Really Really Scared

[Dea]

My marriage is nearly at the end of the rope .. I am looking at a house tomorrow ...as soon as i made that appointment i have become really scared im shaking ....why do i feel like this when deep down i know this is best to do!!!.. NOW i havent told him... he actually thinks nothing is wrong .. yeah how can he be so dumb & naive... he dont speak unless its on the phone ... there hasnt been any arguments at all for a few days but thats cause he thinks everything is rosy again .. i klnow he wont change .. i know i cant stay any longer .. now in the last months hes told me numerous times to get out lala ...so why am i feeling like this .. im feeling how can i do this to the kids , to him .. im worried how im going to destroy him ...i know if i agree to stay he thinks he has won again .. deep dwn i know im so unhappy .. im talking in circles i know but if i commit to this house then its all so final .. 10 years of my life gone !!!...i feel so stupid by even writing this .. but i feel i have nowhere to turn ....
i said to a freind today can he be so dumb & actualy think everything is ok ... god i hardly speak to him .. i dont wnat to be near him .. i told him last night everything he does annoys me .. i have taken my wedding rings off so has he .... but he is still talking like oh lets go get new tryes on the car .. blah blah .. happy while he is spending money ....im off ona weekend away on friday then if i get this house then ill be telling him & trying to work out the house ... kids , what i will be taking etc ..im just lost .. have no idea why im feeling like this ....im really really scared .. no tears just nervous ....
what do i do .. stay hoping he will change where i know deep down he wont .. with his verbal abuse... then it just goes round in circles all over again ..
SORRY TO RAMBLE BUT IM FEELING SO SCARED & AM LOST WHAT TO DO ...
:gloomy:

[jess_live_die]

i dnt really have any advise just wanted to give you BIG :hugs: :hugs:

[the_queen]

oh mate :hugs: :hugs: I've been just where you are now (except I didn't have 4 kids) and listen to me: You will get through this. You will be fine. You will come out the other end as a stronger and wiser woman.

We have to walk through the low valley before we can climb the high mountain. Take that first step and just trust yourself.

As for what to take - as long as you've got yourself and your kids, nothing else matters. Actually - do make sure you've got your birth certificate, and the kids', and your tax stuff/Centrelink stuff/etc. But as for material posessions - if he's any kind of a man he will let you come back for stuff later. And if he won't let you, then you get the police to escort you around there.

Honey - do you have a Domestic Violence social worker? They can help you enormously, even if it's just putting you in touch with agencies that can give you short term help. :hugs:

YOU GO GIRL :smiliedance:

[Dea]

IVE RUNG a coucillor thr lifeline so waiting for them to ring me back ..... still waiting !!!!.. thanks for the kind words

[the_queen]

Also try calling the Domestic Violence helpline - verbal and emotional abuse is damaging to you and especially to children. The DV counsellors will know how to specifically help you in a Domestic Violence situation. :hugs:

:hugs:

[Chanelc]

Sending you a :hugs:
I guess it is normal to feel they way you do as you have been planning it but actually leaving and walking out the door is the hardest thing to do.
Remember you are doing what is right for you and your children.
Trust your gut instincts and stay strong.
Yes call every help line to give you strength and always feel free to download here - we do listen.
Know the path does get lighter and easier although there will be days you wonder... remember why you are leaving and stay true to yourself

[Dea]

WELLL UPDATE!!!!! .. he came home from work all chatty... im was like yeah huh huh .. etc .. he said whats wrong with you why you got the *****.. i was like cause you think everything is rosy & it aint .. so then told me i got a week to make my mind up ... which i already have ....he said he was going .. SO I SAID.... no you have this house ill go .. seemed fine .. so until its done we will see ...

[mrsd]

Dea, my thoughts are with you. :hugs:

I don't know your story so please excuse me if this is a dumb question, but have you tried mediation / counselling with him ?

Even if it doesn't help sort your marriage problems out, it might give you both skills to communicate as you will need to do for the rest of your lives about the kids.

If he really "doesn't get it", he will obviously feel resentful when he realises that you're serious. Perhaps counselling from a 3rd person will let you both say what you think without it being an argument and you can move forward (wherever that leads you) from there.