View Full Version : Sorry long post but need advice on guests....
Okay I have invited a good friend of mine to the wedding. I emailed her a number of times to tell her about it and never got a reply or congratulations or anything so I thought 'too bad' and sent the invite.
She has now texted me to ask if her boyfriend can come too. I don't have a problem with it but DP has gone off his head about it as we don't know him and all the rest of it. We didn't put 'and partner/friend' on her invite because she tends to go through them and I wasn't sure if she was still with this guy since she hasn't contacted me for ages.
So how do I tell her NO?? I couldn't care less if he came or not - it doesn't worry me, the more the merrier IMO but DP is saying he can't come as he doesn't want someone he doesn't know at the wedding and he is soooo uptight about everything anyway! I can understand his point but my friend and this guy are coming all the way from Qld to Tassie for it and I feel bad if they come down and he can't attend if she is!
Any advice greatly appreciated!
Butterbear
03-05-2007, 11:07
Ask DF if your friend pays for her boyfriend would that be ok? If he says yes... then you can Tell your friend that your restricted on numbers due to cost. Let her know if she is happy to pay for BF then he is most welcome to attend.
You say she is a good friend.... but if thats the case why did you not even get a congratulations?
I know when DH and i started dating i was invited to a wedding and he wasn't on invite... BUT I asked if he could go and i would pay for the cost.
Goodluck... don't stress over it though...
PunkyDiva
03-05-2007, 11:13
We had friends partners and partner's children come to our wedding unannounced but we just made do and a good time was had by all. She is coming a long way and you say she's a good mate so I would tell your DP to chill out, it's meant to be a stress free celebration and will the cost of one more meal really break the budget.:hugs:
korahblue
03-05-2007, 11:22
We had this happen at our wedding. One of my hubbys friends asked if she could bring the bloke she had started dating. I agreed cause a couple of other people couldnt make it so it was still in our budget. It was a mistake though. I got told that the first thing he said when he sat down at the table was 'excellent, free alcohol' he then proceeded to get very drunk and threw up in the toilets everywhere and didnt tell anyone :shame:
We also had a couple of people that said they would be coming to the reception and didnt show up. They didnt even have the respect to let us know they werent coming so there was a couple of hundred dollars down the drain. Needless to say, they are no longer on the christmas list!:thumbsdown:
My advice would be to think very carefully about who you want there. If you dont want them there then just say sorry but no they cant come. Real friends will understand and remember it is your day and in the end the most important thing should be that you are marrying the person you love
Advice aside, I hope your wedding works out the way you want. It really is a special day!!
SalTheGal
03-05-2007, 11:22
We didn't have any "short" term partners invited to our wedding, and we definitely didn't have any invited that we hadn't meet before hand.
mumchristy23
03-05-2007, 11:33
How long has your friend and her DP being together for? If it has been a while then you should either:
a) Call your friend and get her to pay for her DP OR
b) Talk to your hubby to be about letting him come. Travelling such a long distance she may not be willing to travel that far without her DP.... then you will be the one who misses out on seeing her. OR
c) Just give your friend a call and tell her what your DF said, if she is a good friend im sure she will understand and maybe both of you will be able to come up with something ie. she might be happy for her DP not to come but thought she might just ask or she might have some suggestions for you to say to your DF.
Good luck with it all anyway and dont stress or feel bad about the outcome!
iluvmeboyz
03-05-2007, 14:12
How long has your friend and her DP being together for? If it has been a while then you should either:
a) Call your friend and get her to pay for her DP OR
b) Talk to your hubby to be about letting him come. Travelling such a long distance she may not be willing to travel that far without her DP.... then you will be the one who misses out on seeing her. OR
c) Just give your friend a call and tell her what your DF said, if she is a good friend im sure she will understand and maybe both of you will be able to come up with something ie. she might be happy for her DP not to come but thought she might just ask or she might have some suggestions for you to say to your DF.
Good luck with it all anyway and dont stress or feel bad about the outcome!
yup thats what i would have done
Harlequin
03-05-2007, 14:22
b) Talk to your hubby to be about letting him come. Travelling such a long distance she may not be willing to travel that far without her DP.... then you will be the one who misses out on seeing her.
Good point.
I hate flying so you'd be hard pressed getting me to fly from qld to tassie by myself!
MilkOnTap
03-05-2007, 14:29
You say she is a good friend.... but if thats the case why did you not even get a congratulations?
Thats my question too! :confused:
I agree with everyone else - talk to her and say that you are on a tight budget - he is welcome to come if they pay for him themselves...
Only risk with doing that is that if she isn't as good a friend as you had thought she was she may just pull out altogether... :(
Harlequin
03-05-2007, 14:32
Are you sure she even got the email?
sunnyflower
03-05-2007, 14:48
why would the boyfriend even want to come to a wedding of people he had never even met?
Harlequin
03-05-2007, 16:00
why would the boyfriend even want to come to a wedding of people he had never even met?
Maybe she asked him if he would go with her to keep her company at the wedding and on the flight?
dreamer80
03-05-2007, 16:22
If you put her name & DP on the invite. Then yes he should be allowed to come you did invite her partner after all!! You can't invite someone partner then have it conditional depending on who their partner is or how well you know them!:no:
mumchristy23
03-05-2007, 17:00
why would the boyfriend even want to come to a wedding of people he had never even met?
Because they are a couple. I would go to a wedding with my DF if I hadnt met the bride and groom.
If two people have been together for a while I class them as a couple.... not individuals. IMO it only seems right to include both, even if you dont know one of them very well OR at all.
And, if the OP's friend is a really good friend and has been with her DP for a while then I think it would be a great opportunity for her to meet him.
If you put her name & DP on the invite. Then yes he should be allowed to come you did invite her partner after all!! You can't invite someone partner then have it conditional depending on who their partner is or how well you know them!:no:
But she didn't invite the partner...
I would let him come. I've rung up a friend and asked if my DP could come to their wedding when he hadn't met them. (I'd never met the groom either.) But I knew other friends weren't able to go so it wasn't going to be an extra person. It was more the travelling a long way that I didn't want to do by myself.
dreamer80
03-05-2007, 20:48
Sorry I thought it said "I did put partner...":laughing:
We had the same - a guy asked if his GF could come, we said yes, he ended up having to work so couldn't make it and the GF came anyway. :confused: Weird.
If she's a good mate she'll understand. I personally think it's a bit rude to ask if you can bring uninvited people to such an expensive, often intimate occasion.
oleander
03-05-2007, 22:15
I'd tell her she can bring her DP. She's willing to come interstate for the wedding so she must be a pretty good friend. I would tell my fiance to be a blt more understanding and he's not going to notice one extra person on the day.
TTannyaa
04-05-2007, 08:22
I'd tell her she can bring her DP. She's willing to come interstate for the wedding so she must be a pretty good friend. I would tell my fiance to be a blt more understanding and he's not going to notice one extra person on the day.
I agree. We had a friend bring her boyfriend to our wedding and we'd never met him either. It turned out fine.
Good luck. I hope your wedding day is wonderful :hugs:
Thanks all for responding. I spoke to DP about it again last night, including a lot of the advice given re: one extra person and the travel and everything and it blew up into another argument with him claiming his opinion doesn't count on anything! So I am not going to win him over on this one I don't think.
Yes I am a bit annoyed about the lack of congratulations from her - even if she didn't receive the couple of emails I sent her she would've received the invite a few weeks ago and it has still taken her this long to even acknowledge the fact!
Anyway all that aside thanks again for everyone's advice I really appreciate it. I still haven't spoken to her yet as I am too scared to tell her no!
try talking it over. if that doesnt work and he (ur DP) still says no then try telling your friend that u wouldnt mind if her partner came but there isnt enough room for him or something like that?
dreamer80
04-05-2007, 10:36
Is one guest worth all this arguring and stress??:confused:
Kittylou
04-05-2007, 11:40
I can understand where your DP is coming from and personally I think it's quite rude to ask someone if you can bring your partner to a wedding. For me it wasn't about the money but about having the people who are most important to you at your wedding so asking her to pay for him wouldn't be a solution for me. Having said that, it does depend on how long they've been together. If it's only been a few months then I wouldn't invite him but if they have been together for quite a while, even if you don't know him, you should let him come. As for her travelling from interstate, if she is a good friend then it shouldn't be an issue whether she has her partner with her or not - she should be coming because it's your special day and she wants to be there to celebrate it with you.
Harlequin
04-05-2007, 13:31
Man if my dp was so adamant I'd tell him HE can tell her she can't bring her partner.
I would tell her you are REALLY sorry but your numbers are limited due to cost etc (even if it's not strictly true, people accept that) and say that you aren't inviting partners you don't know. I honestly think you'll regret it if you do - it will create resentment with your partner and I bet when your friend is rude and ungrateful (which it sounds like she will be.. sorry :o) you'll be p!ssed off too.
IF you were very good friends and in regular contact, you would have known what her status was with this guy and probably invited him, right? But you haven't been in touch and her behaviour doesn't sound like she's a great friend at all.
I think it's rude that:
* she didn't answer your email
* she asked to bring her partner even though you didn't invite him and
* she TEXTED you to ask??? What about picking up the phone??!
oh, I'm annoyed just thinking about it. Get your DP to talk to me and we'll have a good b!tch about it. :laughing:
Thanks Cosmic - your post has really made me feel better! I agree with what you have said and it has made it easier for me to rationalise it all when I tell her.
Everyone has made some great points and I agree it is not worth getting so worked up over. Stubborn males that's all it comes down to!
Thanks again....
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