View Full Version : Who pays baby shower costs??
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 12:04
Okay yes, this is a little bit of a vent and a little bit of a question…
Two close long time friend are hosting me a Baby shower at the start of July, which I am very grateful for and excited about:D. They have chosen to have it at a lovely Tea House in Clayfield; there will be approx 35-40 women invited.
Now the cost for the afternoon tea is $1140-$1300 plus there will be additional costs such as invites, postage, thank you cards and a small thank you gift which I was intending and more than okay to pay for about $250 worth of extras.
Now my two friends have said that I am expected to pay for a minium of half the afternoon tea cost…Is it normal for the mother to be to have to pay for more than ½ the baby shower costs?:confused:
So in summary they are wanting me to pay min $820 for my own baby shower and they are each putting in $285...:eek:
motherlylove
25-04-2007, 12:17
wow some babyshower
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 12:19
LOL...I only wanted something simple :o
My friend was given a surprise baby shower at a similar place in Sydney.
Each guest paid for themselves. It was mentioned on the invite how much the afternoon tea would be.
Perhaps you could do the same as that is a huge cost to be hit with.
tyler's mum
25-04-2007, 12:21
WOW some shower..
My sister put my shower on she paid for it but was problemly only around the $200 mark was a great day:thumbsup:
It's not normal for the mother to pay anything for the baby shower:confused:
~Emmylou~
25-04-2007, 12:22
Ummm no.
If they've organised this without your input and they're throwing the shower for you, it's their responsibility to pay for it.
That's very bad manners on their part actually :shame: :)
It'd be the same as if you were throwing a hen's party or a kitchen tea for a bride and then you asked her to pay for it.....you just wouldn't.
And especially after you said you wanted something simple and they've organised something expensive and then asked you to cough up? Rude.
But could be very sticky to get out of without causing infinite b*tching too so be careful!
punkbaby
25-04-2007, 12:23
I agree with the above :D but my view is if they are organising it then you shouldnt have to pay just my thoughts :)
i think its rude to ask guests to pay and then also get presents for your baby as well...if that makes sense i know i would think why should i pay when i am bringing something for this baby guess thats just my view though :)
I hope you work out what your going to do it is a lot of money
jess_live_die
25-04-2007, 12:24
my mum paid for mine but i would think if they planned it all that they would pay for it but thats what i think
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 12:27
That’s the problem, how to say something without causing problems, I loves these girls and they are very close friends, I know they just want a lovely Baby Shower for me and know that i enjoy going to that Tea House... It not so much the amount of money, but to me the point that they didn’t ask when they decided on the place about the costs, or that they just expected I would pay…:thumbsdown:
mum2peanut
25-04-2007, 12:28
My mum had sister threw me a surprise shower so they paid for everything. If I was organising a shower for someone, I personally would pay for it.
That's some shower tho, can you cut down the number of people coming, or ask them to do something cheaper if invites haven't been done. I wouldn't ask guests to pay, but that's just me. Just say you can;t really afford and don't want a big, fancy thing.
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 12:29
i think its rude to ask guests to pay and then also get presents for your baby as well...if that makes sense i know i would think why should i pay when i am bringing something for this baby guess thats just my view though :)
Yeah, I know. I really don't want to ask people to pay...:(
hmm hard one. if you cant afford it tho just say so.
i think the ones who organize should pay. thats a hell of a lot of money..
really they got a good deal.. they get the praise of organizing but arent out any expense.. i'd be peeved!
Kristy07
25-04-2007, 13:17
My goodness! I'm hosting my best friend's baby shower mid june with another friend of hers and it's costing us about $150 between us!
We wouldnt dare ask the Mum to be to pay! It's just not a done thing!
My mum's hosting mine and I have offered to pay for stuff like buy all the drinks (a couple of bottles of champers and a punch and things like that) and also buy the prizes for the games - but she wouldnt have a bar of it!
Good luck though....
Becteria
25-04-2007, 13:27
My friend threw mine and i bought some grog.
I threw one for a friend at a restaurant - i paid for food and asked everyone to pay for drinks......
Think it sounds like a lovely day, and if you are ok with it i would speak to your friends about splitting the cost 3 ways. Have the invites been sent out yet? if not maybe change the venue or ask everyone to cover their cost...
I wouldnt bother... I could think of a million things you could buy with that much money.. Seeing as though you have a bub coming.. I know someone who is due really soon and just had a car accident and has a heap of bills to pay for aswell..
I would have it at someones house.. When I had my baby shower my mum threw it for me and all I did was show up
Harlequin
25-04-2007, 13:53
As others have said, if it was their idea to throw it for you then asking you to pay anything is rather rude.
I'd be gobsmacked and tell them to f off if it was my friends hahah. But then I think paying that much for a baby shower is silly. I didn't even have one tho. Noone offered seriously to throw one and I've always felt weird throwing 'buy me gifts' parties :D
You could buy half the stuff you need with that money and who's to say you'll get anything worthwhile anyway... or do you have registries at showers?
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 14:39
I agree with pretty much with what everyone has said. :yes:The problem is how to go about addressing the issue…:detective:Even If I was to pay 1/3 it would mean I would be paying a total of about $630, which I can afford but still think it the principal of it. Maybe I could say, I will pay and organise invite, postage, thank you notes and a small thank you gift for guests and contribute $200 to the food & drink costs? :detective:
I know my friends can afford it, although I honestly don't want them to spend that much on my baby shower nor do I want guest to have to pay.:no:
Harlequin
25-04-2007, 14:43
Maybe just tell them you are really sorry but you definitely cannot afford that kind of money.
They do realise you are having a child yeah? :D
Just tell them how much you CAN afford and see what they say. If they want guests to pay then just say you'd rather not have that happen.
No offense but they sorta sound like they are just throwing an extravagant shower so they can take the credit for it later and sound like fabulous friends. You can bet when people say "Wow, what a wonderful shower you guys put together!" that they won't say that you paid for half of it.
Nope wouldn't be paying for it. I'd tell them it was a lovely idea but you have a baby on the way and can't afford to spend that much money out of packet. I wouldn't ask the guests to pay either (think it's rude and would rather the money spent on useful things for bubs than the cost of a fancy dancy place). Just tell them to organise something simple, at a cheap venue.
My mum organised mine....she paid for it all and it was at her place. I had a great time!
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 15:04
No offense but they sorta sound like they are just throwing an extravagant shower so they can take the credit for it later and sound like fabulous friends. You can bet when people say "Wow, what a wonderful shower you guys put together!" that they won't say that you paid for half of it.
Yes, I think that part of it…:thumbsdown:
They know, we can easily afford it, which is why they didn't consult or ask me initially about the cost, just made assumption which makes pi$$ed off :(…I don’t want to pay that amount of money, personally it silly for a baby shower...Might just have to ask DH about what to do… can already see his face when I tell him the cost:laughing:
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 15:06
Just tell them to organise something simple, at a cheap venue.
My mum organised mine....she paid for it all and it was at her place. I had a great time!
Sound like a great idea to me:thumbsup:
Chub Chub
25-04-2007, 15:13
Geez they could feed a small country for that:eek:
My girlfriend was going to organise mine but then did not a lot, so my mum threw a backyard job with home cooked food which was fantastic. I think it cost about $150 - $200 including some cheap bubbly for the not preggos.
Have your bash at home where you'll be comfy and maybe bring them back to reality and have them cook you a BBQ!:D
oleander
25-04-2007, 15:14
I think it's a better idea to have it at someones house. Maybe you could ask your mum or mil if you can have it at their house.
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 15:26
Hmmm…:detective:all great ideas:thumbsup:, Could I offer for them to have it at our place? Or is that bad etiquette?:confused: My parent will be o/s at the time of the shower and my MIL passed away many years ago.
Chub Chub
25-04-2007, 15:30
Hmmm…:detective:all great ideas:thumbsup:, Could I offer for them to have it at our place? Or is that bad etiquette?:confused: My parent will be o/s at the time of the shower and my MIL passed away many years ago.
etiquette smetiquette........mine was at my house. You can play all of the silly, compulsory baby shower games in your own home without feeling reserved out in public.:thumbsup:
oleander
25-04-2007, 15:32
Hmmm…:detective:all great ideas:thumbsup:, Could I offer for them to have it at our place? Or is that bad etiquette?:confused: My parent will be o/s at the time of the shower and my MIL passed away many years ago.
I don't think it's bad etiquette at all. It's worse etiquette to spend a couple of grand on a tea party and expect you to pay for half of it.
Have it at your place. It's your party after all. Maybe you can just invite close friends and family to cut back the amount of people trooping through your house.
I must be behind the times, I have never heard of a baby shower being held at a Tea house.
All the ones I have been to have been at someones house with nibblies and some games (not many) and a bunch of girls sitting round shooting the breeze and the preggy girl gets presents and gets made a bit of a fuss of.
Its not a huge drama and when I hosted one for my friend I can't even remember how much it cost me. Not much anyway. I loved planning it and we had a great time.
Harlequin
25-04-2007, 16:09
I always thought they were held at a house too.
Seems a bit fancy holding it at a tea house.
Tell them you'd prefer to have it at your place or at another home so it doesn't cost so much. If they kick up a stink they can throw their own showers and buy presents for one another. :D
MammyMammy
25-04-2007, 16:13
Why dont you just have it at home? Its more comfortable anyhow, and best for all the gifts etc
Plus loads of people will want to see the last touches to your nursery - and some may not have seen it before.
x
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 16:21
Why dont you just have it at home? Its more comfortable anyhow, and best for all the gifts etc
Plus loads of people will want to see the last touches to your nursery - and some may not have seen it before.
x
That what I wanted and expetced a gathering at their or my home...:D Instead I got this silly over the top idea:banghead:
Eveyone is asking to see the nusery although, we haven't told anyone the sex yet, and the room very clearly for a boy...might give it away:laughing:
dreamer80
25-04-2007, 16:21
If they kick up a stink they can throw their own showers and buy presents for one another. :D
:laughing::laughing::laughing:
LittleBoysRock
25-04-2007, 16:26
OMG! That's a bit rough!!
When I had my baby shower my bestie's arranged it and paid for everything.
I hosted a baby shower for a friend a year ago and I paid for everything. I couldnt imagine saying I want to throw you a baby shower and then asking for money!
I would be asking them to make it something simple that doesnt cost so much!
I think the best idea if to have it at someones house, its way more intimate then and you can always get cakes etc from the tea house. I would just say that it was a lovely idea and thank them but you didnt realise it was going to be so expensive....
vanillabean
25-04-2007, 19:51
My best friend and my Mum organised mine. It was a suprise and a really simple afternoon tea at Mum's place. It was really lovely, all I did was turn up and didn't pay for any of it. To be honest I don't think it would have even cost $50.
Im sorry but I think its just rude that they expect you to pay for something that THEY are throwing for YOU.:shame:
MCNmummyof2
26-04-2007, 16:28
I also think its rude. Just say that you cant afford it at the moment - and give them other options (just because the money is available - doesnt mean that you are able to spend it!!)
. . .Even If I was to pay 1/3 it would mean I would be paying a total of about $630, which I can afford but still think it the principal of it. Maybe I could say, I will pay and organise invite, postage, thank you notes and a small thank you gift for guests and contribute $200 to the food & drink costs? :detective:
I don't think you should have to pay for anything - your thank you notes are personal so you can cover that later. I agree with having it at someones house, more intimate. But if you're like me and just HAVE to do something, then bring along a few bottles of nice wine or bake a slice to contribute or something.
In all honestly, you're having a baby and I'm sure you'd rather spend $630 on baby stuff you actually LIKE, WANT & NEED than at a tea house.
Just a question - do these friends of yours actually have kids??? :confused:
dreamer80
27-04-2007, 13:32
Just a question - do these friends of yours actually have kids??? :confused:
1 does, 1 doesn't, although BOTH should no better...:laughing:
well
i had a REAL :) baby shower with no.3- no fancy stuff- but all my closest friends being invited over to my friends place- having fun- naughty cakes- chocolates- games and just a wonderful time...
i had no expensive pressies, and wouldn´t have wanted them!
my friend organised EVERTHING and COOKED (i have no mum or sister, nor do i have family in australia) ...i was just sooo grateful to have a wonderful day.
i honestly would just say no thanks, and go for a less fancy, but truly amazing baby shower, with lots of laughs and lovely memories :kiss:
The Tea House they have chosen or your baby shower is gorgeous i have hired the function room before. :yes: However i think for a bub shower it's a bit exy. And u only get little platters and tea or champagne.
My friends and fam thru me a bub shower but it was at my house. They paid for most of it but I still thru in a few things. We had maybe between 60 -70 people i can't remember.
You could do something so much better at home. Just like the tea house they want to have your shower at you can buy the speshy stands and make the high tea foods to put on the platters (and get to keep the speshy stands and save money).
Even caterers would be cheaper at your own home than at the tea house.:idea:
I would be thinking...what is the shower about for you. If u want something extravagant then go for it. Me personally i like low key stuff.
Good luck hun.
dreamer80
27-04-2007, 13:45
Yes, the place is lovely; I have been there many times, hence why they choose it.
Ahh the caterers is great suggestion,:thumbsup: They/I just don’t want a traditional baby shower with baby shower games…although I didn’t want something that expensive…:no:
I was also thinking of suggesting buffet brunch at my place to them:detective:
I had organised a friends baby shower on the weekend it was a simple one at her place she gave us money for prizes for the games they played and her parents paid for the food and drinks.. while it is nice to have a wow baby shower but it isn't necessary to do that when U just want to be comfortable especially in a home....
U do what u want for ur baby shower.. if u think paying that much is too much speak up and maybe get those who are invited to pay their share??
Yes, the place is lovely; I have been there many times, hence why they choose it.
Ahh the caterers is great suggestion,:thumbsup: They/I just don’t want a traditional baby shower with baby shower games…although I didn’t want something that expensive…:no:
I was also thinking of suggesting buffet brunch at my place to them:detective:
I didn't have a traditional bub shower. Here's what i did.
I had girls upstairs and boys downstairs. The invite was divided into two sides so both partners could come.
I think the boys side said "Beer, Backgammon and BBQ" and joked about "sharing fatherly advice" and my side was similar but all about a bub shower, beauty etc.
We had like a high tea for the ladies with champagne and heaps of cool games with awesome prizes.
The house was decorated in about 200 pink baloons. Everyone that came had to wear a speshy name tag that my friends made too. Very cute.
At the end we all came together downstairs for a huge bbq. We had heaps of lush food, prawns on skewers, gourmet salads, cheescakes etc. and drinks.
It went until 1 or 2 am. I think it started at 3 in the arvo.
Just do what works for u guys. :cool:
I didn't have a traditional bub shower. Here's what i did.
I had girls upstairs and boys downstairs. The invite was divided into two sides so both partners could come.
I think the boys side said "Beer, Backgammon and BBQ" and joked about "sharing fatherly advice" and my side was similar but all about a bub shower, beauty etc.
We had like a high tea for the ladies with champagne and heaps of cool games with awesome prizes.
The house was decorated in about 200 pink baloons. Everyone that came had to wear a speshy name tag that my friends made too. Very cute.
At the end we all came together downstairs for a huge bbq. We had heaps of lush food, prawns on skewers, gourmet salads, cheescakes etc. and drinks.
It went until 1 or 2 am. I think it started at 3 in the arvo.
Just do what works for u guys. :cool:
Thats an awesome idea!! Love it!
dreamer80
27-04-2007, 14:04
I didn't have a traditional bub shower. Here's what i did.
I had girls upstairs and boys downstairs. The invite was divided into two sides so both partners could come.
I think the boys side said "Beer, Backgammon and BBQ" and joked about "sharing fatherly advice" and my side was similar but all about a bub shower, beauty etc.
We had like a high tea for the ladies with champagne and heaps of cool games with awesome prizes.
The house was decorated in about 200 pink baloons. Everyone that came had to wear a speshy name tag that my friends made too. Very cute.
At the end we all came together downstairs for a huge bbq. We had heaps of lush food, prawns on skewers, gourmet salads, cheescakes etc. and drinks.
It went until 1 or 2 am. I think it started at 3 in the arvo.
Just do what works for u guys. :cool:
Thats sounds fantastic...just my type of party!!:thumbsup::yes:
Hey Kiah!
Sounds just FABBY to me!
What sort of games did you play?
I just started a new thread and was wondering what everyone did for their baby showers - yours sounds like fun! :laughing:
Hey Kiah!
Sounds just FABBY to me!
What sort of games did you play?
I just started a new thread and was wondering what everyone did for their baby showers - yours sounds like fun! :laughing:
One of the games was a multi choice 20 questions about me and hub. It was sooo funny. Person with most correct answers wins.
Eg.
What was Kiah wearing the day they met
a. bikini
b. towel
c. jeans and singlet
Then other questions were
- what size shoe
- is Kiah's middle name french, aboriginal or danish
- what footy team does hub play for
etc.
Other games were where u freeze a jelly baby in a plastic cup with water. Everyone gets given one when they arrive. Turn your cup upside doen, first persons water to break and get their baby out wins, they can force it out if they want.
Then there was this game name the baby just a bunch of flashcards my friend made up with a pic of an animal eg. cow on one side and baby animal answer on the other (calf) person with most at end gets prize.
Another one is have a bunch of letters u draw out from a hat and its the 1st person to think of something to do with babies or conception in assoc with the letter eg. letter d "doodle" heheheh.
We did sooooo many. It was hilarious.
Great ideas Kiah! :thumbsup:
I've cut & copied a few!
Another idea would be instead of 20 questions about DH & I it could be about my other 3 kids! Most of the people are close friends.
OH! I just came across this on a web site:
"Who Pays: It is customary for the person who is the host (or hosts) to pay and it is considered the Mommy-To-Be's present from that person (or those people). Today, it is common for multiple people to throw the baby shower together which helps in splitting the cost."
Makes sense to me. Hopefully it'll put your mind at ease. :thumbsup:
well i would have thought everyone going would pay for there own afternoon tea or meal or what ever the case may be that is a lot of money for you to have to pay out and i would asume that all the people yopu are inviting wouldnt expect you to pay for them
well i would have thought everyone going would pay for there own afternoon tea or meal or what ever the case may be that is a lot of money for you to have to pay out and i would asume that all the people yopu are inviting wouldnt expect you to pay for them
If I wasn't really close to the person I wouldn't go if it was a case of bring a present and pay for your own meal! You don't even have to do that at a wedding!
If I was close to them I'd go definitely, but if I had to pay for my food too (and it isn't cheap by the shounds of it) it would come out of pressie money which means bub would get less.
Ashleigh<3
28-04-2007, 18:39
Now the cost for the afternoon tea is $1140-$1300 plus there will be additional costs such as invites, postage, thank you cards and a small thank you gift which I was intending and more than okay to pay for about $250 worth of extras.
Um, that's like, a whole babies bedroom set, not to mention a hefty amount of cash!
:eek:
I spent $300 tops on my baby shower, and I paid for that and I thought that was expensive enough. :o
Not to mention I had 66 people at my baby shower, all who brought gifts and I doubt adding up the cost of all the gifts worked out to be that much..
dreamer80
28-04-2007, 18:51
Ladies, that for your input and all of you agreed that I shouldn’t pay, which is what I thought.:yes:
The girls have now realised and understand that as lovely as that idea was that is was too expensive for a baby shower ( and guest can't be expected to pay and bring a gift) :thumbsdown:, so instead they are hosting a Sunday morning ladies only buffet brunch my place while the men go off and play golf. :thumbsup: They will be getting a caterer which actually works out alot cheaper (thanks for that idea Kiah) Furthermore I will only be paying for the invites (already brought them) favours and thank you cards.:D
SorenLorensen
28-04-2007, 18:57
glad it worked out for you..
sorry i only just found this thread, but yes i agree with everyone that you should not have paid.
i was pretty spoilt and my mum and dad paid mine.
Harlequin
28-04-2007, 19:03
Woohoo :D
I've come to this thread quite late, and I am glad that its all worked out for you.
I agree that the baby shower idea, having high tea is a great one, but I agree that guests should pay for their own meal, and then the gift can be optional - its a celebration of your impending motherhood, not just a chance for gifting (sorry but often people become focused on the end product and not the process/occasion involved and its real meaning).
Personally, aside from minor expenses like invitations, thank you cards and a gift for the hostesses, you shouldn't have a huge expense for your baby shower. Catering is a great idea or ask the attendees to bring food/drinks to share, most won't mind and will bring a gift too.
good luck with your baby shower!!
dreamer80
28-04-2007, 21:10
its a celebration of your impending motherhood, not just a chance for gifting (sorry but often people become focused on the end product and not the process/occasion involved and its real meaning).
Agree with you Zenifa!!:yes:
It is most definitely is a celebration of impeding motherhood and of the expcted baby.
But me personally I really don’t like asking people to pay for meals when I have invited to a celebrations:no:. With baby shower, people feel obligated and/or always like to bring a gift although we have almost everything and it isn’t necessary and most certainly is not the reason to have a shower. So with that in mind, I don’t want added expense to my guests wither they can afford it or not. But ultimately I guess it depends on your circle of friends and what is usual/customary at such celebrations. But for sure the mother to be paying is a no go..:laughing:
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