Confused

[shorty_851]

Im a little confused and this is prolly not the right section. Jason wants me to have a c section but i want a vag birth i was all for the c section but now i just want the normal birth

He is dead set against me doing it becuase he is worried i wont be the same down there.

How do i tell him and what do i do

[mumx3littlies]

Personally I'd tell him to get a grip! He got you pregnant and now the baby has to come out. He must of had an idea about that to start with! If you want a VB then thats what you shud go for. At the end of the day it is your decision as it is your body:D

[stompy]

Hi,
I have nothing against c sections. Both of my children were born via c sections, and both of my experiences were positive ones...but... having a c section is not a decision that should be made lightly.
Unfortunately when it comes to childbirth there is NO easy way out.
Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, but I believe the way in which you birth your baby is your choice and not your partners. I firmly believe the motto my body, my choice, and if my partner tried to tell me what I should do with my body he would definitely cop an earful.

[Zada]

a c-sect is major surgery it will take you longer to recover too.

[jamb]

Um maybe he should have thought of that BEFORE he chose to have a baby with you. It is your body have it how you want.

There are a hell of a lot more bigger changes than changes to your giny involved in having a baby, he might be in for a bit of a rude shock.

Just want to say i am not against women choosing CS, as it says, your body your choice, but as for a man choosing it for you- NO WAY!

[zenifa]

I have to agree with the others.
Decisions about the birth, should not be taken lightly, remember the aim is to birth a healthy baby, so as long as you and bubs are safe that is most important.
Personally I dont' think your partner should have a say in this, its your body, your choice.
Who knows how things may change down there for you....but if your partner was that worried, maybe he should of thought of that before you got pregnant?
Honestly, all men think about it is themselves....you would think he would want for you and the baby to be safe and healthy..........not thinking about his pleasure later on?? Sorry, this just appalls me. He is about to become a father and should be focusing on that, not the changes in your vagina post birth.

[melfunction]

A natural birth didn't bring any complaints from my Dh ;)

[EskimoMumma]

Ive had 3 children and I'm still the same tightness as when i first met my DP. You can ask my ex but i dont think his missus would like that :laughing:

It is honestly, your decision, i think its great you are doing your best to include him in this, but he is being paranoid/worried over nothing. Women were designed to have babies this way, hence our elasticity.Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[NZMama]

I think if he is willing to put you through major surgery just because he thinks his sex life might change then he is a really selfish person.

Ive had no complaints either after having my kids. trust me both my girls were the same size and I tore both times.

If my DP ever put that to me I would knock him with my suitcase as I left him as he obviously has his priorities wrong.

[punkbaby]

I never had any complaints either and well thats after 3...tell him there are such things as pelvic floor excersizes for that reason :) or tell him to grow up

[SassyMummy]

If YOU want a VB, then YOU have a VB.

He is not the one who is going to have to go through anything.

I had an unwanted caesarean first time round, and next time I want a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). I asked DP what he though (I'm not pregnant, but asked anyway), and he said it would be easier for me to just have another caesarean.

It made me quite cranky because he has no idea what it's like to go through a caesarean when you don't want one.

I'll be doing what I want because I'm the one who'll have to live with the consequences of that.

I think he's very immature and selfish to be focussing on the state of your vagina. I would be rethinking why I'd even be with this guy if that's where his priorites are!

[keenansmummy]

this is always a big joke with males (in our circle of friends anyway) I constantly heard "you better ask for an extra stitch or you'll need to send her out for a resleeve..."

but if that is what he is worried about you should tell him what my dr told us - after childbirth you will find that intercourse is the same, and you dont stretch to the point of no return, the muscles will generally become tighter

I never got to put this into practice due to a csection but if that is the only reason he wants you to have a csection then tell him not to worry

if the bubs is to big (as mine was) you will end up with a ceaser anyway

[jbie]

it's totally your decision as you're the one who has to go through it! and it affects you more than him afterward! why have major surgery if you don't have to??

besides - a vagina is muscular walls, not skin; with PC exercises you can regain tone. and he can help you do those exercises too, it can be fun.

and if you do perineal exercises and have a water birth you can minimise perineal damage / episiotomy.

i'm not different down there now 4 months after the birth!!

[allysophia]

Is he for real?

He wants you to have major surgery, put you and your child at greater risk of mortality caus he's worried about *down there* ?

OK. To put those worries at ease - I never noticed any reduced tightness. Alot of that (I think) had to do with me having a GOOD Vagina birth. I birthed in good positions, had a doula, did lots of research.. so if he's worried about preserving your vagina, get him to read up on birth.

[MrsMiggins]

Just to put this all in perspective, you are very young (I do not at all mean that in a condescending way!) and the younger you are, the better your chances are of recuperating fully very quickly. Of course, there is a chance you could end up different "down there" after childbirth, but as others have said it's not always a change for the worse IYKWIM!

Does he also realise that after a c/s, he may have to wait even longer until you are able to resume intercourse? And because you would be very restricted in the things you are able to do for 6 weeks (or even longer, in some cases), he would likely be the one having to do more around the house etc?

I'm not saying that men do not have a say in how we birth our children. Yes, it is your body and the ultimate descision rests with you, but my feeling is that men should be able to share in the birth experience. After all, these are their babies as well. BUT their concern, as ours, should be the welfare of mother and baby.

I have no doubt he's been misinformed about the effects of childbirth on women. Perhaps if he was better educated on the matter, he would see things very differently.

I also doubt very much that you would easily find an OB willing to perform a c/s based purely on your DP's reservations about you remaining intact!

[stellarella]

Why does Jason think he has any say in the matter?? I thought men like him went out with the dinosaurs... :laughing:

I think he is the one with the problem here, he needs to do some maturing and very quickly if he is about to become a father.

These kind of attidudes are immature and uninformed. Why dont you give him a few books to read, find some statistics on c/secs...if he is prepared to risk yours and your babies life because he wants you "honeymoon fresh"...I would be running away as fast as could...

My sex life is 100 times better since childbirth and I suffered a second degree tear. I have been visited by the childbirth fairy and she has worked some kind of magic down there :wizard:

Must be my reward for the hard work I went through to bring my partners son in to the world..

[becca74]

warning: a c/section wont necessarily preserve your 'bits'....

If you get a hysterectomy from it, basically you will become an old woman pretty quickly, ie early menopause,....and hysterectomy is a scary risk of c/section.



The only time I suffered incontinence was after my 2nd c/section! incontinence and looseness of the pelvic floor are all to do with the weight of your baby whilst pregnant, and it usualy becomes worse when women are coached to push when they dont have the urge (easy solution, dont be coached, you will KNOW when you need to push, you wont be able to control it!) After my vaginal births, I learnt how to have an O through penetration.

When the vagina is respected during the birth process, usually she matures sexually, and is enhanced. This has been many many women's experiences, including mine.

If women have ended up with problems with their vagina after birth, you can pretty much guarantee it was because the birth process was disrespected for them....they were usually forced to lie on their backs, not allowed to be active, induced, episiotimised, forceps used, coached to push when they didnt need to, had vaginal exams given roughly and/or without permission....the list of disprespectful actions goes on.

And if he is worried about vaginal tightness being lost, make him read these poor womens stories http://www.a-little-wish.co.uk/Pages/Biographies/Bio_PPH.aspx , and see if he still wants you to have major abdominal surgery for his sexual sake only. The site owner had her vagina totally destroyed after her unnecessary elective caesarean. Her husband is not a happy chappy.

Tell Jason to research the risks of c/section before he gives his opinions which are based just on lalaland myths.

[AquaDevil78]

Im a little confused and this is prolly not the right section. Jason wants me to have a c section but i want a vag birth i was all for the c section but now i just want the normal birth

He is dead set against me doing it becuase he is worried i wont be the same down there.

How do i tell him and what do i do

I dont want to be rude here, but your Dp needs to grow up.. seriously! As for down there, sure it 'stretches and loosens' to give birth, but dont worry it all goes back to normal... but is that really important anyway?

I had a c-section not by choice, and it isnt all flowers and roses, believe you me. So i say stuff him and go vag i would of if i could of. :yes:

[our little treasures]

I would tell him to pull his head in!! It's your body what choice does he have??!! Tell him you are doing what you want, if you don't and go for CS then you might regret it and maybe your partner if he has pressured you!

Or you could tell him my hubby said there is no difference:o :D