guests pay for meals?? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

angel_one

21-05-2007, 11:29

ok i am having a small debate with dh over the $$ of meals, we are asking that guests pay for their own meals, instead of bringing gifts.

the price per head for meals is $50, is this too much to ask of our guests or is it an ok thing, we are in central QLD too (not sure if that changes opinions or not)

we just mentioned it to my mil the other day and she was like that too much guys, what if you have a cocktail party instead....... oh and your brothers wedding i got the meals for $35 a head!!!

so dh is now we cant make them pay that ect........

thanks girls!

*Chels*

21-05-2007, 11:32

Why not just have a wishing well?Its what we did and it worked well.$50 a head is alot to some people,most couples just gave us $50.

punkbaby

21-05-2007, 11:32

can you get them to pay less say 40 per head,,,50 is expensive BUT if i didnt have to buy a present its not :) I guess i would prob spend about 100 on a present for a wedding so if you look at the bigger picture 50 isnt a great deal......(unless there is ten in your family LOL)

Mummy2Noah

21-05-2007, 11:34

Why not just have a wishing well?Its what we did and i worked well.$50 a head is alot to some people,most couples just gave us $50.

Same here!!!!

2SPUNKRATZ

21-05-2007, 11:36

sorry but personally i think $50 a head is way to much to ask someone to pay. some people cant afford that. when i went to my uncles wedding DS had only just been born and we were so close to broke it wasnt funny. its was $40 a head. that was $80 for the 2 of us to go. i spoke to my uncle and he said cos i was doing a reading at the wedding he would cover ours. but seriously, thats a lot to ask of people. we had a wishing well at our wedding. it was beautiful. we ended up with a little over $2500 and we only had a small wedding wiht around 40 guests.(including kids)

pookiesossige

21-05-2007, 11:40

Wow, $50 per head is too much IMO.
I like the wishing well idea :thumbsup:

Jo9999

21-05-2007, 11:42

Can you find somewhere cheaper? I personally would feel a bit off paying $100 to attend someone's wedding to eat the food they have selected...
I wouldn't actually like to ask anyone to pay anything, would rather do the Wishing Well thing as well that way its voluntary.

PunkyDiva

21-05-2007, 11:42

Billy

21-05-2007, 11:51

JATS

21-05-2007, 11:56

We couldn't afford a reception so we didn't have one. Cut the cake and did the speaches in the church hall after the ceremony and went out to dinner in a restauraunt that night with our parents.

We told guests they were welcome to come out with us to dinner but it would be at their own expense, we did pick a very reasonably priced place for dinner though.

We didn't get any complaints and 2 weddings in my family since then the bride and groom did the same thing as us!:D So can't have been a bad idea!

Leeny

21-05-2007, 11:58

I also think its a bit much...Some people really cant afford that. They prefer to get a nice gift, and keep the price private, or put what they can afford in a wishing well.

If you were to go with the wishing well idea, some people will give more then you think, others less...So it'd probably even out, and you could use money to replace what you've spent on the food :)

westerner

21-05-2007, 11:59

$50 for a single person.. pricy but not so bad..
But for a couple that might possibly also have kids $100 is alot..

Leeny

21-05-2007, 12:01

We couldn't afford a reception so we didn't have one. Cut the cake and did the speaches in the church hall after the ceremony and went out to dinner in a restauraunt that night with our parents.

We did the same thing. We got married in a registry office, so we just went out to dinner that night, n told people they were welcome to come. We did however pay for the meals..Kinda wish I didnt. I feel like a few of them were just there for the food...Atleast if you go out to dinner, and people pay their own way...You know they genuinely want to celebrate with you, and that their not just there for the food.

mysonroger

21-05-2007, 12:01

i reckon you need to get creative and come up with a whole other idea. the cocktail party sounds better. i personally would feel weird if i was invited to a wedding and then had to pay for my meals. that would be 'the thing' i remembered most about the wedding. sorrrryyyyyy.

there's buffets too. a whole lot cheaper.

pookiesossige

21-05-2007, 12:04

We did the same thing. We got married in a registry office, so we just went out to dinner that night, n told people they were welcome to come. We did however pay for the meals..Kinda wish I didnt. I feel like a few of them were just there for the food...Atleast if you go out to dinner, and people pay their own way...You know they genuinely want to celebrate with you, and that their not just there for the food.

I'd pay for the meals, but not for just a whole heap of people who wanted to tag along- I'd scale the invite list right down and keep it small, simple and affordable with enough of the lavish stuff for it to feel special :yes:

Ange&Seth

21-05-2007, 12:08

Sorry, but I would be offended if asked to pay that much.
I personally would not ask people to pay for my celebration especially as people often have the expense of travelling great distances & accomodation to celebrate with you.
I would settle for something I could afford or save up a bit longer.

I think $50 a head is too expensive to ask ppl to pay. BUT, if you can't get the price down to something you can afford, nor can you wait to save the extra $$$ then maybe you could ask guests to pay $20 a head instead of gifts - that way they still help out a little towards the cost of the reception.

It'd probably work out better for you though to have the wishing well. As someone else said, ppl like to keep the price of their gift private but having a wishing well, gives ppl the opportunity to put money in annonymously KWIM?

Sorry, I'll stop rambling now......

dreamer80

21-05-2007, 12:12

Sorry, but I think asking guest to pay for the meal at your wedding is a big no-no!! I don’t think there is a problem with the amount... it is more the point that you’re asking them to pay…:thumbsdown: I have never been to a wedding which I or my DH had to pay for our meal, and I would never have contemplated asking guest to do so at our wedding! Sorry just being honest! Maybe you could as your MIL as suggested have a cocktail party after the ceremony instead of a sit down meal to cut down on costs??

InSaneOne

21-05-2007, 12:14

yes $50 is a bit much but asking them to pay for their meals then quoting them $30-35 isn't too bad. then you only have to pay for a little.

or the other suggestions of a wishing well are also a good idea. you will find that most of the money you get will cover the cost of the reception.

but it might be easier to get a cheaper meal option.

pookiesossige

21-05-2007, 12:17

I actually think the cocktail party sounds like a lovely idea...and it keeps the timeframe a little shorter so that you and your DH can scoot off as soon as you want to as well, if you're leaving for your honeymoon or staying somewhere special afterwards :D Although it might just be me who likes that aspect of it!

There's something a bit ... not right... about asking people coming to pay for their meals...

Jo9999

21-05-2007, 12:21

I have never been to a wedding which I or my DH had to pay for our meal, and I would never have contemplated asking guest to do so at our wedding! Sorry just being honest! Maybe you could as your MIL as suggested have a cocktail party after the ceremony instead of a sit down meal to cut down on costs??

That was what I was thinking too, just didn't type it originally. Some other alternative style cheaper weddings I have been to include:
- A champagne breakfast wedding
- Hiring the spit roast people
- Using the function room in a sports clubroom and getting them to do a buffet (that was me! it worked out at about $10 a head for the food and it looked great by the time the table covers / flowers / etc were all up, not like a clubroom at all, and the food was basic but nice - after all we we didn't invite everyone to give them a gourmet meal).
- Another friend used a function room in a University, and got about 20 friends to all help make a buffet, it cost next to nothing and was a great feed, and the friends all really enjoyed helping, it was a party atmosphere.

mysonroger

21-05-2007, 12:23

- I'd scale the invite list right down and keep it small, simple and affordable with enough of the lavish stuff for it to feel special :yes:

i love that idea.

Angelmist♥

21-05-2007, 12:24

i personally would feel weird if i was invited to a wedding and then had to pay for my meals. that would be 'the thing' i remembered most about the wedding. sorrrryyyyyy.

Yeah sorry but I agree.A wedding is about celebrating your love and commitment to each other with friends and family.Not IMO the cost and getting your guests to pay for their meals.

Scale it down if you need too.We spent $1500 on nibblies, dinner, dessert, beer and wine for 100 guests. We did however only have our reception in our backyard but everyone still talks about how awesome it was nearly 7yrs later.

Emma 80

21-05-2007, 12:29

I do think it's a little pricey but catering is expensie these days...If you think everyone can afford it go ahead.

Kinda wish I didnt. I feel like a few of them were just there for the food...Atleast if you go out to dinner, and people pay their own way...You know they genuinely want to celebrate with you, and that their not just there for the food.
I had a similar problem...Everyone was invited to the wedding but the reception was invite only as we payed for it all to be catered and there was 100 people attending. Anyway alot more showed up uninvited, so thankfully we had enough food.

GraceUnhearing

21-05-2007, 12:53

$50 isnt expensive if you have told them not to bring gifts.

westerner

21-05-2007, 12:56

$50 isnt expensive if you have told them not to bring gifts.

But remember that each.. so it works out to $100 (asuming a fair few people are married/with partners..)

$100 is too much to expect imo

Harlequin

21-05-2007, 13:17

I agree, I couldn't afford to spend $100 to go to a wedding.

SassyMummy

21-05-2007, 13:43

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding that I had to pay to go too... especially when at weddings, you don't get much of a choice when it comes to meals.

I think you could ask for a wishing well, and use the money you make from that to pay for some of your costs... but otherwise, I find it rude to ask your guests to contribute to your wedding. That's your job IMO.

You could do a buffet - that's cheaper, and it doesn't have to be cheap and nasty either.

MilkOnTap

21-05-2007, 13:50

Sorry, but I think asking guest to pay for the meal at your wedding is a big no-no!!

There's something a bit ... not right... about asking people coming to pay for their meals...

But... why??? :confused:

We asked our guests to pay for their meals instead of giving us a gift - "Your Presence is our Present" :hugs:

Our meals were only $35 each - and that was a three course meal with 5 entrees, 7 mains and 3 deserts to choose from. We provided finger-food for our guests whilst waiting for us to arrive at the reception, and most of our guests were full-up on those before they even began their entree's!

If we had to pay for meals then we wouldn't have been able to afford to have our wedding. I had to change the date 3 times because of hubby's deployment changing and ended up only having 6 weeks to plan and prepare.

No one complained about paying for their meals at our wedding - everyone thought it was a great idea! :thumbsup:

Mrs AJC

21-05-2007, 13:52

If you particularly want to stick with the place you have picked out can I suggest going for mains only - should work out to be about $20/$25 pp. Get a couple of cheese platters going round instead of an individual entree each and get your cake served up for dessert.
I have worked at a lot of weddings and sit down dinners are not only expensive but also fairly wasteful. You would be surprised how much food gets tossed from a 3 course sit down dinner once you figure in drinks and cake, people just don't eat that much when they are all dressed up, especially the women.
If the venue is open for debate then perhaps you could start a thread about what theme you are going for, the place (ie suburb or area) you would like to have the reception, and a budget - I am sure you could get some great ideas and perhaps even a recommendation of a place to have it.
When you say central QLD where do you mean? I ask because if people have to travel to get to the venue then you really can't expect them to pay for themselves as well, and most people even if told not to bring a pressie still would.
Congrats on the wedding and I hope it all works out !

FourAngelKisses

21-05-2007, 13:54

If I were going, I'd have to say we couldn't go as we couldn't afford $100.......it's a ton of money.

Harlequin

21-05-2007, 13:54

But... why??? :confused:

We asked our guests to pay for their meals instead of giving us a gift - "Your Presence is our Present" :hugs:

Our meals were only $35 each - and that was a three course meal with 5 entrees, 7 mains and 3 deserts to choose from. We provided finger-food for our guests whilst waiting for us to arrive at the reception, and most of our guests were full-up on those before they even began their entree's!

I'd pay $35 for that. Especially seeing as I wouldn't have to also fork out for a present. :)

jorey

21-05-2007, 13:55

:yelclap:I too think the wishing well idea is good.
It sounds and looks better!
Some people might give more than $50 and some might give a bit less, at the end you'll most probably get enough or even more than you think.

My brother had 700 guests at his wedding, he had ask for monetary gift (as it's in our culture anyway). At the end of the reception, he had at least !0,000 leftover for his home renovation. NOt bad at all.:yes:

MilkOnTap

21-05-2007, 13:56

Our meals were only $35 each - and that was a three course meal with 5 entrees, 7 mains and 3 deserts to choose from. We provided finger-food for our guests whilst waiting for us to arrive at the reception, and most of our guests were full-up on those before they even began their entree's!

Oh - and our meals were gourmet! I forgot to mention that... None of this chicken schnitzel or roast with vegies business... :rolleyes: Not that there is anything wrong with that - but hubby and I LOVE to wine and dine - so our menu reflected what we love!

Harlequin

21-05-2007, 14:19

I agree.....I don't even agree with having parents pay for weddings. I think if you want something bad enough, then you pay for it yourself, but that's just me.

I agree with that. :yes:

I got married in my loungeroom with the celebrant and my in laws and dog. My family are on the other side of the country so there was no point having a big do if half of them couldn't be there.

TwoBlue

21-05-2007, 14:26

Lets keep it nice ladies... :thumbsup:

If you cant remain nice and stick to the Op's original query this thread will have to be closed.

Thanks

missie_mack

21-05-2007, 14:33

When I got married 12 months ago I got menu's from everywhere and I was lucky to keep it under $50 for 3 courses. It's hard to assess as it depends upon the style of wedding and guests that you are having. Would it be cheaper if you did 2 courses and gave the option for a third course?

Personally I think it's a brilliant idea if your not asking for gifts. It's just a case of joining you for dinner. It is very popular in Europe. I personally am not keen on the wishing well idea. I don't like being given money as I think it can be insulting if someone only gives you say $20 towards the wedding- and some people will. I had a very formal wedding and some people didn't even buy us a card. They basically came for the free feed and drinks IMO

If you change things to suit other people you will more than likely hold a resentment about it for a long time. Those who can't afford it or think it's wrong will tend to just go to the ceremony or you can invite them after dinner to join you for a drink.

Elfin

21-05-2007, 14:46

I probably wouldn't ask anyone to pay for a meal but I wouldn't be offended if I was asked to. The thing I guess you need to take into account is that if people are paying a lot already to be at the wedding like airfares, accommodation etc. If that is the case then it may get a bit much for some.

I love the idea of a champagne breakfast and a swish cocktail party is fab too:thumbsup:

Pinkbug

21-05-2007, 14:54

to all the weddings I have been to I never paid for it they paid it themselves... I wouldn't want people to pay for their meals on my wedding day I have always known and thought it is proper to pay for it urselves that is how I know it

Lastcenturymum

21-05-2007, 15:13

If its instead of a present, I don't see the problem. You'd kinda hope they'd spend that much on you! Does that include drinks?

Depends where you are having it. Lots of reception places are $100 a head (yeah a ripoff, I know) so it's cheap by comparison.

It probably depends on who your friends are and what their situation is like.

angel_one

21-05-2007, 15:27

ok to clarify a few things:
-we dont want gifts
-90% of the guests invited, live in the town we wish to hold the wedding (and the few that do not are part of the wedding party and will be paid for)
- the kids, well as we have our own, and i dont believe that the kids will ever eat even 1/2 the price, i will be getting kids meals (ie:chicken nuggets and chips for them and shall pay for them) - and at that they kids are gone after dinner so most will most likley not bring their kids and the ones that do will be family - for which i am getting a baby sitter.
- we are paying for drinks!

oh and.....

:
My brother had 700 guests at his wedding....

holy smokes! i dont even think i know that many people!!!! lol

bubs_and_us

21-05-2007, 16:30

we are doing exactly this...... we arent in a position to have a big wedding, so we're just inviting very vey close friends and family (30 total) to the ceremony and then to dinner afterwards. its a buffet restaurant, and we're asking them to pay for their meals instead of pressies. ($50)........

:o i didnt realise people would be offended :o

SMum

22-05-2007, 04:42

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I am getting married in a few months and we were going to do the same thing. Ours would have been $30 a head. Too many close family and friends made rude comments to me about this so we decided to redraw off the house to pay for the wedding. Not everyone has parents paying for their weddings or are in a situation where they can afford the upfront costs yet have lots of close family and friends that they HAVE to invite. I think if people have a problem with paying then that is fine if they don't go. I think $50 is probably at the top end though - is there anyway you can change the venue and maybe ask for $30 or $40/person? That way it is not too expensive for the couples. People forget that this is in place of a present and I personally think it is no ruder then a gift register or wishing well.

I have been to a few weddings where the invite said to pay for gifts (I have a few quirky poems if you are interested) and I thought it was a great idea as a guest. I didn't have to get a present nor did I have the delema of trying to work out how much I was going to put in the wishing well.

Each to their own but really, do what you feel is best.

tybella

22-05-2007, 08:09

IMO if I recieved an invite asking for me and my hubby to pay $50 per head to someones wedding we would consider not going. Thats $100 bucks. We would never even spend that out at dinner between us. We are not scroogy by no means, but I just think $100 between 2 is a bit rough.
And if they expected a present ontop of us paying for our own meal, then we wouldnt be going.
You might think I am being rude but IMO, if you cant afford it, dont invite them. I sure wouldnt want people talking behind my back or consider not coming and having them saying "I cant believe they want us to pay for our own meals. Thats $100 bucks, maybe we shouldnt go??"

EskimoMumma

22-05-2007, 08:22

I don't see any problem with that at all. I'm sure the food will be lovely as well, and TBH your weeding out the people who will only go to a wedding for the food.

$50 is not a large amount when your not asking for a present and I'm sure people would enjoy it.

Its your wedding, its your day, its your decision. Don't worry about what other people will think or say behind your back because who cares! If its what you want go for it!:yelclap: