Stepmother aka conniving cow!

[Ky]

I wasn't going to post this under the Issues with family members section as I don't consider her a family member, but she is ruining my sisters life, so here goes!

My Dad and Stepmother have recently retired and moved away from my sister to live with our stepsister on a farm they jointly own. Big resentments about this, but not the issue right now.

My sister had requested that she get to spend an evening alone with Dad before they moved so that she could say goodbye. Dad agreed but when my sis rang to find out the arrangements, he wasn't yet home and my stepmother (Alyn) decided that she ad the opportunity to stir the pot. She told my sister that Dad didn't want to spend time with her, that she is a little upstart who is always bossing him around, that her kids were little horrors (far from it!) and that she was going to take Dad out of our lives forever! All my sister had done was ask that she didn't write in her "family news" - for the third year running! - that she and her husband had divorced. This newsletter is typically 2 pages long (typed) and will contain one or two sentences about "Nick's kids" (us) and refers to her kids as "our kids" and only ever puts stale or demeaning news about my sister and I. Whereas the rest of the newsletter is droning on about how wonderful her children, grandchildren and "great grandchildren" are ... they are a bunch of losers who are either being fired from their jobs or going bankrupt!

My Dad rang my sister back ready to blast her for the supposedly awful things that she said to Alyn, only to find her in tears and unable to talk - just as she had been when on the phone with Alyn! He then said, hold on, I will be picking you up on half an hour and took her out for the night. She says that she talked and he listened ... he was stunned at some of the things she had said to my sister, but at the same time professes to being powerless to do anything as she is his best friend and that he is basically locked into the current arrangements!

Anyway, after all of the waffling, my main concern is ... How dare she threaten to take our Dad out of our lives!!!!! He is all we have left ... she still has her mob of no-hoper children etc:mad:

[cosmic]

I don't know what to say except she sounds like a complete troll, Kyra. :( I'm glad your sister had a chance to tell your dad how she feels, and more importantly, that he listened!

[WeThree]

oh Kyra, im sorry that you have such mean witch for a stepmother. im afraid i dont really have any advice, how does one deal with someone like that? all ican say is big (((HUGS))) to you and your sister and i hope your dad has the guts to stand up to this woman and continues to see you and your sister.

[W & T's sleepy mummy]

Hi Kyra, How awful is that woman? How can she think it to be to anyone's benefit to try make your dad choose between her and your family? Sounds like she has extremely low self-esteem! I'm so glad your dad took your sister out and listened to her. How are you feeling about it? I hope you're ok. ((Hugs - to you and sis))

[pegasus]

Hi Kyra

((Hugs)) to both you and your sister. It's women like that who give us stepmothers a bad name:rolleyes:

I just don't understand women who feel that they have to put others down to make themselves look better (like the Xmas letter) with the comments about "her kids" and "your dad's kids". Even worse is the way she's said about taking your dad out of your lives forever...:mad:

Doesn't she realise that's the sure fire way for him to realise what a ***** she is? Full points to your dad for going to see your sister and supporting her, although I'm curious about the "locked in to these arrangements" thing. Maybe your dad knows what she's capable of but isn't sure how to get out?

Anyway just wanted to let you know that we hear you, and hope your dad does continue to be a big part of your sister and your lives.

[Ky]

He is probably more locked in due to the fact that he and Alyn have given all of their money over to her daughter (who is nearly 50 and recently been bankrupt twice!) to invest in the "farm"! They moved up to the farm only to find that she had the house that had only just been built (never lived in!) and the farm up for sale and had grand plans to move elsewhere to grow avocados!

I don't know that he will stand his ground ... he has lived not more than 15 minutes drive from my sister for the past 6 years and she only ever saw him if she rang and told him that he was having his grandchildren overnight ... she had to force him to spend any time with them.

Personally, and my sister agrees ... if he doesn't keep in touch, we will just get on with it and hope that our kids are not too upset about not seeing their granddad. It is easier for me living in Australia as it is a true physical distance, although, he did come to Sydney once (only 2 hrs drive) and wasn't going to ring us ... I only found out because I rang his work in NZ and they told me where he was! We went up and stood outside the door to his conference and nabbed him when he came out ... it was the only way we were going to see him!

Don't get me wrong, he is a really nice man who reminds me of a cuddly (and hairy) teddybear. He always had to be pushed into keeping in contact with his relatives ... including his own father ... by my Mum, but she passed away 10 years ago and he has gone downhill in his communication with everyone! His stepmother who is the sweetest lady I know, has not heard from him since he arrived at her place a couple of weeks after his Dad's funeral (which he didn't attend because of Alyn:mad: ) with a cheque to pay for it - which was over 2 years ago!

We are not going to give up completely ... I will ring him occasionally (that's if I know where he is ... I only just got his address and ph number 2 months after he moved!) and will visit if we ever go back to NZ for a holiday. DH is adamant that any visit will be a day trip and will not involve any overnight stay.

I am just so glad that dh's folks are nice and want to be involved with their grandkids ... they are in Sydney with my bil and sil at them moment and arrive down here on the 1st for 4 nights ... the kids will have a ball!

[WeThree]

mmm, i actually feel a bit sorry for your dad, he must feel a bit trapped atm. i really really hope this woman doesnt ruin him financially, although it sounds like that is exactly what she is doing!! like you said, thank goodness dh family is good to you and your children and are willing to play and active part in their lives.
xxx

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Kyra,
Sorry to hear of your awful situation. I agree with you Pegasus about stepmothers like that giving us a bad name. I also have a stepmother and we have our differences quite a lot as she has two children with my dad but he is so loyal to my brother and I that sometimes I remind him that he needs to pay a bit more attention to their children and now he is older he just wants to enjoy his grandchildren which I understand and that puts S-M's nose out of joint naturally. I guess all I'm saying is step-families are hard especially when someone is making it even harder. She must have insecurities and jealousies to be so divided between you guys and her own children???
Hang in there Kyra, try and not lose contact with your dad and pm me anytime you want to chat or just an ear.:)