View Full Version : It's in his head that he's 'yukky'
:crying: I can't believe it! We've been so careful how we say things to the boys... but since they've started toilet training at Kindy, Oliver has become absolutely DISTRAUGHT every time he needs to eliminate his bladder or bowel.
He will try to hold it in and keeps wanting us to wipe him with wipes. He gets sssoooo upset and throws himself around screaming and crying and saying "yukky yukky yukky"
Not just for poos, for wees to. Yesterday he wouldn't let go for over an hour and a half... and he had drunk a whole cup of juice, a cup of milk and some water. Jordan's nappy was quite wet, but Oliver just wouldn't release it.
IN the end I thought... stuff these water restrictions and I filled up their little paddling pool in the hope that the running water and the sound of playing with water would help him to reslease it.
It did after 10 minutes, and the whole time (he released his bladder and bowel, which he had been holding since the day before) he kept crying and saying "yukky yukky yukkY" :crying: He was so distressed.... and he wanted a bath straight away afterwards.
How did this happen????? What's going to happen??
We just keep telling him how good it is when he goes to the toilet (whether in his nappy, training pants, garden, toilet.. I don't care WHERE he goes... I just want him to know it's NOT YUKKY to do a wee or poo)
PLease help..... advice, encouragement...
How do you change what's inside a 2 yr olds head???
i will be watching this thread i also need help ,my 2yr old dd is so frightened to poo she holds 4 days its horrible to see your child in such distress
:hugs: 4 u and your son xx
Thanks Charleesmum, It really is heartbreaking to see them so distressed. :hugs: for you too. :fingerscrossed: we can help our little munchkins.
okay... I see this thread has had 41 views... doesn't ANYONE have any advice??? :confused:
Or any suggestions on where I could find information about helping a child with psychological issues??
come on ladies... throwing a lifeline here.... :fingerscrossed:
Duchessa
06-05-2007, 21:39
Gretel, that is terrible! I so feel for you and Oliver. I don't really have any advice but I think what you plan to do - to reassure him about it, is the only way to go. Good luck :hugs:
Maybe you should speak to the management - it sounds like he has had a very negative experience with a staff member.
chefalicious
06-05-2007, 21:42
i dont really have any experience in this but a thought maybe have you spoken to the carers at the kindy? maybe a staff memeber there tells him he is yukky when he does a poo or something? and therefore he doesnt want mummy and daddy to think he is yukky either? thats about all i can think off. sorry cant help much more than that:)
Will definately speak to the girls at CC on Tuesday.
I've made a little chart for him, and am going to give him a stamp on his hand when he does a wee and a star sticker when he has a movement... I've also made some bran bikkies and discovered that (to my surprise) he actually likes snacking on dry All Bran.
We're just trying to be very encouraging and every time he says he needs to go we're telling him that's great, and good job, etc etc.
I'm thinking of going to the library and picking up some of those kids books about it... you know those ones with titles like... everybody poos.... It's your business... stuff like that.
:no: It's so sad. I wish they'd just stayed in nappies... but they keep taking them off at kindy, so the girls suggested just to put them in trainers, coz they're the only ones in their room who aren't using the toilet yet.
chefalicious
06-05-2007, 22:25
:no: It's so sad. I wish they'd just stayed in nappies... but they keep taking them off at kindy, so the girls suggested just to put them in trainers, coz they're the only ones in their room who aren't using the toilet yet.
shouldnt it be your decision as to when he stops using nappies? sounds like they are making him feel yukky and naughty because hes still in nappies?? definately talking to them is something i would be doing:)
EskimoMumma
06-05-2007, 22:27
Could something have happened at kinder, maybe someone had said something to him?
I have no advice I am sorry but :hugs: for you and you rlil man :hugs:
hey gretal we have a great book called "The mole who knew it was none of his busniss "
Its all about diff animal poo :laughing: charlee loves to read it while sitting on the loo its the only way i can get her to sit there:thumbsup:
EskimoMumma
06-05-2007, 22:36
:laughing:
Thats a great book actually and it is pretty good. There are other types of Poo books as well.
hey gretal we have a great book called "The mole who knew it was none of his busniss "
Its all about diff animal poo :laughing: charlee loves to read it while sitting on the loo its the only way i can get her to sit there:thumbsup:
Yeah I saw that one... kind of freaked me out when I saw a plush toy of the mole in Bookworld... complete with the doggy doo! Some kids I used to babysit for had it...
I used to think "who in the world would read that to their kids??!"..... now I know :o
BlueEyedGirl
06-05-2007, 22:55
:no: It's so sad. I wish they'd just stayed in nappies... but they keep taking them off at kindy, so the girls suggested just to put them in trainers, coz they're the only ones in their room who aren't using the toilet yet.
shouldnt it be your decision as to when he stops using nappies? sounds like they are making him feel yukky and naughty because hes still in nappies?? definately talking to them is something i would be doing:)
Thats what I was thinking too....
If he has only just started thinknig that it was yucky after kindy, then something probably has been said to him:(
The sticker and stamp idea sounds really good though, its a great big huge encouragement thing!! Maybe see if kindy can do it as well....
:hugs: Hope it gets better soon
Well I'm going to talk to the girls at Kindy tomorrow!
We just can't bare watching Oliver so distressed at the thought of going to the toilet.
Not only that but they've just started to really love going to kindy and I can see that this whole toileting thing is going to become a MAJOR spanner in the works.
I'm going to tell them that I want to stop the training and I want them both back in nappies. I don't care how they do it with the other kids.... but MY little baby is seriously distressed about it. He's not ready.
Eventually he'll learn.... it's like walking. No one needs stickers or M&M's to encourage them to walk.. when they're ready, they just do. It's like that.,.... one day he'll just say,.... Mummy, I want to use the toilet... and that will be that.
I can't watch him so emotionally distraught every time he needs to eliminate because he thinks he's 'yukky'.
I think your last post was spot on! We can't control what goes in or what comes out! We can only provide a safe positive environment for them to figure it out for themselves.
My 3 1/2 year old has been weeing on the loo for over a year but still poohs his pants. I have agonised over it. He has been through all sorts of phases - hiding to do it, holding on to it.
Now I've just let it go. He tells me when he has done one and we go and clean it up together. No pressure, no criticism, no reward or punishment.
Like you said, he will tell me when he is ready.
Good Luck!
mum2maddy
08-05-2007, 10:42
That Daycare sounds a bit like a dictatorship. Who the hell are they to decide when your child is toilet trained? They're probably just lazy and don't want to wipe pooey bums all day.
The kids in my DD's dayare class range from about 15 months to 2 and a half years and about half of them are still in nappies. Infact they ask my 2 yr old if she wants a sleep nappy and it's her decision to have one or not.
I'd be spewing if she was forced to be toilet trained when she wasn't ready but that's just me and I can be a bit crazy sometimes.
Hope you get some answers
Ange
Chickadee
08-05-2007, 11:28
Eventually he'll learn.... it's like walking. No one needs stickers or M&M's to encourage them to walk.. when they're ready, they just do. It's like that.,.... one day he'll just say,.... Mummy, I want to use the toilet... and that will be that.
:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap:
Exactly!!
My DD didn't decide she was ready until she was just turned 3 years old. Apparently my mum was agonising over her still being in a nappy but had the sense not to say anything to me. When DD was ready she let me know and it went very fast.
My only ideas on helping him get over his 'yucky' ideas are firstly to not make a big deal over him saying that. Gently correct him once ("no it's not yucky, everybody poos") and then ignore it. With time hopefully he'll forget and get over it on his own. The other suggestion is to (ahem) share your toiletting with him. Having a toddler myself I know how frustrating it can be to have them follow you to the toilet all the time, but if he knows that mummy and daddy do poos too it might help him accept it as normal.
MCNmummyof2
09-05-2007, 08:01
What did the daycare say about it?
I talked to the girls yesterday.
I just told M quickly when we dropped them off...
I said: I want to stop the toilet training as it's really beginning to distress Oliver. Over the weekend he has been extremely distraught every time he needs to eliminate and been holding on to it for as long as possible and then crying the whole time he goes because he thinks it's "yukky". I'm not sure whether something has been said to him here, or whether it's the older kids who are saying it's yukky when he wets his pants, but all I know is it's distressing him, and that distresses us, and I don't want TT to be a negative experience for him.
M was great: She said, "yep No worries. I'll tell R."
When we picked the boys up I talked to R as well and she was cool.
That Daycare sounds a bit like a dictatorship. Who the hell are they to decide when your child is toilet trained? They're probably just lazy and don't want to wipe pooey bums all day.
It's not that the centre 'pushed' us into TT... the boys WERE showing signs of being ready and wanting to use the toilet. It was actually me who mentioned it to them first, coz the boys kept taking their nappies off and running outside to do a 'wee'. And R said she had noticed too and was going to ask if we wanted them to start putting them on the toilet at each nappy change. The first few weeks they were excellent.... it's just over the last week Ollie has had this turn for the worse...
My only ideas on helping him get over his 'yucky' ideas are firstly to not make a big deal over him saying that. Gently correct him once ("no it's not yucky, everybody poos")
Yep we've been doing that since we first noticed the association. We just say "it's not yukky Ollie, everybody does poos/wees. Mummy does, Daddy does, Jordie does. Lets get a nice fresh nappy."
BREAKTHROUGH!! Today he did a poo without the stress!! Just came inside and said "Mummy, poo-poo!" then went and lay down to get his nappy changed! And when I went to the toilet and told them "Mummy's just going to do a wee." Ollie said " Mummy wee! YAY! Good Mummy."
AND he did a wee in the bath (gross I know... but I'm excited about it) and he was really pleased with himself!
:D
Chickadee
10-05-2007, 09:34
That's excellent Gretel! Glad to hear the daycare were understanding but even more so that he's starting to get over it!! :)
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