How do you tell your husband?.......

[Bec]

Hi,
My husband and I having been discussing baby names ( we don't know what we are having) and he has always said that if we have a boy he would like to name him after his dad.
I don't want to mention his dad's name ( in case someone I know reads this thread) however it is not a terrible name ( it's just that I have a lot of other names I prefer).
Just to give you a bit of background.... his dad is still alive and well and my husband has an older brother who already has 3 sons all of which he did not name after anyone ( even the dad).
My husband is italian and the "tradition" is that the first grandson is named after the grandfather.... well this obviously didn't happen. My in-laws are not strict on this tradition.
So, my dilema is..... I would rather choose a name that we are both happy with if we have a son but how do I tell my husband that I really don't want to name our son ( if we have one) after his dad without hurting his feelings or look like I disregarding his opinion. My husband's reasons are that 1. It is his dad's name and secondly it is a strong name. I don;t want to hurt his feelings and I also don;t want to come across that I don;t care about what he wants. I want us both to like the name. There are names that I have liked and he hasn;t so I have taken them off my list immediately.
My husband is wonderful and always lets me make decisions on various things and sometimes I think that if he really wants to call our son this then I should let him... but then in the back of my mind I will always know that I didn;t want that name........
Sorry about the long winded thread.... I'd rather tell my husband now rather than let him have his dad's name on our shortlist and then when the baby is born say no......
I'd love some advice!!!

[cosmic]

oooh Bec... tough one.

My hubby is "Bill" the THIRD so I know what it's like. In our case, thankfully:
a) it's not a great name and hubby's not that hung up on tradition so he's fine with us not carrying it on; and
b) we're having a girl!!!!!! *phew*

Before we'd decided to have kids, hubby did say once that any boy would get his name but over a period of time, I dropped into the conversation how important I felt it was for people to have their own name and own identity and not to have the pressure of following in their father's footsteps or living up to their father's name (a little different case with a GF I know).

We were able to talk about it before we were at the stage of having kids so it was far less emotive and one day he just said it wasn't an issue for him. I do think it would be an issue for the grandparents though so I still dread it if we have a boy.

Don't know if I've helped. Just wanted you to know I know how it feels. :(

oh I forgot to say - maybe going for Granddads name for a middle name might be a good compromise!

[tyler's mum]

you should just tell him how u feel,,, there is nothing worth then the same name being used,,, i have a big family [couisns] in my family there are 2x steven, suzi, hannah, clayton, richard,

its so hard to know which one ur talking about,,, maybe say if you have a boy use the dads name for a middle name,,, tyler's middle name is hazel after my dads mum,,, hope you can sort it out to make every one happy

[whatwasithinking]

When I was pg with DD#1 DH was adament that he wanted her named Hannah (as we knew we were having a girl). I wasn't keen on the idea and really didn't like the name at all but he kept at me and at me. Eventually I agreed and we named her Hannah.

NOW I COULDN'T IMAGINE HER NAMED ANYTHING ELSE!!

It worked in my situation it may work in yours.

[mim]

Could you use it as a middle name? If you really wouldn't feel comfortable with the name then don't use it. Just remember, you're going to be yelling it out in shopping centres for years to come! :)
I would sit your DH down and discuss it in a calm way, try to get it across to him how you really feel, and show him that there are other names you like a lot better. Of course you can always wait until you are in labor to refuse to use the name, your DH will agree to anything at that point! :)

Good luck :D and you could always end up having a girl!

mim xxx

[Melissa1983]

That is a tough one.

With my girls there middle names are after family members, as i think a child should have its own name. So Mikayla Jade Anne... Jade is after my middle name, and Anne is after her great great Grandmas name, and my mums middle name.. Abby Kathleen Marie - Kathleen is after her Great Grandma, and Marie after her Aunt.

My sister has her son. Ryan Allen William.. Allen after our dad, and William after her father inlaw...

Good luck

[Bec]

Thanks all.
Mim, your comment about waiting till I am in labour made me laugh!!!! I'm am sure guys have a different understanding/appreciation for their partners after seeing what they have to go through ( not to mention the highs and lows of being pregnant).
I won't wait till then though...... I am the type of person that likes to have things sorted out quickly and not let them drag on. I will probably discuss it with him in the next couple of days.... i like the point that a couple of you mentioned about him having his OWN name and identity. I'll use that line!

[BlessedWithBlue]

I used the "having his own identity" one too!! df wanted a junior, i like his name but i wanted our kids to have their own names. He is Charles Patrick so we have Rylen Patrick and Kyen Charles. If we have another boy next time around he will be called Jett Alexander (his brother's name is Alexander).

[Biene]

I agree with the middle name option as a compromise, my DF already has a couple of names picked out, but I just keep telling him that we'll wait until baby arrives to see if she looks like she would suit the name, if that makes sense.

Also I'm assuming your baby will have your husbands surname and then if its a boy will have the exact same name as your FIL...

[Mamaduke]

I'm sooo glad this didn't happen to me...then Jesse would be Raymond!!!:eek:
When DH and I were discussing names we did disagree quite a bit before we agreed, but like I said to him then...
"When you spew forth a living being from your loins feel free to call him/her whatever you want...until then, I WILL be having a very big say on the name!"
Good luck - Italian tradition is not something easily ignored!

[Bec]

Hi,

We had a brief chat about names last night and I did mention that I prefered other names compared to his father's. Then we had our BIL call in and he is a real smart **** and started saying " You have to name your son after your dad"..... Then after a while, he said, "Seriously though, are you going to name him after your dad" and my husband said " I don't know". So atleast an "I don't know" is better than a " I would like to".
I think it will be fine in the end and we will end up with a name that we will both like.

[Mum2Bug]

ok now i just feel like a complete b****. bec i hope the name thing works out. the day Shayley was born i named her before her father made it to the hospital. things were rocky in our relationship and as it was we split the day after she was born. due to the fact he lives in kalgoorlie and im in perth we never really got a chance to talk about names we liked and as a consequence, he told me as he was signing the birth certificate that he didnt like her middle name but was ok with her first name.......opinions?

[Hokey Pokey]

What about rather than saying you don't want his fathers name ... how about you just keep on bringing up other names hehe 'hunny do you like this.. what about this .. oh isnt this a cute name ;) etc etc

[Seekrit]

What about rather than saying you don't want his fathers name ... how about you just keep on bringing up other names hehe 'hunny do you like this.. what about this .. oh isnt this a cute name ;) etc etc
that's how I got out of using Danger as a middle name. LOL

"You know, I really like Coby John." "No, danger."
"What about Coby Jay.. I like that." "Yeah, I like it too.." ;)

[soniaw]

When I was discussing with my husband names we both agreed that I should have final say in selection of first name, because our son was given his surname. I have kept my own name, but because it was important to him agreed that our children should have his last name.

[Mamaduke]

Our two boys have the middle names of Douglas (my dad) and Aleksander (my grandfather)...I'm cringing at the thought of this tradition coming up if we ever have a girl...what am I supposed to do with Ingrid or Olga????!!!!!:eek:
(sorry to all of the Ingrids and Olgas;) )

[MissSparkle]

I named my son angelo after Nicks dad and thru the whole pregnancy I didnt want to coz i thought i was being pressured into doin it! In the end i gave in but my son usually gets called Aj anyway!

[ETsMum]

I got in early and said that I didn't want to name our children after any family members. Apart from the fact that our parents names are really old fashioned names, I used the excuse that if we use the name from one side of the family, you'll upset the other side or they'll be expecting their name the next time. The only names I'll allow are our names.

[Nan]

That was my excuse too, Len!! Wouldn't want to upset either family now would we!! ;)

Love,
Nan. xx

[Odessa]

My DP wants to name our first son after himself, and his father. It's a rather unusual name over here, which is great, cause I'm all for unusual names...only thing is, some of my family said they would shorten it to something "Aussie", and it set DP right off...he had to cop being called something completely different cause no one could pronounce his name when his family arrived here, so he'll be damned if his son will be called by anything other than his first name! ;)

[jmacg]

Hi,

Just a quick thought I think having granparents names as middle names is a nice think to do. There are 4 generations of my family with a name derived from Jane so IF we have a girl going to give her that. Also my hubbie likes Emily (it was his late grandmother's name) but I don't like it enough as a first name so luckily the two go together as middle names. You could use the argument that your son might prefer his middle name (and secretly ho-pe h thinks his first name is best-hee hee).

Hope this helps,

Jxxx

[Ky]

My boy is Daniel Arthur ... Arthur being my fathers middle name and my grandfathers first name. I wanted it mainly because of the love and respect I had for my granddad.

My sister had a girl first like me and used my mothers name as a middle name (Paige Donna - not too bad!) and when she had her boy, her mother in law got all excited and said that they could carry on the tradition of having "Ross Ames" as the two middle names like her dh, dh's dad etc. My sister liked Ross and was happy with that, but the whole stiff upper lip feel of "Ross Ames" was a bit much for her and her dh. In the end "Liam Ross Ames" was in the birth notice, but he was registered as Liam Ross! Her mil thinks that he has the full name to this day!

[Mischief]

Bec...middle name sounds like a good idea...that way the name gets carried on, but without talking your babies personality away.

Our baby if it is a girl will be called *something* Alice because Alice is both our great grans name....tradition!

[mum2four]

I'm struggling with this at the moment myself. My Dh's grandfather just passed away, and although he doesn't expect me to name this baby after him, I think it would be thing to do. Problem is I hate the name Clifford (it's also his dads name) So am waiting to find out what his Grandfathers middle name is/was, hopefully it's something that I could live with, boys names are so hard as is and we are already stuck, so if the middle name is decent then will probably use that.