[WeThree]

Hi Ally, just wanted you to know im thinking of you tonight and that i think you are a really brave, strong woman :)

[tyler's mum]

sorry to hear your having a bad time allyoo,, i think goin to the doc is the best thing,,, i know how your feeling [having to many past issues myself] its best to get help before you have a break down,,,, i have been on anti-depressants for over 5years,,, u should not feel ashame you need them to help you cope.... this not not make you a bad person,,, i wish you all the best if you need to talk some more feel free to pm me.... take care

[Goosie22]

Sorry to hear your having such a bad time. Hope something changes soon for you both.

[DIANNEKB]

Hey Ally,

Just a post to say thinking of you and hopefully things will look up...

Di..xxx

[JATS]

{{{HUGS}}}