Help! Don't know what to do......

[lil monkey]

hi all,

DD is now 11 months and is basically not sleeping much at all at night and we are at our wits end. :(

She is dead tired when we put her down but she screams non stop until we rock her to sleep. If we put her back in her cot when she is still awake she screams andscreams and then when she does go to sleep, she wakes up an hour later and the screaming starts again for about 45 minutes and then she goes back to sleep for an hour and so on..........

Eventually we put her in bed with us but she is so restless and kicks and rolls that no one gets sleep.

We don't know what to do - has anyone else experienced this behaviour and what did you do? We have literally tried everything that we know of and desperately seeking other ideas! I have been living off 3 hours sleep a night for the past few weeks and my bags under my eyes are about to swallow me whole. :(

[JanetF]

You poor loves. So obviously she's not keen on being put in the cot since she cries when you put her there? How about sidecaring the cot against your bed so there's more room for you all? Then she can fling herself around in her cot but not disturb your sleep. If she's having tough times in her cot she might be remembering that when you put her in it. With sidecaring she's always close to you and not alone which she obviously finds distressing. You put the cot against a wall, take off the side nearest the bed and put the bed smackbang against it. Even if she's distressed at least you don't have to get out of bed to comfort her. How about a change in bedtime ritual as well so she's well and truly taken out of the old familiar stuff? Maybe some soothing music and low lights while you gently dance her in a cradle hold in the loungeroom then slowly and lovingly lie down with her and let her know she's safe and you're not going away? It can take a fortnight to implement a new ritual or change something gently so they're not distressed by it. She could also be teething and the closeness and comfort from you will be extra important then. If you're bfing her, she would love to feed to sleep next to you!

This is a lovely article about how and why babies like to sleep close to us.
http://www.naturalchild.com/james_mckenna/babies_need.html

This is Elizabeth Pantley's website - her book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" would be great for you!
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Pillowtalk – helping your child get a good night’s sleep.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/fleiss.html

Selfsoothing
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/hunt-archive.html#self-soothing

Another sleep expert - Pinky McKay - her books "100 ways to calm the crying" and "Parenting by Heart" would be great for you too. Libraries often have them.
15 ways to help your baby sleep
http://www.pinky-mychild.com/features/baby/sleep.html

Choosing a sleep approach.
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070700.asp

[wattle]

Have you thought about sleep school? I have heard very good reports about them. Might be worth considering, sleep is so precious. Anything to save your sanity. :)

[lil monkey]

thanks for the replies!

We did do sleep school - 2 weeks straight in fact when she was 3 months for her day sleeps as her night sleeps weren't a problem at all. She would go down at 7pm without her dummy and no crying and sleep for 12 hours straight - not a peep!

Then at just before 7 months, it all stopped and has been progessively getting worse. WE think it may be separation anxiety but we really have no clue!

[JanetF]

The cure for separation anxiety is no separation ;) They grow through it at their own pace if you just support them and make sure they always know you're there. I hope you find a solution. Sleep "training" solutions often don't work forever and if something doesn't work, try something else, I reckon!

[lil monkey]

thanks janetf, i will try the websites tonight!

I bought us a king bed 2 days ago so there is room for us all to sleep in but she was so good for the 4 months she was sleeping through that we know she can do it and only in the past few weeks has she started the screaming fits!

[melfunction]

Hi Taylasmum,

I bought the Dr Sears book a few days back and we are having success already. Check the website too. It has some great tips..

Hope you get some sleep soon :)

[JanetF]

Poor little love. Babies sleep habits change regularly as their brains grow and mature so what she does yesterday, last month or today is not really an indication of her capabilities. From about 4-10 months my son requested a dummy and a cloth nappy for day sleeps. He put the dummy in, put the nappy over his head and then gave me a dirty look if I didn't leave the room! From 11-18 months he was mostly bf to sleep in the day and totally opposed to nappies and dummies! Horrified to be offered them in fact LOL. From 18 months to 20 months he went to sleep in my lap and then transferred happily to bed, staying asleep. From 21-23 months he only had day sleeps in my lap while I watched stuff I videoed for that very purpose. He was 2 in Nov and now he lies next to me, we chat a bit and then he goes to sleep. It is a constantly changing thing so I never expect him to do what he has in the past, yk? I don't think they necessarily are capable of repeating past behaviours all the time.

[lil monkey]

What do people think of co sleepers? do they work and how much are they?

[JanetF]

I don't know what you mean by "a cosleeper". We cosleep which means my son sleeps in my bed. I suggested sidecaring which wouldn't cost you anything because you already have a cot. It doesn't sound like your babe needs anything other than you to be happy and you come free ;)

[lil monkey]

unfortunately the rental we are in means the bed just fits in the room! our new house will have room for the cot.

but the king bed is big enough for all of us anyway. from looking at all those websites, it seems that this is quite common around this age, mainly due to teething! But, having a bub who is so restless at night and then grumpy and tired all the next day is upsetting.

What sort of bedtime routine do others have?

[JanetF]

We don't have one at all, never have. He gets his jamies on, I say "Would you like to go to bed now?" and he says "Yeah!" with a big grin and toddles off to climb on up. Sleeping has never been an issue because he's always been in the bed, never alone, never cried, so he really looks forward to it. Waking up is normal and common but you can lessen it's effects through having bub close to you.

[lil monkey]

what do we do though for the time she goes to sleep until we do? usually she is ready around 7pm and we go at 9pm but listen to her cry for that time.

[JanetF]

Can you lie in bed with her while she goes to sleep? You can massage her sleep a little later by 15 minute increments over a fortnight or so until she goes to bed when you do or you can just lie with her while she goes to sleep. My son went to bed without me when he liked an earlier bedtime. I lay with him, fed him to sleep if he wanted it, or just patted him and he dozed off. Then I got up and did what I wanted. Since he was about 11 months old he's gone to bed when I do, around 10pm and got up with me in the morning - I only get up after he wakes up, I'm into catching as much sleep as possible ;) He gets up 9-10am now which I love. I know that when he's had a bad experience with something (he had a scare in the bath once and barely bathed for a year after it from the massive fear he developed) that it takes a long time for him to get over it. It sounds like your little one just needs a lot of reassurance and security right now, which is what all babies need. She's asking for it :) It might take you a while to rebuild her confidence that you won't let her cry :( Some babies need a lot of time and patience to recover from that, I'm sorry to say. Sending sleepy vibes to your house *hugs*

[tickle]

Some babies need a lot of time and patience to recover from that, I'm sorry to say. Sending sleepy vibes to your house *hugs*
I have found this with O.
We were lying down with him. In the beginning we had to stay for a while until he was fully asleep and then we only had to stay until he was drowsy and now he will usually lie down by himself.
Has worked well for us and he is never distressed by us leaving. He feels comfortable now in his own time.;)

[INVY]

Hey Taylasmum. I experienced the same thing a couple of months ago. My DD wouldn't sleep until midnight usually and the only way we could get her in the cot was if we ricked her to sleep til she basically fell asleep with us holding her. Everynight i'd give her a bottle at 10.30pm and i'd hold her while i was on the computer, in the study with no lights and soft music playing.
I was a zombie and crnky all the time. Basically i tried everything and it didn't work. Anyway when my dd was 11 months she was teething. Once all her teeth popped out she went to bed earlier and earleir each night. Your bub is probably teething. Now she sleeps a solid 12 hours a night from 8.30 til 8.30 the next day.
Hang in there. I know how tiring it is. Once your bub's teeth pop out it'l be sweet!
:p

[reAllytee]

I have found this with O.
We were lying down with him. In the beginning we had to stay for a while until he was fully asleep and then we only had to stay until he was drowsy and now he will usually lie down by himself.
Has worked well for us and he is never distressed by us leaving. He feels comfortable now in his own time.;)


Yep thats what we did with bubs once he went into his cot & every so often due to teeth i have to go back to staying in the room until he falls asleep which ive been doing on & off now for the last few weeks.
I think the day you stop fighting what you want bubs to do will be the day things settle IYKWIM because for us everytime we wanted a certain routine he rejected it whereas if he "chose" his routine then things were a lot more smoother for everyone.
Its hard especially when your wanting to say have dinner or get things done but sometimes you just have to realise that things can wait.
I really hope things settle for you & that the co-sleeping works sounds like she just wants her mamma IMO take it as a compliment ! She loves you so much she cant bear to be without you :D
Oh & i think it was schmell who made a great statement on another thread saying that "when you give your children more of your time, you end up having more time to yourself" its often very much the case !

[JanetF]

Schmell was spot on! I like to say that a met need goes away and an unmet need persists. So if a child needs closeness, providing it fills that need :) They're only this little for such a short time and they need every support through it.

[Mamaduke]

Both my boys slept in their own cots from the get-go...it's not what we had planned on, but they seemed more settled on their own so that's what we went with. At around the age of 2 Jesse decided that he wanted to sleep in "Mummy's bed" so off Daddy went to his room and that's virtually where he stayed for the good part of a year! Then he just decided that he'd sleep in his own bed again. Lucas is 18 months now and even when he's sick he won't stay in our bed...he must have his lambskin, music, nightlight and door closed.
Whatever you decide to do - you decide, there seems to be alot of people out there who are so against co-sleeping, don't let them deter you if this is what you want to do - like the song goes, "Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright..."

[lil monkey]

thankyou all for your replies and support.

tonight we put her down and she fell asleep instantly! HOORAH we thought!

45 minutes later she woke up screaming as per usual. We let her go for 15 minutes so we could eat our dinner together for a change and then DP went in and patted her for 5 minutes and she was asleep but as soon as he left the room she started again.

She is such a light sleeper unfortunately and senses everything.....................

I think she is teething though as I can see the white lines again.

I must go and get her up for a cuddle so she can sleep on me for a bit. :rolleyes:

[reAllytee]

I used to find with bubs sometimes i had to stay in his room for like 10mins after he fell asleep otherwise he sensed i was gone so would scream so maybe try this also ? It then got to where i would just sit on my bed as we are next door after he was alseep for 10mins then would go to waiting 5mins & so on until he was happy to have me put him down & me come downstairs but as i said he goes through stages. Teething is horrid no other way to put it really i end up just as cranky as bubs yet i dont even have the pain ! Try & grit your teeth remember its just a phase type thing it will be over sooner than you realise. I was also told by an ex work colleague the best way to also look at babies is that we as adults have bad days so of course they will too for various reasons & cant voice it so they will have at least say one bad day a week then you will go a week or even longer without a bad day but then you cop them all at once with a bad week or bad month. So look at this as your bad few weeks or so & then it will be plain sailing after but yep with the calm comes the storm ! Otherwise if you feel she is screaming for other reasons such as reflux maybe you need to speak with someone about it as obviously you dont want her becoming too distressed.
Hopefully tonite will be better for you all :)