Controlled Crying/Comforting

[proud_mama]

I have been hearing about this a lot lately but i don't know what it is.:confused:

Can anyone help explain exactly what it is and how to go about it?:o

Thanx,
-Jess

[poshBecks]

HI!!

CC is when you let your little one cry for a short amount of time then go in & comfort them, then leave room & increase the time you let them cry. You keep doing this until they fall asleep. Usally only takes a few days to a week for them to learn that bed time means bedtime & they might only cry for 5 mins or so before falling asleep!! I found it a life saver!!

[pinkandblue]

Hi

I just starting doing this with my 6 week old on sunday and it is so much easier than holding and rocking them to sleep.

What I do is -
*look for the tired signs. The first one is clenched fists, another is jerky movmemts. As soon as you notice this, wrap them and put them in the cot.
*then just leave them. If they cry, go and pat them until they stop crying and then leave the room. Go and check on them every 5 minutes and eventually they will fall asleep
*if they havent fallen asleep within 30 minutes, pick them up and go for a walk and then try again later.
*oh and no eye contact at all.

If you want more help, ring Karitane or Tresillian. Karitane have a pamphlet on their website which tells you everything. They also have one on how to wrap your baby.

[sopolicha]

No one recommends Control Crying for little tiny 6 week old babies.

Control Crying is only recommended for babies over six months and that is only by certain groups of people, some people don't advocate it at all.

[pinkandblue]

No one recommends Control Crying for little tiny 6 week old babies.

Control Crying is only recommended for babies over six months and that is only by certain groups of people, some people don't advocate it at all.



I just wanted to say that I dont let my 6 week old cry until he falls asleep. As soon as I hear him crying, I run upstairs and pat him and he stops crying straight away. The most he will cry for is about 30 seconds.

[Frazzled]

Natalie, don't feel you have to defend yourself - several oragnisations such as Karitane, Tresillian, Comm nurses and midwives recommend control crying - or 'teaching to sleep' as they call it. I too am very confused because you have many groups telling you this and then others who do not recommend this method at all, or until they are 6 months.

My husband and I have tried it a few times with our 8 week old and twice it has worked really quickly, but most of the time we can't bare to hear him cry for a minute let alone the recommended 20 - 30 mins! So in the end we pat him or rock him to sleep. I much rather that, and keep my fingers crossed that he falls asleep while feeding so I don't have to deal with the internal dialogue about 'what is right'...

I don't like the idea of the controlled crying but do feel anxious that we may end up with a baby who will only stay asleep in our arms...

Any suggestions from experienced mums? :confused:

PS.I have found Robin Barker's Baby Love book great though and the fact that she is anti-control crying (for small babies)is very reassuring.

[cosmic]

I don't want to get into a CC debate but just for info, the guy who first came up with the whole idea, Dr Richard Ferber, recommended it not be used on babies under 6 mths old and he has very recently said in interviews that he is not at all happy that child health professionals are recommending it for very young babies.

[Sonja]

Controlled crying was a term used by Richard Ferber. A very helpful discussion of the method is set out if you follow the attached link:

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/7755.html

I was recently watching the NBC Today Show and saw an interview with Richard Ferber. Apparently he has re-released his book with more restrictions about when controlled crying should be used and for how long (from memory, he now says no more than three days, and not the previous seven). He also expressed concern that many health professionals have taken his methods and adapted them but still use the term controlled crying when it is not the same method which he recommends.

Ferber recommends using his method if your baby is 6 months or older.

[Frazzled]

Thank you, that makes me feel a whole lot better! Was it a TV interview or press? If press do you know where i can get a copy?

Sorry - just saw ur next message - thats great x

[Goosie22]

A baby cries because it needs something you are its mother so you are supposed to supply it. Yes sometimes it is not easy and Yes sometimes you really wish you didn't have to do it. But you are its mother and you decided to bring this helpless little baby into the world. You have a responsiblity to care for this baby not say I need " me time " or "my husband needs attention " or " Im tired " ~ Your baby is only young once and YOU have one chance to show that little person your dependable and not one person or thing in this world comes before them.

CC dosn't (IMO)show your baby that you will be there to comfort them. Many studies show that if you respond appropriately to your babies cries they will grow up to be well adjusted people. Imagine what you would feel like if you couldn't communicate, you couldn't move, you are totally dependant on someone else for everything needed to sustain your life and when you called to them they didn't come. What lesson would that teach you? Sounds good for future self esteam.:)

[proud_mama]

I am upset that i have offended some people, I am all new to being a mother as this is my first bub. First of all i just want to say i never let my DS cry any more than 1 min cause i can't bear to hear him so upset as it upsets me. I am confused as what and what not to do because everyone is telling me diferent things. I am having troubles getting my DS to sleep at night time and i have no idea what to do, he seems to cry a lot and my partner and i have tried absolutly everything possible! but the only thing that seems to work except holding him, except that doesn't seem to work sometimes!! I only ask about this because last night was a very hard night for both DS and myself as he was awake from 12 midnight till 6 this morning!:eek: At first i thought it was because of foods i was eating. but i had stopped eating those foods when we thought it might be causing the problem.

Does anyone have any other suggestions as to what i can do to settle him better?

[draught]

Mum-2-b-
Don't be upset that you have offended people - all you did was ask a question, and this forum is a great place to ask a question. Unfortunately there is always a great debate about controlled crying so people become quite passionate about it.

What you are asking for is help to settle your baby who is about 4 weeks old. The answer is that there are lots of different techniques that work for a baby that young, and I will set some out. (I agree - Robin Barker's book "Baby Love" is a really good tool to answer all sorts of baby questions). THe thing to remember is that at this age there are no bad habits - just things that work to get your baby to sleep in the most comfortable way.

First of all - just to let you know about controlled crying - it is the pattern of leaving your baby to cry for increasing periods of time until they learn to go to sleep on their own - but it is recommended for babies over 6 months.

That does not mean that your baby isn't allowed to cry. Often babies might cry for a minute or two as they settle into sleep - this does not mean that they are being hurt - they are sometimes overwrought or too tired.

So - MLN's advice is right - you need to notice the tired signs before your baby gets overtired. Things like a bit of a grizzle, jerky movements with his arms, etc, can all indicate that he is tired. IF you are wrapping him, this is the time to wrap him and start to sooth him into a quiet zone so he can go to sleep. Soothing can take all forms - I remember with DD1 that at the 4 week mark the only way I could get her to sleep was to rock her in the pram backwards and forwards over a bump in the floor. Other things to try are patting him slowly and firmly just above his bum, rocking him in your arms (not a great long term solution but a good short term one when you are desperate), lying in a dark room with him on your chest (my DH is very good at this one) and stroking his back, taking him for a walk around the block in your arms or in the pram - the night air often has magical baby calming qualities!

Nearly forgot my favourite - breastfeed him to sleep! (at this early age there is nothing wrong with it no matter what the nurses say!)

I hope that some of these ideas work for you. The main thing to remember is that at this age he doesn't have to go to sleep on his own, that he doesn't have to be in a routine, and that anything you do that gets him calm and asleep is okay - none of these things are "bad habits" - and if they are you have plenty of time to change them down the track!

I hope something here works for you - and if you have more questions ask away and we will see if we can answer them for you.:)

[Goosie22]

Hey mum-2-be don't worry about offending anyone as draught said it was just a question? I thought you were asking peoples opinions and wanted an explaination of CC. hence I gave mine you can either agree or disagree thats your perogative:)

You should try looking up ABA they have some excellent information on setteling techniques. And Feeding to sleep is one of the best also you never have to change your approach as they will always want it untill they are ready to go to sleep by themselves, and it makes them drift off into la la land before you know it.

http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/control.html

[cosmic]

And while you're reading, here's a little 'fact sheet' thingy called 8 Infant sleep facts every parent should know.. which might also help (even if it's just so you know your bubba is normal ;)):

http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

[reAllytee]

Dont worry you only asked a question & some people as draught said find this a passionate topic !
If your not able to co-sleep have you tried a rocker ?
I found this a life saver when co-sleeping wasnt working as bubs rocker had many positions including laying down. Which meant i was able to rock him to sleep as my arms were nearly falling off from holding him all day & nite. It meant we often had him go off to sleep with us still in the lounge room & then he would be taken upstairs to our room when we went to bed so when he stirred it meant i could either pat him or rock a little & he would fall straight back to sleep was a god send ! I also invested in a baby carrier as i couldnt get a sling ( now getting one mind you hehe only 10mths too late :rolleyes: ) but get one of these for during the day because i found the closer you keep bubs to you the happier they become.
I know it can be stressful as my bubs often cried all day & nite your bubs just wants reassurance from his mama & a little comfort try to just remember this & that he loves you so much he doesnt want to be without you :)
If you need to talk PM me :D

[Mummy-2-2]

I think a lot of people mix up controlled crying with learning bubbas cry.

I personally as a brand new mama, would rush to her and pick her up, even if she was doing a "whinging" cry.

I found when I learned that that cry wasn't distressed or needing anything, that if I left her, she would fall straight asleep. It did, however, take me a LONG time to work those cries out!

Obviously if the cry changed, I would go straight to her.

A baby's sleep cycle is around 40mins long, and if they learn to fall asleep by themselves, can do it all night. Unless of course they are hungry, wet etc, which is when they will cry their needing something cry.

It is very hard to distinguish cries as a new mum, and if ever in doubt, go straight in there, but eventually, when you can distinguish the cries, it will make it easier.

Now my "baby" is 15 months and sleeping in a big bed, and when I put her down for her lunch nap, she still "whingy cries", but she doesnt need anything, and can get straight out of bed if she wants to. (Obviously a newbie cant, but just trying to "prove" that not all cries mean something is "wrong")

[reAllytee]

Mummy-2-2 - Yep thats the thing !
My sister is a basket case whens bubs is whinging in his cot she will rush upstairs & "soothe" him & im like errr he wasnt even crying just making mmMMmmmm type noises LOL so ive had to show her the difference because my bubs makes that noise as he sucks on his dummy & its like he sings himself to sleep after ive kissed him patted him etc he does it to soothe himself & goes straight off whereas my sister goes in thinking oh he is crying & he gets somewhat cranky cause he is woken up heheheh mind you it took me about a month to get used to it myself :rolleyes:
I think we all just want the best for our bubbas !

[Tea Lady]

Mum2B you're getting some excellent advice here and I can't really add anything except not to feel bad if you're getting stressed out about the whole sleep thing - I think we've pretty much all been there (and some of us are there on a more permanent basis :rolleyes: ).

Also, I think that alot of sleep issues are to do with bub's personality more than anything mum or dad does so there's no point beating yourself up about whether you're doing "the right thing" or not. Draught is so right that there are no bad habits for a 4 week old - just do whatever gets you through IMO.

I think what has been said about whinging cries vs real cries is spot on - I'm still not 100% on this one myself unfortunately (1 yr later!) but I wish I'd realised earlier that there is a difference and that I'd tried harder to learn the difference earlier on.

I'm sure not much of this makes sense (sorry been up most of the night with a sick bub) but I just wanted to say hang in there and whatever you do don't feel bad for asking Qs - that's the only way to move forward!

[AM]

Have you tried using a sling at all?

My preferred method of sleep inducement is definitely the boob, but if that ever failed, a sling was wonderful!

All the best, I remember how hard those first weeks and months are, hang in there, it does get A LOT easier!!:D

[Heids]

"I just starting doing this with my 6 week old on sunday and it is so much easier than holding and rocking them to sleep. " MLN

Good on You and Well Done MLN....... I wish I was that smart when Brandon was 6 weeks old !!!

I had sooooooo much trouble with my son, he was overtired and grumpy, whinging, hands on 24/7, I was grumpy and getting depressed and DH was going insane :eek: I never gave Brandon the chance to learn how to self settle himself at that age and then all hell broke loose in the next 2 months to come !!

Finally we used the Crying Down Method ( at 3 months ) where they cry/protest for 6 mins and then you pat. It took 5 days and I was amazed at Brandon's progress in the weeks to come, he was more active, laughing, giggles....... was very rewarding.

If we hadn't done it then I have no doubt Brandon would still be having sleep problems today.

Instead of the of the little cat naps he was having during the day IF ANY !! He now sleeps 2 hrs in morning , 2 hours at lunch, 45mins in the arvo. And for the last 2 weeks 7pm ( dreamfeed at 10.30 ) to 7.15 am.

Heids