Due date for my angel...

[Jules16]

Hi Ladies

Am just needing somewhere to vent. Last Friday just gone was my due date!! :gloomy: It came and went and as my folks were here from interstate and we were touring around I didn't think about it too much. I thought I was pg earlier in the week though (just started FHS injections) but unfortunately AF arrived Wednesday. Anyway, this morning my friend who fell pg about the same time as I did had her baby. As soon as I got the text message it all hit me!! Now I feel so miserable and flat and just so angry about the miscarriage. It's like all the feelings are resurfacing. When I got the text I was initially worried she'd had the baby on my due date - I just felt I wouldn't have been able to cope with that. Now I'm trying to find the courage to go visit her. And am wondering am I ever going to be able to look at this little baby without thinking about the loss of my little one. A little one who may have been a close friend of hers - and possibly just two days older or maybe even born on the same day.

Anyway, I know I'm rambling but I just had to get all this out. I think the due date of my first angel was easier to deal with as I was pg again at the time.

I just have to keep praying for strength to get me through.

[babylover111]

It must be a very hard time for you considering your loss and even harder with your friends birth. I'm sure your friend will understand completely if it's hard when you visit her and I'm sure she won't mind if you shed some tears- I know I wouldn't if I was in her position.

I'll pray for your strength during this hard time :hugs:

[Jules16]

Thank you so much for your kind words BL!! :hugs:

[rollercoastermum]

Yes the due dates are hard.
I have had 5 miscarriages and so know what you mean.
Wishing you well and hoping you get a new little bubby soon...

[cmd'smum]

Oh Sweety :hugs: I completely understand how you feel! I also had a friend who was due close to my EDD with my 2nd pgcy. I felt exactly the same way, she had a boy and I had m/c a boy. I was scared to visit her too because I thought I would break down infront of her, which I didn't want to do! I ended up seeing her baby after a little while, and it was actually very healing!

You will never forget your EDDs, or your angels, that's what I've learnt. It will just get easier with time :hugs: You will hold your gorgeous baby in your arms one day soon!:yes:

[Bumble]

i just want to send you a big cyber:hugs:

[Jodiee]

:hugs: :hugs: :gloomy: :hugs:

I was thinking of you yesterday, and wondering how you were going.

I just want to send you lots of hugs..

Love Jodie xxxx

[Kadwil]

I'm sorry for your loss - I had a MC in Dec last year - my due date is yet to come, so I'm not really sure what that is like, though I imagine it is hard.

I know what you mean about others having babies - my friend had her baby one month ago, my sister one week ago and my other sister is having her baby this week (we were all pg at the same time - only 6 weeks between the 3 of us till I miscarried). I cried when my sister had her baby, but she was very understanding. She had a difficult time during the birth of her son but still thought to ask how I was going, and understood when I said I wished I could be more happy for her but just felt angry.

It will be hard to go and see her and the baby but if she is a good friend she will understand and appreciate the effort you have gone to going to visit her, even though you know it would be painful.

I'm sorry for your losses, it must be a difficult time for you at the moment. :hugs:

[marcelsmum]

Julie,
:hugs: , I know exactly what you are feeling. My due date was awful, and within two weeks of it I had my grandparents funerals to deal with as well... All I wanted was a big fat cry, and to feel extremely sorry for myself... I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and doing just that.... Felt so much better, give yourself permission to cry, scream, yell, all the emotions.
I was also extremely angry jealous etc when my niece was born, I just couldn't be happy for my sister, I forced myself into visiting them and I am only now starting to feel anything other than jealousy to my niece. I know it is very hard, I was lucky as my sister had been through a m/c and had some empathy for me and my feelings.....
It is Ok to feel these feelings, we wouldn't be human if we didn't,

Take care,:crying:

[mum2threeplus1]

Huge Cyber space Hugs for you :hugs:
due dates are difficult & yours is compounded more by the fact your friend has a new bubba. I had a similar thing happen back in 2005, my work collegue & I announced our pg at the same time, her pg continued & mine did not. I kept it all in my stride watching her growing belly, when her bub finally came she was pre mature & all I could think about was please don't let anything happen to this precious little baby. I never want anyone to go thru the losses we have all had, now I know that is not possible but we can only pray for that.

As we speak I should have a growing bub inside me, but it wasn't meant to be. I do believe everything happens for a reason, even if at the time we can't see what that reason is.
I hope you find the strength & love you need to go & see your friend, you might surprise yourself. & if not don't be hard on yourself, grief is a rollercoaster ride, some days are good & some not so.

Love to you & wishing you all best with TTC! :fingerscrossed:

XX

[RoarsomeMum]

Oh MJ:hugs: :hugs: It does hurt so much.. I found crying to really help.. I cuddled my Nephew, and cried for the little child We lost.. Tears pouring, I baptised his little head with my sorrow.. Now I see him, hes 9, and still think, Wow, My bubba would be 9 now.. But the raw pain has lessened.. It took time hon.. lots of time, lots of tears, lots of faith.

Sending you sooo much strength in this esspecially hard time for you. :hugs: :hugs:

[Brasha]

Morganj,

i feel for you, im in a similar situation but not quite at the end where you are.

I understand how you feel about visiting and if like me, worried abot being born on "our" due date. Almost jealous. As you said, are we ever going to be able to accept these little ones for themselves and love them for them only, when they seem to represent the angels we lost?... I am unsure. I too have a sister in law due at the same time my angel would have been. I am having trouble even talking to her, let alone seeing her in her maternity clothes and watching all the family memeber oohh and arrhh over her and baby stuff .... i am not coping with any of it at all, suddenly we dont exist anymore.

I dont have any magic cures, i am worried i will feel the same way when September arrives and my niece/nephew arrives. I am very scared and upset at myself for feeling this way. SIL and i have been close until now, i dont know if i can get that back.

just wanted you to know some understand more than yoy know... My heart goes out to you and all of us who have lost angels.

:hugs:

[Jules16]

Thanks so much ladies for your kind words of support and for letting me vent. Am feeling a little better today and have arranged to see my g/f on the weekend. Am a bit anxious about it still but we'll see how it goes. Thanks again.

[StormAngel]

Big Hugs to you Morganj!
My due date is coming up in 5 weeks, and the closer it gets the harder i am finding it to deal with! (especially with SIL due in 3 weeks)
Feel free to vent anytime you want!

[Jules16]

Thanks JLK!! Big :hugs: to you!!

[*Sparkles*]

:hugs: to you.

I have a friend on BH who lost a baby last year, his due date was the same as my bub (Australia day). My bub came on the due date, it was as if it was meant to be. We said a little prayer for her angel at the time and also prayed that she have another bub soon. She is now PG again (due in Oct) and things seem to be going well so far :fingerscrossed:

I suppose what I am trying to say is that your friend having her bub on your due date can be seen as a special thing and a lovely reminder every year of your angel playing happily in heaven. It's hard for you to see it like this now but it will get easier.

Good luck with your TTC'ing :fingerscrossed: