How to teach bubs to self settle??

[Funtimes]

DS is 6mths old. He used to self settle but from about 4.5mths he started having a lot of wind problems (still does) and with having to pick him up so much to get the wind out we have now gotten into the habit of rocking him to sleep, and now he will not self settle anymore ......
In the end I LOVE rocking him to sleep, I find it beautiful and they are moments I will cherish, BUT, the problem is he is getting SOOO heavy my back cant take it much longer, otherwise I think i'd keep doing it.
DS is 9.6kgs and a solid baby, so this is just not possible anymore!!
SO, I want to know what any of you have done to go from rocking to self settling so I can some idea on what might work.
Im not keen on CC, but realise there will be some crying involved :(
I've even tried rocking him to sleep in my feeding chair but he doesn't like it .... :thumbsdown:
Any idea's or suggestions with what has worked for you would be great!! :yelclap:

[benji's_mum]

Sounds like my DS. He goes through phases. Early on he would roll onto his side and go straight to sleep. At about 5mths he needed to be rocked and sung to sleep. Now he will only sleep through the day if we let him fall alsleep in his bouncer first and then carry him to his cot. :banghead:

Today he slept for 1hr :eek:

I'm interested to see the solutions other Bubhubbers give you. Goodluck

[bambino]

We just went through the same thing !
DS is 6.5 months and from 4 months the exact same thing happened. We continued to rock him but in the end he kept waking at night to be rocked and re-settled so I thought something needed to be done, I was going insane, not to mention DH losing it too !

We went to a day stay cottage for help. And yes it involved controlled crying and not picking up bubs, but within a day or two he was back to self settling again and sleeping longer during the day (2 hours each sleep as opposed to 40mins).

He started sleeping through the night again too.

Except at the moment we're having more issues at night as he doesn't want to be wrapped and wants to sleep on his tummy, but he won't settle himself properly on his tummy so we're up and down again all night :banghead: trying to help him settle himself on his tummy.

You seem to get one thing on track and something else pops up :confused:

[Wondermum]

I have an 8 mth old. He slept pretty well up until he hit the 3.5/ 4 mth mark. He is b/f and I usually just b/f him to sleep as he would not take to a dummy for comfort. He was never one to be wrapped and always favoured his tummy to sleep on. Just in the last couple of days I have changed his sleep routine. I will b/f him, pick him up, burp him and give him a little cuddle then I will wrap him, place him in his cot on his back, tuck him in and put on a musical lullaby while sitting next to the cot and giving him a gentle pat or stroke his face. The first couple of times he had a little cry on and off for about 10 mins but he was very interested in listening to the music and relaxing and I was right there comforting him (but not picking him up). Now he seems to have surrendered to the new routine and things are going o.k. atm :fingerscrossed:

:hugs: Best of luck - it's hard!

[tiggs24]

hi i am actual having the same problem with my 10mth old and would love to know how everyone gets there bubs to self settle.he use to until my partner and i separeted then he was always wanting me to cuddle him to sleep or to fall asleep in my bed but now his dad and i are getting back together and want to get him to self settle again.help:banghead:

[Mellymoo]

Hi

I don't have much advice but wanted you to know I know what you feel !

Our DD who is 3 months old, has always, and still does, need to be rocked to sleep in our arms most of the time. She is a very windy baby too and refluxy as well, and although she is on medication for her reflux, still needs to be held upright in order to go to sleep. In the daytime she is in our arms for about 15-20 minutes before she goes to sleep. At night time it's a lot longer (the witching hour !) and can be a couple of hours walking around the house with her.

Like you too, our bubs is 7kg at 3 months and kills your back to carry her all the time.

It's very tiring - she used to self settle, but like your bubs, kind of got used to being picked up for her wind and reflux and now she thinks it's part of her routine.

And I find it hard to let her cry for too long, esp at night, because we also have a 4 year old DD and her room is opposite the babies room, and if she cries too long it will wake our older one up. What to do ?

I hope it gets better and I know it won't always be like this. I'm also interested to hear what others have to say.

I just hope she will eventually grow out of it one day !

[bee4017]

:wizard: Hello
MY son Tom was a big pain at 6 months he had bad reflux and was alway wanting to be picked up, so this is what I did I bought a star light show that cost $25 from big W he just loved it and he was able to settle himself to sleep I also had his mattress slopped a little. In the day time I would put music on.
When Andrew was born I did the same and he has never been a problem.
Best of luck

Belinda :thumbsup:
Tom:smiliedance: 2.5years
Andrew 7months today:wave:

[tru]

Same story here. 7 month old DS hasn't slept thru for months and would only resettle with me nursing him. The last few weeks have gotten worse, sometimes 9 times a night!

I've read most of the books - Baby Whisperer, No cry sleep solutions, Sleeping Like a Baby, etc, and have tried most of their techniques. Some of them seemed to work for a night or two but then it was back to the same pattern.

I notice when DS sleeps better during the day, he sleeps better at night. But how to do that? Sometimes it seems easy, if he wakes after 45 mins I just stroke his back (he's a tummy sleeper) for a minute or so and he drifts back off. Sometimes he won't have a bar of it and screams and screams until I pick him up.

One technique I have found most effective for self-settling is the 2, 4, 6 minute thing. It involves waiting for 2 minutes and if they're still crying, go in and pat/stroke for 1 minute, then wait outside the room for 4 minutes, then go in again and pat/stroke for 1 minute, then wait for 6 mins next time, etc.

I read about this technique on the net somewhere. Will see if I can find it. This technique was also mentioned to me by a nurse at the Riverton sleep clinic as one of the methods they try. I tried it again last night and it seemed to work - I only fed him once, instead of 9 times!

Hope this helps. I know it's tiring. Hang in there. You're all doing a great job!

[tru]

I found the website with the technique I mentioned in my last post, but I know I can't post a link to it here because another lady has before and she got in trouble. So I will just post the info from the page (hopefully that is allowed, afterall Im just trying to help other tired mums, not promote another website).

The technique is called "controlled comforting" which I guess is different from controlled crying in some way? It has helped us anyway. I don't like the idea of any baby crying, but DS didn't cry any more with this technique then he did with the "pick up / put down" method in the Baby Whisperer book.

If you do a search on the heading below you should find the website anyway...

How to implement controlled comforting

Establish a consistent bedtime routine (see Positive bedtime routines).
When it's time to say goodnight, put your baby in his cot and tuck him in. Either talk to and/or pat your baby until he is quiet, or for one minute.
As soon as your baby is quiet, or after one minute, say goodnight and leave the room. Leave before your baby is asleep.
Stay out of the bedroom and give your baby a chance to settle by himself. Ignore grizzling.
If your baby starts to really cry, wait for the set amount of time before going back to your baby (e.g. two minutes at first).
Leave your baby for a sequence of set time intervals (e.g. 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 minutes, or 5, 10 and 15 minutes). Set your own intervals of time based on how long you think you can manage.
After each time interval has passed, return briefly to your baby if he is still crying. Talk to your baby or pat him for one minute, or continue talking or patting until he is quiet (depending on your preference). Try to soothe him without picking him up if you can.
Keep an eye on his nappy. If it is soiled, change him under low light and with minimal fuss.
As soon as he is quiet (or after one minute), but before he is asleep, leave the room again and wait for the next set time interval. What you are trying to do here is give him the opportunity to learn to go to sleep by himself.
This process is continued until your baby falls asleep by himself.
When your baby wakes overnight, follow the same routine.Some other important points about controlled comforting

Controlled comforting takes between three and 14 days to work.
Use a clock to time intervals; four minutes can seem like a very long time.
Turn off all baby monitors.
Don’t wait outside the baby’s bedroom. Go into another room. Distract yourself. Make a cup of tea and turn on the TV. Only go back to check the baby when the set time is up.
Talk to your partner first to make sure that you both agree with what is going on. Work out what role each of you will play (e.g. helping with resettling, timing the intervals). Consider taking turns each night.
Avoid important commitments for the first few days after you commence controlled comforting. You need to be able to see it through without a major change to the baby’s routine.
Remember, leave the baby’s room before he falls asleep.What about the day naps?

Use the strategy for daytime sleeps as well. This will lead to less confusion for you and baby. If your baby wakes up from a day sleep after less than an hour, try to re-settle him for another 15-20 minutes – again using controlled comforting. If, after that time, your baby has not gone back to sleep, get him out of bed and try again later.
Common pitfalls

Implementing a sleeping behaviour strategy does not always go smoothly. Here are some common pitfalls for parents putting a plan into action, and practical tips for how to deal with them.
What if my baby vomits?
Some babies tend to vomit more often than others and about one in five may vomit during controlled comforting. If this happens it can be upsetting for baby and parent. Try to calmly clean up any vomit from the bed and put a clean nappy wrap under your baby’s head. It's best to avoid making a big fuss, turning on lights, or completely changing the baby unless absolutely necessary. Otherwise, some babies can learn to vomit each time they are put into the cot.
What if parents have had enough?
If you are too tired, or feeling too distressed or upset, pick up your baby, calm him in any way you wish (e.g. small drink, cuddle) and try again next time.
What if your baby is unwell?
If your baby is unwell, controlled comforting should be stopped and re-started when he is better again. If he has a slight runny nose and cough but no fever, controlled comforting can still be used if you are happy to do so.
What if the baby is in pain?
Many parents are concerned about teething causing pain. If you pick up your baby and he settles almost immediately, it is very unlikely that he was in pain. He just wanted to be picked up. You can give paracetamol (Panadol) if you are concerned. Paracetamol takes about 20 minutes to work, so babies who settle after that may have been in pain. If you have persistent concerns about your baby being in pain, talk to your doctor.
What if it’s not working?


There can be a number of reasons why a sleep program does not appear to be working.
Are you using the strategy correctly? To check, re-read the steps described here. Is there anything that you are not doing, or could do differently? Perhaps check with a professional who understands the use of this strategy.
Are you returning to your baby too soon? Are you following the time intervals exactly? Are you using a clock? Have you got something that you can do to help you cope during the intervals?
Are you going in when the baby is only grizzling, not crying? You might be inadvertently interrupting the baby from falling asleep. Only return if the baby is really crying.
Do you really want to carry through with this? Is the goal of uninterrupted sleep worth it for you and your baby? If you are convinced that learning to sleep independently through the night is in your baby’s best interests, then it is easier to find the motivation to carry on through the few nights needed to help your baby adjust to the change. If not, then perhaps returning to the status quo is your best choice.
Are the time intervals right for your baby? Some babies calm down when a parent enters the room. Other babies get more upset. If your baby is getting more upset, lengthen the time intervals to 5, 10 then 15 minutes. This way the baby has more time to go to sleep by himself and less time to get upset by your return.
Is your support network supportive? Not everyone agrees with controlled crying. Disapproving relatives or acquaintances are one thing, but if your partner or other close support people are not in agreement, then it will be difficult to carry through with the strategy. It’s best if at least the people in your household can agree on a consistent approach. Perhaps another strategy like camping out may be more acceptable?
Is it just too hard?



Consider breaking down controlled comforting into a series of steps. For example, you could rock your baby until he is quiet and put him down semi-asleep for a week. Then for the next week, put your baby in the cot fully awake.
Try using controlled crying only at night when it is likely to be more successful.
Ask your partner to manage the controlled crying (if he or she agrees to).
Use camping out as an alternative.If things haven’t improved after two weeks, talk to your doctor or child health nurse. They’ll be able to help you develop a program tailored to the needs of your child.

[Bambaloo]

Hi there

Also very interested in what everyone has to say about this topic.

DD is nearly 3 months old & has only recently been sleeping better - has slept from 5.30pm to about 3am before a bottle. When she was having a 10 or 11pm bottle I was trying to just give her a dummy & she'd go back to sleep after a couple of times unless she was really upset I'd cuddle her. This seemed to work & she has now dropped this feed. I now want to try & make her drop this 3am feed. I always try the dummy first but if she keeps spitting it out I know it is less effort for me to quickly change & feed her instead of putting dummy in, going back to bed, going back in for dummy until she sleeps.

DD has a WTP mobile she loves. When she hears the slow song she knows it's sleep time. She self-settles when she goes in at night too but she hasn't been sleeping much during the day at all and wants to go to sleep. Good for me! Yay! We get dinner in peace lol.

Good luck!