Need help please

[kelpat]

My DS-11 has ADHD aswell as Oppositional defiance disorder and I'm at my wits end on how to deal with this.

We have tried everything and now I don't know what else to do. His teachers don't think his disorders dhould be an issue. They say that he chooses his own behaviour and that he is choosing to defy him. We even got his peaditritian to send them some info but they still won't listen.

He's not happy with whats going on at school then the school rings and expects us to deal with it at home but we already have our own issues so it feels like he's just always in trouble.

Last week he got a screwdriver and scratched long scratches on DHs motorbike all the way to the metal, it's going to cost about 2 thousand to repair. I just don't know how to deal with this.
He's never been this destructive before. I feel as if were losing him somehow and he's turning into someone we don't know.

I don't know what else to do. Is this the beginning of what he's going to grow up like.
What do I do now?

[gremily]

I can't really help you myself, but I'm just going to have a bit of a browse through as I'm pretty sure there are a few others in here that have children with ADHD. I'll get back to you and you could perhaps pm them:)

[veve]

oh dear .. :hugs:

I haven't worked with students with the same diagnosis as your child - but the key in the classroom with most kids is structure structure structure - even the free time in my classroom needs to be structured .. its during unstructured (boundry free) time that the behaviours really start to escalate .. can you possibly help him fill his time more?? even with fun activities??

whenever you start new strategies with kids who have ODD you are going to have lots of stress and behaviour - I guess consistency with each approach is the key??

- in regards to the school .. I would be making APPOINTMENT after APPOINTMENT talking to the staff and principal - that your child has needs and they are not being met ... and how this is snowballing into trouble at home .. INSIST on taking to the guidance officer (YOU NEED SUPPORT TOO!!! .. you both need access .. at least short term) - I know that the GOs in schools are stretched thin .. but if you are struggling .. then you NEEEED help ..

if all else fails school wise .. I would a) go above the principals head (make sure you meet with him FIRST though .. and then write down what dates you meet with him .. and that nothing happened since these meetings) then write to the director of your district ..

otherwise .. (sigh) you might have to look at another school .. one where the staff care about kids who have needs like your child ..

good luck .. :hugs:
xx
JEn

[gremily]

Okay, I remembered. Rollercoastermum has a older son with ADHD. She may have some helpful advice of what they experience/d with schooling:)

[Can I?]

Sorry you are all having such a hard time. Your son's school is certainly not being very helpful. The behaviour you have to deal with in your son is hard enough without having to cope with their shortcomings as well.

Have you tried contacting the education department in your state? Maybe they have someone who could go out to your school and spend some time with your son's teachers to give them some ideas on how to effectively incorporate your son into their classroom. I would maybe just ring or email them and see if there is anything like that available to your school. Check the special needs or early intervention section.

Do you think that maybe your son is beginning to hit puberty and that could account for the change in behaviour? What about his diet or other triggers for his difference? I know that for my son his behaviour is directly affected by his diet - he has autism, but attention deficits and oppositional defiance are included as symptoms for him. Maybe clear out of the junk food and adding (or upping) his fish oil intake for a few weeks would help? Other than that I don't know. I wish I could be more help. :hugs:

[kelpat]

Thanks for your responses,it feels a bit better to know someone listens.

Yes, we have tried getting extra assistance from the education department. there was funding for an extra teacher aide for one on one time with him in grade 2. But after he was accessed and found not to be intellectually disabled there was no more assistance available.

We moved him to his current school in gr 5 , we had several interviews with them before he started and they promised they could do heaps for him and raved about their success with ADHD children. But now they saty if Alex doesn't want to be good theirs nothing they can do. We keep trying to convince them he just needs firm boundaries but they won't take his disorders int consideration. I'm starting to think home school might be our only option.

We've tried the dietician thing. He's on a limited sugar intake and we are careful about the amount of preservatives he has aswell cause they seem to make it difficult for him to sleep. He had to go on sleeping tablets for about 4 months last year but now he is on a good sleeping pattern so we stopped them.

If it is just puberty he hope he gets through it fast. My DH can't face him at the moment, he was so upset about we he did to the bike and car, they've hardly spoken since it happenned besides the normal 'hello, goodbye and take the rubbish out'.
At least they haven't been fighting.

I'm worried hes going to go onto high school and be influenced to leave home and take drugs cause he thinks we are too hard on him at home.