The "right" age gap??

[bugaboome]

Hello :)
I've got a 9 month old little girl who is very very active, she keeps me pretty busy... Our parents have said 'oh, you wouldnt want to have another, how would you cope? we'd have to chuck in work to help you" - I take that in a fairly negative sort of way, but laugh it off.
I was just wondering what age gaps other people have? And has it worked for you? Did you get much family support?
Any advice would be nice :)

[bugaboome]

I'm Sorry, I've Put This In The Wrong Place!!
How Do I Move It?? Sorry

[filmgirlgail]

Hi

We planned our 2.5 year gap which worked well for us. DD is very good at entertaining herself and was also able to get herself dressed, get her breakfast things out and put the dirty things back in teh kitchen, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, feed herself well, etc which was exactly where I wanted her to be so that she didn't need me all teh time IYKWIM.

Hope this helps

[bugaboome]

Thats what I'd prefer I think... it would make it that bit easier, and only one lot of nappy changes! One of my friends has a 9 month old & is 7 months pregnant, I definately didnt want that close a gap...

[tickle]

I've moved it for you now. :thumbsup:
I have a 21 month gap between my two and love it. They are great friends now and it wasn't too hard when she was little.

[hayles86]

I dont have a age gap yet but we are trying for a 19-20 month age gap :). But i think it depends on what you feel you can handle :) i have spoken to heaps of mums that have had their kids close and they say they wouldnt have it any other way :) My DD is also very very active but she can play by herself which is really good. As for family support i dont have any because my family live heaps far away. I hope this helps a little bit :)

[Lila]

for us there is no right gap-
we had 15 month between our no.1 and no.2 and
7 years between no.2 and no.3
both gaps are great and wonderful...
i´d say whenever YOU feel ready is GREAT :yes:

[lindseyv]

I have a 10 month old daughter and I get so clucky whenever I see a new born baby. I automatically want another one and go home considering time frames. I had always wanted to have children young and about 2-3 years apart. I have asked many people for their opinions and how they and their children handled the age gaps. But how will it affect your career/ employment opportunities and finances? I have just returned to the workforce, part-time and with a new company. I didn't need to return to work, but decided to as it would help us to buy our own home sooner which is a priority to me. Should I continue to try and conceive next year to have a 2 year gap or should i wait until i have been in my new position for a year to receive maternity leave?

Not sure, but i think these questions may also be on some other mums minds when deciding on when to have baby no. 2.

[Areca]

I will have a 21 month age gap when the belly arrives....in saying that, I like at my 18 month DD and think 'yep now would be the perfect time to have bub.' Unfortunately ttc took longer than expected.

[OJandMe]

Well... I had no gap between my first and second. lol. And yes, it's pretty busy. but they're great mates. and they'll be 2.5 when bubs is born.

but for number 4 we're just going to wait and see... I'll actively start TTC again after about 5-6 months I think.

[mum2bubba]

I don't think there is a wrong or right answer its what works best for you and your family, we have a 2 anda a half year old and a 3 week old and that is fine for us our second baby wasn't planned but that doesn't mean we didn't want her and weren't over the moon when we found out we were pregnant, we might have waited a little longer but things happened the way the did and we are happy.

The downsides of having a baby and a 2.5 year old (well for us anyway)

Hayley is still in nappies (only at night though).
She doesn't understand that sometimes I can't be with her or whatever if I am feeding Skye.

Good things:
She has someone to play with (at least when Skye gets a bit older).
She can help me out with things (get a nappy for Skye etc).
don't have to buy all new baby things.

[bugaboome]

I think I want my little girl to be about 2... But when you think about it & its only months before you'd have to start trying again it seems abit scarey...
I'm still at the stage where I wonder if I could love anymore babies as much as I love my baby girl, I hope that doesnt sound mean, but I'm just amazed by her and I'm struggling with the fact that she wouldnt get 100% of my time & attention, I feel that she deserves 100% and if we had another baby that would drop dramatically... how do people get past that emotional barrier??

[vespertine]

I wouldn't plan my babies any less than 2 years apart, but a gap of at least 3 years is optimal for me. Although I get extremely clucky and crave a newborn, even now, I don't want to be selfish. I know that DS still needs me, and I don't want to put his needs in the back seat and bring a new little person to the family this soon. I will wait until DS is out of nappies, he's sleeping soundly at night (he still wakes and needs me for comforting through the night) and when he is more independent, and secure. Right now, I feel like it's his right to have his mummy's attention, it's his right to be my baby for longer. I don't want to take that away from him. Also, I would want to make sure that my children have a decent breastfeeding relationship with me one-on-one before I would put them in the position they had to tandem feed. I would never wean my child just so I could TTC either- I think it's fairer to parent the child you already have to the BEST of your ability before devoting yourself to another child too.

[OJandMe]

I'm still at the stage where I wonder if I could love anymore babies as much as I love my baby girl, I hope that doesnt sound mean, but I'm just amazed by her and I'm struggling with the fact that she wouldnt get 100% of my time & attention, I feel that she deserves 100% and if we had another baby that would drop dramatically... how do people get past that emotional barrier??

It doesn't work like that. You find that the complete love you have for one, just doubles. Yes, it IS more difficult to give each child 100% attention, but the rewards of having 2 or more little people who love you 100% and completely unconditionally far outweigh that! You DD is only little, imagine how completely loved you'll feel when she runs over to give you her first hug, or first kiss, or fist toddles into your room at 4am in the morning because she wants to 'sleep with Mummy " :hugs: Or first says I love you.

Then double it. That's what it's like loving a second child. And then think about them doing all those things with their little sister/brother. OMG.. makes me want a zillion! :thumbsup:

[mummyofchaise]

I have this problem also, everyone has something to say on when is best i think it comes down to when u think ur ready but in saying that so much can change in 9 months so u kind of need to be thinking will i be ready in 9 months because we all know pregnancy is such a long process. My biggest concern is being pregnant with a toddler to look after my morning sickness was bad and i was always tired but this time i have to function! I think we will try for number 2 later this year giving a 2 or so year gap.

[grass is always greener]

Like so many others, we dont have an age gap yet. I did want to have them 18 months apart, but that didnt happen. DS is now 18 months and i am really wanting a baby, but i am not sure, as i am wanting to go back to work and get some savings happening. I want my next child to have the same things that i was able to afford for DS before i had to give up my job. I also want financial stabilty(if it exsits!) as i would want another 12 months off work so i can spend time with both of them.

[blubber]

I don't think there is a wrong or right answer its what works best for you and your family, we have a 2 anda a half year old and a 3 week old and that is fine for us our second baby wasn't planned but that doesn't mean we didn't want her and weren't over the moon when we found out we were pregnant, we might have waited a little longer but things happened the way the did and we are happy.

The downsides of having a baby and a 2.5 year old (well for us anyway)

Hayley is still in nappies (only at night though).
She doesn't understand that sometimes I can't be with her or whatever if I am feeding Skye.

Good things:
She has someone to play with (at least when Skye gets a bit older).
She can help me out with things (get a nappy for Skye etc).
don't have to buy all new baby things.


This is so true, we had a near on 3 yr gap due to TTC problems and i began to panic about the gap. Now though Mia is a great help and really intriuged about Elly. As people have said she can go to the loo by herself, grab something to eat, play independantly and tet seems to have a real connection.





I think I want my little girl to be about 2... But when you think about it & its only months before you'd have to start trying again it seems abit scarey...
I'm still at the stage where I wonder if I could love anymore babies as much as I love my baby girl, I hope that doesnt sound mean, but I'm just amazed by her and I'm struggling with the fact that she wouldnt get 100% of my time & attention, I feel that she deserves 100% and if we had another baby that would drop dramatically... how do people get past that emotional barrier??

I hated being pregnant, loved my DD1 so much that I thought how could this ever be dupilcated but I can tell you it is twice as good. Not taking anything away from DD1 and that whole experience but i struggled with the thought of having two. Now i am so thinking number 3!!!

[mumbublove]

I think any is good just as long as its not 6 years I think. Just depends when you get preggers....as in if you can find the time to have nightly activities after being with a busy bubs in the day....then go for it!!!
Later on it will pay off because the kids will amuse themselves and eachother as siblings.
Good Luck:o
:-)Marie

[Terrible2+1cutie]

I have a 15 month age gap and love it, even though at times it is hard, i reckon it was easier when they were both babies lol. The boys are the best of friends now and i wouldnt have it any other way.

[JATS]

18 months - 2 years between births would have been perfect for us, unfortunatly ttc isn't all that easy for us.:crying:

Dosen't matter how long it is between your kids someone will have something to say about it! :rolleyes: And you probobly find that person would have complained no matter what the gap!

there are pluses and minuses for every age gap, no perfect one.

Whatever happens you will find a way to make it work, and even those with something to say get used to it pretty quick!

[Bel1978]

i asked this some where else too...

"how far apart are your kids in ages.... just asking as we lost 2 bubs last year... sienna is now 6 weeks and if we want to try again, i dont want to have to wait another 2-3 years... but if we try again later this year and it is successful bub will be born next year hmmm"

Help.. not for us our parents all died of cancer.. and my dad left when i was 5...