Not sure how to feel - EDD nearing

[shereejoy]

As my EDD for my twins nears 5 Jan 06 (m/c in May 05 at 5weeks 4 days and 7 weeks), I find myself thinking and thinking and thinking. I am not necessarily sad (well not yet anyways) but I still wonder what if. I am afraid I am just being too strong and the day will come and I will be a blubbering mess. I am thankful that I know I am pregnant with this one and I am due in May 06 when I m/c in May 05 and know that one of them is desperatly trying to reach me again and that this is a sign, but it still doesn't mean that I don't think about them and wonder!

I am thinking about going and buying the most beautiful of flowers and planting them in my garden. Hopefully that will help me get through the day!

Just had to get this out of my head.

Thank you for reading.

[W & T's sleepy mummy]

Hi shereejoy, I'm so sorry about your twins. You sound like a very strong lady - but hey, if you feel like being a blubbering mess on the day, why not? Can't hurt to get out some feelings.

"know that one of them is desperatly trying to reach me again and that this is a sign".

I think that is so beautiful. Good luck and big hugs to you as the day approaches. I'm sorry if I'm not very good at expressing the right words - just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you:)

[Rockett]

I am thinking about going and buying the most beautiful of flowers and planting them in my garden. Hopefully that will help me get through the day!
.


Sounds like a lovely thing to do in memory of your twins.:)
I agree with sleepy mummy,a good cry is one way to let out some feelings if you feel like it.

[ElizaDee]

Oh Sheere I think the flowers are a great idea :)

Hugs to you...

[JATS]

I planted a mango tree for my daughter, its a great comfort to me.

I was 38 weeks pregnant when her first birthday would have been, spent the day a blubbering mess, but its just human to grieve, you're entitled to a few tears.

Take care

{{{hugs}}}

Amy

[W & T's sleepy mummy]

Sorry to post again, I just wanted to tell you something Shereejoy that I've never told anyone (except DP & my mum) and I wasnt brave enough to post it before.

When I was 18 I feel pregnant to my DP. I didn't know what I was going to do, being so young, but it was out of my hands when I miscarried at 11 1/2 weeks. For some reason I knew it was a boy and perhaps he knew I wasn't ready to be a mum. Nobody else knew I was pregnant & my DP & I split up soon afterwards.

10 years later, we got back together and had a darling little boy - he was exactly what I imagined our angel would look like all those years ago. I think you are right - they do come back when they are ready.

I hope I haven't upset you, just wanted to let you know I empathise:)

[pippa]

Hi Sheree,

As you know I would have been due Xmas Day with my first and it was a difficult day for me. Maybe if I was pregnant again like yourself it wouldn't have been as bad but I had a bit of a cry and we lit a candle in remeberance of our little cherub.

Hopefully as years go by it will get easier but for me this year I know was definatley the hardest in view that i had the 2nd miscarriage.

Planting the flowers is a great idea, I planted a rose bush after my first m/c and it has big strong smelling red roses on it when in flower. I look at it everyday and think about my lost little ones.

Take care and I will be thinking of you, but know that your little angels are up there with my little cherub and bubble looking over us.

[Lunar]

Sharee, I know EXACTLY how you feel. We lost our last baby in feb 25 last year and would've been due 30th sept. The day came and went and naturally I was upset. Try to keep yourself busy and talk to someone. I think it was a good idea for me to have someone with me that day to keep my mind off it. I am now pg again and due march 1st so maybe it is the same soul trying to enter the world.
I hope the day isn't too hard for you, and it is OK to be upset and think of what might have been, but you also have another life to look after right now and feeling down makes your baby feel down too, so chin up and think of what is to come;)
If you want to chat more pm me anytime.
Kris.

[TwoBlue]

HI Sheree

I think the flowers or a nice plant or tree (depending on your space) is a lovely idea.
Praying you get through this month ok keeping in mind that its human and OK to grieve your lost little ones...

[Bron]

Hi Sheree

It may well be a tough time for you - my EDD was 21 January, so I'm a bit anxious about that.

I think it is important to recongise the date if you feel you need to. Whether that be just few moments of quiet reflection, or planting a tree or whatever, it is all part of healing.

We are all thinking of you. Good luck.

Bron

[tickle]

Hi Sheree,
I think the flowers are a lovely idea, a nice way to commemorate your little ones.
You are such a great person and I wish you all the best and look forward to sharing the next 4 or so months with you.;)
Thinking of you.
E:)

[mim]

shereejoy, my heart goes out to you. I think you should do whatever you feel you need to to get through the day. If that means you end up crying, then so be it. You need to get it out your way. I think planting some flowers is a beautiful idea.
I don't know how I will go on my angels EDD, it's only 6 weeks before festerooni is due. I am planning on buying a tree to plant on the day, it's on the 12th March. Then when festerooni is born, I'm going to get another tree to plant next to it. Because I lost one and then was blessed with one in such a short space of time, in a small part of my mind, they are entwined IYKWIM? Nothing can ever replace the babe that I lost, but I am so grateful for the babe that I am getting.

I am thankful that I know I am pregnant with this one and I am due in May 06 when I m/c in May 05 and know that one of them is desperatly trying to reach me again and that this is a sign, but it still doesn't mean that I don't think about them and wonder!
this gave me goosebumps!

thinking of you

mim xxx

[shereejoy]

Thank you so much for all of your responses, I really appreciate it!

Just wanted to share with you all what happened yesterday.

I had thought about it all week and then come yesterday I completely forgot as I was so busy at work. Then I had a dentist appt, then we went to Wade's parents for tea, then I was driving home (40min drive) and I was singing along to a song and then all of a sudden there was a word heaven in the song. Gosh it hit me!!!!!!!!

Came home and told Wade, "did you realise it is our twins EDD today". Didn't really get a big response. I then repeated to him that I was going to buy 2 x flowers in town and plant in our garden. He said doesn't matter, and I said well it does, I don't want them to think I have forgotten them, then I just broke down and cried, finally getting a sympathetic response from him. I guess I felt guilty about forgetting about them too. :(

I am ok today, I am truely thankful that I have this one and truely do believe that one of them are trying to reach me again. M/c in May, due in May, I just know it is a sign!

Then proceeded to tell Wade, whilst touching my bump, I love this one so much, and I am so thankful, but not a day will go by that I don't think about the other bubbas and what could have been.

[Hokey Pokey]

Hey Sheree
Don't feel bad for forgetting. Look how much you were worrying the week before. I think it is a subconcsious thing for us to "forget" I don't think we forget, our minds just pre occupy with other things to get us through those days.
I also don't think there is a certain way to feel. Take it one step at a time and however you are feeling go with it and let it out. If you don't cry, don't feel bad or guilty and if you fall into a heap let it out.
As you know, I can understand what you have gone through and I thought them same things too. I often look at Bella and think about her twin. I don't really talk about it and neither does Justin. I remember her first birthday and I got a little sad wandering if I should mention the lost baby. But I didn't. I kept it to myself and sent a little prayer up to heaven in my own privacy at the end of the day.
Our Angel Babies will always be looking over us and they know that we will never forget them.

[H&B'sMum]

Sheree, don't beat yourself up over not thinking about them all day. You were thinking about them but not consciously. Men think differently to us, we hold on to emotional stuff more than they do and it's their way of coping. Try not to beat Wade up about it, I'm sure he thought of it too and didn't want to upset you.

I think your right about your babies giving you a sign, they definatly want to be yours and soooo soon you will have your bub in your arms and everything will just melt in that moment.

Plant your flowers, remember them and rub your tummy, feeling very blessed indeed Sweetie.

[Jaileth]

OMG

I have goosebumps and am balwing my eyes out. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are such a strong lady. I don't know how I could cope.

Flowers sound like a fantastic idea. Would love to see a photo of them in bloom.

Don't feel bad about not thinking about them. In the back of your mind, they are there, and they know that you love them and think of them often.

I think that it is a sign that your new bubba is due in May.

Take care of yourself and your bub.

xoxoxo

[shereejoy]

Thanks again for all your kind posts. I am so glad I have such nice friends out there. Thank you once again!

[My3kids]

Hi, I do know how you feel, I planted a rose in rememberance for my angel, and this year we planted carnations. Carnations are his birth flower. Just a personal touch, we have some butterflys in there and also a angel with a broken head (as our son had a broken head). All the best i will be thinking of you.