View Full Version : How did your Birth Trauma Change you?
Birth trauma effects us all differently.
How did the traumatic birth change you?
What lessons about life have you taken on board since your experience?
How did it change me?
For me, my traumatic birth caused me to want to hide away from the world for a very long time - I developed social anxiety disorder, which still can flare up to this day. (ie, I still have a phone phobia).
I also became untrusting of everyone in general, feeling as though everyone had an agenda against me, and that everyone thought I was a fool, and that my hopes and dreams were worthless. I felt as though I repulsed everyone.
I also developed a mistrust for the medical profession, and anyone in so-called 'authority', that they had an agenda to humiliate me.
Lessons learnt?
Well, I decided to never birth in a hospital ever again, and I had faith that birth worked in the correct setting, so I fought tooth and nail to acheive the birth of my dreams.
I still maintain a distrust for the medical profession (and most authority figures), as I dont see these such people on a pedestal anymore. I see them as limited, biased, and selfish just like the rest of humanity can be. I see them as only having their own agenda, and I am mighty sceptical of anything that comes out of their mouths.
I trust myself more, I have learnt that the strongest person who can help me get through hard times is ME. So I feel I have developed empowerment from the whole experience. I do my utmost to never put myself in a position of 'victim'.
I now believe that dreams can come true! I have learnt that with enough hard graft, you can achieve pretty much anything you want in life :thumbsup:
So, how about you?
(I will set a poll up with this too)
How did it change me?
My whole life has fallen apart since my son's birth. I am an emotional mess. I used to be a confident and happy person and now I am the complete opposite. I can't help but think my son and I should be dead that we have disrupted the chain of natural selection.
It really turned my whole world upside down.
Lessons learnt?
I am still waiting to figure out what I was supposed to learn from this.
I have learnt that time may heal physical pain but emotional pain seems to never go away.
Much love to you mum2my4....I pray you find some kind of resolution/peace/answers/justice in all of the turmoil :hugs:
How did it change me?
I was so disappointed in myself, I wanted to be the perfect mother and had failed before I'd even really begun.
It developed into prenatal depression with my second pregnancy and I found counselling really valuable as my family and friends just didn't really get it.
Lessons Learnt
Things don't always turn out the way you wanted them to, but it doesn't mean you can't do it better next time.
Shanaynay
10-05-2007, 13:13
I can't help but think my son and I should be dead that we have disrupted the chain of natural selection.
.
Omg I think that ALL the time about DD1 and I:gloomy:
Ana Gram
10-05-2007, 13:14
Well, I am never having another child, but that was on the cards before the birth. But not being able to have sex kind of cements the fact.
I can't think of how it has changed me or what life lesson I have learnt from it, to be honest.
nemosmum
10-05-2007, 13:24
My traumatic birth changed me....
I felt very guilty after my sons birth because he was very sick and had to be in SCN, i blamed the fact that i had opted for all the drugs during his birth and the fact that i had okayed his induction. I didnt get to see him or hold him for about ten hours after the birth.
I blamed myself for his pain, i felt like i had failed him and really disconnected myself emtionally from him because of my guilt.
I still cant look at his first pics (all drugged up, with a drip in his arm under an oxygen tank thingy) without tearing up.
I didnt have any physical problems bfing BUT emotionally i detested it, I didnt bond well with him for many months, be came depressed and had anxiety attacks
This time round......
I did alot of research, worked on my self and got a doula (didnt end up having her at the birth though)
Alot of positive thinking and a relaxed state of mind helped me achieve my dream birthing experience for me and my baby
That was my aim, to give my baby the best start in life!
I had a wonderful birth with my daughter, it was quick one and a half hours, no drugs (something im very proud of, for my babies sake i opted to not have any meds etc)
My baby and i bonded straight away, bf immediately and have been on a great natural high ever since!
feel very empowered and at peace with myself:hugs:
Shanaynay
10-05-2007, 13:26
How did it change me?
It ruined my life.
Lessons learnt?
I don't know...if I only knew if I NEEDED that csec or not, maybe I would know, I don't know........hmmmmmm
Little point in this post :o
I think these questions can be ruminated over.....maybe if some women are a bit too confronted by the questions, maybe come back at a later time....
there is no urgency.....it's just cyberspace :hugs:
Did anybody have a feeling before the birth that it was going to turn out bad?
I knew from early on in my pregnancy that something was going to happen. It still shocked me when it happened. But part of me thinks I knew, why didn't I do enough to prevent it.
:hugs: to any women who has had a traumatic birth
Ana Gram
10-05-2007, 13:38
I am not going to have much more of an answer the longer I think about it.
It hasn't really changed me too much from my perspective and no-one on here would have a basis for comparison.
The main thing for me is the sex thing.
Shanaynay
10-05-2007, 13:39
Did anybody have a feeling before the birth that it was going to turn out bad?
I'm not sure. Before I fell pg with DD1, I had a miscarriage. So when I did fall pg with her, I was convinced I would miscarry early on. When I didn't, I was then convinced they'd find no heartbeat at the morphology scan. When all was fine, I was convinced Id give birth to a stillborn baby. But I don't think I had a 'feeling' it was going to go wrong, I think that was just me being pssimistic, iykwim.
When it all did go wrong, I was completely shocked. I didn't expect for the birth process to not work. So even if I'd told myself I'd give birth to a baby that has somethng wrong with her, or was stillborn, I hadn't expected to not give birth at all:no:
nemosmum
10-05-2007, 13:44
I guess my whole pg was sh!t so that should have given me some warning lol BUT it didnt I was totally in lala land and convinced i would have an easy breezy birth and would bond straight away etc etc
I too was very shocked that things went wrong......it made me think i would never put myself through that again.
BUt when i did decide to go again it also made me very determined to have the best birth experience this time round:yes:
I suppose I kinda could have known better. My instincts were telling me that homebirth was my best option, but I wasnt assertive enough to stand up for myself, so was led like a lamb to the slaughter....
That's why I stood up to everyone and fought for my belief that with my personality and the way I birth my babies, I NEEDED to be at home, and noone was going to stop me.
But yeah, after the birth I immediately figured that I had a huge part to play in the trauma, since I'd walked into a hospital to try and push him out in the first place....
Yep, I knew better and I didnt act on it.
tyler's mum
10-05-2007, 13:56
My life was/is left in a mess. I have suffer not only emotionally but also left with physical problems. I never wont to go thought anything like that again..
It's so not ture when people say you forget the pain. I will never forget. Just typing about it brings back so much pain.
It took me around 3 months before i could look at tyler with out feeling hate. I didnt hate tyler it was'nt her fault. but at the same time i could'nt help how i felt.
I love tyler with all of my heart. But i cant help but feel giving birth was the worst thing i've ever done
I also cant help but feel cheated, because i never got to feel the joy of becoming a frist time mummy..
ButterflyMama
10-05-2007, 14:53
How did it change me?
It made me feel like I was absolutely robbed of critical bonding with my daughter. I felt like a victum of the public health system.
What did I learn?
I want to be able to choose my Obstetrician and have them deal with me the entire way through my pregnancy. I'd also like to employ a doula and I want a water birth, too. Research research research.
How did it change me?
That question is really hard. I guess the number one thing would be appreciating my life. Just being here alive is incredible!
It's also made me realise that being a little 'crazy' is sometimes very normal.:o
What did I learn?
That I need to give blood. It was probably just my low sense of self worth, but it really made me feel like I was a bit more 'even' with the world once I had given back even just a little of what I had taken. I'm really passionate about it now and I don't think that will ever change.
At this point in time if I needed another caesarean I would probably say that I would have a spinal, but to do that would entail a lot more talking. I really do feel like I've moved on somewhat but to go back and do it again would definately require more work.
There's probably lots more stuff that I will think of that I will add later.
Thanks for sharing everyone.:hugs:
I voted 'other'
How did it change me?
I've gone from wanting a few children to not wanting anymore if it is going to be like that. I plan to meet with an OB or something Before we even start TTC again... to find out my chances of a VBAC. I know things could all go wrong at the last minute but I am going to do EVERYTHING I can to have the birth I want next time. I'm even considering a Home birth.
What did I learn?
That I should trust myself and nobody else
Cordelia
10-05-2007, 19:16
Ok...
How did it change me?
You can't trust any "professional". I have no faith in the public health system anymore. I have been getting anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.
Lessons?
Always plan for the unexpected - i expected to have a straightforward natural birth and researched it thoroughly - I never thought that I'd have every complication in the book and end up with a caesarean. I thought you were weak and a failure to have a caesarean - i now know that's not true but will be trying with all my might to have a VBAC next time.
StrawberryTheMilkshake
10-05-2007, 19:43
Chellegoth.... what on earth happened to you?
For everyone:
I had a traumatic birth, incredibly. I struggled to bond with my baby as she was incredibly unsettled, and did not sleep and i was in terrible pain after huge surgery.
But, i look at it differently. Im 3 years past that time now and yes it does stay with me however:
How did it change me?
I learnt to ask the people around me for help, i grew the strength to leave a terrible situation, i believed in myself and my baby and even though i had a horrible birth, i do not regret my baby for one second. She saved my life. I learnt that i didnt come first anymore that this little person i made and created needed me more than i needed myself... but i learnt that i needed her just as much. And that 30 minutes sleep every 45 hours was enough..... eventually... :sleeping:
Lessons?
Make sure supportive, loving people who will support you during birth will be there. Next time for me, im working with my ob (who i could not fault at all) and trying to stop the problems of the first birth happening again.
I learnt that i can do anything!
I know many of you had traumatic births and i know that many of you are still suffering and i want you to know that if you draw the strengths from within and cherish the children that youve created it will assist with your positive thinking and healing process....
Of course it is different for every person...
Lots of love
AM
Just wanted to thank all you beautiful women for being so candid and sharing with us :hugs:
I think other women can look at our journeys, and between us all, maybe put pieces of the puzzle back together for themselves....
and if anything, at least not feel alienated in their pain.....
there are so many of us who have had a traumatic birth experience, we really need to knit ourselves together and stand up and demand changes for other women, and especially our daughters generation etc.... the last thing we want is for our daughters (or daughters-in-law in my case) to be traumatised similarly.....
I forgot my other traumatic birth I had two.
My first traumatic birth was a VB POP birth. No pain relief, a cow of a midwife and a baby that was 6 weeks early with the cord around his neck.
How did it change me?
I feel sick when I think of the pain from that birth. I try my hardest to forget this birth. It shattered my memories of the good birth I had with my first son.
What did I learn?
Obviously I learnt nothing because I went on to have another baby thinking before I fell pregnant that it won't happen again. It didn't happen again, but a birth 10 times more horrific than the first traumatic one did.
How do you deal with a traumatic birth followed by an even more traumatic birth:confused:
More hugs for traumatised women:hugs:
reAllytee
10-05-2007, 22:36
How do you deal with a traumatic birth followed by an even more traumatic birth:confused:
This is something that goes through my mind every single day.
Im yet to have my second which is why im stressed, i still cant believe im pg again & im due in 11wks !
I cant think about how im going to cope if things go wrong again.
I will write more when i can deal with it.
Ana Gram
10-05-2007, 23:08
Chellegoth.... what on earth happened to you?
Nothing out of the ordinary. There was just a lot of scar tissue left from the damage caused which makes sex too painful to have, so I just don't have sex. Easy.
SassyMummy
11-05-2007, 00:18
How did it change me?
Well, it's made me far more bitter, emotional, and more angry than I ever was. I'm a shy person who finds it hard to connect with people... and having this staring me in the face makes it even harder. I don't like having to answer questions about DD's arrival because I know there's a massive chance that when I say how heavy she was, they will tell me how lucky I am to have had a caesarean. It just makes me want to cry and yell and sometimes even ATTACK them. Makes me hate meeting people.
It's also made me put on heaps of weight. I put on 7kg during pregnancy, and came out lighter than I was to begin with. The lack of body-esteem though has led my eating issues to quadruple! I've always been an emotional eater, but having that damned caesarean has made me eat and eat... even to the point where I'm sitting on the couch, feeling like one more bite will make me spew... but I keep stuffing it in anyway. It's gross and not pleasurable at all. It's like I'm punishing my body for failing me... but I'm punishing my inner self too, and it sucks. I put on 35kg since DDs birth. That's a crazy amount! I've lost 10 of those not long ago... but still...
It's just made me a very troubled and angry and bitter person, on a whole.
Life Lessons?
Well, I've learnt that while I don't believe the whole event was my fault entirely, I know I took some part in shaping how it turned out.
I went in there blind. I had the plan to "wing it." I briefly read up on things, but didn't read up on anything I wasn't interested in... including caesarean.
I also know that I have to be far stronger. I'm not going to sit around quietly sobbing like I did when they told me I'd have to have a caesarean. I won't just sit there and just ask myself mental questions... I'll actually ASK those questions. I'll not let others push me into something I don't want doing.
It's kinda taught me a lot though... because I had such a sh*t time, I've looked into what could have made it a far better outcome. I mean, I don't know what birth is like, or how that would have gone... but if I had stood up for myself, or even known that I COULD stand up for myself, that it was my right to say NO, then I very well could have had a birth I had wanted.
I know I need to let people infere with me less. I wouldn't let some random person cut me open just because they said they have to... so why did I not question the doctors?
One thing that frightens me is, what if I have ANOTHER caesarean? The caesarean itself isn't so bad, but having it instead of a vaginal birth, an experience that I REALLY want to feel (because it's something only MOTHERS can ever experience... and I want to have the WHOLE motherhood experience...)... but what if I don't get it next time either? Or what if I fight too hard... fight irrationally. What if I fight and end up with a dead baby because I was so set on VBAC?
It's very hard...
Tam-I-Am
11-05-2007, 00:51
How has it changed me?
Its made me more aware, more understanding, far more knowledgable, stronger and more assertive, and far more determined to do things MY WAY the next time. But that's for now. In the early days, it made me sick - literally. I was physically and mentally unwell for a LONG time following Claire's birth.
Life lessons:
Prepare for the unpreparable. learn the unlearnable. In other words - TALK TO WOMEN who have been there, done that and are willing to tell it like it is. Not the airy-fairy fluff stories that I got, but the strong, intelligent women who EDUCATED themselves, who know how it is.
And don't trust a damned OB who says he has to be home by 6!:mad:
Shanaynay
11-05-2007, 05:05
Sassy, I could have written everything you just wrote then. EVERYTHING. Quite weird actually.
You won't fight irrationally... us mummies know what we are doing....;)
indigoin0z
11-05-2007, 05:34
would like to come back here & post, sooooo many of you i can relate to.... but not only can i not find my words or know which i would vote yet, but i also still have trouble posting in threads about 'BiRTH'.... as i hate the word because i didnt BiRTH any of my boys.. they were taken from me... & i sort of [stupidly perhaps?] feel i dont belong in BiRTH chats...
some days i recognise that it is irrational, but today is not one of them :no: & when i feel it, i feel like others would think so too.. ["you dont belong in a BiRTH thread, you didnt do the hard yakka of labour" etc]...:shame:
How did it change me?
It made me question my ability as a female to birth a child. This is such a huge thing as it questions the most fundamental thing about yourself. I also had major BF probs, so these two things coupled together made me think that i failed at something i thought was an innate part of a being a woman.
Most harsh was the incredible lack of support offered by the MW's during the birth process. In a birth centre.
I was told to push, i did for 4 hours. I poo'ed EVERYWHERE yet was told for the whole time "you arent pushing properly". No other strategies or directions were given, just that i wasnt pushing with looks of - for gods sake get it right woman.
They were still doing this when an OB wandered in and saved me, with her assistance a 4 day labour was over in 15 minutes. I am forever grateful to that woman.
When we were having our first amazing cuddles the beeartch walked in and said "you jumped ship pretty quickly" inferring that going from BC to delivery was a cop out. :mad:
So i am the opposite of most, my birth trauma has made me want an OB, want intervention (if it is needed). If we could have afforded to go private i would have.
Being pregnant again i panicked, cried and stressed.
Lessons learnt?
Being in another part of the country from first birth i had no option but to see OB (even as public patient). It is weird because at first appt with her i had a cry about the last birth and she instilled faith in me as a woman, reassured me that it should be better and that last time was completely mismanaged by the MW's (funnily enough she worked at that hospy at the time).
I was going to pay to have her there for the day but she literally said "dont waste your money, you will be fine".
Its like i didnt get typical MW's last time and this time i dint get a typical OB.
I bawled when i had the booking in with the MW's at the hospy last week and they were supportive too, reassuring me it wont get to that point again.
So in terms of the next birth, i have learnt that i and DH will be far stronger in our voices- if i want an epi, i will have the epi NOW, if i dont want to get in the friggin bath i will physically not get in etc.....it is my birth and i will speak up.
and i am really really hoping that my body will have a better idea second time round:fingerscrossed:
sorry for long post, it helps me to get it out, so thanks for reading
reAllytee
11-05-2007, 09:57
How did the traumatic birth change you?
Well considering i already had many issues before having Boof it meant i spiralled even more.
It has made me very wary about birth when before i was never that worried. I knew it would hurt, knew it would be hard but overall knew it was worth it. That totally changed for me.
I now question my body & now question how im going to go through it all again. Im scared things will go wrong again & im scared that i will tear even more than i already did. This really really stresses me out to the point of having a panic attack.
Like Chelle i dont have sex, the fact im even pg again is a miracle. Im lucky actually no im more than lucky to have a partner who never hassles me or tries to belittle how i feel about it. He has even said that he understands why i dont want to have sex & he will never ever pressure me.
This is one thing i think that keeps me from sinking to greater levels, the fact he supports me as much as he can. He knows a lot of my issues relate to my childhood abuse because of what happened at the birth. I felt like i was violated all over again & a lot of that goes back to Boof.
I hated him as much as i cringe saying that. It took me 6mths to bond with him & even now i know i still hold a little bit of anger towards him.
I feel like my body has been ruined because i have issues with my scarring as well as have a prolapse & incontinence.
Basically i feel like sh!t :gloomy:
What lessons about life have you taken on board since your experience?
I have forced myself to talk to an independant midwife who does counselling. Thats been really hard & the rollercoaster ride never seems to end. One minute i feel like i can do it & then the next im a scared little girl again.
Ive organised a Doula for this birth because as much as i wanted a homebirth we couldnt afford one.
Im trying to get my hands on some books to read & my Doula is giving me some of hers.
I guess im educating myself more than before but not just as in reading how a birth happens but more how my body works & how it should happen.
Im trying to learn to trust myself again.
Did anybody have a feeling before the birth that it was going to turn out bad?
Yep i knew something was wrong & i wanted to beg for a c/s but kept being assured all would be fine. I just had this gut feeling something would happen.
What i also hate is how it left my DP feeling. He is scared going into this again but never really talks too much about it. Its only in little pieces that he shares how he felt & what he went through. I hate that he had to go through it. Just as much as i hate that Boof went through it too.
SassyMummy
11-05-2007, 11:30
would like to come back here & post, sooooo many of you i can relate to.... but not only can i not find my words or know which i would vote yet, but i also still have trouble posting in threads about 'BiRTH'.... as i hate the word because i didnt BiRTH any of my boys.. they were taken from me... & i sort of [stupidly perhaps?] feel i dont belong in BiRTH chats...
some days i recognise that it is irrational, but today is not one of them :no: & when i feel it, i feel like others would think so too.. ["you dont belong in a BiRTH thread, you didnt do the hard yakka of labour" etc]...:shame:
I don't believe I gave birth either. I didn't do anything... I just lay there while a few strangers cut me open and talked about random stuff.
I feel like less of a mother because it's something a lot of other mothers can relate to (birth) but something I know nothing about. I don't even know what a contraction feels like... and I always think that people who HAVE gone through labour and birth think I'm an idiot for wanting to experience it. Like, I don't know what I'm talking about, so why do I want it so badly?
Did I know it would happen?
I knew I would end up with an epidural. Even though my plan was for a 5 hour water birth. But I had no idea it would be a horrible mess afterwards.
Did it change me?
I'm not sure, perhaps it's too early to tell. DS is only 4 months old.
Physically it has, I now have a designer vagina (after the surgery to repair all that lovely damage).
What did I learn?
That I can't control everything. I can't plan absolutely everything. THe public hospital system is an absolute joke, especially in QLD. I should trust my instincts. I love my husband more than I can ever describe. I love my son, even though our first moments, hours and days after his birth were sh#te. I miss sex, and can't wait to have it again. I made a mistake by not staying private. I learnt to never to go back to the hospital where I birthed, even in an emergency. C/sections probably aren't the evil thing I thought they were. It's been recommended to me to have one if for some strange reason I decide that I ever want to have another child. That I like my house clean!
ImSethsMum
16-05-2007, 22:40
How did the traumatic birth change you?
It ruined my life and almost ruined my sons life. I will never go back to the public hospital where I had DS ever ever again - not even in an emergency. I do not trust Dr's Midwives or Anesthesists at all.
My story from when it turned to hell:
The anaesthesist took 2 hrs to get to me to give an epi which he stuffed up and refused to redo as he had a birthday to go to and left - and when the midwife yelled to come back he told her NOT to call him and that 'she' meaning me 'will cope'. The epi didnt work and Im allergic to pethadine. My son was stuck in my pelvis and due to the stuffed epi my back was also in emense pain.
My son was born after over 2 hours of pushing, with the cord around his neck - no DR, just the midi and my partner helping remove the cord. I didnt see my child for over 15 minutes, then when I did it was for 2 minutes before I heamoraged & lost over 2 litres of blood and had 12 blood clots removed by some arrogant old Dr who shoved her arm inside me up to the elbow and ripped out the clots and half my bloody insides. Thats all I remember or all my mind will let me remember, till 6 hours later when I saw my son again unable to hold him as I couldnt even have my head raised for a pillow or I blacked out.
It took 3 days for that hospy to give me a much needed blood transfusion, I never got any milk in so never felt the bonding of breastfeeding. My son was jaundice and was being tube fed and I felt it was all my fault.
Worst was when my son was checked by the hospy pead and told he was fine. 3 months later after him screaming 24/7 and all the drs I took him to told me he was fine and that "babies cry", we got a Dr who did xrays and as a result of his birth my son had:
a dislocated shoulder,
2 fractured ribs (causing problems with his diaphragm, breathing, feeding)
and both hips were dislocated and rotated.
It took 12 months of intense therapy to fix my little man and the pain he went through every day of his little life is something I will never forgive myself for or get over. Im sitting here bawling and trying to type through tears.
Ive left out a lot of the story - as this is sooooo long already.
How did the traumatic birth change you?
Like Chelle i dont have sex, the fact im even pg again is a miracle. Im lucky actually no im more than lucky to have a partner who never hassles me or tries to belittle how i feel about it. He has even said that he understands why i dont want to have sex & he will never ever pressure me.
.
.
I feel like my body has been ruined because i have issues with my scarring as well as have a prolapse & incontinence.
Basically i feel like sh!t :gloomy:
like allyoo & chelle - I too dont have sex. It is soooo painful and nothing I can do about it. Im lucky my man is understanding. I feel like a failure as a partner to him and as my 1st husband left me (he cheated) Im sooooo paranoid that this one will too.
I feel like an old lady as I HAVE to wear a heavy use incontinence pads as there is so much damage to my pelvic floor. Every day of my life will be like this. Its so shameful to have to carry a change of clothes not just underwear in the car when I go out, Ive had accidents before (luckily at home) - somedays I simply dont want to be alive.
Not to mention Im on depression medication and probably always will be.
Ive been waiting for surgery to fix some of the problems cause by Seth's birth. After 2yrs Im booked in in June and and so god damn scared Im having nightmares and have written a will.
God the list goes on.
Did I know it would happen?
I think so - my whole life has been a mess so I figured something would go wrong - just didnt count on everything going wrong.
What did I learn?
That I love my partner, that life isnt fair, That incontinence pads cost alot when you buy 2 packs a week, That I would do anything to prevent my son feeling the pain of those first 18 months, That Im a complete mess and know that I will never be the same ever.
Sorry this was so long - Im off to get a new box of tissues now,
Luv Kelly
oh sarah & kelly :hugs: that is horrendous :(
sending you love, you deserved to be treated 1000x better than that. It sickens me that hospitals get away with such disgusting behaviour. Have you written a letter of complaint?
indigoin0z
17-05-2007, 06:46
:hugs: to you girls.. :gloomy:
what adds to the sheer torture of these traumatic births is the just utter total disrespect of moral & human rights..
these medical professionals who forget that by their sheer neglect/rushing/arrogance they are changing at least one persons life FoReVeR!!
they should each be written to personally so they cant disassociate themselves from the human side of things..how would they like their wives/mothers/children to be treated as such..:shame:
DISGUSTING & HORRENDOUS
arent even big enough words to use for this injustice!:no:
indigoin0z
17-05-2007, 07:11
How did the traumatic birth change you?
it has made me even more distrustful of so called professionals..
not only do i now distrust them, but i have utter hatred & anger toward them..
reinforced my opinion of they are just human why do they get put on a pedastal as if they are untouchable or know more than anyone else..
total fear of hospital/surgery/theatre..
i see medical procedures, even surgeons & drs in their theatre clothes & i have an anxiety/anger & emotional meltdown..
want to avoid drs even more than before... i second guess & question [internally] everything from the medical profession.. because it is proven that they do stuff up & do lie & that no human being is treated as such in the medical profession..
What lessons about life have you taken on board since your experience?
definitely to keep believing in myself & knowing i am just as powerful as these 'professionals' who have a piece of paper..
To TRUST MY INSTINCTS!!
i already knew i had great instints/intuition, & yet my conscious mind continues to doubt...
:wizard:
& to learn to improve my intuitive skills...
i had signs from the very beginning all the way thru the pregnancy about something, but i didnt know what IT was... [i didnt even buy a cot or any baby items]
oh &
to make sure i DO share my story with all the other ladies so as, hopefully we get the message out there, that the medical profession [& on the larger scale HuMaNiTY:rolleyes: ] has got to change!!
.
subaruforestermum
17-05-2007, 07:34
How did it change me?
My whole life has fallen apart since my son's birth. I am an emotional mess. I used to be a confident and happy person and now I am the complete opposite. I can't help but think my son and I should be dead that we have disrupted the chain of natural selection.
It really turned my whole world upside down.
Lessons learnt?
I am still waiting to figure out what I was supposed to learn from this.
I have learnt that time may heal physical pain but emotional pain seems to never go away.
I have had the same feelings since I gave birth almost 2 years ago now... Only through my trauma, it was only me who isnt suppose to be here.....
Not being able to care for my son in his first vital hours, was a huge disappointment for me, as I was in surgery...
The fact that I didnt recover too well after, and we were stuck in hospital for 10 days, because of me...
I cant get close to my partner, I feel an estrangement from him, as Im scared the same thing will happen again, we arent involved in a sexual way anymore, which I believe has also effected our relationship.... And I get angry easily, as it feels (although its not true) no-one knows what I am going through. My body has changed and I hate that I had to be pieced back together, and asked what I looked like before hand, that has stuck in my head and was frightening.....
I get scared and anxious about going to a hospital. My fear of doctors, needles, etc has intensified, and I have this fear, that next time I am admitted to hospital for any reason, this time I will not be coming out...
I find it hard to talk about with out getting upset. I have blamed my son for what I have had to go through, and that adds extra guilt to my feelings as I know it was nothing to do with him, he didnt choose to come into this world, I helped create him...
I use to be full of life, could talk to anyone, was comfortable with who I was (to an extent), now I try to avoid having to talk to people, unless necessary, and am embarrassed to go out in public...
So many things have changed as a result of my trauma.... and I have no lessons learnt that I can recognise as lessons learnt. I think its a long road to recovery emotionally, and there is still the pain from the birth still current on occasions, and might be for a long time according to doctors....so as for other kids, I dont think so, my body is too messed up...
ImSethsMum
17-05-2007, 11:02
I havent written a letter becca74, I dont know I would be able to just write a letter - it would go on and on and end up being a novel. And I doubt anyone would read it anyway.
*** One thing I wanted to ask everyone, is do people believe you when you tell them about your birth trauma??? I get people look at me like Im some kind of hypocondriact or a liar or a looney becuase how could all that go wrong. Some think your being way too dramatic and think the term birth TRAUMA is a bit over the top. I therefore dont tell my story much as I dont feel Im believed or people think Im seeking attention or pity. It just adds to the feelings of insecurity and poor self worth that I have.
Also there seem to be alot of us who no longer have a sexual relationship with our partners. I honestly thought it was just me - and that made me feel so abnormal.
How have your relationships changed?
What are your concerns?
My partner and I have a very different relationship now. I hate being touched/hugged or kissed. I feel totally repulsed by physical contact. DP gets annoyed and cranky saying its just a hug - and that he doesnt expect sex but all contact feels wrong to me now. The sex hurts and only happens maybe once every 6 months? But I worry that a few more years of this and he will leave - I just dont see how a relationship can stand 50+ years with no physical intimacy. It makes me fear the future.
Sorry this was another long post,
Luv Kelly
I don't feel anyone IRL believes me that my births were traumatic. It's different on here though I hear so many stories and while the details/birth type may be different the feelings afterwards are very similar to mine.
I hate that anyone would discount a women's birth trauma. What may not seem traumatic to one can be completely traumatic to another. Women shouldn't have to justify why they are traumatised. They had a traumatic birth. That should be enough.
I dislike touching etc now. I used to be so touchy feely. I don't like people touching me at all.
:hugs: to everyone
Hokey Pokey
17-05-2007, 13:26
At first it left me scared of ever having anymore babies but over time and lots of support etc It made me determined to do it again and make it a positive experience through my newfound strength!
bubs_and_us
17-05-2007, 17:20
how did it affect me?
it has changed the way i see my body. my body is obviously NOT capable of having a safe birth.
it has altered my perspective. i felt helpless, humiliated and traumatised.
although i received the best care i could've hoped for, it still hasnt changed my feelings. i still have nightmares, and when i think about the birth, i feel physically ill.
even thinking and visuallising DS's early days, i feel physically ill remembering what i went through.
i didnt have a 'birth'. DS was pulled from inside me with a vacuum attached to his head by a doctor with a scalple in his hand.
i will NEVER have a vb again. my next baby will arrive via planned, elective C/S under a general anesthetic.
and if you knew how terrified i am of a c/s, you would understand just how much this birth really affected me.
what i've learnt
it doesnt matter how much research you've done. if things are meant to go terribly wrong, they will.
i must've really p!ssed someone off to deserve my 'birth'
danielle13
17-05-2007, 20:44
I can't help but think my son and I should be dead that we have disrupted the chain of natural selection.
:( :hugs:
Thanks for the hugs danielle 13, here's some for you:hugs:
StrawberryTheMilkshake
20-05-2007, 06:42
What hospy was that in Brisbane? Pm me if you like....
We are in Bris so i want to make sure i DONT go there
subaruforestermum
21-05-2007, 15:08
How have your relationships changed?
What are your concerns?
My partner and I have a very different relationship now. I hate being touched/hugged or kissed. I feel totally repulsed by physical contact. DP gets annoyed and cranky saying its just a hug - and that he doesnt expect sex but all contact feels wrong to me now. The sex hurts and only happens maybe once every 6 months? But I worry that a few more years of this and he will leave - I just dont see how a relationship can stand 50+ years with no physical intimacy. It makes me fear the future.
I feel the exact same way....and I never spoke about it to anyone, this is like the only times I have spoken about our sexual relationship......
I dont think people believe me, just as people dont believe that I never knew I was pregnant until 24 weeks....... The look in their eyes says it all....and the comments, questioning what you have said...etc..I dont talk about it anymore, for the reasons that it still upsets me, and the fact that I dont feel believed, only those who were in the room know how critical I really was, and the doctors who had the 5 hour task of piecing me back together.....
I have been told not to be so dramatic by my cousin.....
ImSethsMum
21-05-2007, 19:05
What hospy was that in Brisbane? Pm me if you like....
We are in Bris so i want to make sure i DONT go there
If that question was for me - I went to the Redlands Hospital. It had a great rep years ago but the large amount of bad experiences Ive heard about since mine makes me sure I wont go back there. The private Gyno I now go to used to operate there years ago but said he wont go there now - he wasnt allowed to say why but makes you wonder when a top fertility specialist/gyno refuses to go there.....
Luv Kel
SassyMummy
21-05-2007, 22:23
I havent written a letter becca74, I dont know I would be able to just write a letter - it would go on and on and end up being a novel. And I doubt anyone would read it anyway.
*** One thing I wanted to ask everyone, is do people believe you when you tell them about your birth trauma??? I get people look at me like Im some kind of hypocondriact or a liar or a looney becuase how could all that go wrong. Some think your being way too dramatic and think the term birth TRAUMA is a bit over the top. I therefore dont tell my story much as I dont feel Im believed or people think Im seeking attention or pity. It just adds to the feelings of insecurity and poor self worth that I have.
Also there seem to be alot of us who no longer have a sexual relationship with our partners. I honestly thought it was just me - and that made me feel so abnormal.
How have your relationships changed?
What are your concerns?
My partner and I have a very different relationship now. I hate being touched/hugged or kissed. I feel totally repulsed by physical contact. DP gets annoyed and cranky saying its just a hug - and that he doesnt expect sex but all contact feels wrong to me now. The sex hurts and only happens maybe once every 6 months? But I worry that a few more years of this and he will leave - I just dont see how a relationship can stand 50+ years with no physical intimacy. It makes me fear the future.
Sorry this was another long post,
Luv Kelly
I still have sex (well, rarely, but that's not because of any issues with my caesarean), so I can't relate to that part of your post...
But nobody seems to understand the severity of the trauma my highly unwanted caesarean had on me. It doesn't help that people hear "caesarean" and think "the easy way" because when I mention how awful it was, people think I'm insane... as if they believe having a caesarean has the equivalent pain as cutting off a toenail.
It seems to be even worse when people hear how big DD was and go, "Wow, you're so lucky you had a caesarean!" I just want to punch everyone, and kick them, and scream in anger and frustration.
I guess one of the biggest things is that no real complications arose from me having a caesarean. It wasn't a horror-story caesarean at all... it was pretty straightforward. DD didn't breathe for 11 mins, but after she started, she never had any further troubles.
I guess that makes it even harder for people to understand... because it wasn't this awful "I almost died" type of situation, I shouldn't feel the way I do. I guess it's because something awful that I never wanted was inflicted upon me...
Like, it might not physically hurt me if some random person decided to fondle me, but people would expect me to have some sort of emotional reaction. With the caesarean though, people look at me like I have nothing to complain about because nothing went wrong...
What they don't realise is that something DID go wrong - I was cut open when I didn't need to be, I went through the emotional pain of believing my body does not work right, the way it's supposed to, and as a result, I'm going to have to fight my behind off to get a "NORMAL" birth when I have another baby in the future.
I just hate the attitude the public has in regards to caesarean... like it's the easiest, most normal, most painfree experience ever. It's just ridiculous and makes it so much harder for me to get over it!
(Sorry for starting to answer you, before rambling on and on about my caesarean...lol).
PunkyDiva
21-05-2007, 22:25
Learnt more about birthing and labour, refused any interventions and birthed subsequent 4 babies in a hospy with middie present only for the immediate delivery. Next time:fingerscrossed: will be at home, unassisted but with middie present.
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