Young mum

[tegan05]

My name is Lisa, I am only 16 and pregnant, My parents don't think that I am old enough to have a baby. I am very mature for my age and really want to go ahead with this pregnancy. They say I am just being selfish and that my baby will have a bad life . I need some advice. Please is there anyone out there that can give me some real advice.

[SweetSerenity]

Hey Tegan,
You poor sweety not having people around to help support you through this tough time.
Only you know whether you can handle being a mum, no one else, they can all judge but they will never know, only you.
What you should do is right a list of pros and cons regarding how life will change for you...
Just weigh everything up....and then see how you feel after that...
Financially do you have support??
If you need to chat feel free to pm me sweety!
Love Nat xxx

[MilkOnTap]

Hi Tegan,

Firstly - welcome to BubHub. I hope you enjoy your stay here, whether it be a short amount of time, or a bit longer.

I am not a young mum, but I am trying to conceive at the moment. There are some women on this site that have had children as young as you are and enjoyed it. Then there are others who have also fallen pregnant at 16 and decided not to keep the baby.

I have a girlfriend who is 21. She has just had her first baby. But its not her first pregnancy, she also fell when she was 16 - and at the time she opted for an abortion. She is one of the most mature people that I knew (at the ripe age of 16), and yet she decided what would ultimately benefit her would be to terminate the pregnancy. She had aspirations of becoming a nurse, and knew that her dreams would be put on hold for a long time.

Whether you decide to keep the baby or not is certainly a personal decision, but remember that whatever decision you make you are going to need support - and the number one support you can receive is from your parents.

Good Luck! And keep in touch.


Cheers,

[cobysmummy]

hey.. im a young mum... i was 17 and still in year 12 when i found out i was pregnant but i knew i could do it and i said im pregnant and keeping the baby

there will always be people who try to talk you out of it but only you know whether you will be able to handle a baby... in the end it is your choice and once u have made that decision thats it!

how far along are you?

feel free to email or pm me for support! and good luck with everything!

[brooke]

hello lisa,
u just do what u think is right... in the end you are the only one who can make the right decision! dont be forced in to something that you think you may regret later.
Good luck!

[MissSparkle]

Hi Lisa. I was 17 and in year 12 when I found out I was pregnant. In my mind an obortion was not an option. U have to make the decision based on what YOU believe is right. If u feel like u can do this then go for it! Having a child is such a rewarding experience! It is weird how u lose alot of friends coz they have better things to do but u make so many great new friends who understand exactly what u are going thru! Ive made a couple of really great friends right here on Bubhub!!

If u want to talk PM me anytime!

Congratulations and goodluck with ur decision!!

[Annasmum36]

Hi Lisa,

I agree with everyone else - only you can decide whether you can do this mothering or not. I know some brilliant, capable, calm, born-to-do-it mothers who were not much older than you, and some other parents in their 30's who are forever stressed and losing it and running just behind the ball all the time.

But two things I think are important to say - if you really do want this baby for your and the baby's sake (not just to get back at anyone, or to 'keep' your fella), then have it. You are not being selfish and as long as you love the child, it will not have a bad life on your account. If you want the baby and opt for a termination because of other people's ideas, then you will regret it forever.

Second - I don't know your parents but I would say that, if they love you, at the moment they are just gut-reacting. They are scared for you and are possibly dealing with their own disappointment at they life they were hoping and expecting their daughter (you) would have. Try to go easy on them, because as someone else said, whatever you decide you will need their support. And even if they stay mad at you for 9 months, only a small numbers of grandparents wouldn't soften up at the sight of a new grandchild!

Whatever you decide, good luck, don't be hard on yourself, and good on you for looking for help & advice outside your circle. That's a good start in my opinion! :o

[Fairyfloss]

Hi Lisa, first of all congrats on your pragnancy, I have to agree with others, if you love the baby and the only reason, you want this baby is to give the world a great person who will make this world a better place to be (or some thing along those lines), not becasue he or she comes with a job discription, eg, make you feell better about yourself, or heal relatioships, then by all means go ahead it is your baby and you have the best intensions in heart so you can't fail.

If you don't mind me asking is the father of the baby going to be part of this, or you are planning on raising the child on your own, because, if you are going to do it alone don't foreget he is legally responsible for this child, so at least make him pay for it (in terms of child support). Good luck with whatever decision you make.:)

[kyeaj]

Hi Tegan!

Firstly, congratulations on being so "mature" enough to get onto this website and post! You'll find great support here, whatever your decision!

I must say that I am someone who had a "young mum"... My mother was 17 when she had me and believes that I am the greatest achievement that she ever made! She decided to go ahead with her pregnancy (and of course I'm glad she did). She had full support from her mother and family; I'm not sure if you do but bare in mind that this doesn't mean that you can't do it on your own.

I am one who believes that you should do what's best for you, whether that be go ahead or terminate your pregnancy. But I would just like to let you know that it doesn't have to be something that you will do on your own. You always have these kind of websites to look up for advice, people like myself for support, or even call centres that can offer great resources. If you really want to do something and set your mind to it, you will!!!

My mother and I have the strongest friendship. I totally believe it's due the respect that I have for her being so strong in her decision to keep me, support me all by herself (my father passed away when I was 2) and most importantly importantly become my friend. She believes it was because we were so close in age, I believe it was because of her will to stand by what she believed in!

Are you still at school? I know that there are alot of girls that still attend school when they are pregnant. My best friend is a secondary teacher/co-ordinator, so if you would like any advice about this I can always ask her any questions you may have.

Please feel free to send me an email kye.mick@bigpond.com.au or pm me.

I have just become a mum for the first time and as much as it's hard work, it can be very rewarding. Hopefully you make a decision that is right for you!

Take care chook!

[mummy sam]

Hi Lisa,
What a hard decision you have to make. Last year i fell pregnant at 23 with no partner there to support me. My friends didnt think i should have a baby and my family i decided not to tell untill i had made my decision. I thought about it for weeks, as someone else has advised you write down the pros and cons include things like not going out, and having a little one depend on you for the next 20yrs. where are you going to live? will you continue study? what will you do for work later on? Just a few to think about. It is one of the hardest jobs you'll ever have because its not 9 to 5 its 24hrs a day.

But you also have to look at the positves your responsible for this little one and the way they turn out. It brings such a smile to your face when they smile for the first time or roll over for the first time.

I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and now have a great 14wk old little boy.
And my family the have been great. Mum didnt think she was old enough to be a grand mother but she's come round and being called granny. And great grandma she loves it. I think that maybe the only thing they worry about is the money side of it. will i go back to work ect...

Oh and my friends they have come to relise that it was my decision and nobody elses, and that you also need to keep in mind.


good luck and if you need to chat feel free to contact me

[SassyMummy]

Hi Lisa!

I'm 19, nearly 20, but fell pregnant at 18 with my 2nd "major" boyfriend (we'd only been together 4 months so it was pretty daunting!).

I don't think your parents are right about you being selfish...teen mothers aren't selfish most of the time...a lot of us decide to give up our "young adult hood" (parting/drinking/being spontaneous and wild) in order to raise a child that we may, or may not have, planned on having. I don't think that makes you selfish at all...it in fact makes you quite the opposite.

Having a child at any age is difficult...not just in your teens. As for being financially stable, you could wait until you're 30 and still not be there. We're lucky to live in a country that DOES help out families with little or no income. If you choose to have this baby, Centrelink WILL help you. (You'll be classified as an "independant" just as soon as you fill out the paperwork after giving birth...and therefore your parents income will not matter to the amount you will recieve). You won't get HEAPS (if you don't live with your partner, you'll probably recieve about $700 a fortnight...that's around $350 a week). It's not much, but it will definately help you out. If you live at home with your parents, you'll definately be able to pay for the things your bub needs (nappies/formula/general baby junk etc).

There are many places that offer free or very cheap clinics and other help to you. (like ante-natal classes and stuff). Young mothers clubs are run throughout the country and are generally free...so you can meet up with other parents in a similar situation.

My main advice to you is to really think about what you want. If you want to "live it up" and be free to go out whenever you please, don't have your baby. You won't be able to do both...at least not easily anyway. You shouldn't have a baby if you're not ready to put your own life on hold for him/her.

Also, go to school...finish high school. There's not much (job-wise) you can do if you don't finish grade 12. There are SOME schools that run programs for young mothers who haven't finished school yet. It's like a "part-time" school...you only go so often and finish it slowly...you can also bring your bub along with you sometimes. Other than that, childcare would be a way to go.

Babies take a lot of time and energy to look after, so be prepared. Although, no amount of preparation can REALLY prepare you for the reality of it. It's much different in theory...in my opinion anyway.

You MAY lose friends because of it...but you may not. I have only lost one friend...and I lost him because he made new friends who I thought were idiots...not because of my baby at all. The other friends just cater to the fact I have a baby (we still do the same sorts of things...like shopping. We only have to stop every now and then to go to the parents room...and they're fine with that).

Only you can decide what is right for you...but the above is just a little advice from me. I was lucky to have finished school and have two beauty qualifications under my belt...so it will probably be a bit harder on you.

But, best of luck, and I hope you make the best choice you can for you.

Either way, you'll have to cope with your decision, so go with what YOU want.

PM me if you need to talk...I come online regularly.

[darkangel_23]

hey lisa! when i first fell pregnant i was 17. i had huge fights with my mum because i wanted to keep my baby and she didn't aggree. we ended up not speaking to eachother for ages. it got to a point where it was too late to do anything so she gave up trying to tell me to terminate and started supporting me. she was there for the labour and has been there ever since. we still disaggree on alot of things to do with my kids but she now knows it wasn't as bad as she thought and she got a beautiful grandson from it. i eneded up being a single mum for 2 yrs until i met my boyfriend. we have been together for 4 yrs and have had another 2 boys of our own. he has taken on my first as his own and all has worked out for me. i don't know if that makes ur decision any easier but i hope so anyway! if u need to chat or wanna ask me anything feel free to email me!

[im_jst_me]

hey i m ashleigh n a 16yr old mum to be i m really scared cos i m on my own and the father already has a child and does not want anything to do with it :mad:
how did u handle becoming a mum??
im_jst_me06@hotmail.com

[xkwzit]

Hiya just me

I just wanted to let you know that Tegan05 hasn't been active in the forum for over a month now. I think you'd have better luck starting a new thread in this section or checking out the other posts in the young parents chat for other, more active members.

Best of luck to you sweetie (and you are never JUST you ;) )

[supa_star323]

Hey Lisa (username: Tegan05).
just wanted to send love and support. I am 17, and pregnant, due in July.
Everyone told me I was too young, ruining my life... blah blah blah...
I just said, "If you love me, you'll accept my decision"
I know life will be hard, but I can do it, and so can you.
Good luck, and email me if you ever want someone to talk to!!!
love Tegan

[Noeysmum]

Hi everyone i am 21years od, just moved too adelaide, my friend and i are starting a mothers group where we can hang out and chat with other mothers. The mothers group is aimed for young mums under 30.

our first one is this thursday(23rd) at hungry jacks at Gilles Plains (Tea Tree Gully area)

we will have them every week at different venues

[bellapaigesmum]

hi lisa my name is renee and i was pregnant at 16 and in yr 11. i kept my baby and finished yr 11 i am now doing year 12 so i understand whats going on in your head. if you would like to contact me my email is kitten_117@hotmail.com i live in adelaide by the way

[vespertine]

Coming from someone who's mother had her at 16, and who now has a son of her own at 21, you can do it!

Motherhood is a fantastic experience, once your little one is born all your cares and worries will fly out the window. Trust your heart, not the cynics. You'll surprise yourself with how wonderful you are at parenting!

[cyn]

I fell pregnant at 19, and had my daughter a week after my 20th birthday. When I found out I was pregnant it was a tough decision to make as to whether or not I felt that I would be able to provide a baby with everything they'd need. I was lucky that I had the full love and support of my partner, which made a huge difference for me, as I don't know that I personally could have done it alone. Only you know if you're able to provide for a child physically, emotionally and financially. I agree with previous posts in that you should definately try to complete your education, and whilst I'm sure Centrelink is financially able to help you I do think you shouldn't rely on that.

On the other hand, if you decide that you're not ready to be a parent keep in mind that termination isn't the only option, there's always adoption, which means that you're baby can live people who may not be able to have kids of their own.

Maybe talk to someone with an 'outside' view that better knows your whole situation.

[Clesthaven]

Hello all. My name is Madeleine and I am not a really young mum, but younger than most of the first time mums in my Mother's Group, many of them are 36, 37, even 40. I was 24 with my daughter Jessica, now 1 and I will be 26 when my second is born later this year. People think that younger mothers are not as good as older mothers but your personality is what determines it, not your age and your personality does not change much over time. I know a few young mums - I went to church with a girl who had a baby at 18 with her boyfriend, also 18 and from the church - unfortunately the hypocritical priest (I confronted him about it and he claimed otherwise - but I know he was lying) forced them to leave because they were unmarried but they seemed to be doing a fantastic job as parents. I know older women who have babies and possibly because they are used to only looking after themselves for so long they are not the best mothers. Young mothers being closer in age to their babies can probably relate to them more as they grow up, also they adapt to parenthood better as when you are younger you are more adaptable and they are fitter so they can be more physically active with kids. People don't seem to think of these things while there is all this hype about IVF helping older mothers to have babies.

[abo84]

[QUOTE=SassyMummy]

Also, go to school...finish high school. There's not much (job-wise) you can do if you don't finish grade 12. There are SOME schools that run programs for young mothers who haven't finished school yet. It's like a "part-time" school...you only go so often and finish it slowly...you can also bring your bub along with you sometimes. Other than that, childcare would be a way to go.



Hey I fell pregnant first at 16years old, I had a still born, but I left school, and I found it easier for me (when I was pregnant) to go to tafe, and even now im not working but could still make more money than my husband, and he makes enough that I dont have to work.

Also, my mum had me when she was 15years and she has always been and still is a great mum.

Im like you cyn! my DD I fell pregnant with at 19 and her birthday is 4days after my 20th.;)

[jessgray]

hi there
i was 18 when i found i was pregant with my son. he was born 6 weeks before my 19th. i had did yr12 the year before so my family wasnt too stressed about me missing out on school etc.im now expecting number #2 in november :)