Bonding??

[Wish_Bear]

Is it a sign of a bad mother to not like the new born stage of my childs life? I have a 3 year old and a 5 week old. I have to say i do not like this new born phase. I have tried but all I feel as if I am doing is going through the motions! I know I have been through it all with my first but maybe I forgot. It's not that I don't love him, I do! But this new born thing is just a chore for me. I don't want to wish his life away but I can't wait till he's 6months old. Is this awful??

[Lunar]

I don't think it's awful but I would suggest for you to talk to you baby health nurse or your GP, this may be a sign of PND. Please don't let it take too long before you ask a professional. You may think that it isn't but it just may be. Better to get checked out. All the best;)

[Wish_Bear]

Thanks for advice.
I have been thinking about that. I had PND with my first child so am aware of the signs but this could be something different or just starting later. I am trying a natural anxiety treatment at present but if it doesn't work I'll take further steps to sort myself out.

[veve]

Hey :)

(hugs to you!!)

I personally think that there is a fairly big jump between not liking your newborn - and PND (which is leaning more toward hurting the baby etc - from what I have read/ been told)- having said that - it wouldn't hurt to mention it to your CHN or GP at your next visit.

- I didn't have PND ... I did have a few teary days though - but I would have to say that there were days when I didn't 'like' Jack - when I was tired.. and he wanted attention... I would definatley say that I became almost robotic as I 'went through the motions' - and there were days when I had to walk away from him - to regain my patience too...

I got tired of people saying - oh appreciate every moment!!! they grow so fast!!! :rolleyes: meanwhile DH and I were talking to each other - wishing that we could hurry up and reach that 6 week milestone so that our newborrn would actually be FUN!! :D now that Jack is interacting with the world (and me) - I love him 100% more than when he was born.

what you are feeling is absolutely NOT awful... dont beat yourself up about it ... you will only add guilt to how you feel!! even my GP said today that for the first 6 weeks... a baby needs food... sleep... comfort... cleanliness and safety- everything above that really is a bonus. It is SUCH a trying time- and I dont have any other children!!

I think it is healthy that you can acknowledge that you feel that way!!! Your DS will start to make eyecontact and smile soon - and you will just be all consumed with love :)

xxx

[Supermum]

Hi Taryn

I'm with Veve. I didn't like my newborn and didn't bond with him for some time. I was overwhelmed, he was very sick and never slept ... and neither did I. It was difficult bonding with him and I never used to tell people about it ... mother guilt. I don't think I had PND even though I cried all day long:o - it was just so very tough. And "going through the motions" is a phrase I use when referring to that period in my life. I didn't bond with my darling boy until he was at a stage where we could understand each other more.

By all means mention it to a health care professional - it's great you're comfortable enough to talk about it.

Hugs.

[reAllytee]

As much as i was wowed by my sons arrival that soon passed im embarrassed to say & i dont actually tell too many people this as the reaction i get is horrible. :(
As i was ill after giving birth & mind you bubs was blue & not breathing when born but came good so my partner held him the entire time afterwards.
I kept getting upset as it was meant to be "my" moment but instead they were bonding even when i tried to bf bubs didnt want any at that stage.
Anyways it was very hard when we got him home as he was a colicky baby so screamed all day & all nite i even sat with my partner one nite saying " take him away just take him i dont want him, he hates me i hate him " was horrible i felt ill saying it but at the same time i felt that way IYKWIM.
My aunty rang me nearly every day as one of my cousins was like this so she understood what i was going through & even made the comment " you cant bond with them when they are like that " & its again horrible to say but true.
Try & find someone to talk to as i had to & it was the best thing i ever did & it wasnt too long after that i started to love bubs for all that he is !
If you need to talk feel free to PM anytime :D
****hugs****

[xkwzit]

Hi Taryn

I know how you feel, I think that the newborn stage can be so demanding, you're always having to do things with them, to them, but they just can't interact yet. I didn't feel an instant love with my babies, protective and dedicated yes, love - no. That came a bit later with the smiles, and goos and now my DDs are such funny little people, I love the times when I just get to sit and talk with them.

I don't think your a bad mum, just a normal, tired mum (I think having another child can really impact the demand on you during the newborn stage too). I think that you would know if you were really depressed (I'm no expert there), but if you don't feel better in a few weeks/months, its prob worth talking to someone.

Cheers (I think you're doing just fine :cool: )

[Wish_Bear]

Thanks so much for all your lovely words! It makes me feel 100% better knowing that I can say things like that and not be judged at all. We'll get there in time I'm sure. Thanks again.

[xkwzit]

No worries Taryn

It's what we're here for :)

Cheers