pegasus
14-05-2007, 01:12
Hi all - just thought I'd vent for my MIL here as she isn't a bubhub member and since it's cleansing for me to vent here, I'll hopefully vicariously cleanse for her here too!
Anyway - went to MIL's house for mothers day brunch today - no contact expected with step kids as mother's day weekend - access is always suspended.
Background is that DSS turned 12 on Wednesday. We've got pressies for him so although we didn't see him on his birthday we expect to see him next weekend (as I said - no access this weekend, but we think he'll want to get pressies next weekend).
Anyway - as some of you will know - the kids now live about 150km north of us after shifting from 100km south of us (where my inlaws still live). I'm currently very suspicious of the amount of time that they are spending in their former town (Rockingham - for the WA ladies) rather than in their new town (Yanchep) as Yanchep is where their mum's boyfriend lives (with them) and his family etc. It is also where their school is and it means that if they go down to Rockingham, they will miss school that day or the next. They seem to be spending an enormous amount of time in Rockingham away from mum's boyfriend and school (I hate that their mother pulls them out of school to go from place to place - get your stuff done in school hours!), but this is the mother who took my DSD to visit a friend in hospital who'd had a stroke due to a drug OD (DSD told us why) rather than visiting her friend when the kids were in school.... The kids are screwed up enought about relationships and keep telling us how they have stepgrandparents with their mum's boyfriend etc whereas they've never spoken about my family that way....
Okay - I digress, the story goes that MIL and I vent to each other, although I try not to too much as I feel like all I do is whinge to her about the situation where she is just as helpless as me and she gets just as much s%$^ as me.
MIL said to me today - did I hear about the last time the abuse went on - turns out it was DSS' birthday! MIL works a business where she sells giftware to nurseries and goes to country places so can be on the road many hours a day. She called DSS early - wished him a happy birthday before school and said she'd catch up with him next time he saw us. She then got a call at 5.50pm just as she'd got in from deliveries asking if she could have DSS and DSD for dinner. (Didn't have anything handy, but thought she'd figure something, and said she'd check with FIL as they had 2pallets of stock to put away). Anyway, FIL was not impressed - they'd had no word the kids were in Rockingham and with no food in the fridge, after a full day at work with more to do, he felt it was very rude etc to land the kids on their doorstep for dinner.
FIL called back to say - no the kids couldn't come, but MIL felt very bad about the whole situation and was in tears as it was all about DSS....
MIL and I both feel for DSS as he always gets the raw end of the deal - he said that he got $40 from his mum for his birthday, and didn't say about anything else. DSD got a new mobile phone, clothes etc..., a dinner with family and friends and other stuff - this inequality has been going on for years, and I wonder if it stems back to the fact that DSS was even said not to be hubby's son before. (who knows if he is or isn't - hubby has chosen not to find out).
MIL felt very bad as she said - maybe they came down to see family for his birthday - I told her - um no- if they had she (ex) wouldn't be trying to get the kids to go to your house for dinner when they could be doing this on the weekend and apparently they were taking Thursday off school to be in Rockingham for the night and she hadn't been notified prior to 10 to 6 in the evening!!
She felt doubly bad as she would've worked a way around it all, but FIL said it was rude etc. (I agree with FIL, but would've found a way to figure it too - the same arguements occur in our house just because their mother is rude - doesn't mean the children should suffer).
Anyway - my MIL is upset and hurting as she ended up copping a multitude of abuse about how she doesn't care about the children and how she hurt them by not having them over as the kids don't think she cares . (I know how this feels - as much as you think - it's just their mother having a vent - you hope the kids aren't thinking that that you don't care if you can't fit in with last minute plans that suit their mum)
So - my question is - is it fair that the kids' mum went off at MIL for saying yes, then checking with FIL and saying no as it was late in the day, they had work to do and no food.....?
Or do you think the same as me and "WTF was the mother thinking when she hadn't arranged anything for DSS' birthday and drove them 200km then trying to palm the kids off to my IL on DSS' birthday?"
Anyway - went to MIL's house for mothers day brunch today - no contact expected with step kids as mother's day weekend - access is always suspended.
Background is that DSS turned 12 on Wednesday. We've got pressies for him so although we didn't see him on his birthday we expect to see him next weekend (as I said - no access this weekend, but we think he'll want to get pressies next weekend).
Anyway - as some of you will know - the kids now live about 150km north of us after shifting from 100km south of us (where my inlaws still live). I'm currently very suspicious of the amount of time that they are spending in their former town (Rockingham - for the WA ladies) rather than in their new town (Yanchep) as Yanchep is where their mum's boyfriend lives (with them) and his family etc. It is also where their school is and it means that if they go down to Rockingham, they will miss school that day or the next. They seem to be spending an enormous amount of time in Rockingham away from mum's boyfriend and school (I hate that their mother pulls them out of school to go from place to place - get your stuff done in school hours!), but this is the mother who took my DSD to visit a friend in hospital who'd had a stroke due to a drug OD (DSD told us why) rather than visiting her friend when the kids were in school.... The kids are screwed up enought about relationships and keep telling us how they have stepgrandparents with their mum's boyfriend etc whereas they've never spoken about my family that way....
Okay - I digress, the story goes that MIL and I vent to each other, although I try not to too much as I feel like all I do is whinge to her about the situation where she is just as helpless as me and she gets just as much s%$^ as me.
MIL said to me today - did I hear about the last time the abuse went on - turns out it was DSS' birthday! MIL works a business where she sells giftware to nurseries and goes to country places so can be on the road many hours a day. She called DSS early - wished him a happy birthday before school and said she'd catch up with him next time he saw us. She then got a call at 5.50pm just as she'd got in from deliveries asking if she could have DSS and DSD for dinner. (Didn't have anything handy, but thought she'd figure something, and said she'd check with FIL as they had 2pallets of stock to put away). Anyway, FIL was not impressed - they'd had no word the kids were in Rockingham and with no food in the fridge, after a full day at work with more to do, he felt it was very rude etc to land the kids on their doorstep for dinner.
FIL called back to say - no the kids couldn't come, but MIL felt very bad about the whole situation and was in tears as it was all about DSS....
MIL and I both feel for DSS as he always gets the raw end of the deal - he said that he got $40 from his mum for his birthday, and didn't say about anything else. DSD got a new mobile phone, clothes etc..., a dinner with family and friends and other stuff - this inequality has been going on for years, and I wonder if it stems back to the fact that DSS was even said not to be hubby's son before. (who knows if he is or isn't - hubby has chosen not to find out).
MIL felt very bad as she said - maybe they came down to see family for his birthday - I told her - um no- if they had she (ex) wouldn't be trying to get the kids to go to your house for dinner when they could be doing this on the weekend and apparently they were taking Thursday off school to be in Rockingham for the night and she hadn't been notified prior to 10 to 6 in the evening!!
She felt doubly bad as she would've worked a way around it all, but FIL said it was rude etc. (I agree with FIL, but would've found a way to figure it too - the same arguements occur in our house just because their mother is rude - doesn't mean the children should suffer).
Anyway - my MIL is upset and hurting as she ended up copping a multitude of abuse about how she doesn't care about the children and how she hurt them by not having them over as the kids don't think she cares . (I know how this feels - as much as you think - it's just their mother having a vent - you hope the kids aren't thinking that that you don't care if you can't fit in with last minute plans that suit their mum)
So - my question is - is it fair that the kids' mum went off at MIL for saying yes, then checking with FIL and saying no as it was late in the day, they had work to do and no food.....?
Or do you think the same as me and "WTF was the mother thinking when she hadn't arranged anything for DSS' birthday and drove them 200km then trying to palm the kids off to my IL on DSS' birthday?"