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My name is Tegan im 20 yrs old and im 8 weeks pregnant. I desperatly want to keep the child but my parents insist i wont be able to afford it and i will not only ruin my lives but theirs. I will have to do it on my own without there support and help. My boyfriend works on fishing boats and is away for weeks at a time.
I dont know if i can do it on my own am i making a mistake by wanting to keep it.
My parents keep telling me that im selfish for wanting to keep it and that they cant understand why i would want to do something that will make my life hard and that i wouldnt be able to afford a good life for my child (because my relationship wont last and ill be a single parent) when i can choose not to. They wont accept anything but for me to have an abortion. I dont know what to say or do. Can i afford it????? Am i being selfish???:confused:
Tegan,
Firstly, welcome to the 'hub. It's a great place to get support on a whole heap of things, no matter what you decide.
Secondly, (and no offence meant to them) stuff your parents. What do you want? Is this baby something that you want? Do you think that you are physically and emotionally able to deal with having a small person depend on you? Do you think that you are able and willing to love this tiny creature and watch him or her grow while you shower them with love? If the answer is yes, then keep the baby.
I would talk to your boyfriend (if you haven't already) and see what his thoughts are on the situation. Is he willing to help you out financially and emotionally, and physically for the times when he is at home?
Also, have you talked to Centrelink? At 20, you may only be eligable for Youth Allowance, which will give you a start. You can also ask around for help for Young Parents. I don't know if there is an age cut off, but I have a friend who had a baby when she was 17ish and was able to get help with accomidation.
I would also apply for Housing Comission if you are worried about having somewhere to live. You may have to wait quite a while to get into some where, but if they offer you a place, you don't have to accept it, and knowing it's there 'just in case' can often be a big relief.
I hope that this has helped you. Good luck, no matter what you decide. Just remember though - this is your body and your baby. That makes it your choice. PM me if you want to talk more :)
Hi there Tegan,
Firstly congratulations! I can't begin to imagine how scared you are right now but you seem to have the right frame of mind, just everyone around you doesnt. Ultimately the decision is yours to make not your parents. You aren't a teenager anymore! Yes, you are young, but that is certainly a hurdle you can overcome. Being a mum is the most rewarding experience you will ever have. I don't know what else to say except you do what you want.What does your partner think? You will cope financially, Gov payments help you there and you will still be young enough to re enter the work force when you are able.My brother had a baby at 19 and initially my parents FREAKED but they couldn't imagine life without Number 1 grandson now. I guess your parents are in shock but will come around in time. Don't do anything rash, think it through and talk it through with your partner.
Good Luck sweetie,
Cheers Jen
tyler's mum
09-01-2006, 23:39
no one has the right to tell you not to have your baby,,, im a single mum and yeah its hard work,,, i may not always have alot of money.... yet tyler has every thing she needs....so it can be done.... centerlink helps you out when your preg and then after ,,, i wish you all the luck try not to stress your self out to much
Baby Girl
09-01-2006, 23:40
In my opinion, if you think you are ready and you want to have your baby then you should go with your feelings. It shouldn't be anyone else's decision but yours (and your partner). Your parents are just looking out for you in the best way they know how. Maybe if you sit down and talk to them about how you feel and the reasons you want to have your baby it might help them to understand how you are feeling.
Who is to say whether your relationship wil last or not, no-one knows that. And that goes for any relationship at any age, not just because you are 20.
There are many young mum's out there who do just fine for themselves and their bub. There is no reason that you can't afford it, you just have to live within your means and work hard. It is hard work but you have time to prepare yourself for what is going to happen. The best suggestion I think I could make is to talk to ohter mum's about what to expect and maybe even speak to a counsellor who can also talk to your parents and maybe act as a mediator if need be.
By DP and I had our first bub when we were 23, we had been together for less than 6 months when we fell pg, my parents were petrified for me but we are still together and now have 2 girls and are even thinking about no. 3. My parents adore my girls and my DP so it all worked out quite well. Don't get me wrong, we have had ups and downs but we made the decision to live for each other and our girls and we spend each and every day trying to do that as best we can with what we have got.
No-one knows where your life may lead you and no-one can make the final decision about your life and which direction you want it to go in except you.
Good luck making your decision - try to communicate to your parents the reasons why you want to have the bub, maybe it will help them understand. Remember, in their eyes, you are still their BABY.
moonblossom
10-01-2006, 06:00
Ummm who's life and who's body is it??? Its all well and good your parents looking out for you but it sounds like their DICTATING, not really giving good advice.
Do what YOU want to do. Wether you are a single parent or still with your partner, you will make a wonderful mother.
Just dont make decisions on fear, or others fears. It must be your decision and yours alone, after all YOU are the one that lives with the outcome.
Best of luck
My parents freaked to when I fell pregnant at 20. I was the last person my friends thought would be a mum. They wouldn's change it for the world now though. I made some POSITIVE changes to my life and am glad I did. Me and my partner had only been together 6 months or so. To us there were no options.
My partner works away most of the year and we even travelled around Australia with a 3 month old and a 17 months old for a year (in a tiny caravan). Jobs come and go. Whos to say that your partner will be always be in that job/positon anyway.
I have worked on and off to help out financially (my partner had a bad accident and couldn't work for 7 months or more) and I have just finished working parttime to have baby #3.
Sure the road has had its ups and downs but we are taking each day as it comes and dealing with whatever gets thrown in our path as it happens. There are no guarentees with any relationship, whether you are 20 or 50.
Feel free to email me if you want to chat.
Hey Tegan!
I don't really have heaps of advice for you except that you need to do what you think is right. Not much help I know when you're looking for an answer! :rolleyes:
Don't be fazed by the 'too young' issue. When I was 20, I was married, and the amount of people that had something to say about that alone was phenomenal! However, here we are about to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary, with an eight month old son..... it all works out in the end.
As mentioned above, jobs come and go. So does financial / emotional etc security. You just have to go with it.
I'd suggest having a chat with your man and see what his thoughts are.
I feel 'termination' of pregnancy can sometimes be a very quick and harsh solution, maybe your parents have a quick fix in mind. Who knows. They're probably feeling vulnerable about this also, but don't let this drive you in your decision. You're the one who will have to live with late and sleepless nights, runny noses, bumps and bruises.......
Hope this helps a little, I know you'll make the decision that's right for you.
Take care.
Sarah 85
10-01-2006, 10:08
Hi Tegan,
Sorry to hear that you are not getting on with your parents. I was in the same situation a few years ago and I took my parents advice (after lots of arguments)and had a termination. It was the best thing I could have done!! I was not really ready to have a child and even though I really wanted too, in the end I had to do what was not only best for me but best for the child.
I have since gone on to have a baby with a new partner who is just as excited about the birth as me.
Don't worry about not having children later, If you want them it will happen and you will be sure.
thanks for all your help. It just seems so hard when your family tells you that your not going to be able to do it . My mum has also made up that Young mum thing under my name that was not me i just made the mistake of using there computer night . I really needed to hear that it can be done that im not going to provide a miserable life for my child. My aunty was a single mum and has told them it was the worst thing ever. Its nice to know that there are ppl i can talk 2 THANKS and im sure ill be back to talk soon with more Questions 2.
Oscar's mum
10-01-2006, 10:35
I too feel as though you should do what's in your heart not what anyone else wants you to do. I wish you all the luck in the world with your decision.
Mischief
10-01-2006, 11:06
Hi Tegan,
Check out the Young Mum thread...even though your mum started it and said you were 16...you have lots of support there.
There are no assurances no matter what age you are or what kind of relationship you have with the babies father.....things can crumble any time to anyone...but they can grow stronger too!
Like I said in the young mum thread.....my baby is kicking right now, and its the most amazing feeling in the world. I get terrified alot of the time, wondering what kind of parent I'm going to be....how we are going to go financially...will my hubby and I still have time for eachother...ect...but somehow in my heart I know that this is the most amazing thing Ive ever done in my life...
PM me if you want to chat. :) I just turned 23 so a "young mum" too.... circumstances are definately different and I appreciate that...but sometimes its nice just to chat!
Im confused, which thread is correct?
20 year old Tegan or 16 year old Lisa?
Might be better to come clean with us....
I'm confused! Which one is right?
Melissa1983
10-01-2006, 12:56
I am confused too. I sent her a PM to find out which one was correct, she hasn't replied...
sugar n spice
10-01-2006, 13:32
I am so sorry to hear that your parents aren't on your side as their support is vital. I you want this child then have it as aborting it you may feel a lot of guilt. I don't know maybe explain to them you understand where they are coming from but if you abort when you don't want to you will feel guilt and i can't think of the correct word blame or something like that towards your parents. this will no doubt cause problems. In my opinion your family will love this child when its born and will prob wonder what the hell they were thinking trying to get you to abort. Go with your heart if you want this child and feel you can give it all the love it needs then youve made your descion. i to am a young mum if you feel like chatting pm or email me.
rachel
Hokey Pokey
10-01-2006, 17:52
You can do it on your own if you set your mind to it.
I did it at 15, raised a baby by myself and even continued to finish my education.
I had to be determined and tell myself that I can do it.
But listen to your heart.
Don't abort because of your parents, you do it for YOU and YOU only, noone else.
Feel free to email me for a chat if you get a little down.
chocoluva_83@hotmail.com
xoxoxox
LilShenanigans
10-01-2006, 17:57
tegans profile says 1985... ?
Hunny, I'd love to help anyway I can, but this should be the one place where the truth can be told no matter what.
If it's right, then what you do with your life is exactly your decision. Your family have their own lives to live and if they don't want something then they obviously didn't do it, or are not about to.
Most family do come around to the idea, some unfortunately dont but there are vast resources for those out there that need it.
Whatever YOU decide for YOURSELF will be right for YOU, and nobody else.
Mischief
10-01-2006, 18:41
My mum has also made up that Young mum thing under my name that was not me i just made the mistake of using there computer night.
Hi guys, I think this might clear up the age and name thing with the multiple threads......
Goodluck Tegan.
Oscar's mum
10-01-2006, 18:52
I am still confused! Sorry :confused: :confused:
W & T's sleepy mummy
10-01-2006, 18:53
Everyone here has written such great advice that I can only repeat - only you can decide what is right.:)
Just wanted to give you my support for which ever decision you make.:)
hi love
first of all, this is YOUR decision!!!!!if you want this baby, then do it!!i got pregnant when i was 20 and me and my partner had only been together for a few months.now we are engaged and have a gorgeous son who we couldnt imagine life without!!children dont ruin your life!sure its hard but u feel a love u never thought imaginable!ur parents should be happy for u and supporting u, not bullying u into abortion!!!im sure once u have the baby they wil fall in lovewith it!!good luck with whatever path u choose:)
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