Sisters

[JasmineLouise]

Hello friends.
Although i am not a 'young mother' so to speak, i feel this is the best place for my post. I am a nineteen year old student who is in a different situation (so to speak). My mother was a heavy drug user in my childhood which consequently lead me to move out of home at 16. I now rent and support myself through centrelink and part time work. Next year i will be attending university in the hopes of one day becoming a midwife:) . My mother has since had a daughter (my little sister- just turned 4). Unfortunately, mum has since been diagnosed with cancer and they have given her only about 2 years left. Since my sisters father was also a drug user my mother has ceased contact with him for the past year and cleaned up her act. When my mum passes away i basically will be her full time carer which is a little overwhelming for me. I do love her and of course will try my hardest to bring her up as normal as possible but i think it will be hard to continue with my studies. Luckily i have a supportive boyfriend of three years who absoluetly adores her, but financially i do worry. We are both desperately saving for a house and luckily for me, my boyfriend has only one year left of marketing studies before we can gain more financial independance through commencement of full time work but there are so many more things to think about.
Has anyone out there been in this situation or similar? Naturally i would do anything for my sister as she is already the light of my life but i just needed to share this with you all in the hopes that maybe someone has any feedback on the situation.
Thankyou all:)

[Refresh]

Wow! Firstly, welcome to bubhub. I am sure you will find the support here that you need:)

You sound like an amazing person and I am sure things will work out for you just how you deserve:)
Hopefully there is someone on here who hass been in your situation...I cant imagine how you must be feeling...

Look forward to hearing from you more
xx

[LilShenanigans]

I haven't personally been in this situation, but worry about it for myself and also the possibility of things like ending up with my brothers.
I always fret about things like custody battles etc, but if the father isn't there, then it's ok.

There is always help at hand for these situations though, through centrelink. But it's still a struggle no matter what, but I've never heard of someone getting into a right mess over it...
You seem like you've been through a lot, I hope someone on here can give first hand advice... if not, good luck with everything and it'll all work out :)

[aardvark]

I haven't been in your situation, but I did go back to uni to complete 3rd year with a 6 week old breastfed baby, and was successful.

There are lots of people who study with children, and it can certainly be done, you just need to be organised.

I'm currently mum to a 15 y.o., a 5 y.o. with one on the way, and studying an MBA part time. Until I started maternity leave, I was also working.

[Hokey Pokey]

My heart goes out to you.
Spend as much time as you can with your Mum.
You can do this. There is lots of support and guidance and Uni's these days are very family orientated and have lots of support to help you out.
It takes alot of courage and love to do what you are doing.

[WeThree]

Hi, welcome to bubhub, you will find many lovely people here to offer their support to you. :)
You sound like such a brave, kind young woman, what a huge load you have to bear. I have never been in the situation you are facing, but i am glad that you have the understanding and support of your boyfriend.
Try not to worry about your studies (easier said than done, i know) many woman have successfully completed Uni with small children, i know my mother did it with 3! If anything, sometimes it helps you to become more organised, as you have to really prioritise everything, it also inspires you to keep going, the thought of that little person to support can be pretty strong motivation!
I am so sorry that your mother is so sick, i cant imagine what it must be like to have so much on your plate when your life is just starting out, just take one day at a time. Do you have others around you to help care for your mum and your sister when your mum becomes sicker? If you dont, there are oranisations out there to help take some of the burden off you. Ask the Dr who is in charge of her care, or the nurses at the hospital to point you in the right direction.
Please keep in touch, it is so important to have kind, supportive words at a time like this, and we all would like to assist in that in any way we can.
Blessings to you and your family.
xx

[JasmineLouise]

Kind words are very important, and i thank you all for them..
After reading my post, i have realised that i made an error, i'm actually starting uni this year (i tend to loose track of time):p
In regards to custody battles, i do worry that her father will 'reappear' at some stage but i think the fact he is drug dependant with a vast criminal record, may indicate to anyone, that he is obviously not stable enough to support a child.
Already i try to spend as much time as possible with her on weekends by having her stay over and taking her out with me shopping etc and going out for lunch and baby-chino's:)
Although my mother's cancer was a shock, it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise in regards to her continual drug usage (which has now ceased). And she moved on from that lifestyle, started going to church and really started afresh.
As for my own motivation... i gave myself a kick up the bum and thought about where i want to go in life etc. I am blessed to have had so many opportunities present themselves to me recently, and whilst many people my age are out drinking on the weekends... strangly enough i would rather work, and go out shopping for kitchen appliances! :confused:
I will certainly have support from my family although of course my grandparents are quite old and as of yet my dad has not warmed to the idea stating that it will 'ruin my life, childhood etc'... But i feel that i really am her only chance at a bright future...
Thankyou again. It is nice to hear from so many friendly people... and it's true, this site is highly addictive

[Jaileth]

Hi there,

Yep. The site is definatly addictive! :D

As for the financial side of things, why not talk to centrelink, or check out their website in regards to the Parenting Payment - which I think you are entitled too if you are the main carer. Don't know how it goes if you're studying though.

Good luck with everything - it sounds like your head is screwed on straight, so I don't think that this latest phase of your life will be a big hassle for you. A challenge, maybe, but nothing you can't handle.

Take care and looking forward to reading more of your posts.

[EDIOH]

hi truthfulsalesassistant

Just wondering how you are finding your studies? I too was going to study to become a midwife, but there is a lot of work involved. Where do you study?

I hope all turns out well.

Ell

[bekkyboo]

The parenting payment as far as i know encourages study.

Truthfulsalesassistant, last yr i was called upon by my best friend to take custody of my 2 yr old godson and his new little sister that was due in about 2 months. My friend was going through a major crisis that seemed to just overwhelm her. At that point i was worried and scared (only just turned 21, i had just broken up with my partner and had moved to sydney) - but i know that i would have done anything for my little godson.

You seem to be a very strong person, and you are right in that you seem to be the person that would most give your sister the brightest future.

good luck with it all, things will turn out for the best.

[JasmineLouise]

I haven't started study as of yet.. it depends on what course i get into at uni... either nursing at flinders or uni sa.. and after i finish that degree, a one year course to become a certified midwife. One of my friends studies at Flinders. She tells me it's hard work but she really enjoys it. Apparently as a part of her studies she is following a willing (and not to mention pregnant) participant through her pregnancy by attending all her doctors visits.. right through to the birth.. it sounds great to me.. but like i said, it all depends on what i get into.. i think i find out on the 18th of this month. Quite exciting really!

Thankyou all again...