Step Daughter problems?

[YummyMummy1]

I have them do you? i would love to see if there is any body else that has problems with there blended family?

i feel like i'm alone in my struggle, :gloomy:

[punkbaby]

i have a 14yo step son...we have him 3 days a fortnight. Its only since he was about 12 that we actualy started seeing eye to eye :)

[YummyMummy1]

any tips?

[Meljem]

Oh no, you are far from alone, i have two step children, they are with us 50/50. I have two children myself. Its not easy, and i dont know that it ever will be. I dont have any advice, other than can you give me some when you get some? :)

[MummyCharmzy]

we have our own set of issues of course, all blended families do! Alex is with us almost 90% of the time.

[squidge]

I was a step daughter, and believe me it is just as hard for them, if not harder than it is for the step parent.

So my advice would be, slowly, slowly, gently, gently. Do not push her. Just be open to her. Try and figure out or more so, ask what it is she expects from you, and vise versa. Honesty is a big thing. And give her time to get used to the idea of you as step mum.

This all depends on how old she is and also the circumstances around the whole break up of her mum and dad and how you came onto the scene. There probably a lot of emotions going on inside her right now and you are in the fireing line.

Good luck:thumbsup: But believe me you are not alone. It is not an easy thing, not at all.

[Meljem]

I was a step daughter, and believe me it is just as hard for them, if not harder than it is for the step parent.
This all depends on how old she is and also the circumstances around the whole break up of her mum and dad and how you came onto the scene. There probably a lot of emotions going on inside her right now and you are in the fireing line.

I have been a step daughter too, and it is hard, its all about adjusting to a new life. I think because my mum never said horrible things about my dad, and they were always civil, mind you they were in different states, but i think this makes a difference. My DH is fantastic with my kids, however his ex is bitter, i came along after she left DH for an affair she had been continuing behind his back for years, then he finds happiness and she loses the plot, and since then, almost 4 years now, we have had nothing but sh%t from her. She turns the kids against us, doesnt support their relationship with their father, its just messy.

[MummyCharmzy]

I never thought of it that way, I am a stepmother and a stepdaughter... it was definitely a slowly slowly thing with my relationship with my stepfather, initially I was not impressed that mum had moved on let alone remarrying... now I think hes great though and love having an extra parent hehe :D

[kelpat]

I have 2 step children and it was difficult for the first few years. Mainly because their mother would bad mouth us all the time and it would put so much pressure on the kids. So we decided never to mention their mother when they were around unless it was favourable(which didn't happen often). It helped the kids relax at our house and now, years down the track, life is great.
It does get easier. My stepkids are 14 and 18 now, I've been their mother for 9 years. The oldest lives with us all the time now, which is great:thumbsup: . My stepdaughter-14 is with us half time and I worry about her alot when she's not here. Their mother only keeps her for the money, she has admitted this in the past. But we don't want to put any more pressure on DD to live here all the time, she knows she can come whenever she wants and we are always on her side. She can ring me anytime(and she does) and I will always be ther to pick her up.

The hardest thing we find now is explaining to our DS-5 and DD-2 where she is when she's not home. But she solved this by telling them she has a night school and that' where she is when she's not here.
Kel

[pegasus]

Hi YummyMummy:wave:

I answered in your other thread...:yes:

[Trumpet]

I am a step daughter too and I can honestly say that for a girl in particular it is the hardest thing to deal with.

My mum used to bag out my dad and step mum but they never did in front of us and for that I respect them. As they get older they tend to understand more than you think and make up their own minds.

Just go slowly but with discipline try and stay out of it as much as possible that way you are not being seen as the 'meanie' because that is when rebellion starts but your DH must enforce that they respect you. Tell them your rules and ask for their input and discuss it with them on what they think is fair as it goes along way if they think you respect them and their opinions.

Try being their friend and tell them you do not want to replace their mother and do not want to take their father away from them but above all be honest and genuine because there is nothing they can pick up on quicker than someone who is faking.

[kewlchicmum]

hello I too am a stepmum DSD 5 years old and we me and my DH have just had our first DS in Jan and its been hard. For me and I think maybe for DSD her mum has married and they have a daughter and she is preggie again. I just wish that the x would just let it go she has moved on and so has my DH and I just wish she would stop using the daughter to get at my DH. Its the daughter that cops it. We have had a good relationship me and DSD but now its very different and the x has been saying things to her about me I can tell and she some times says things that I know have got to have come from her mum. Its such a shame.

[Meljem]

We have had a good relationship me and DSD but now its very different and the x has been saying things to her about me I can tell and she some times says things that I know have got to have come from her mum. Its such a shame.

Hi, i felt like i had written the above myself. Exactly the same situation here. It really is a shame. I guess they do it because its something they know will get to you, they have nothing left to use, so they use the kids. I just live with the hope that my DSD's will wake up to her games one day, but i doubt it, they are very close.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

I have a pretty good relationship with my stepkids but the poor little souls are so confused alot of the time as the ex really bad mouths us all the time...and tells lies about us...and then when they ocme here they see/know it not true but cant understand why their mum would lie. My DSS has just stopped being at all affectionate with me...I have known him since he was 2 so this is hard...but it is because his mother has told him he shouldnt cuddle me or love me cos I not his mummy (his words)
We folllow the same rule as someone else mentioned - do not bag the ex in front of the kids...if nothing else when they are older they will remember that our house was a neutral zone...it is often hard when the exes comments are thrown at us...but we learning to either ignore or say we are just not interested...
I hope that as My DSD enters her tweens and teens she sees me as someone she can trust and who has a lot of love for her and that if she wants to she can confide in - but i will not push it...I dont feel I need to win her love...especially as she is bribed at home by her mother...she has actually been told if she repeats any of the goings on at home at our house she will never see her dad again - which is tough on a little girl...but she is strong and I think ignores it as because the drug smoking and other stuff worries her she is always telling us...cos she knows we would never repeat it back to her mother.

[NZMama]

I too am a step child. Except the situation is a little different here. My dad got custody of my brothers and I. It was my mother who moved out and entered into a relationship.
My dad never said a bad thing about my mother or her partner EVER.
We werent all that young when it happened either. I was 15 my brothers 13 & 8. So my stepfather had to walk into reasonably mature stepkids as well as the fact that his kids were 15 & 17. For us it was more awkward than anything, meeting and learning to be comfortable with our stepdad. My mother was and still is the person who makes snarky comments about dad. I still think she carrys a small flame for him all these years on.
Funny thing is we accepted our Stepdad right from the start but we werent 100% comfy with him till maybe 4 years ago.
I think if the parents make an effort to be civil and not bad mouth each other it takes alot of the burden off the stepkids shoulders. It definitely did for us. We didnt feel like we were betraying our dad by going out to dinner with our Stepdad.
Dad knows we love him and our stepfather is more like a uncle than a dad to us.