Advice Needed on Tressilian

[MissSparkle]

The big question is to go or not to go!? Ive spent the morning in tears because DS has been up since 6am and its now 1pm and he hasn't slept! I put him in the cot but he is totally hysterical before im even out the door! He just stands up in the cot and screams so much he nearly chocks and when i go in the settle him he won't settle!
He was breatfed to sleep from birth and now i dont no how to get him to sleep!! Im at my wits end, not to mention extremely tired!!

[giggles]

Hey Steph!

I think there will be nothing gained or lost by not going. You can only go with an open mind and see if you like anything you hear.

Hope they have some advice that you think might work for you guys.

It WILL work out, but boy it's a hard road isn't it......

Hugs to you........:)

[reAllytee]

I agree with justcooked give it a go as it cant hurt. Ive had a few mums at my group go to tressillian all with babies at various ages all with some degree of success.
The only thing i would suggest is putting him into your bed & laying down with him & seeing if that works for now as maybe all he wants is his mum but then maybe he is changing his sleeping pattern (?) so isnt wanting as many sleeps or maybe is overtired so just gets too worked up.
I really hope you find an answer that works for you good luck :)

[lucyp]

From one that has been back twice! ( repeat offender!) I would say go.

You dont have to stay there if you find you dont like it or aren't gaining anything from it - but I have to say for me it was one of the saving graces for bub, me and hubby. ( Hubby learns alot too and is welcomed!)

Not oly did it give ME a chance for a rest - it showed me bub was capable of good sleep - if I implemented some basic techniques ( which I had no idea about!)

I would suggesr make the booking - they take a while to get into and if in the meantime things sort themselves out - well you have lost nothing but the price of a phone call.

Good luck - PM me if you want to know anything else about the whole Tresillian experience :)

[JanetF]

It sounds like he's associating his cot with the distress he feels in it now. It's actually ok for an 11 month old to be awake for 5 hours. Perfectly normal. You say he was bf to sleep, so perhaps that's what he wants now? At any rate, most babies need to be parented to sleep so if he's used to cuddly, gentle going to sleep then maybe you could provide that for him in other ways? Walking, snuggling in the big bed together so you can get some sleep too, using a sling, rocking chair. Endless options. There's nothing actually wrong with a child who needs to be parented to sleep and what most sleep clinics are about is leaving the child to cry. Not a longterm solution.

Email Pinky McKay and she'll offer you support and information FOR FREE. Sometimes if we understand how babies are supposed to sleep, it frees us from the expectations that society puts on them and us.

Here are some places for you to learn about normal sleep and babies.

Gentle sleep resources.
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
31 Ways to Get Your Baby to Sleep and Stay Asleep
Bedwetting
Hidden Medical Causes of Nightwaking
Sleep Trainers: Buyer Beware!
Night Weaning: 12 Alternatives for the All-Night Nurser
Night Terrors
5 Reasons Why High-Need Infants Sleep Differently
Sleep Safety
SIDS: The Latest Research on How Sleeping With Your Baby is Safe.
Co-Sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT SLEEP PROBLEMS
"Questions of the Day" about sleep


http://www.naturalchild.com/articles/sleeping.html
An Oversight of Our Culture
Tine Thevenin
Babies Need Their Mothers Beside Them
James J. McKenna
Bedsharing Promotes Breastfeeding
James J. McKenna
Bedtime Story: Co-sleeping Research
James J. McKenna
Newest: Cosleeping
Tami E. Breazeale
Statement on sleeping locations and sudden death in infants
(Research Document)
Hidden Messages
Jan Hunt
Is It Time to Abolish Cribs?
Jan Hunt
Is sleeping with my baby safe? Can it reduce the risk of SIDS?
James J. McKenna
It's None of Their Business
Peggy O'Mara
Need vs. Habit
Tine Thevenin
A Rediscovery
Tine Thevenin
Rethinking "Healthy" Infant Sleep
James J. McKenna
Ten Reasons to Sleep Next to Your Child at Night
Jan Hunt
When Will My Baby Soothe Himself to Sleep?
Jan Hunt






Pillowtalk – helping your child get a good night’s sleep.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/fleiss.html

Selfsoothing
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/hunt-archive.html#self-soothing

Cosleeping
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/buckley-archive.html#co-sleep

No Cry Sleep Solution
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

15 ways to help your baby sleep
http://www.pinky-mychild.com/features/baby/sleep.html

Crying for comfort:distressed babies need to be held.
http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm

Four month old wakes up frequently in the night.
http://www.awareparenting.com/answer13.htm

Crying spells in 6 week old infant
http://www.awareparenting.com/answer19.htm

Bedtime problems with 3 year old.
http://www.awareparenting.com/answer22.htm

5 year old wants to sleep with parents.
http://www.awareparenting.com/answer18.htm

Unsubstantiated Medical Statements in “Babywise”
http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/unsub.htm

Babywise advice linked to dehydration, failure to thrive
by Matthew Aney, M.D.
http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

Controlled comforting…
http://breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/crying.html

Why not to CIO
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/hunt-archive.html#cry-it-out


Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Inc.
Affiliated with the World Association for Infant Mental Health
www.aaimhi.org
Position Paper 1: Controlled Crying
Issued November 2002; Revised March 2004
AAIMHI - Controlled Crying Principles
It is normal and healthy for infants and young
children not to sleep through the night and to need
attention from parents. This should not be labeled a
disorder except where it is clearly outside the usual
patterns.
Parents should be reassured that attending to their
infant’s needs/crying will not cause a lasting “habit”.
Waking in older infants and young children may be
due to separation anxiety, and in these cases
sleeping with or next to a parent is a valid option.
This often enables all to get a good night’s sleep.
Any methods used to assist parents to get a good
night’s sleep should not compromise the infant’s
developmental and emotional needs.

Suggestions for alternatives to controlled crying
Fleiss PM, Hodges FM & Phil D (2000). Sweet Dreams: A
Pediatrician’s Secrets for Your Child’s Good Night’s Sleep. Los
Angeles: Lowell House.
Hope M (1996). For Crying Out Loud! Understanding and Helping
Crying Babies. Randwick NSW: Sydney Children’s Hospital.
McKay P (2002). 100 Ways to Calm the Crying. Melbourne: Lothian.
McKay P (2002). Parenting by Heart. Melbourne: Lothian.
Pantley E (2002). The No-Cry Sleep Solution. NewYork: Contemporary
Books.
Sears W & Sears M (2003). The Baby Book: Everything you need

[AM]

Well, Janet pretty much covered almost everything!

I personally would not go near a sleep clinic, as their advice is most likely to be to let your child cry to sleep, and there are a lot of other options out there.

My son went to one day sleep when he was about that age, so perhaps he was not ready for a sleep?

All the best,

[Sarie]

I'd say give it a go, as someone else said, if you don't like it, don't stay.
A friend of our had problems and went to a similar place and it helps her a lot.
Best of luck
Sarie

[lucyp]

Although - its only my experience - when I went to Tresillian - DS was definately not left to "cry it out" and we had been feeding and rocking him to sleep till he was a good 4 months old - and still do on occassion. :p

I think the best part about it was being somewhere - where I had support and help and some "time" also to just recoop. They feed you , look after you and I also made some really great friends of whom I still keep in touch with.

I would definately try some of the sites JanetF suggested ( her advice is always good and has helped me in the past) and perhaps get a referral in the meantime -

As I said if you manage to come good in the meantime - you can always cancel;)

Good luck and try to keep you chin up:)

[Tisme]

I too am a repeat offender (went in twice with Alana) and I feel the same as Lucy ... there is nothing to be lost by going. If anything the one night that they give you as a COMPLETE bub free night is a relief. If bub gets too distressed they bring them in to you but the nurses take care of him to ensure you are well rested to put certain practices into play the next day.

Also the first time I went with Alana I tried controlled crying, the second time I didn't. and they actively encourage that you use their methods but they DON'T force them on you.

The learning sessions they run help you to talk to other mums with the same troubles and dilema's as you and is sort of like an intensive face to face of this forum ... mums (and dad's) talking about problems they are having, and solutions they have found. and there is CONSTANT help from the nurses. Break down in tears cause you can't handle bub's crying and they become a shoulder for you.

Give it a go.

[superbaby]

My 11 mth has just moved to one day sleep - around 12-12.30, so its likely that your DS may also be not needing a morning sleep now. I went to Tressilian when my DS was about 10 weeks old, and although he had pretty much sorted out his day sleeps when the appointment came around, I found the extra advice/tips useful. I think its good just to have the support of the nurses there even for a brief time, and you will probably come away feeling more confident in the method(s) that work best for you and bubs.

[rebecca]

Hi Steph,

I know exactly how you are feeling, I too stressed and contemplated the idea of going to tresilian for 2 months, before taking my then 7 month old son as he would not sleep through the night or without a feed every 4 hours, even though I had tried every thing in the books....

I think that it really is a personal decision, if you are at the point where nothing else works and you need sleep as to does your bubba then definetly go...if you do not like it or are not able to deal with it, you are always able to leave....

I sat outside Coopers door for 2 nights crying as I had never been away from him or left him with anyone before I had been to Tresilian, I came across the most beautiful woman there, Dorothy is her name and with her guidance, understanding and help we got through it....it is hard to do the controlled crying, luckily for me Cooper was pretty good...altough he did get sick and I decided to bring him home after 3 days as I was not comfortable letting him cry and be alone while he was sick...but those 3 days worked, Cooper has slept through the night since that stay and altough he does have the dummy back now at sleep time he does not wake and resettles himself if he does...It was hard, but much needed. He needed to learn to sleep and I feel so much better knowing that he is getting the sleep that he needs...they also helped with other routine things like feeding and play time.....There are things that I have taken home with me that I will use for life, and then there are things that I have discarded and do not agree with....overall though it was a success for us and Cooper is now 10.5 months and sleeping through the night and has 2 day sleeps......

Good Luck and allow yourself the time to make the decision that is right for you without any guilt or judgement of your decision....in the end you are trying to do the very best for you and your baby and that is all you can do...

[addictedtobabe]

Tresillian was fantastic for us. We went for the day when DS was 3 months old and DH came too. If anything it gave us confidence as we do not have any family around and knew nothing about baby sleeping patterns etc.

After that day it took 3 weeks for us to get babe to sleep by himself but since then we have not looked back - he now goes into his cot, smiles, sucks his thumb and goes to sleep - he probably has a 30 second cry once every few weeks!!!

Perhaps you could try day stay before going for a whole week - infact day stay will recommend you for the week stay if they think you need it.

There is nothing to lose and everything to gain by going!:D Good luck, pm me if you want any more details

[Notchalk]

[QUOTE=rebecca]

I know exactly how you are feeling, I too stressed and contemplated the idea of going to tresilian for 2 months, before taking my then 7 month old son as he would not sleep through the night or without a feed every 4 hours, even though I had tried every thing in the books....

Wow, if my son had been waking only every 4 hours overnight, I'd have been ecstatic!

Jo :)

[KCBillie]

You poor thing it sounds like your little boy is completely overtired.

I went to Tresillian with my son when he was 6mths and it was fantastic.
He was an extremely difficult baby who couldn't sleep longer than 60 minutes night or day without screaming.

They wrapped him up tight in a sheet and put him in a cot. Then they went into his room and cuddled him or patted him every five to ten minutes depending on the level of his crying. They also offered him a dummy and water depending on how long the settling was taking (you take over the settling after the first night with their assistance).

The first three days were extremely hard for both of us but after that he learned how to self settle after fifteen to ten minutes of crying. By the last day he was settling in five minutes. He was also a lot happier when he was awake as he wasn't continuously overtired all the time.
Sometimes it takes longer if the child is older but it's worth it as you can't be a very good parent if you’re getting no sleep.

P.S. Do keep in mind that there is a three month waiting list to get into Tresillian (unless you completely loose it, then you can go early).

Good luck!

[CWilliams]

I feel the need to reply to this thread as women are so incredibly good at guilt tripping each other on this topic in a very passive agressive way!!! I went to tresillian with my first child, boarded a plane in Coffs harbour, landed like a little country bumpkin in the chaos of Sydney with the no car seat and no english taxis....Finally made my way to Tressilian, (the old building) to be relieved of my baby and to sleep the first night I had slept for longer than two hours at a time since he was born 6 months previously.

What a difference a day makes...I actually began to enjoy my baby, and he stopped screaming every waking moment. It was hard work doing the controlled crying, and I went through every emotion you can have about it, it was not a decision I undertook lightly.

God I am glad I did though because I came home with a baby who slept through the night in his own bed and as a result, I stopped being exhausted and depressed and got to enjoy my baby.

Prior to tressilian I had slept with my son in my arms swapping from one breast to the other every forty-five minutes to two hours, I literally could not put him down and he was so over tired that he would scream most of the time that he was awake.

The final straw that made me decide to go to tressilian was when I fell asleep at the wheel because driving was one of the only times he stopped crying. Thankfully I awoke from my micro-sleep in time to prevent tragedy.

Do what you need to do to get enough sleep, and do not allow yourself to be guilt tripped. I am all for breast-feeding and attachment parenting for as long as it is not detrimental to the physical and mental health of the parents.

My son is now 10 and very well ajusted, he recently came and climbed into our bed because he had a sore throat...as he has done over the years when he was sick or scared, but thanks to tresillian he and his little sister and brother spend the majority of their nights in their own beds. My new baby is four months old and is the first of my babies to sleep in his own bed from birth, he is also the only one who has slept for four hours at a time regularly without any need for me to do anything but tuck him in and pat his bottom. I don't need to do controlled crying with him as I can function quite well on eight hours of (once or twice) broken sleep. If he became more demanding that that I wouldn't hesitate to do it again as much for the fact that my other children need a together Mum as anything else.

Having given birth to my two youngest children at home, I have spent a lot of time at home birth group meetings etc, where I have come across the most incredible pressure to conform to the attachment parenting style of parenting....all I can say is don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, it does not work for everyone!