14 month old getting hysterical...

[caro224]

Hi everyone!!
Our daughter Emily is kind of going through a difficult phase. Whenever I turn my back to her she starts to cry hysterically. The same when she does not get what she wants. She is fine the moment I pick her up or distract her, but I can't continue this for much longer. DP and me are having serious trouble about it. He finds it best to put her in her bed as soon as she starts to cry and not get her out until she stopped. I wouldn't mind to keep distracting her and take the "milder" solution. But isn't she getting spoilt then? When is the right age to start with discipline anyway? :confused:
When she eats she keeps throwing food on the floor. DP says stop feeding her in that moment. When she is hungry enough she will eat. But isn't that a bit too harsh? Maybe I'm a bit too soft on her, but teaching her that way - will that work?
I'm kind of desperate and would love to her from someone who expierienced something similar!!

thanx

Carolin:)

[JanetF]

Your baby isn't being naughty, she's waaaaaaaaay too young for that! :) She's simply overwhelmed by how strong her emotions can be, and realising that her environment can be altered without her wishing it, and a lot of other new and scary things like that. With my son I've always distracted him which works particularly well at that age. Holding her close or at least staying close by her shows her that no matter how scary the feelings are, or how scared she feels, you won't desert her and that she's still loveable. I don't believe in discipline being anything other than teaching - helping my child work out the weird but acceptable ways to do stuff in this world. Throwing food is about learning. She has no concept that it's inconvenient or naughty, she just likes flinging stuff about and perhaps your reaction makes her enjoy it more. You could very calmly just move her food out of reach while continuing on as if nothing has happened. If she really likes to feed herself she'll soon work out that throwing food means it goes away and she'll stop the behaviour. If she's really enjoying your reaction, don't give her one to that stuff ;) This is the start of the far more complex part of parenting for you but with a lot of information, support and acceptance you'll be ok and most importantly, so will your daughter! Our goal, after all, is to raise emotionally and psychologically healthy adults isn't it? Remember the parenting mantra "This too shall pass!" :)

This website has wonderful stuff to help you understand children's emotions and how to help them learn to manage them.
http://www.awareparenting.com/
- A website supporting the work of Aletha Solter Ph.D, assisting parents to form compassionate relationships with their children.

This wonderful article has great info on dealing with tanties and how to understand the. Sometimes understanding and acceptance take us a long way through parenting ;)
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/tantrums.html

[Lucybelle]

Throwing food around is half the fun!

[kiwibird27]

Have to agree and disagree with JanetF - you need to help her understand her emotions by saying "I can see your very angry right now" etc and helping her to label her feelings and she isn't being Naughty - she is just becoming a toddler and starting to understand she can control people and things - giving into her all the time is a great short term fix but long term e.g. when she's 4 and big, giving her what she wants will only lead to bigger issues - throwing your dinner around the room is NOT okay - so no more dinner - it's not cruel it's learning that there are consequences for her behaviour, don't get upset - simply say if you throw your food - it gets taken away and there will be nothing else - when she throws her food remind her what you said and take away dinner - when she screams and she will - simply say I can she your sad (or whatever) now but I told you what would happen - If the crying continues put her on a step or send her to her room - BUT - no more to eat - Do this with 100% persistance and she will learn if I throw my dinner it doesn't cause any reaction (whats she's after) I just miss out -
Easier to do this right from the start than trying to fix it when she's older
Dads and husbands tend to be better at the whole discipline thing cause they don't really get that horrible Guilty bad mother feeling
You shouldn't feel bad - your just educating her in how life is
FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS A CONSEQUENCE