My old life!!!!!

[Tisme]

I sit here pining for my old life. The one where I WASN'T confronted with "WHY" any time I made a request.
Where I didn't have to give a 10 min oration on the reason it IS bed time.
The one where love wasn't a word spat in my face when someone doesn't get their own way.
Where sibling rivalry was the strong dislike between my brothers and I.
WHere I could speak at a NORMAL level ALL the day.
Where I wasn't tearing my hair out over the darndest things.
The life that WASN'T determined by the whim of a 4 yr old and the temper of a 2 yr old.
The one where I wasn't fat and alone to deal with EVERYTHING.

Please if someone caqn find my old life ..... I WANT IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moonblossom]

There's no going back, just forward. Our future is what we make it, what we want from it, and what we need from it.

Look at the little blessings in your life, instead of wanting everything to be perfect. I hope your ok, you sound down.

Best wishes

[Tisme]

thanks Moonblossom ....

Just at the moment I am so OVER it all. I hate confrontation and fighting but am so over being blatently ignored .... which I know is just a stage thing but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

At the moment my 4 yr old is sitting on the bottom of the stair and has been put back to bed (Super Nanny style) 25 times!!!!!!!!! WHEN DO I GIVE UP ??????

Don't get me wrong normally bed time is easy ... read both a story, light off, read another story with DD and she goes to sleep, then sit with DS and he goes to sleep. All over and done with in 1 hour tops .... not tonight.

Sorry ... just having a vent and a whinge ... all will be well tomorrow.

[Mummabear]

Hi Eleanor :)

Whilst I can't sympathise with the majority of your woes right now (thank g*d Ozzy can't talk yet, pmsl) - I'm right with you on the sleeping issues tonight. Oscar was testing my patience for quite a while. Thankfully he's finally asleep. I'm more p*ssed off at myself because we were on a good wicket with the sleeping until I st*ffed it all up by starting to go in to him when he cried again :rolleyes: My own fault I know, but that doesn't help me right about now, lol.

Can you tell Ciaran that the Bambaloo chick said he should go to bed so he's a happy boy to sing with me tomorrow, lol :D

[JanetF]

Larissa picking up a crying baby is an appropriate response to your child's constantly changing needs. They don't cry unless they need something :)

Eleanor I'm sorry you're having a rough trot right now. Sounds like very hard work. There are some great resources out there that might help you. Have you read "Buddhism for Mothers"? It's a lovely book on how to cope in those really testing times.

Aletha Solter's Aware Parenting work is also very practical as well as great at helping you understand why your child is exhibiting certain behaviours and how to work with them.
http://www.awareparenting.com/

I also love these articles and find them very reassuring. I hope you can get lots of IRL support through this hard time.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/tantrums.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/patient_parenting.html

[Mummabear]

Larissa picking up a crying baby is an appropriate response to your child's constantly changing needs. They don't cry unless they need something :)

Ahhhh Janet - I'm at such a loggerhead over this. My soul tells me to pick him up but my DH tells me not to, lol.

The soul usually wins ;)

He's just being very cheeky tonight - he cries (more of a whinge than a cry really), so I go in there (DH wasn't home so no arguments over it!) and as soon as I walk into the room he starts cacking himself laughing - thinks it's a great joke :rolleyes: . Lucky for him he's so darn adorable :D

[moonblossom]

Gezz Elenor sounds tough, but every single one of us has been through hard times, every mother here, is here for a reason and thats mainly to get help when the going gets tough.

I highly recommend you keep a journal, there were times when i thought nothing would ever change and I would be swollowed up in this life I had created, but of course we all come out of it, and these journals are wonderful to remind us that INDEED WE DO come out of it, a bit wiser, a bit more humble and SO happy we have experienced it all.

It really is true that if we dont have the down times, we would never appreciate the Up's, so hold onto that, know things will get easier, and have faith in yourself.

Hugs for you,.

Oh and Janet I really admire all the wonderful advice you give each and every woman here. You really are a marvel and a saint at getting information women need. CHEERS to you (F)

[Tisme]

I used to go in at their every whimper until I realised ... my children are loud sleepers. and my daughter throws tantrums in her sleep so at that stage I stopped going in and we are all the better for it.

He is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying. I saw your post and told him that he had to sleep tonight are Sam wasn't going to sing in the tree tomorrow and he asked "can I sing with her tonight then??" Yes he has his fathers sense of MY WAY or no way at all ..... grrrrrrr

I just gave in and sat in beside him .... 5 mins it took for him to go to sleep ..... 5 Bl**dy minutes and 2 hours of painstaking FIGHTING.

and no it wouldn't have been that easy if I had caved earlier cos I've tried .... the amount of times I have sat in that dark, quiet room for 3 hours waiting for him to go to sleep , and believe me THAT is more tiring than getting up to him 20 times a night (which I used to have to do due to allergies and such)

[Foxymoron]

:) I sometimes pine for the days when I had a bit of peace, no yelling, no big mess to clean... But then if my kids are away from me for more than a few hours I miss them, and the noise!

Hope you feel better soon :)

[Mummabear]

eleanor - sounds like we have the same type of kids. I'm trying to sort ozzy's sleeping out now as he is such a determined little man and is going to be a handful as a toddler.

I know there are many people who don't agree with my methods, but I don't agree with some of theirs either - that's just life.

[WeThree]

hey eleaonr.
with my 9 yr old it also often seems like nothing is easy. just for once id like to be able to say something ONCE in a normal voice and have the request carried out without whining, stamping, yelling etc. i would like to not have to end up yelling and threatening just to get him to do something simple like pick up the toys or turn down the tv!!
id also like my 2 yr old to not be so messy and to not throw himself on the ground and crawl and roll around everytime he doesnt get his own way, id also really really like him to realise that doing a poo in the toilet is not a scary thing, and is much better than doing it on the floor or in your pants.
i would also really like it if i didnt have to make dinner and attend to other chores with a 13mth old permantly attached to the back or front of my legs and if she didnt follow my crying hysterically every time i left the room, oh and if she didnt decide at 6am every morning that the whole house has had more than enough sleep and that we all have to get up!!!
ahhhh, thanks for giving me a chance to get that off my chest :) no advice sorry, but know that i understand where your coming from. Thankfully i can usually make light of most of that stuff, most of the time, and the rest i am working on day by day, and the good, little things, always so outweigh the bad. Love will see us through in the end:)

[Tisme]

Thanks.

Update: The little blighter came into me this morning and says "Mummy I love you. Can I have a lolly please?" Keeps me up half the night then expects a reward first thing in the morning. when I respond "you know it's too early for lollies, how bout brekky instead" He pouts and says "but I used my manners, and I didn't whinge and I LOVE YOU!"

What in heavens do you say to that ... but I didn't crumble, he didn't get the lolly at 6:30am he got it at 10.

[Baby Girl]

Good for you eleanor - stick to your guns!!

My DD1 has taken to wanting jacks chips for breakfast - What the???

We compromise and she can have them when the clock gets to 2 numbers before the dots as long as she eats brekky first.....I see nothing wrong with treats at 10 o'clock ;) :p :eek:

[Goosie22]

I try to look at the problem from their point of view, They are little they can't communicate what they want very well and they get frustrated and tired easily.

They aren't plotting against us.

Im with moonblossom and JanetF.

Have you ever read this poem?


My hands were busy

My hands were busy through the day; I didn’t have much time to play
The little games you asked me to, I didn’t have time for you.

I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook, but when you’d bring your picture book,
And ask me to please share your fun; I’d say “a little later, Hun.”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night, hear your prayers, and turn out the light.
Then tiptoe softly to the door. I wish I had stayed a minute more.

For life is short, and years rush past. A little child grows up so fast.
No longer are they at your side, their precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away; there are no children’s games to play.
No goodnight kiss, no thoughts to hear, that all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy now lie still. The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I might go back and do the little things you asked me to.

Anonymous

[WeThree]

ohhhh Goosie, that gave me shivers. :)

[Tisme]

Now I'm all good with my new "3 Child" life, but PLEASE can someone find me my concentration again ............ it's SERIOUSLY gone AWOL and I'm not functioning without it.

**** .... the bottles are boiling.

PLEASE SOMEONE FIND AND GIVE ME BACK MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity:

Oops already * out that word ... sorry Mods!

[reAllytee]

Oh Eleanor :hugs:
Dont worry ive lost the plot also but then i shouldnt whinge as i wouldnt know how to cope with more than the one i have !
Ive decided one is enough !
If you need to whinge you know where to find me :D