Help! Need sleeping Help!!

[mummyv]

Help!

Our DS is 4 and a half months old and is driving us insane with his sleeping habits. We cannot settle him to sleep in his cot and have to rock him to sleep before transferring him to the cot. 9 times out of 10 he wakes up after realising we are no longer holding him, sometimes after only 20 mins. He also needs some kind of background noise too which can become quite tedious. We have resorted to rocking him in front of the rangehood in the kitchen(!) and sometimes he sleeps there in his pram. Day sleeps seem to be the worst...

We live in SA and my DH and I are wondering if anybody knows of an alternative to CYH (child and youth health) to help with our problem. We had a day service a while back but that only helped in the short-term as DS was in a bassinette then and could be successfully rocked to sleep and didn't need a transfer to the cot. I can't get another CYH day service until the end of January and my DH and I are at our wits end with the sleep deprivation.

Has anybody seen a pediatrician about this kind of thing?

We'd particularly like to hear from anyone in SA who knows of any such organisations that exist to help us.

Please HELP anybody??
mummyv

[lukaelmo]

Hey MummyV, you poor thing, what you are going through doesn't sound like fun at all.

I am from Qld so I can't help you with any services, although I am sure that others will know plenty.

I just wanted to ask, do you have some kind of routine that you follow fairly consistently? I think that if you keep changing the way that you put bub to sleep that can confuse them and lead to irregular sleep habits.

My bub is 5 months now and from the beginning I had him on a "eat, play, sleep" routine.

For example he wakes at 6am and feeds, then will play until about 8am. As soon as I see his tired signs I pop him into bed and give him a little pat on the back or bottom until he is just about to drop off. I try to always leave the room just before he goes to sleep so that he doesn't wake and get scared that I have disappeared.

He will usually sleep then for about 2 hours, wake at 10am and then we repeat the routine until bedtime.

Anyway, that is what works for us, others will have completely different opinions and I think that you just need to pick and choose information that works for you.

Good luck and if you have any questions feel free to pm me.

[JanetF]

You're describing perfectly healthy normal baby behaviour. Babies usually need to be parented to sleep. Their brains are not mature enough to be able to put themselves to sleep. Background noise is excellent because there's nothing worse than being in a house where the baby has become used to sleeping in silence. It's a PITA! No need to see a paed because there's not anything wrong with your child. He's doing what babies do.

Try this from a doctor:
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

NIGHTTIME PARENTING LESSON #1: Babies need to be parented to sleep, not just put to sleep. Some babies can be put down while drowsy yet still awake and drift off to sleep by themselves, others need parental help by being rocked or nursed to sleep.
The reason is that while adults can usually go directly into the state of deep sleep, infants in the early months enter sleep through an initial period of light sleep. After twenty minutes or more they gradually enter deep sleep, from which they are not so easily aroused. As you probably know from experience, if you try to rush your baby to bed while she is still in the initial light sleep period, she will usually awaken. Many parents tell me: "My baby has to be fully asleep before I can put her down." In later months, some babies can enter deep sleep more quickly, bypassing the lengthy light sleep stage. Learn to recognize your baby's sleep stages. Wait until your baby is in a deep sleep stage before transitioning her from one sleeping place to another, such as from your bed to a crib or from carseat to bed or crib.

This might help you too:


How babies enter sleep. You're rocking, walking, or nursing your baby and her eyelids droop as she begins to nod off in your arms. Her eyes close completely, but her eyelids continue to flutter and her breathing is still irregular. Her hands and limbs are flexed, and she may startle, twitch, and show fleeting smiles, called "sleep grins." She may even continue a flutter-like sucking. Just as you bend over to deposit your "sleeping" baby in her crib so you can creep quietly away, she awakens and cries. That's because she wasn't fully asleep. She was still in the state of light sleep when you put her down. Now try your proven bedtime ritual again, but continue this ritual longer (about twenty more minutes). You will notice that baby's grimaces and twitches stop; her breathing becomes more regular and shallow, her muscles completely relax. Her fisted hands unfold and her arms and limbs dangle weightlessly. Martha and I call this "limp-limb" sign of deep sleep. Baby is now in a deeper sleep, allowing you to put her down and sneak away, breathing a satisfying sigh of relief that baby is finally resting comfortably.

[Tea Lady]

Sounds like you're having a tough time mummyv. Our bub was nearly exactly the same at that age and I understand your frustration. One thing that I found that helped was I would sit next to her when she was due to wake up (ie at the 20 min mark or whatever) and put my hand on her and I think I patted her or sang to her as she stirred so that she went back to sleep (in theory!).

I don't have much better to offer you atm sorry, but hang in there and like lukaelmo said check everything out to see what will work for your family. I think there is a website for SA youth health (or something) that has some info on it - it may have contact for support groups. I'm sure google could help you. I really hope things get easier soon.

L

[reAllytee]

Sorry im not from S.A but i actually trained my bubs to go to sleep with noise so i wouldnt have to worry about the house being deadly silent for him to sleep. So if he is fighting sleep even when exhausted i start to vacuum !!! He goes right off !
Is it more that you dont like him sleeping in the pram or that you find him being there inconvenient ? Im not meaning that harshly btw im just curious as i found bubs slept better the closer he was to me so some days that meant being carried around in the baby carrier so he would sleep & remain calm or there were others he slept in either his rocker which i rocked him in or his pram which i would push backwards & forwards to help him off then he would stay near me so if he did stir he knew i was close by. Its only been in the last few months that bubs has gone upstairs to his cot for day naps as being older it was party time for him lol.
For through the nite i would just suggest that continue rocking him to sleep if this is what makes him happiest otherwise i would often sit beside his cot until he fell asleep & if i heard him stir i would go back in & sit with him again. Remember your his comfort he wants to know he is safe & that your there for him if he needs you thats why he gets upset if your too far. As JanetF has said in her post some babies are fine sleeping alone or even going off to sleep themselves others find this harder & its not such a bad thing cause all it means is he loves his mum & dad ! Co-sleeping is another option if your open to this as sometimes it can be the answer to your sanity.
Sorry if i havent been too helpful as i dont know the full story hopefully you find something that works for you all soon :D

[Jessicasmum]

Hi Mummyv

Sorry to hear about your sleeping problems, I also live in Qld, but can recommend a book, if you aren't wanting to rock your little one to sleep. It is called 'The Baby Whisperer', she used to have a show on Foxtel. It helped us heaps in the beginning, I was lucky to have read the book prior to pregnancy. She is a lot to do with routines though, if that is what you want to do- Eat, Activity, Sleep, You (EASY. PM me if you need to talk further.

Good Luck
Mel

[mummyv]

Thanks for your replies, you're all a wealth of information!

A few months ago when Mr O started refusing his daytime sleeps, we were introduced to the feed-play-sleep routine by the CYH day service (we also wrap him too as a part of the sleep routine). This worked a treat up until just lately when he is now starting to throw an absolute tanty when we wrap him as he knows what's about to happen! Sometimes he throws an absolute fit we try to put him to bed, even though he is soooo tired (usually after 1-2 hours of being awake inc.feeding and playtime).
We put in in the pram in front of the rangehood as a last resort if we cannot re-settle him back in the cot, in the rocking chair, or swaying with him.
The Dr Sears book sounds good, I may invest in one. I wish the baby whisperer was still on Fox, that was a good show - even better I wish she would come to stay at our house!!!

[Chickadee]

You could try rocking to sleep as you have been, or to near sleep and then if he stirs when you place him in his cot then keep him there but try patting his bum firmly enough that he's getting a similar rocking body motion. If he's on his side for this then having your other hand on his back or against his head will help reassure him you're still there, and leaning down to shush him or whatever you usually do to rock him also helps. Gradually, over 3 to 10 minutes you can decrease the patting effort as he drops off to sleep and stop all together while he's still in a light sleep.

There are variations on patting, and of course you can choose to pick bub back up and comfort him again if he really gets wound up with crying, but the benefit I found was that it eliminated the disruption of being moved away from a nice warm soft body while bub was still in a light sleep and let me out of the room sooner. It can also be useful for encouraging bub to drop off to sleep on their own, by tapering the patting sooner and leaving the room while he's still awake.

[reAllytee]

MarthaM has just given you a good tip also !
As they just want to know your not leaving them so need reassurance.
Maybe bubs has had enough of wrapping ? My bubs started throwing tantys over being wrapped so i stopped it to which of course it wasnt plain sailing at first but he realised what things all meant closing blinds & pulling curtains over etc kept a routine for this & then put him down in his cot dummy in & off he went with a reassuring pat on his bum !
Try & stick with something for a good week or so as it does take time to get them accustomed to it if it still doesnt work try something different.
Patience is the key :)