Still lost

[littlefreckle]

Hi there

Not sure if i am in the right place so if im not could someone tell me please.
Just looking for somewhere to go and talk to others that have had a m/c. We have been TTC for 3 years and have had 2 ER and 3 FET the last one in Feb resulted in falling pregnant with twins. Our dream had finally come true until i lost one at week 5 and the other at week 7. My biggest problem is i don't know how im meant to be handling this. One day i think im fine and the next i feel as if im drowning. I haven't cried since i lost them, i sort of just went into shock i guess when we lost the second one. Had to be strong for my DH (who has been wonderful) and the rest of the family were so happy that it was finally happening. Just feel so alone and lost. Don't know if i can keep on doing the smile and act happy thing like everyone expects. Sorry for the :ecomcity: :ecomcity: .
Like i said if im in the wrong place let me know don't want to butt in at all

[punkbaby]

:hugs: for you i really have no advice but you are allowed to grieve....apart from being strong for your dh its your turn now

I hope someone here can give better advice

[mykidzmylife]

You certainly are in the right place.

I am sorry for your heartbreaking loss.

I lost our baby in january,and i was like you......thinking i was ok one minute but the next was just dreadful.

I am sure no one expects you to be fine and happy,they probably dont know what to say to you and hubby.

Maybe a good cry will help a little.

I wish i could give you big hugs and help you through this.

Let me know if you want to talk about anything.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Jody

[LoopyLyndaLou]

HI,

of course you are in the right place, you have lost two precious babies.

losing a child is such a hard thing, although haivng another baby can never replace the one(s) you ahve lost but it is smething to else to focus on, When fertility problems enter the equation it is one more issue you have to deal with on top of your grief.

I should imagine you ahve so much frustration, anger, hurt etc inside you right now that you are not allowing yourself to relase it all for fear of not being able to regain your control but as has been said, a little cry or even a big one, with some ranting and raving may actually help.

Life can be so cruel. I run a support group for parents who lost a child late in pregnancy and it breaks my heart when those that have waited so long to become pregnant lose thier child and have to work so hard ot get another chance. I feel so helpless and struggle to find something supportive to say that doesn't sound completely pathetic.

I really hope that things work out for you and please do give yourself permission to grieve, you ahve every right to.

Lynda x

[Kadwil]

I am sorry for your losses. It is hard wanting to pretend you are OK for other people but you need to grieve as well. We held a little 'funeral', which helped me realise what the baby meant to me and how devistated we were/are to lose the baby. I wrote a letter about how we all feel and how we will miss him/her. We read this out, then let some helium balloons go into the air and had a nice dinner together outside. We also have a little memory box with things like the scan, pictures my son drew with the new baby in my belly, etc. It is hard not to feel alone, but unfortunately many women go through these losses. This doesn't make you feel better, but hopefully not so alone. I hope you are feeling better soon. :hugs:

[Lozie]

:hugs: hunny u need to let it all out.
I have have 2 misscarages one 4 weeks after Ds1 was born and another in Aug last year, I didnt have a chance to deal wit the first babe because i found myself prg again a week later with ds2, and i held it all in for over a year. then when i lost the baby in august i absolutly lost it myself i hadnt grieved for the baby before and loosing that one brought it all to a head and i mentally collaped. I couldnt cope with my children and my life went for alright and happyish to the lowest part in my life to date. U dont always have to be strong, if u wanna cry and let it all out then you need to so that you can grieve for you babies :hugs: hunny Pm me if you wanna chat:kiss:

[Jif]

Absolutely you are in the right place and I have no sensible advice, just hugs. I lost my baby between 4 and 5 weeks and have been blown away by the depth of my grief. I find hearing similar stories and feelings on here really helps.

[littlefreckle]

Hi there everyone

Thanks you all for your :hugs: :kiss: and support. It's good to hear that i'm not so alone in this dark time. Your words and advice has been great. I guess i just have to work through it in my own way and call on others when i feel really lose. I love the ideas that you all have had in saying good bye. I have decided that i will put in a special garden bed and put in it an angel for each of my twins and a small angel for each of my embies that have died. Might sound strange but i see the embies that we have lost a bubs as well. This will give me somewhere to go to be with my angels.
Thanks again for all your beautiful words

[flib]

I think a garden is a lovely idea and the angels will be beautiful. I can understand your grief at losing embryos too. It all makes sense. Gardens are wonderful and positive places of growth and renewal.

You have really had a very difficult and hard time of TTC and it must be heartbreaking. Don't try to be strong for other people - be true to yourself. It's ok to feel sad.

Take care