View Full Version : the ex has ANOTHER baby
and I found out from child support. i feel sooo weird. and the ******* cant even pay child support on time, yet he just got a 4 grand payment for baby bonus. its only $21 a month for pete sake. BTW Im talking about DS dad. so now he has 2 half siblings to his sperm donor as well as DD his sister.
i dont know why Im so bothered.
Shanaynay
16-05-2007, 10:59
I'd be bothered. And what a sucky way to find out:thumbsdown:
:hugs:
Ugh, I know how u feel. I have 2 kids to my ex and he has to pay a whopping $17 a month(and he hasn't paid me that in god knows how long, he's having a big sad at me now because I asked CSA to chase it up! FFS!).
He also has a daughter, but he is no longer with her mum, but I found out about it when she was pregnant.
It bothers me too because he seems to be able to pay her her child support on time every month and I have been having to chase him for it for over 2 years now. Then he has the nerve to come around to see the kids in his 'new car', etc. ARGH!
IheartOman
16-05-2007, 11:06
That sucks hun. :thumbsdown: Lah-oooser.
yay youre back!!!!! :D he is a real tosser
Buddha Bubbas
16-05-2007, 11:10
Emevity i know how you feel :hugs:
DDs father has never been around. I found out off child support and it did make me sad because my DD has a half sibling she doesnt know.
Dont waste your time thinking about it.
Some men truly suck :thumbsdown:
its just not fair, I think I am angry because he gets everything, he has no money probs, he does not have to go through the heartache and hard work of dealing/coping with HIS son who has possible aspergers.
he just goes and has kids whenever he wants. he has nothing to worry about.
Snuffys Mum
16-05-2007, 15:34
I would definitely be bothered too. In fact I've been mentally and emotionally preparing myself for it for some time now because I know that I'd probably have a VERY hard time dealing with him having another child when he wants nothing at all to do with this one.
:hugs: :hugs:
That would be so upsetting and to find out through CSA, what a kick in the guts. So sorry hun. :hugs:
Mamaduke
16-05-2007, 15:40
I never realised that the Dads had to pay so very little in regards to child support! :eek:
Snuffys Mum
16-05-2007, 15:43
I never realised that the Dads had to pay so very little in regards to child support! :eek:
Yep, my ex has just taken off on a long term round the world trip but was 'kind' enough to pay me 12 months child support in advance before he left. A whole $320. For 12 months. Yay for me. :rolleyes:
Mamaduke
16-05-2007, 15:49
Yep, my ex has just taken off on a long term round the world trip but was 'kind' enough to pay me 12 months child support in advance before he left. A whole $320. For 12 months. Yay for me. :rolleyes:
I don't usually say this but...
Jesus!!!
No wonder it's so easy for them to just walk away from their families.
This is not right. How are these figures reached, I mean is it means tested, because I'm thinking if one can go on a round the world trip one can contribute a substantial lot more than $320 per annum to the raising of one's children.
I think I need to speak to my local member about this - this is insanity!
Grrrr I hate men. Just fuels my fire when I hear about another pig getting out of responsibilities.
Snuffys Mum
16-05-2007, 15:55
I don't usually say this but...
Jesus!!!
No wonder it's so easy for them to just walk away from their families.
This is not right. How are these figures reached, I mean is it means tested, because I'm thinking if one can go on a round the world trip one can contribute a substantial lot more than $320 per annum to the raising of one's children.
I think I need to speak to my local member about this - this is insanity!
It is means tested but in my case my ex is now unemployed so only has to pay the bare minimum. But I am one of the more fortunate ones. There are many women here on BH who get nothing at all due to various circumstances. It definitely is insanity thats for sure.
ETA Sorry about the Hijack!! Didn't mean to!!!!!!!
Mamaduke
16-05-2007, 16:00
Grrrr I hate men.
No no...they're not all bad I promise you.
I'm married to a pretty good one and I'm doing my very very best to bring up a couple of great ones.
OneBabyBoy
16-05-2007, 16:05
I don't usually say this but...
Jesus!!!
No wonder it's so easy for them to just walk away from their families.
This is not right. How are these figures reached, I mean is it means tested, because I'm thinking if one can go on a round the world trip one can contribute a substantial lot more than $320 per annum to the raising of one's children.
I think I need to speak to my local member about this - this is insanity!
It is means tested, If they are working. This calculator gives an idea of how much someone has to pay based on what they earn.
http://www.csa.gov.au/ChildSupportCalculator/Calculator.aspx
It's basically 18% of their salary.
No no...they're not all bad I promise you.
I'm married to a pretty good one and I'm doing my very very best to bring up a couple of great ones.
I know just having a bad ex day today...lol.
I am marry a great man myself is 12 weeks :D
until they have more kids, then it goes even lower. he has 2 other kids now plus DS and he never pays CS on time. i got three dollars in 5 months.
I also have to pay for every paed visit and specialist becaus DS has varying problems, yet he(the ex) goes and buys a new 4WD but never contributes to anything.
OneBabyBoy
16-05-2007, 16:45
can it get taken out of his paycheck automatically?
Blessed Mum
16-05-2007, 16:46
that would certainly p*ss me off too. :shame: on those daddies ( not that u could call them that I suppose)
:laughing:
nope. a friend of mine from a while back, her exes work even screwed her around, never putting it in ontime, if at all.
and im pretty sure hje works cash in hand and has more than one job. this guy is Captain Dodgy
OneBabyBoy
16-05-2007, 16:52
I guess if he works cash in hand then as far as the government know he is unemployed and only required to pay the minimum. Do you know if he collects the dole? If he does and he's on centrelink, they would be interested to know he works cash in hand. If he's that dodgy then he doesn't deserve any special favours.
What happens when CSA try to collect the c/s? I'm guessing it's not a private agreement you have? How can a company not pay it in time? Must be a very dodgy company aswell. We should start a list of companies to boycott :)
:hugs:
the company is suncorp metway in QLD.
and i dont know i have not spoken to him in years. i know his girlfriend was claiming sole parent pension but he was living with her,(same thing his parents did)
CSA collects for me, but well they never do anything. they say they will chase him up but they dont.
SassyDiva
16-05-2007, 17:04
Must be so hard... and I'd be p!ssed off 2, just for the fact that ur at home dealing with everyday life and his out there screwing around living a single mans life.
Not that u'd ever change having children... but its just not right how some men kinda wipe there hands and start again.
I always thought they had to pay more than that 2...just not right
OneBabyBoy
16-05-2007, 18:22
I've been reading through the CSA website and I found this about the role of employers
http://www.csa.gov.au/employers/legal.aspx
Looks like suncorp is responsible for alot of fines if they aren't doing the above correctly. Report it all emevity, make them pay. It is very disappointing from a company like suncorp.
It looks to me like you can claim for backdated c/s emevity. You should give your CSA caseworker a call tomorrow and ask them. He should be made to pay.
Keep notes of everyone you speak to there and their names and be assertive. Ask to speak to their supervisor if you aren't happy with how they are dealing with it. I also noticed that you can complain through the website if you'd rather do that than on the phone.
Also, if my ex was not giving me any money and I knew he and his gf were fraudently claiming spp I'd report them. JMO. It's those people that make it harder for them to believe the rest of us.
Give them a call tomorrow emevity and let us know what they say.
Good luck with it all.:hugs:
Yep, and even the 'good' ones can get out of paying. Ppl can be incredibly selfish when it comes to money. My ex was all promises to pay $50 a week to bub and $50 a week to me, and then put money into an account separately for a college fund for bub...
:laughing:
DD is 20 months old, he paid $40 a week ONLY in CS from July to October last year. That's it.
And then he borrowed money from his brother in Feb and went back to the UK, supposedly to earn more money to send me all the money he owes me from the last few years...
Have we received a cent???? :laughing: :laughing:
AND he left me with his debts: outstanding rent, $400, owes my brother $150, owes me $400 (that's only money he owes THIS year! Add about $4000 to that to come close to what he actually owes!), his $775 mobile phone bill...
And yet he thinks it's all fine!!!!!!!!!!!!
He has slowly stopped bothering to call dd and has been very slack in even contacting me in the past few weeks, and my mum is telling me to celebrate and not call him back - just be glad he is out of our lives, pay his debts and forget him.
BUT we all know daddy's have rights and I could pay all his debts, and he could come crawling back, get access to his daughter and STILL owe me all this money...
And here I am, having to quit my job, stall my career again, because he was supposed to move interstate with us and pay CS, look after DD, but without warning disappeared back o/seas...and I've stuck it out 6 mths, but with no support I just can't do it (or afford it) any more.
Why did I ever let him touch me?????????? Don't let DD read this, but I was obviously DRUNK!
OneBabyBoy
16-05-2007, 20:06
Why did I ever let him touch me??????????
Because as horrible as he is, and he is, your DD wouldn't be who she is with a different father.
:hugs:
>sigh< that's the thing. she's beautiful and i don't want to change her at all. i do stress about her having genetic throwback to him tho! :) at least if he stays away she can't learn his bad habits!
I just want to find someone lovely and make a proper family - not just for me and she, but to learn him a lesson as well!!!!!!!!
God help me if I find out he's having another baby with someone else before I get settled down. I will track him down and ... well, let's just say he wouldn't be having any MORE kids after I was finished with him!
motherlylove
16-05-2007, 22:14
yeh i think that is the biggest deal a. yo have to find out from child support
b. to think they have little or no suppor tto the child they alreadyhave
Just wanted to say to the OP - it sucks when the dad's are able to avoid paying correct CS purely by not submitting tax returns etc and the minimum sucks, but......
This is in support for the dad's who do the right thing
No no...they're not all bad I promise you.
I'm married to a pretty good one and I'm doing my very very best to bring up a couple of great ones.
It's okay MD! The system has been under review for many years and is slowly starting to get a bit more equality added into it.
The original figures (placed there under a Labor gov;) ) were abitrarily plucked out of thin air and were based upon no research whatsoever. My hubby has paid more in the last 10years in child support than the research suggests it costs to raise a child from birth to 18 (absolving his ex from any responsibility if she wants).
If you're interested, I could point you in the direction of the research papers they have used for the review (by the current Lib gov) which shows that the higher your income, the more you spend on your children, but the less you spend proportionally.
With the current system, we would be better off separating as then hubby would be paying CS for 4children, but it would be divided amongst all of the children. With the new system it takes on board the fact that I earn differently to his ex and therefore the CS for my children would be different.
The current system puts aside over $40k as an exempted rate for hubby's ex, but only about $27k for hubby (and he has my two children to support:eek: - that's why I can't be a dependent - can't afford it - oh, and I have shown a capacity to earn so can't be a dependent). The new system will allow the same exempted incomes.
By the way - my hubby currently pays $470 per f/n for his two other children.
LilShenanigans
17-05-2007, 01:48
hehe imagine finding out your ex had another kid 8 months after the first was born?
I can laugh about it now, but thats only because I have proof there was no deep end gene development :p
Child support sucks though... CSA are hopeless! My ex has paid once since October last year. It sometimes annoys me, but then I calculate what $140 per month in debt is, plus apparently now he has debt to the government... And it makes me giggle.
Besides, I look to the future... I think I could get away with murder due to the stress, pain and emotional trauma I have been through...
...C'mon! Wives get away with that sort of thing all the time :p
I never realised that the Dads had to pay so very little in regards to child support! :eek:
My sons father has to pay $6 a week! Yay two beers a week!!!
Im so sorry you had to hear that in such a way...what a jerk. His children will grow to learn how selfish he is and that will be his final punishment.
Mum&bubs
17-05-2007, 09:39
The child support system is so cr@ppy it's not even funny!! What does it get you? Maybe a pack of nappies a week? It's ridiculous! I'm so sorry you had to find out that way and the bast@rd didn't even have the balls to tell you himself. Big hugs sweety :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
SimplyMum
17-05-2007, 12:17
What an jerk. I wonder if he'll take any more interest in the new one. Men can be such a holes. I hope our DS's don't grow up to be like the jerks today!
I rang CSA they said they will get back to me, and that they may take it out of his tax return if he puts one in :rolleyes: Im so over this cr@p.
sunnyflower
17-05-2007, 12:25
yep i hear all you girls.....i too would feel wierd if i heard my sperm donor had another child to someone.only because then my son would have a half brother or sister.I don't get any child support either.csa are useless.i think i've got the grand total of less than a thousand dollars since my son was born.he's five now.i don't really care anymore.i would prefer to think about him as little as possible.:barf: :barf:
sunnyflower
17-05-2007, 12:44
No i didn't get ANYTHING until his mother gave me a grand when my son was about two.I once was really broke and asked his mother to lend me $20.She said they didn't have any money:banghead: :banghead: Some people are givers and some are takers..........
OneBabyBoy
17-05-2007, 13:45
Oh, and it's only $80 a month and he's working full time:rolleyes: .
Why is it only $80 a month. If he doesn't have any other children it should be 18% of his salary. That would mean that he only earns $450 a month :confused:
All these people who get hardly anything because their ex's are unemployed (like mine was) is one thing but when they are working it is just automatic. You shouldgive CSA a call and get the correct amount taken out of his pay.
Emevity did you tell them you wanted to take action against Suncorp? I saw on the website that you can - if they aren't taking the correct amounts out of his paycheck then they have to pay fines and be held accountable for that.
The caseworker I have is incredibly helpful with everything. If you two want to, I will PM you her name and you can ask for her when you call CSA. If your ex is working there's no reason for you to not get the correct amount.
ThreePinkFaireez
17-05-2007, 15:41
and I found out from child support. i feel sooo weird. and the ******* cant even pay child support on time, yet he just got a 4 grand payment for baby bonus. its only $21 a month for pete sake. BTW Im talking about DS dad. so now he has 2 half siblings to his sperm donor as well as DD his sister.
i dont know why Im so bothered.
Exact same thing happened to me... DD1 sperm donor as he's called here.... (not infront of DD she doens't even know of him yet) had 2 kids before my DD and I recently found out he's got two more now.... these ones he's stayed wit the mother this time... but he pays me nothing... it's meant to be a hole 3 or 4 bucks or what ever it is, but he keeps swapping jobs... CSA can't find him... I know where he works, but just can't bring myself to dob him in anymore... I'm over chasing him... I haven't heard from or seen him since DD was 1 (almost 3.5years now).
It's so hard for me to know that DD has half bros and sisters out there....
ashleerose
19-05-2007, 10:37
I too found out that my ex had had another child through a letter from childsupport.
It was a kick in the stomach to say the least.
We were married and (unfortunately legally still),
he and the thing could have had the decency to sort the divorce thingy out during the nine months waiting period (or better still let me know).
Prior to this i wanted a divorce and he just kept playing games ie threats, then wanting me to pay him etc etc so i told him he can sort it out....
Anyhow, to make matters worst him and the thing are rorting the system, they are a couple he is on the dole, she on the single parent pension (for her first child to someone else) and they both have a houso house (he rents his out on a room to room basis) meanwhile i get a whole $6.00 per fortnight for our two kids thats $1.50 per week (what a joke).
He is paying childsupport to the thing and his first child....
To me he is nothing more than a sperm donar this wont be the last relationship he has nor the last child he has....
:hugs: :hugs: for ashleerose. what an ****!!!! How can guys be so callous??? Don't they realise that their kids (ie: your bub) will grow up and realise one day just what a jerk their dad's are?? Haven't they seen all the films we have - with all the deadbeat dads???
The other thing I can never figure out are the other women. One of my friend's mates got pregnant in high school to a guy who was 21 and already had TWO kids to someone else. She now has a 2nd bub to him and feels trapped in the r'ship etc...
I also had the pleasure of my ex coming over to Oz and living in my small home town with me and bub...and could not BELIEVE the balls of some of the local tarts!! Honestly - what is the thrill in getting with a guy who has a kid already, and is not doing a great job looking after that one! I mean, I can understand falling for someone with a kid and trying to build a r'ship with them, but these girls were never like that - they weren't interested in the bub, except as a means to get to him.
And he aint that great or I'd still be with him, lol! I mean, didn't they wonder what was wrong with him that I dumped him even tho I was preggers???? ARGH, the mind boggles. All I can do is try not to be "that" woman for anybody else.
whatwasithinking
19-05-2007, 21:32
For fear of being shot down (will dodge bullets now) - I don't think the guys have an obligation to tell you that he is having another child. If CSA tells you then so be it.
Would you honestly do the same if the tables were turned especially for the ones who really dispise their exs.
It's on his head if he doesn't step up to the plate and meet his obligations to raising ALL his children.
You are all doing the best you can.
Can't change a leopard.
My father didn't support us girls even when my parents were together. He now has two sons to his new wife and they are the most important children in his eyes. My dad is the one who has lost out with us girls - not us - we adjusted and dealt with it and turned out to be fine lovely ladies and mothers.
Oh yeah and he didn't ring to tell my mum his wife was pregnant! She found out - mainly through us but still.
PLEASE MODS READ MY WHOLE POST BEFORE YOU DECIDE IF IT SHOULD BE DELETED OR NOT! I AM NOT TRYING TO BAIT OR CREATE PROBLEMS!!
OneBabyBoy
19-05-2007, 22:50
It's not about whether there's an obligation to inform or not, it's still a very cr*ppy way to find out.
Gee, what is it with men in the world at the minute? They sew their seed, promise us everything, then leave us high and dry..
My ex left me and our DD (almost 2) and our DS (7 months) in feb.. he started cheating before our son was born, so while i'm giving birth he's thinking about someone else.. I recently found out the other woman is pregnant, not because he admitted it but because she's SHOWING.... She got pregnant in jan, when our son wasnt even 4 months old and we were still together. Our kids will be 12 months apart. What gives these men the right to procreate i ask?? ! :banghead:
OneBabyBoy
21-05-2007, 21:21
Oh my God Ellaoli, My heart hurt reading that. I am so sorry that happened to you. What an absolute *****. He sounds a real treat :mad:
:hugs: :hugs:
Haha, yes, he's a real piece of work.. but there's a lot of men that seem to think it's their god given right to make babies, and destroy peoples lives along the way.. i actually feel sorry for his new girlfriend, she'll be me an i few months time.. alone with a baby.. Although she knowingly built a relationship with someone that had 2 young kids and a partner, and shouldve at least had half a brain to use a condom.. Not to mention, i still dont know if he gave me any diseases passed on from having unprotected sex with her! Ugh!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.