Helping out.......

[Nina]

When i was 9 i was made to clean dishes every night, i had to vacuum, hang out washing...... i hated it, it also interfered with my homework but i did it, had no choice.

Now my daughter is 8 and darn lazy, can't keep her room clean for more then a few hours. She'll drop anything anywhere and i just run around all day picking up after them both. So, what things could she be doing at this age? What do others do with their kids?

[Supermum]

Hi Nina

I don't have an eight year old so I would never profess to knowing more about it than you do!:)

That said, my son who is nearly three does more than your daughter I think. I just thought that if I started my children early on what it is to be part of a fully functioning cooperative family then they would know no different.

He puts his dirty washing in the laundry, his toys go away before he goes to bed, he scrapes his leftovers into the bin, he helps put away the dishes and he tries, bless him ... to sweep the kitchen floor.

My 20 month daughter also scrapes her plate, picks up after herself and puts her dirty clothes in the laundry.

I won't enslave them but they need to know that looking after them is not my/our only job and that they get to enjoy alot more fun time if they pitch in and help.

I'd start with her room. Stop picking up after her. Leave everything where she drops it. Wash nothing unless it's in the laundry basket. But the rule is that her mess must be contained to her room. Let her go. Let it be her decision to make the change. I remember what it was to be eight and that is see what I could get away with. She's a girl and probably a bit fussy about her clothing ... just wait until what she wants to wear is dirty on lying in a heap on her floor. Nothing like an eight year old's vanity to motivate them in the right direction:p

If you cannot stand the thought of her room becoming a nuclear fall-out zone then take away some privileges. Just make sure that you a very clear with your new rules.

Wishing you much luck.

[Foxymoron]

My daughter is almost 8 and has an air of entitlement to everything, and would whine if you asked her to pick up anything. (She'd flop on her bed, screaming out for someone to come and give her some help because it's all such hard work).
Dh and I got fed up with it... We sat her down and told her about all the jobs we need to do to keep the family running smoothly and for everyone to be happy. We introduced pocket money, because of the constant whinging about her wanting this or that...
She now does jobs around the house, including giving her room a good clean, or helping me pick up toys ( that she didn't drop or use but the younger ones have). We've had a big change in her behaviour. She sets herself goals ( I want a new bike helmet/furby/dress) and works towards them. Once a week she and I get out without the little ones for our "break" and have lunch out, and once a month or so she makes a purchase with her pocket money. These outings only occur if she has been helpful, she knows that in order for us to have "spare time" she needs to pitch in.
We also have the same rules as Supermum, about clothes etc... if they're on the floor they don't get washed, and she has had some weeks where she'd not bother giving me her uniform or sports outfit :rolleyes: as the responsibility was hers she quickly learned to put everything in the hamper!

Best of luck to you :)

[Nina]

Thanks for replies.

She also has to put her clothes or they dont' get washed, and it has happened a few times where she didn't get her uniform washed. But it seems, things like that will make her clean up but only for a short time then she falls back to not doing anything.

I've tried the pocket money but it didn't work either. When i ask her to pick up some toys after her brother she tells me 'i didn't make the mess'. Most times now if i ask anything i get a 'NO'. Of course this is all changing.

I know the last few months have been hard, with dad not being around anymore, i also feel like there's too much to do and at times just give up. I also cop a lot of them asking to be with dad when i put my foot down.

And thanks to school she's got some great attitude that she's teaching her 3yr old bro.

I did leave her room for about a month and no improvement, she just doesn't care. You couldn't even see the carpet...... :mad:

Well, if the 3yr olds can do all those things then it's well and truly time to make her do more.

Thanks again.

[Chickadee]

Chloe has been putting her dirty clothes in the laundry from soon after she could walk to it steadily, as well as picking up her toys. Putting things away is a great game for toddlers. She's now 2 and enjoys trying to clean and is starting to help make meals, mainly so she'll eat them. I'm not sure whether starting this early sets a pattern for when they're older or not, probably there will be rebellion at some point :rolleyes:

I always had a messy room growing up. My parents despaired of me :D I remember having chores linked to allowances as being one of the few things that worked. I wish you luck!

[matty's mum]

My 11yr old is like your 8yr old, pocket money noway that wont work. A friend of mine can to visit and wanted to see DD's new Christmas present in her room. I told her you cant see the room and tried to warn her not to enter. She nearly had a heart attack, I told her. she said nothing could prepare her for that.

Well my sister started her boys young and there still doing what comes natural to them of cause they whinge a bit, but they do it and do it well. My Nana said she made the mistake of just doing everything her self as it's easier only in the beginning though.

Having Dads around makes a difference I was on my own for 3yrs, now we're back together and it helps knowing that your father MIGHT be upset with you is what works in the end for us. Doesn’t matter how Mum feels, Dad just has to say OH Tayla. and she's off. Is your EX willing to help you out as a backup?? DH and I were able to work together most of the time unless he was feeling to guilty.

Good luck.

[Nina]

LOL, sorry, but my ex, well, lets say kids run from me to him. I always hoped he'd be the 'man' and kids know he's put foot down time to move it, but nope. He's too darn soft. He always would go help them out with what ever needed to be done. Of course in the end doing more then them. So sadly they don't fear dad one bit.

Hard to know what's the best way to do it, that's why i thought i'd ask what others are doing. I've seen some of my friends get off scott free and in adulthood not doing much. Others suffered and some stick to it, others don't. So i guess up to each individual.

Matty's mum, that's how it was with her room, my mum wanted once to see where she put some stuff she bought her, and i told her not to, but she had to of course, and what a shock. And i get the blame.....