View Full Version : 'loosing the life that we have'???!!!
Dh is really worried about us 'loosing the life that we have' so to speak. He's excited about bub, but worried about all the things we might miss out on.
Can anyone give me any tips on how to handle this? I told him last night that he'd only be 43 when bubs is 16, and that's young enough to do all the things that we want to do - and he said, 'but at 43 I won't be as agile, and I want to go snow boarding and jet sking and do all kinds of stupid stuff yet!' (well, he didn't say the stupid stuff bit, but he just meant being able to get hurt and not worry that it'll affect anyone else. He knows I can handle him being hurt.)
What can I say to that? What can I do? I think that having bub has given him an eairly mid-life crisis. He keeps telling me he's almost thirty, and hasn't achieved so many of the goals that he set for himself when he was younger.
I can't say much to that - I've always wanted to have kids, and I'm working towards my other goal of being a published author - so I'm set, so to speak. But what do I say to hubby??!
For everything that DH misses out on from having a bub in the house he will gain ten-fold. It's just hard to envisage this right now. It's a life-changing experience.
My two cents ... it's the cheapest entertainment you'll find anywhere and the most satisfying. He'll feel the same way when he finds himself a daddy of a precious little bundle. And when that bundle starts getting bigger and calling him daddy and giving him big hugs and sloppy kisses and he has to teach them how to ride a bike or pee in the loo ... he won't know himself.
He'll be just fine and the mid-life crisis will be over before you know it!
When I was 18 I was an au pair for a family in France. I looked after their two kids, aged 3 and 5.
Over the course of my stay there, we went: snowskiing (both kids kicked my butt :o), sailing (the kids knew what to do - I didn't), bicycle riding (tee hee I could keep up there), horseriding (got 'em there, I have been riding since before I could walk), and tons of other activities.
To tell you the truth, the kids just made things all the more fun because of their enthusiasm and eagerness to learn.
There will always be things that he might feel he is missing out on but there are so many new things to enjoy.;)
To be honest there is not much that we don't do now that we did before. We took O on holidays overseas for a month when he was 9 months old and it was great. It probably made the experience even better having him because all the family could see him.:D
tell him 43 is not going to stop him snowboarding lol my DB will be 40 this year and he has more enegry than me and is one fit dude :D
Of course life will change, but hopefully only for the better, all you can do is support him listen to him and reassure him.
Like HL said you can still do the things you wanted to do it's just now you have an extra person , and that's the way we look at things too..:D
try not to worry to much, once bubs comes along it will change your life in a way you never imagined, but so much for the better. with eac of our children dh and i would often lie with them between us in bed at night and just wonder how we lived our lives before without them!! and although it can cause stress, it will also bring you closer together as well, knowing you made this little person together that you are both so enraptured with, is very special. of course you can tell him all this, but he wont really get it until bubs is born, until he/she first falls asleep in his arms, reaches out for him and calls him dada.
so keep trying to reassure him, but once bubs comes along, he will se for himself what you have been trying to tell him, and im sure all will be well. :)
Some great words of wisdom already, so I will only add that once your child/ren are a little older maybe you can all go on a family holiday to the snow (and DH can do his snowboarding).
Having children changes your whole outlook on life, before kids everything you do is for yourself or your partner, but once kids come along you are always thinking of them first.
Also make sure you get to spend time together (just you and DH) regularly, even if it is just dinner or a movie as it is easy to put your own relationship on the backburner once kids come along.
DH and I have "date" nights once every couple of months and we go out somewhere together, but the conversation cannot involve our kids, family, friends or work - harder than it sounds, but get's us really talking IYKWIM! ;)
You've made me all teary!
I'm looking forward to doing so much with bub - and I know he is too, but it is hard to see that it'll be better once the little guy is here sometimes.
lukaelmo - I was thinking about that after I posted this thread. I can just see dh trying to learn how to snowboard and bubs kicking his butt at it! lol!
Its only a few days till your dear bub is due, he could be just having an attack of the nerves! :)
You will be amazed at how much still you will be able to do with a kiddie in tow! Maybe the first years are going to be much different, but once bubs is a bit older, you'll have heaps of fun stuff to do! Think about kicking the footy and horse riding. Kids LOVE the snow!!!! :)
Thanks Kat - love your avatar btw!
I think it is a case of the nerves. It's just a bit scary when every one is telling you its all going to change.
Can't wait to take bubs horse riding - I love it!!! Gotta convice dh though, he's terrified of 'em. (Horses that is, not bubs....:D )
Well to be honest, it's more us not having the same lives as before....lol
As much as hubby's help out etc, they seem to still be able to do what they used to do before bub came in the world...its more the mums who dont have that same freedom...So just re assure him that, yes it will be different having bubs, but remember, they join OUR lives, not the other way round ;)
Love Nat xxx
I can just see dh trying to learn how to snowboard and bubs kicking his butt at it! lol!
Oh the humiliation of being "in charge" of two wee ones who had to wait for me at the bottom of the slopes :o
Ooooo you are due really soon - good luck!
Oh the humiliation of being "in charge" of two wee ones who had to wait for me at the bottom of the slopes
lol - that's what I can see happening to dh!!! :D
thanks lukaelmo - and love your avatar too - always makes me smile to see it! :)
everyone and every situation is different, but I would say to my hubby..." look at all your single mates. they have so much fun partying and going skiing etc. but who do they have to come home to? who do they have to keep them warm at night? who do they have to run to them when they come home from work yelling Daddy! and excited to see them? a dog?" yes, that life is for some people, and those people often end up old and alone with nothing but material posessions and noone to really love them and spend christmas with. You can be sure that nearly all of your single mates will secretly envy what the two of you have because although they are having fun with their life, they are essentially, alone. Plus most men will experience an enormous change of character when baby comes, just like first time mothers, something just turns on in your head, and all of a sudden it all hits you (sometimes takes a while). Suddenly that holiday to Canada (or whatever) seems trivial and the motorbike he wanted seems superficial (but he will regain his desire for it again, it's a guy thing). Once the first few months have passed and you are getting sleep again (with some luck most babies start to sleep through the night around 8 weeks) and life is starting to normalise, he will love coming home to his wife and be itching to cuddle his baby. If by some rotten luck a guy turns out to be a total coldfish and doesn't change a bit then give him his freedom and remove his bad attitude from your everyday life. They always regret not being the father they should be. Always.
(please don't take this as advice, but merely another persons unbiased thoughts)
It just sounds like nerves to me, although if he feels that way, then surely he had thought about that before you conceived?
I'm an old duck, 36 and expecting my first in August. My partner turned 39 yesterday so he will be 55 when our baby is 16. I guess we are on the other end of the spectrum but my parents were really young and kind of brainwashed me into waiting until I had done everything I always wanted to do so I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything. My partner is sort of the same. People keep telling us how much our lives are going to change and we are like "thank god for that". lol
As I said, it just sounds like he's jittery, and remember, if he is freaking out about how much life is going to change, it means he is taking it SERIOUSLY, and that means he's going to be one fantastic Daddy, don't you think?
Have to agree Shed. It's just getting him to see that! :rolleyes: :)
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