What rights does he have?

[Coffee]

Friends of us recently splitted up and she moved out of the house and in with her new BF.
So far so good the problem is, they have a 4 yr old child together, where she got soul custody for but her new BF hates children, so she drops her son of at her ex's place and he basically is been living with his grandparents, cause his dad has to work.

Now I was wondering, if he would actually have a chance, to get soul custody for his son, eventhough he has to work. Maybe he could put him in CC for a few days a week and try to do some work from home the other days. IMO it still would be better for the child, than living with his Grandparents.

[pegasus]

Hi coffee

My understanding is that for him to get sole custody there'd have to be some strong evidence that she wasn't a fit mother or, she would have to sign an agreement that he would have the little boy for the max number of nights (signifying sole custody) willingly.

The problem with a lot of these situations is that if she handed over custody to the boy's father then she'd lose her child maintenance and possibly (depending if she's claiming it) single parent payments.

We looked into custody stuff previously and basically as far as I could figure, for the other parent to lose access there has to be some pretty damning evidence that they are a negative influence on the child.

[Coffee]

Thanks for that Pegasus.

Well, I would say, she isn't that good of a mother from what I know. Sometimes, we went there at a saturday afternoon and she was all hangovered and could hardly stay awake and her son was just watching on TV, she did not even care what.
And she also drank and smoked during pregnancy and even after he was born, she continued with this life..

Her ex Husband has to pay her for their son, but she doesn't look after the child, because her new BF hates children..

Maybe not soul custody but maybe more rights, than he has now.

And shouldn't he tell, that he actually has to look after their Son because she doesn't want and her new bf hates children?

It's a bit of a complicated situation.

[Olismum]

We went through this and were told we wouldn't get full custody. You need to be able to prove that by living with his mother, the child is being harmed in someway. You need to have medical/pysch reports and a very good lawyer. We tried to get custody of my step daughter but on legal advice we were told that we were wasting our money as with the new parenting laws, it's very rare to get sole custody, most now are joint, unless you can prove that the child is in danger with one parent.

[sam's mum]

He could go for shared custody, the default situation now is supposed to be 50/50 split. This would mean he would have his son actually in his care at least half the time and would minimise the child support he has to pay. He would be able to access some family payment and child care assistance too.

[Coffee]

Thx for your answers.

At the moment, the situation is, he gets his son every weekend (so she can go out drinking and havin' hangovers the next morning) and she has him during the week, besides the days, she feels like spending with her BF. So she rings him up and tells him, in half an hour their son will come round, he should be at home and then she just will drop him off and leave and noone knows, when she comes back..

It just makes me sad, he tried so hard, that the marriage works, that their son is doing good, he's a bit of a slow learner, due to her exessive drinking during pregnancy and she just throws everything away.

I just can't believe it, that she went and left her husband for someone who not even likes kids, especially when she has one :(

I may tell him, that he could go for shared custody. I think, he just wants to try to give his son a stable life, if that's possible in their situation.. So I'm not sure, if he really would fight for that, if that would mean, the whole thing would get dirty.
I think, he just accepts the situation at it is at the moment and hopes that she comes to her senses and back to him..

Off Topic BTW, Sam's Mum, your Son's BD is on the same day as mine :D

[sam's mum]

Off Topic BTW, Sam's Mum, your Son's BD is on the same day as mine :D

My sister's is the 19th of September. On the 14th I was told that I was have a cs and that they didn't want to leave it any longer than they had to. She got excited and thought it might be her birthday. nope, surgery day was the Friday (16th - duh)

[118]

Frankly the mum needs to get her priorities right. Is her son more or less important to her than her BF? As a mum of 2 abducted children I'd pick my children first & my hubby know that. Fortunetly he is strong & loves kids. He'd be a good dad for all our kids. In short they are my life that's that.

Unfortunetly non committed BF come & go but your child is part of you :ecomcity: ... A 4 year old is still a baby he needs heaps of love from his parents / family. Where he lives that doesn't matter. The bottom line all parties need to put in the time to love him & spend quality time with him in a peaceful manner. We all have needs - work etc. Mum needs to chat with BF if he can't have her son as his own that bye bye to BF.

From experince custody is hard to get legally. However ex will get custody even if he works & child lives with grandparents because he is financially & personally responsible for the child per say. If child still can gain contact with all parties that be ideal. Difficult to do but with alot of effort & love it can be done. Don't forget not all mums are wired to be mums. They are more like ovens. Better for all parties to relise where ech person stands. BF he has issues cause I bet he had a bad experince as a child or partner prior to this relationship. Not all men are ready to be dads. Too selfish to take on a huge lifestyle change :gloomy: but true. This mum is too needy on BF (someone to love & value her vs. syndrome). She needs help to see the light before it is too late. She'll regret her actions for the rest of her life. So my friend as a 'health professional' I strongly recomend you to be a gem & indirectly point/ support her & her son towards a favourable outcome.

Cheers, 118