I've Had It

[Ana Gram]

Today has been a battle from the get go. The child spent an hour in her room screaming this morning and another hour this afternoon screaming.

She is only 3 and we have screaming matches so bad I am sure the neighbours want to call DOCS on me.

I am now at the point where I actually hate being a mother and I regret having her, as terrible as that is going to sound to most of you.

The sound of her voice frays my nerves instantly and as soon as she starts carrying on from not getting her own way, I go into yell mode.

I feel like my brain is going to explode and I am going to shatter my teeth from clenching then I am so angry.

I am actually seriously considering letting her father have sole custody.

Just needed to get it all out of my head...

[*Chels*]

Oh Chelle,I can totally understand where you are coming from,some days I feel exactly the same.:hugs:

[floggadog]

:hugs: to you.
tomorrow is a new day.
Try & forget about today & start fresh.

[reAllytee]

Hun you are not a bad person for feeling this way !

There are so many days that i couldve written that post word for word it isnt funny !

Have you been to your g.p ?

Because to be honest with all that you are going through it wouldnt suprise me if you needed to go onto antidepressants. I dont mean that badly btw :o .

I just think because you are coping with so much trauma still that you need some help. Wish we were in the same state least i could offer to take Ruby for a little bit !

You are allowed to feel this way ok :hugs:

[draught]

Chelle - I have a challenging toddler who will scream for hours too and have felt this way on occasion. I am working on dealing with her calmly instead of yelling at her (it is VERY hard and I am not that good at it yet) and find that when I do manage not to snap she responds better and calms down quicker. I know that you are going through a rough patch and that this might be hard to achieve but thought I would mention it just in case.

[ButterflyMama]

I don't have any advice.. just some hugs.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[punkbaby]

:hugs: for you!

I agree with others hopefully you have someone you can hand her over too for a few hours!

If ever your over my way you could drop her off and let her have a screaming match here :) with my dd i am sure she would have met her match then

When dd and ds have their moments, ds doesnt do it that often now, i remember i was chatting to the neighbours one day and explained how the kids were having tantrums, screaming fits etc and making me feel like i was a bad mother, i was honest with them, i only told them just so they knew that they were doing what normal kids do as i was paranoid someoen was going to ring docs as well only as it would have sounded so bad if you didnt know what was happening!

Hopefully tommorow is a better day for you :)

[Elfin]

Oh Chelle I do understand what you are going through. I have a very determined, stubborn child too. I think she is part of the reason I have high blood pressure as I find her so stressful and all the screaming gets to me at times. I agree with Draught if I yell at her it does make things worse but at times it is hard to maintain a calm demeanor.

For me I found putting her into childcare two days a week was the best thing I ever did for everyone. Her social skills have improved and I am able to recharge. She still screams a fair bit but does have a bit more self control. Is this a possibility for you? It might help.

[Ana Gram]

Have you been to your g.p ?

Because to be honest with all that you are going through it wouldnt suprise me if you needed to go onto antidepressants. I dont mean that badly btw :o

Only have a bulk billing doctor and they are pretty much only good for medical certificates.

After watching a couple of friends go through antidepressant hell, I am very reluctant to go down that path.


Could Ruby's dad or your parents take her for a while and give you some "you" time?

Ruby's dad lives in the same house and my parents live interstate, so that isn't possible.



For me I found putting her into childcare two days a week was the best thing I ever did for everyone. Her social skills have improved and I am able to recharge. She still screams a fair bit but does have a bit more self control. Is this a possibility for you? It might help.

I can't afford childcare unfortunately, that's why I had to stay home when I had her.


I use Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower tincture available at most chemists/health food stores) for the entire family as helps to calm nerves and temperament. (Aside-Great for labour too.)

I tend to have very bad reactions to a lot of herbal remedies, so reluctant to take them as well.


Thanks guys, I know many of you understand how I feel.

[the_queen]

Chelle, people on the Parenting Payment (Single) receive 100% Child Care Rebate. You wouldn't be paying much at all, it is worth looking into at least.

[Ana Gram]

Chelle, people on the Parenting Payment (Single) receive 100% Child Care Rebate. You wouldn't be paying much at all, it is worth looking into at least.

I don't get that payment. Centrelink decided that we were not separated and now I get $170 a fortnight. I think it's just a matter of waiting at the moment, I'm just finding it a bit tough.

[the_queen]

Sorry, I didn't realise they knocked you back for that.

[JnA]

I have no advice, just a sympathetic ear and hug on offer. :hugs:

[DQ]

Today has been a battle from the get go. The child spent an hour in her room screaming this morning and another hour this afternoon screaming.

She is only 3 and we have screaming matches so bad I am sure the neighbours want to call DOCS on me.

I am now at the point where I actually hate being a mother and I regret having her, as terrible as that is going to sound to most of you.

The sound of her voice frays my nerves instantly and as soon as she starts carrying on from not getting her own way, I go into yell mode.

I feel like my brain is going to explode and I am going to shatter my teeth from clenching then I am so angry.

I am actually seriously considering letting her father have sole custody.

Just needed to get it all out of my head...


My life in a nut shell :rolleyes:

:hugs: to you. Chin up - we all have off days. Tomorrow is another day!!!

[Ana Gram]

I've been talking to people who live Gothlifestyle and doing some personal research as it fascinates me. Guess because it's so open and accepting of things in life that terrify me??
Anyways, education plays a huge part and is of great importance to their "philosophies" so just a suggestion that you could look into a parenting course.
Think maybe maternal and parenting insticts are being bred out of us and it is a damn hard job that we all have to work at, using resources available be they role models, support for time out, venting, medication, therapy or education.

OK.... who have you been talking to??

I actually don't think that a parenting course would actually help in this particular situation as that isn't the big issue for me. It's me that is the problem.

[catalicious]

Oh far out babno wonder you are having such a hard time at the moment....

All this stuff happening at once ust be so hard to deal with its no wonder you are feeling the way you do...

I DO HOPE things start looking up soon... I really do as this situation is a really unfortunate one to deal with..

I do understand about the screaming toddler thing and the only advice i can offer there is to make sure you are firm and always be consistant so she knows exactly what will happen as a result of her bad behaviour i did this and rarely get these tantrums unless his REALLY tired...

HTH... From Cat

Hope to see you at our meet...

[Ana Gram]

He is a primary school teacher here in melbourne and highly articulate yet understandable in his explanations of Goth life, as he constantly has to defend himself against well meaning but ignorant parents.


Thing with goths is they are many different types and they will all have a different opinion on their own subculture.

When you have the time, take a gander at this thread :
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=19392

a few goths from BubHub contributed to it.

[shed]

Toddlers are challenging.

I don't have any advice but what you are feeling is probably what most mothers of three year olds feel sometimes.

Wait till she hits puberty...then you'll remember these as the good old days!

Hope things start looking up for you soon chelle

[Trumpet]

I was dealing with this alot with my two and chatting with my mum one day she told me about how my sisters used to act up the worst when she was going through dramas and stress herself and they some how picked up on it. So she made every effort to not to think about her problems during the day and left it until when they were in bed and they were totally different kids.

My mum doesn't often give me advice so I tried it when I was going through some hard times (still am) and the strangest thing was that it actually worked. Some days I struggle especially on lack of sleep but I am getting there.

I know it will be incredibly hard with the situation you are in but it might be worth a shot. I don't know you all that well but from your posts I can see you are a very strong woman and know how to hide your feelings pretty well so if you can do that with your daughter it might work.

:hugs:

[bronny-jane]

:D i know what your going through chelle... my dd 2 is driving me insane with her constant screaming.... good thing i know my neighbours well..... no docs calls yet:D , if i was walking past i'd be thinking there was something bad going on in my house:laughing:

whats worse the the screaming is my bodys reaction to it... i feel anger in my stomach....i start to clench my jaw.... i try to talk calmly to her...she just screams back... so i just let her get it out...i go outside for a coffee and a smoke..... sometimes i'll make her a warm milk to drink while im gone outside...and then i come back in....and try not to lose it.....

i dont know how to stop it...sometimes distraction works...like i'll say....hmm im going to have some "insert kids favorite fruit here* do you want to come and help me..... i love eating *the fruit* how about you...oh you might have to stop screaming so loud though....*the fruit* are scared of screaming kids...it might try to roll away...then we;d have to catch it...its ok though your a fast runner.....

[mum33]

i have no advice. i am going through a similar thing with my DS only on a much smaller scale which i can see must be really hard for you.

all i can give its lots of these :hugs:

[Nickster]

Sorry you're having a rough time right now, chelle.

No advice to offer except just to ride it through:o - kids change so much day to day and week to week - I know sometimes when DD is a bit like that I just have to get her and I out of the house, even if we're just walking along the street looking at letterboxes or making up a story about the birds in the trees....I've found distraction a good tool.

I hope someone has some wonderful words of wisdom for you - have a hug anyway :hugs: .

[ziggie]

My niece is the same. She makes my sister (also a single mum) a blubbering mess sometimes.
My sister put her into 3 yo kinder, just to give her a couple of hours break twice a week.
I feel for ya Chelle... if you need a sympathetic ear (or punching bag!) I'm here.

[TwoBlue]

Oh Chelle.. Boy do I understand how you feel...

I am not here now to offer advice because I dont have any and I am tipping you dont need advice right now anyway, what you need right now is to know that your not alone and your not a bad mother for feeling the way you do.

You already know that I have issues with anger.. some days I clench my teeth so hard I am sure I am going to bust them :o Some days my boys seem scared of me because of the way I yell at them :(

But they drive me sooooo crazy !!

So Chelle, please rest assured that you are not alone... I wish we lived closer so that we could catch up more and let the kids annoy each other instead of us :p

Oh I must add though, my bestie is a mum of three boys, a 5 yr old and then twin 3 year olds... whenever I am feeling really bad about my own situation I visit or call her, boy her days are tough ...

anyway she recently taught me a great trick, when Samuel is having a "moment" and I am feeling at my wits end, I jump up in "amazement" staring out a window and I say "Oh my goodness I think a PINK ELEPHANT just walked past our house !!"
LOL you should see Samuels face and instantly he forgets what the issue was!!

(Mind you I can see Ruby in her wisdom saying something like "mummy, Elephants arent pink and they dont live in Australia :rolleyes: " )
hehehehehehe

[Aquamarine]

Hi Chelle, the best thing you can do is talk about it and I think on bub hub is the perfect place when you get positive and supportive advice.

Yes we all have our bad days:yes:

As others have said on here 'tomorrow is another day'

I have just read 'The Secret-The Law of Attraction' and I can tell you it is the best thing I have done.

It has really changed my life for the positive.

I know it may not be everyones cup of tea but if you are 'open' to these things I would recommend it.:thumbsup:

I know things will get better, you just need to 'Believe';)

[Ana Gram]

u

(Mind you I can see Ruby in her wisdom saying something like "mummy, Elephants arent pink and they dont live in Australia :rolleyes: " )
hehehehehehe

Got that right - she just told me while rolling her eyes "Elephants are grey and live in Africa and India. :rolleyes:

[Ana Gram]

I have just read 'The Secret-The Law of Attraction' and I can tell you it is the best thing I have done.

It has really changed my life for the positive.

I know it may not be everyones cup of tea but if you are 'open' to these things I would recommend it.:thumbsup:

I know things will get better, you just need to 'Believe';)

Years ago I would have been open to it and been right with you. But these days I would pretty much put that book with the "You can Heal your Life" my mother gave me after my boyfriend died.

[TwoBlue]

Got that right - she just told me while rolling her eyes "Elephants are grey and live in Africa and India. :rolleyes:

LOL I knew that would happen :p

Oh well, perhaps say its a big RED Kangaroo.. she cant argue with that one :laughing:

[SorenLorensen]

:hugs: sorry i cant really help at all, i wish i could.

i know that living with your ex and having your parents so far away you would prob not get much time to yourself at all :hugs:

is there a place that you and ruby go that you both enjoy ? i know it will not fix the problem at all but i am thinking maby if you have a really bad day you could kinda escape it by doing something together that you will both get a kick out of.

......see i did say i could not help much.

hope you feel better soon.

[zenifa]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time Chelle. I don't really have any advice, just want you to know that I understand how you feel and that its normal and it doesn't make you a bad mother/person. Although my DD is younger, she's still emerging into full toddlerdom and is challenging and I have days when I dont' feel like I can cope. Its hard but you just have to hang in there, until it gets better.
Although its hard, try not to yell, it only makes you both more upset and prolongs the episode. Best of luck.

[ChubStar]

My DS1 and I seem to always have screaming matches. After a day of constant screaming I realised what I was doing and thought this is not good. Now I make an effort to talk calmly, but sternly to him. When he starts up I give him one warning and if he continues I tell him to go to his room. I don't walk him there, I just tell him to go and he does. He screams and carries on the whole way there, but as soon as he walks in his room he is distracted by his toys and finds something to play with. When he comes back out he always comes up to me and says sorry. This still happens 5 or so times per day, but we rarely have screaming matches anymore, so I think it is a better option.

[susmamma]

I know this post started ages ago but I just wanted to say I have a chipped tooth from clenching so hard!

I was gritting my teeth trying not to scream the blink'n house down in frustration and as I moved my clenched jaw around the force of my teeth crushing together actually snapped the tip of my eye tooth off.

ooops!

Both kids still alive though... so you know, there was a partial win that day.:D

I also found 'the secret' a really good way to short circuit the crazy mental momments. There is a brilliant book called "the power of now" by eckhardt tolle. Can throughly recommend as viable option to tooth chipping.

[susmamma]

and not that ruby has dummies but if you have a spare few around the house... lola my little one still has dummies and i have gnawed on those dummies (the plastic bit around the teat) until some of them have fallen apart. I walk around the house chewing on the outside of the dummy slowly releasing my frustration into the rubber (cheaper than chipping teeth).

the funny thing is, later i'll put the dummy in lola's mouth and we'll go out shopping. someone always says, "look at the go she's had at that dummy! someone's teething!"
and i always say,"oh yes, she's got a pair of jaws on her that one!"

aaaaaaaaaaaahahah. anything to keep ya sane.